Need your suggestion/Opinion about my Bro’s Love.
Marriage
Assalamu Alaikkum...
First of all, Thank you very much for this wonderful forum. I have joined this forum recently and I have been watching this forum on a regular basis. It is really helping me to understand my level of Deen and How hard should I live my life to say that I am a true Muslim. Alhamdhulliah, Thanking each and everyone for your effort to answer/respond to our bro's/sister's issue. I really mean it!!!
I request the editor to please publish this post as soon as possible and Indeed, it is really going to help my family in a big way.
We are from southern part of India and very close to each other in our family. In our home town, unfortunately we have a kind of culture that we wont even seek other Muslim bride or groom from other town or other place. If anyone goes out to other town or place to marry, his/her family will be in a soup and will be a talk for everyone. and of course, It will affect if that person has any sister or brother's very badly.
My Cousin who is an engineer in profession and working for a reputed company in his stream. He is a very good guy who have lot of affection, love, care towards all in our family members. He has a younger sister who has just joined in an engineering college. Now, the problem is that He (Cousin) is in love with a christian girl for almost 5 years and wanted to marry her seriously. He has expressed his wish to me initially but I have warned him clearly that this is not going to work out in anyways by mentioning our family situation and warned him about his younger sister life there after. (You can just think of How hard would that be for my aunt or my mother to face that kind of society wherein the word love considered to be illegal). Have requested him to cut this relationship immediately. But he did not listen to me at all.
After that he got into a situation wherein he needed to inform to our parents and everyone were shocked to hear this. The tragedy has started from there and it is almost continuing for almost three years. My parents have even spoke to that girl and to her brother to leave him or forget him immediately (atleast three years ago) as it is not going to work at all and it is going to impact our family reputation in a very big way. But she had not listen as well and got permission from his family to marry my cousin.
Now, Its been almost three months that my cousin spoke to his mother and all he wanted to get marry to that girl at the cost of everyone's life. He came down to my country now but did not even goto my home town to visit his parents. My aunt is crying all day and she was kind of in a situation that she would end up cursing my bro however she is doing tawbah for him and repenting to allah for all my bro's mistakes and hoping to get back her child as soon as possible in her life.
For sure, His parents cannot accept that in anyways and they are okay even if my brother doesn't want to marry anyone else, Their problem is not to deny my brother wish but they just cant imagine to face the society there after.
I feel very sad for my bro and for my aunt as well. (Yes, I too was into a relationship (You may read my earlier post) but by the grace of god, I came out from that and just repenting and crying in all my prayers for all my mistakes).
When I tried to explain the seriousness of this issue to my bro, He is not ready to listen to me as I too was into a relationship and it has got broken up. Now, I am not here to judge who is right or wrong however I request all the forum members to respond to this post with your views/opinion/suggestion on this issue. It will help my brother or my family in a big way as he is thinking our society and our parents are only not allowing what he want but he just could not put himself in other's shoes.
Yes, I will send this link to my brother or to our parents to make him/them understand what the opinion on this matter from the different part of the islamic world to proceed further.
Please..Please..Help us with your valid opinions and allahu subhanahuthallah knows the best.
Wasalam,
MusimBro..
2 Responses »
Leave a Response
Entries(RSS)
You say that the word "love" is considered illegal in your culture or society. So, does that mean that if you get an arranged marriage and develop feelings for your wife then that's wrong as well? You should have no feelings whatsoever towards your parter throughout a marriage? No offence but culture has nothing to do with Islam and according to Islam, he IS allowed to marry her because she is a Christian which is a person of the book. Your culture is messed up
Asim, the sister is not talking about love within marriage. Of course one is allowed and expected to love his spouse.
This brother comes from a culture in which young people must marry whoever their parents choose for them. They are not allowed to choose their partners for themselves - that would be a "love marriage" and would bring shame upon the family.
This is not from Islam, however. There is nothing wrong in Islam with having feelings for someone in one's heart, or choosing one's own spouse.
MuslimBro, Islam allows people freedom of choice in selecting a marriage partner, as long as the choice is within the parameters of Islam (a Muslim woman must marry a Muslim man, and a Muslim man must marry a Muslim woman or one of the People of the Book). There's nothing shameful about choosing your own partner.
There's also nothing wrong with choosing someone who is not a cousin (in fact it's better, since persistent cousin marriages are a cause of inbreeding and birth defects). There's nothing wrong with choosing someone from a different town, or a different state, or a different country, or a different race. There's also nothing wrong with choosing someone from a different "caste" - in fact we have no castes in Islam. It is a Hindu concept that unfortunately some Muslims of the subcontinent have latched on to.
Moreover, it's healthy to choose someone from a different region or ethnicity, because it helps to break down the barriers between Muslims and unite the Ummah. It brings fresh ideas into a family, and new genes.
The top priority in choosing a marriage partner is not region or tribe, but taqwa (Allah-consciousness). We are advised by the Prophet (sws) to choose the one with taqwa and be successful.
Personally I would accept my daughter marrying anyone - white, black, Asian, tall, short, whatever - as long as he is a pious believer and has a kind heart.
With all that said, it's important that young people should not engage in improper behavior before marriage, such as dating, kissing, being alone together, or other inappropriate contact.
Wael
IslamicAnswers.com Editor