Islamic marriage advice and family advice

I have no love for my husband

Loveless marriage, no love

Sallam everyone.

Today im gonna tell you what been going through my life. The reason I'm on this page is beacuse i got no one to help me. My own parents are against me because i been married to my husband for 3 years i also been forced marriage.

I told my parents iย didn't want to be married but they took me and got me married by lying to me. I was in pakistan for two years then came to usa america. Since day one of my wedding i hated my husband. things didnt feel right we been fighting since then till this day.

Life is struggle because i been praying asking Allah that i thank you for the food clothes everything but i want to be in love with my husband and be able to love him n look into his eyes and care about him. He loves me a lot but i dont like him or even love him.

We have no kids because i'm thinking it will be hard if i get divorce and have kids with him. i dont want a divorce but what can i say, my parents will kill me. They already hate me for behaving this way with him.

I hate sex i hate even beening in the same room with him. we dont talk at all period. i go to work i came back and thats it. the more i pray to love him the more i hate him.

I even try hurting and killing myself. I got things that leads me to go die.

Divorce is not the option but i cant live this life ๐Ÿ™‚ please Sisters Help a sister out who is going through so much stress ๐Ÿ™‚ thank you.

-ย Muslimah Angel


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162 Responses »

  1. salam sis,

    plz don't rush into asking for divorce n yes just try n try n be more patient to get to know him better...why don't u talk to him? if there are things u don't like about him tell him about them ...he can change them koz u said he loves u a lot no?.....seriously just take ur time before any decision u take....

    the reason i am saying this is not bekoz i would tell u oh even if u not happy in a marriage u should stay in it koz of kids or parents or ...no all i'm gonna say to u is that what u had in mind about falling in love n getting married is going to be a great thing,perfect,butterflies n rainbows n....believe me that's not how it works ...i got married to a man i loved against my parents will..we both were madly in love ...life was great...we still do love each other ...but life is so complicated koz we have other issues to deal with...so we argue a lot too n i thought about the same thing as u ...divorce ...but it's not the solution koz he is like ur man ...he's a good person n husband to me ...so u saying ur husband loves u....don't ruin that koz it's hard to find some1 who loves u n don't be fooled by friends or what u see in movies or ......everything changes after marriage even if it's a love marriage not a forced one.

    speak to him,get closer to him,communicate with him ..i'm sure u gonna find positive things about him ..i mean he can't be all bad ....no? if he was violent to u or a cheat or not providing for u ....yes i'll agree with wht u saying ...but it's not fair on either of u to ruin ur marriage for no reason.

    gd luck.

    • Aslamu alaikum

      Sister I'm really surprised how many girls are going through the same situation as u.. When I read ur story I thought I wrote that for a sec lol because it was exactly like mine.. And yes I have tried to hurt my self and all. He loves me so much but I'm not surprised abt that. Not many girls would accept to marry someone only because he needs help. So it wasn't like any normal marriage where they see each other and talk before they even agree on getting married. I only saw him once and I hated him. But I was young n all I wanted was a wedding like my sisters and suddenly the next day they wake me up and take
      Me to his home no wedding nothing... I forced my self to live with guy just ti help him out and bring him to US. So my intention was to bring him to US nothing else but it was a secret type of thing I didn't tell my parents. Then i had to get pregnant so I can leave him n come back to US because I just couldn't stand him. I left when I was 7 months pregnant and I never retuned to him in 3 years, but after that he got his visa and he came. My family were so happy for him so I decided to give it one more try to work things out but astagfurillah as soon as I seen him I just hated my whole entire life. I would to go to a place to hide n cry. I tried for 1 week to work it out but the pressure in me Was just too much and it was not worth it at all. So I finally decided I'm either gonna stand up and for my rights to get a divorce and be happy or I'm gonna have to live my life with fake feelings fake smile and completely fake life. I thought abt him too and if we continue living together he will be hurt for sure. So I finally spoke with my dad abt everything and he was very mad. me and my husband don't sleep together on bed and I hope we never do again. My father is very ashamed of me but Ive decided that he shouldn't be ashamed I'm his daughter n I married this guy for the same reason he gave me to him. We all just wanted to help him out. He kind of understood but he was more worried abt what people will say. I decided to be strong and whatever comes in my way will not stop me. So now I'm out of the house living separately with my brother. My daughter is totally fine without her father (she don't know him well enough to care enough). So everytime I am fighting bigger problems come to my way. Now my dater said we can't get until 3 years from now because of the citizenship for him. So I agreed to live separately for 3 years until he gets his citizenship and everything will be done and I can finally live a normal life like everyone else. Take my advice and do what makes u happy don't listen to anyone else. U can easily get a divorce becaus u don't have kids so don't stop hurting ur self and do what I'm doing FIGHT FOR YOUR LIFE. if u wanna contact me and we can talk more I wouldn't mind but let me and good luck to both of us. ๐Ÿ™‚

      • GOOD LUCK INSHALLAH ALLAH IS WITH US TO HELP US ,

      • Asalamun alaykum sister I am 19 years old I am going through to somthing similiar to you I have been engaged to someone I can not bare I am so scared pls get back to me because I have no one to turn to I can't tell my friends and my family don't understand me.

        • I wish i could help im in the same situation as her

        • Dear if do what makes u happy... dont do mistake like me of getting marry. My parents also dont understand me and after marriage its very difficult to get divorce because of family and society pressure

      • Hey sister, assalam o alaikum. Im going through the same thing and need some courage to say that to my parents and him as well. I have been living in denial for all this while but i cant do it any longer.

      • Tht is your life yeah you be sharing with your family not everyone else ther is things in between your husband your mum your dad your bro/sis so your not helping if you Muslim you don't now wat she is saying if is true or not you can't help her because the is law system wher she lives ther is family she has so ppl like you make ppl to get divorced

      • I have same situation of not loving my husband i have so many issues can u give me ur id so that i can discuss with u

  2. Assalam olykum,

    Being a student of neuropsychology. You are in a grudge CHANGE YOUR PERCEPTION .ITS IN YOUR FRONTAL LOBE OF YOUR BRAIN this idea sitting that you cant love him!!! change it. okk look for the qualities which you like in him(every human has though ) . What is the purpose of praying if you dont take step in that regard!?its like asking allah to fill your stomach and you are not getting up on your own to enter kitchen!!??

    BE optimistic ,try to think that you love him . start perceiving in this way convince yourelf that (though it was forced marriage and you are getting double reward to accept ur parents wish) . LIsten to me. be brave either divorce him or love him!! THATS IT. U HAVE TO LOVE HIM (LIKE U DONT HAVE OPTION FOR DIVORCE ) similarly no option NOT to love him .

    Do not just lure yourself into false temptations .The only reason PSYCHOLOGICAL YOU HAVE IN UR MIND THAT u were forced to marriage so i wont love him. Think this as ur a kid and ur suffering from cold you want to eat ice cream and ur parents refused you from that. So please according to being a kid your right but being mature you are wrong.

    Please change your perception . may allah be with you ameen

    • Imane,

      Its interesting how you go on about being a 'student of neuropsychology', yet you completely ignore the fact that 'forced marriages' are completely forbidden in Islam. The sister has said that she told her parents she did not like this man and did not want to marry him but they ignored her wishes. So I do not think it is at all fair to tell the sister that she is holding a grudge and that this is all in her head.

      I cannot imagine how distressing and traumatic it must be for anyone to be forced to marry some against their wishes or to someone they do not even like. This is a great zhulm/oppression from her parents. Any parent who can do such a thing has failed to give their daughter the most basic things expected from them - and that is security, friendship, loyalty and trust.

      If you read through this website, so many of our youth are in deep emotional trauma and infact it has gone on into adulthood too; and the root cause is poor parenting, break down of communication and broken trust. It is the parents who need correcting, they are the ones who are meant to be teaching the next generation how to be good Muslims, but they fail themselves - then what hope is there?

      SisterZ
      IslamicAnswers.com Editor

      • Allahu Akbar.

        No body could have said it any better Sister Z.

        It all boils down to Bad Parenting.

        "Islamic " parents who are infatuated with their culture and country.

        I see a pattern of our sisters emotional trauma.

        1. Parents are immigrants from another country.
        2 Look for a spouse for their daughter back home who is "Islamic"
        3. Force/Coerce the daughter to get married.
        4. The Daughter suffers for the rest of her life.
        5. The funny thing about all this is, it is everything except Islam and Islam get blamed for it and Allah forbid that the sister hates Islam for it.

        Islam make life easy, during the time of the prophet a married,divorced women was not considered a failure. She most definitely would get married eventually ,the critics of Islam call that golden period "Traditional" and the so called "Cultured" society forward thinking , yet a divorced,raped,widowed women is considered a bad omen lol.

        Stories of divorce and how to avoid it -TheDeenshow
        http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hQ0e3ZwKFHQ

        Does Islam allow Forced Marriage? - (Getting Hitched Series) - Alyas Karmani

      • assakaamu alaykum, sister Z. masha Allaah i loved your comment because not only did it make sense but you also referred back to the Quran and hadeth which just elevates the authentication of your answers. Please sister i would like to talk to you, where can i get your information? if you can even give guidance on who to talk to about my problems, even give me some names and direction, that is all I would need. I am a sister whose purpose is to satisfy Allaah and only Allaah. I am not happy with my own marriage and is similar to those sisters above. I am a person who is trying to get out of the marriage as haram less as possible. I would not want to do anything against Allaah's wishes, nothing at all. Please and please I would like to tell someone my whole story and i need advice. jazakAllaah khair sister.

        Sister, jihan Shakul

        • Jihan, you can log in and submit your question as a separate post, and we will answer Insha'Allah. SisterZ has not been highly active on this website lately.

          Wael
          IslamicAnswers.com Editor

        • I am really amazed ... how many girls are in the same situation i am fighting from... i was in love with someone but it was onesided and ends badly.. i was forced to marry a boy i dont like. But i was so broken that i agreed to marry him anyway.. after marriage i really forget about my hate for him and love for that person... i was very loyal honest devoted and somehow agreed my self to love him .. and i did ... i did love him .. i support him in every financial need. . I support him emotionally when ever he needs... but his behavior was always very disgusting. . He disappointed me in each and every step.. he dont help me when i needed him i was sick and he left me helpless ... he is very very moody persons... if he feels good he is good with me if he is in bad mood he dont cares about me. He teased me abouse me and even physically abouse me .. now its been 4 years with me i have a 3 year old beautiful daughter alhamdolilah.. and pregnant again but still his behaviour is same... now i started hating him again... now i hate him ... i really hate him .. and i dont want to love him because loving him gave me nothing but sorrows.. grief... pain ... tears and nothing else... i dont want divorce. .. because of my kids..but on the same time i dont want him to touch me... if he tries to come near i just wanted to go and hide somewhere... life is tough... i love my daughter... i love my house... my inlaw's are very nice. . Every thing is really fine and i am happy except my husband... so i am bearing him for the sake of my kids. .. and i trust Allah one day i get rid of him may be after my death... may be in jannah i live freely and happily without him.... because i just hate him

      • There is always hope. Lack of religious education...

      • Salams,

        I would have to agree with SisterZ. I too have been forced into a marriage with someone i never wanted to marry. Im canadian and hes from my parents home country. I knew right away we will never be compatible and told this to my parents and they said i dont know what im talking about. So i obeyed my parent because i love them so much and convinced myself that parents really do know what is good for their children. But i regret marrying him and right now im sitting here hating my life. My family forced me to marry him, and now he tells me he hates my family, for i dont know what reasons. Whenever we try to have a normal conversation we end up arguing about the stupidest things. I dont hate him but i dont love him. I just feel so imprisoned.

        • It'sme: Whenever we try to have a normal conversation we end up arguing about the stupidest things. I dont hate him but i dont love him. I just feel so imprisoned.

          Don't argue on stupidest things. Let your husband win the arguments. Tell me one good thing about arguing.

          Why do some parents marry their kids to come one from back home? I have a feeling that these parents think with exceptions of their kids, all kids who grow up in Western countries have low morals and can't be trusted. To some parents it is more important to bring their sister's/brother's kids by marriage then happiness of their own kids.

      • I cannot agree with you more! She talking about its in her head but she saying she was forced and dont even love or like him honey i hope u have left him by now to give you sanity! Never live an unhappy life and definitely dont hurt yourself over it get out as fast as you can while tou dont have any ties to him

    • As u know about psychology , I want to talk to you. is there some way I can contact you .

  3. Subhan'Allah sister i'm sorry to say this but divorce is your answer you say your parents would kill you well even that is better then killing yourself, insha'Allah sister your parents will get over it and i very much doubt they will kill you, if you Hate him so much go to an imam and get Khula divorce from him give him back his dowry and be on your way if he is effecting your life to the point you are contemplating suicide then you have know other choice it shock's me how easily people say they will kill themselves over what Subhan'Allah other humans reactions or what will be said about you, To take your life is not worth anything or anyone why doom yourself.

  4. Thank You but i do try i am trying and see the more i get close to him the more
    i get mad and hate him its like killing me because when i try talking to him
    few min later we fight so i dnt want to fight i dont try but i do my best to do what i can
    my parents regret all this now but its hard thinking about a divorce i read wazeefa and namaz asking Allah to help me with this because with him i know i cant do iit

    • MuslimahAngel,

      Its time to be true to yourself and to your husband. Sit him down and tell him why you are feeling this way. Tell him how you were forced and how it made you feel. If your parents will not support you, atleast you can be honest, see how your husband reacts, see how you feel and go from there. Be sure to know that you are able to choose and you will choose what to do next. And ask Allah to put blessings in whatever you decide. No-one can force you, so there is no need to think of suicide, because there is always a way forward.

      SisterZ
      IslamicAnswers.com Editor

  5. Sister Muslimah Angel, a lot of people say they were "forced", when what they really mean is that they were pressured until they agreed. So let me ask you, were you truly forced? What I mean is, did you give consent or not? And when you gave consent was it of your own free will?

    If you truly were married to this man without your consent, then your marriage is invalid. There is no forced marriage in Islam. A marriage in which the bride does not consent is void. So you can simply pack your bags and leave.

    However, if you did consent, or if you were perhaps pressured but are choosing to remain in the marriage, then I would ask you, why do you hate your husband? That's the one thing that was notably missing from your post: why? What's so terrible about him? What do you dislike in him? Why can't you communicate with him? Does he insult you, call you names, mock you? Is he abusive? Does he beat you?

    Look, you really have only two choices. To remain in a marriage where you fight all the time is impossible. It's a recipe for emotional and spiritual self-destruction. It cannot be maintained over the long term. So either you go to a marriage counselor together and work out your problems, or you get divorced. You keep saying that divorce is not an option, but of course it is an option, it is allowed in Islam for cases like this. Your parents might be very angry with you if you get divorced, but they'll get over it. You don't have any children, so you can get divorced and move on with your life.

    Wael
    IslamicAnswers.com Editor

  6. Yes sisterZ i told my parents b4 i was getting married that i want to go to college and not get married they said
    okay and still went to pakistan then few months later my friend told me that thay set a date for ur marriage i cried to myself because now i cant do anything about it and plus my parents said if i refuse they wnt be my parents and wont call me a daughter as for them ill be dead so i thought about it and said i cant do anything killing running away will make things bad so sisters am i wrng for not loving him i kno its not hes fault but thats how my heartt is Now :(( full of Hate

    • Sister,

      What your parents did was totally wrong. But just for a moment, lets put that aside. Just say none of this had happened and you knew this man through no compulsion. Could you tell me five things you like about and five things you dislike about him.

      SisterZ
      IslamicAnswers.com Editor

    • Sister you say that he loves you very much etc etc, so sister maybe you are holding back in loving because you are so upset because u think u had a forced marriage, but if you gave ur consent then its not forced, and I partly agree with imane because somewhere its to do with ur mind its like your not letting him come close to you or vice versa, ur still angry and upset with the whole marriage. Sister either sort it out with him or divorce!! Divorce is an option but taking your life isn't!!

  7. @muslimah angel,

    I really empathise with your situation here and also with every single word of advice SisterZ's given to you.

    Also, everyone who's been advising this young lady to "try" and "love" her husband needs to understand the fact that she's already endured a relationship (she doesn't, in fact never wanted to be a part of in the first place), for three long years! You see, three years is a long time, and if even after three long years of "trying" if she's not able to love her husband, then we need to accept that she's tried her best and now she definitely needs to get herself out of the situation, irrespective of what her parents of think of it.

    Worst is the fact that her parents already ignored her wishes, even when she clearly expressed it to them. Indeed, it's a terrible situation to be in. Ideally the parents should have not compelled or emotionally blackmailed this young lady into this marriage. It is so unfortunate, that the guardians sometimes end up abusing their own wards the most, and all in the name of parental rights, respect and affection!

    ...I think, it's about time, the lady here puts herself above her parents' wishes or feelings. I am really sad about the fact, that even after witnessing everything that their daughter and her "husband" are going through, this lady's parents haven't made a single attempt to rectify a mess they have created.

    Angel, I think, you need to be quick now and sort this out with a clear head. Two lives are getting ruined, which is not acceptable in any case. Three years is a long period and you need to act now!

    • But we don't know what they are going through? What is he doing to her? Is he hurting her, abusing her, we don't know until this sister doesn't tell us...

  8. Yes i been trying for the last three years even prayed and asked
    Allah in the beautiful month of ramadan is that i dont want anything
    but For me to love my Husband and to be happy with him
    he thinks we should have a baby maybe that will change my mind
    but im thinking if i do that and im not happy then what
    i been stressed i even had siezures b4 i found out i waa getting married
    i dont have a boyfriend or anyone that i like i just didnt wanted to be married at all i was only 18 when i got
    married since then life is so stress for me college is not a option for me now
    life is not the same i told my parents even they notice im not happy
    my parents regreat this and wish they didnt made me go throw this
    my parents thinks if i get divorce it will bring a shame to the family since
    kno one in my family got a divorce so i kno its impossible for me to do that
    i thought reading wazeefa or duas and everything will help me im not saying Allah didnt Accept my
    duas but since that day first day of my marriage i been asking Allah to Help me Go throw this Problem
    if i do get divorce my parents will never forgive me they said to them i will be dead and that i should leave the
    house right away i just dont know what to do i try cutting myself so everytime ii get hurt ii look at those wounds i have on my arms so please dont think i dnt love him cuz i got someone in life or i did this for my own self
    i wish i can go back in time and fix this but i kno its not possible

    • Salaam. So sory to here about ur condition.Its doesnt matter when u got maried i got married when i was 19 and now i got a beautiful son who bought us more closer. I know u got forcd to get marid with ur husband which is v v stressing. But the best thing u can do ti try to make ur relitionship work is read two nafel of hajat after every namaz and askAllah to imprv ur relation with ur husband and keep reading ya wadooduone of the name ofAllah.all the tym and try to stay calm as much as u can. May Allah bless u with all the happiness of married lyf and make u the perfect couple.

  9. Hes not Abusing me or hurting me or calling me name
    basically he liked someone else and when i found out i was upset because i
    didnt have any feelings for him and he could had married that girl
    atleast he would be happy hes unhappy with me because i dont love him
    he thinks i got someone else in life but im not mad about that why because
    if i was in hes shoes i would think the same if i did like someone
    i wouldnt be here wasting my life with him but see i dont got anyone at all
    i just didnt wanted to be married that soon i tld mt mom how i want to finish college and
    study then marriage but they did it there ways some people think its black magic some people thinks its
    Nazaar i really dont know what is going on so Sisters Hes not hurting me abusinge cursing me or hiiting me
    or calling me names hes like i know they did this to you and i dont blame you at all
    i honestly wanna give it my best shot and try to fix this
    im really shy from him we dont even look at each other ๐Ÿ™

    • I can help you, but i need you to work with me and be truthful in your answers, your problems are very or almost identical to a few that i have helped come to a good agreement in which life was more at ease, insha'Allah i can help you the same.

      Pakistani parents can be very hard and tough, but the big problem is their ego's and their so called 'family ties' and 'Eezath', you are hurt i can see but please answer my questions and i will respond to you in great detail and help you somehow.

      Do you live in your parents house ?, Do you have any siblings and if so how is your relation with them ?

      Does you husband work ?, Do you work and earn more than average ?

      When you look at him describe how you feel ?, Do you find yourself attractive, and are you too attractive for him ?

      How do you feel sexually towards him ?, Do you feel like crying while having sexual relations with him ?

      When you look in the mirror how do you feel ?, How often do you think of hurting yourself, dying ?

      How much have you talked since marriage ?, Has he bought you any gifts or vice-versa ?

      and finally how are your feelings towards each of your parents ?.

      Sister please answer these questions for me, and from your reply i will give you a detailed response and insha'Allah aim to help you make good of this sad situation.

      i await your reply.

      Asalamaolaikum

      • i live with my parents my relation with my sibling is not great we dont talk
        alot and i got no one to talk to expect friends at work i do work i earn enough and husband dont work not as of right now when i look at him i wanna hit him hurt him cuz im hurted i dont want to see hea face i dont feel attractive at all and no i dont cry because i dont have sex with him alot maybe twice a week thats all we fight over sex everday ๐Ÿ™ when looking in mirror i wanna break it because i tell myself why even got married why not kill myself because i also ruined hes life
        why when all my frnds are happy and im the one dying inside i think of this alot we dont talk alot like were strangers like hey hw was wrk ok nd then at night hey are u sleeping yes i got wrk tmw okay then goodnight we dnt talk at all not that much as much as he tries and ii do things dnt wrk out he brings me gifts and stuff to make me happy but i donr know what to do my parents are teally strict and wants me to try my best to talk to them but they wont listen they said im
        bringing shame to them : Ask me anything else ill ans i need help

        • why do you fight over sex, does your husband demand or .. ?

          How much do you value 'pride' and your parents values ?

          Who do you hate most in this situation, parents?, husband?, yourself or another ?

          How do you feel about trying for a baby ?

          If you could start again, would you have the energy to do so and leave all behind ?

          What do you most like about your husband(this can be anything of any size), and what do you most hate about him ?

          Sister i am noting your replies and insha'Allah once you answer these questions i will give you a detailed reponse to which you may ask further, and i hope we can fix this situation. i will aim to get back to you as soon as possible, giving you all options.

  10. Yes he demands it sometimes hes like your probably
    having sex with other people thsts why u dnt want it with me
    i just dont say anything at all ๐Ÿ™ i respect my parents alor i know i cant do anything u jst gaveup
    im trying to be with him n stay happy but how ?? my Value for my parents n my pride is to much to me
    because i cant live without my parents they are mean angry ppl but i got no one to turn to but them
    i hate my parents in this situation and husband because i said kno to the marriage but they did it anyways
    and now are unhappy for forcing me ๐Ÿ™
    i dont want try for a baby because i have so much hate in myself and im thinkinq if i cant take care of myself
    how will i take care of a baby and i just dnt want kids even tho my husband wants them so bad
    im unhappy with having kids ๐Ÿ™ If i could start aqain i wouldnt be here asking for help sister because i dont know how to start i dont kno what i should do my parents are telling me if i do anything
    ill be dead to them and they will send me back where i belong to my mother in laws house so i dnt think i could because my friend who got divorced got shot for leaving her husband and that im scared of !!!
    What do i like about my husband is hes nice hes not bad looking he cares he wants to see me happy
    he cares about everything i dont hate anything abt him i just dont love him not even like i dont kno why is this happening im so sad depresssed stressed one more thing when he touches me i feel like killing him it kills me when he touches me i just want to break hes hands Please Help me now

    • Their are many satisfactions in this world, many moments which cause us great happyness and delight, and their are few that can match the birth of a child. the intense emotion and love existent upon birth cannot be gained in any other way, the day you were born this is the emotion that your parents felt, so much love that their little angel had come to this earth, the love has never gone away but as time passed your parents found it harder to express their emotions for you, why, well because as you got older you got wiser and more independant and they knew you would no longer be under their control, something which a parent feels great sadness towards, and so parents get more harsh and strict as time passes because they fear losing you.
      While most western parents would stop the control at the point of strictness and accept at some point that their child will be more independant and will have to make choices such as marriage, asian parents tend to have a different route and take it upon themselves to see their child in a married life with a partner of their choice, since they will only let you go to someone of their choice because they love you and dont think you can make your own decision on the matter, this alongside the 'traditional' method of parents find life partner. even to some degree this is ok provided their child has a choice of partner, but dwelling more into the south asian traditions the parents, and particularly pakistani parents believe they 'owe' something to their cousins or other family relations, and this 'owe' is commonly their childs hand in marriage, this is a area of conflict and where usually the parents would respect their childs choice, the 'owe' becomes a 'demand' from those back home or those in relation, and so the parent puts their childs happyness to the side and in place continues this 'tradition'.

      Sister, as much as most people would blame the parents i can tell you its the culture and this idea of tradition that a family 'owes' something to their relatives, i must emphasise this is not islamically correct but purely cultural and pakistani families are those who strongly believe in this system, however as the new generation is born in western cultures this tradition is slowly fading which impacts on the child, since the child questions why is everything going ahead regardless of their feelings? and in the end is emotionally, psychologically and sadly in some cases physically forced to go along.
      When problems appear in these marriages, the child would ask their parents to allow divorce, however since these ties are with family, their is a sense of 'pride' and as much as the parent inside would want their child happy, asian people put pride above all else and instead ask their child to manage, if their child is persistent then they will be forced to use emotional/psychological/physical blackmail to keep the marriage going and to avoid damaging the family name.
      I assure you that your parents love you, and sadly because of this 'pride' and other issues they cannot give you the support you need, but you must remember that your parents are victims to a lesser degree to you but nevertheless, and while they may not reveal to you they take sadness from your unhappyness and they DO regret their mistake, but again the 'pride' keeps them driving you to accept this man.

      Sister i want to ask you a very important question.. why are you alive and for who or what ?
      For you parents..NO, For your husband or family..NO, For yourself..NO
      You are alive for and only for Allah, and your purpose is to live this life and resist all that you face and keep praying and remembering Allah at all times, this life is a test for you.
      When you look in the mirror what you see is a beautiful, attractive women, why, because Allah has made you that way and so you cannot say otherwise, i am telling you that you are beutiful and you are attractive, and for that you can only say Alhamdullilah.
      When in this world we keep thinking of making it big, but we ignore that it is merely a test and we forget that Allah should be first and stay there, and we should not ignore his commands, on the other side we focus too much on what we want and become complacent when we dont get it, however their are some of us who face hardship and stressful times, its those who keep strong in these times and continue to remember Allah that make a difference and keep strong.

      We see the success of our neighbours and friends and we feel jealous, and ask ourselves why are we in hurt and they in happyness, but once again are they really in happyness ?, and even if they are what good is happyness of this world, and what good are the rewards of this world, the hereafter has much more to offer us and we would much rather be wealthy in that life with our blessings from this one. Sister for everytime you seek help from Allah and everytime you try for the sake of Allah the blessings you get are numberless, and so while many are happy and rich in this world, by your actions you are doing great benefit for the hereafter and that is what will be the difference, one could spend a life of sadness and in poor, then after death live in such harmony, happyness, which would you prefer ?. and so you saying that your dying inside, i think not since you keep your faith in Allah and despite all want things to be succesful, for this you are very much alive inside, why because inside is your soul, and it is that that is most important to us, because it will never die.

      Your husband,
      You were married at a young age, and the fact that you were decieved makes matters worse for you, this marriage impacted on you heavily and the signs are clear now.
      At the age of 18 your mind is not ready to deal with too many pressures, and so when you were thrown into this situation you broke down emotionally, and this has been with you since, the day you were tricked and married to this man your mind was full of hatred and in emotional overdrive and it could not handle it, you would experience episodes of crying, anger and general controless emotions.
      However in order for the mind to gain control it needs a focul point or more commenly a 'reason' for the emotional overdrive and pain it experiences, in your case the reason was your husband, and so ever since that day your mind has infixed that your husband is to blame for everything, you have matured but your mind still vents that strong negative feeling and emotion to your husband, but the emotional side comes from your heart and so the weakness and emty feeling is because of your husband.

      Everytime you see your husband, your mind reminds you of the pain you felt and the torture of the past and so you hate him so much that at times you wish he was dead, and because of that everytime you talk to him your mind only has hatred and words of ill feeling for him hence you fight alot, and the thought of being in the same room as him kills you because again your mind tells you this man destroyed your life.
      The fact that your mind is in this state, means it wont allow your heart to attach with him and everytime he trys that it is rejected because of that, everytime he touches you the mind once again re-creates that period of emotional overdrive(this happens both consciously and sub-consciously) and you see him as wrong and you feel intense hatred, when it comes to sex once again this feeling is sent out by your mind.

      Nothing will happen overnight, but it will take commitment from you and above all some belief that no matter what has happened that the future can have a good outcome.

      I want you to ask yourself a question, what has your husband done wrong?
      Since the day you got married, this constant hatred has been with you and i know you have tried to change your feeling, but what happened to you at a young age will keep coming back and keep destroying your life, now this man like you didnt choose you, but was infact told that he will be marrying you so he is in the same situation as you but instead of beating himself up and creating hatred he has respected you and decided to make the effort for you.
      Your husband is innocent in this matter, he didnt want any of this or for you to be upset and he is trying to make things work, but before anything you must improve yourself and understand yourself.

      When you wake up in the morning, pray fajr namaaz and make a vow to yourself, for the love of Allah and for myself i will try and talk to my husband today. when you come to the point of talking, keep telling yourself about the promise you made at fajr and keep Allah in your heart and mind, when you talk be calm and at this point keep thinking of his good qualities( a new quality everyday you have a full conversation alone), so if he has a nice tone or way of talking then keep telling yourself that he is sweet, and the next day tell yourself that he looks good, overtime keep this thoughts as a whole.

      Tell him your scared of him and because of that sex is hard, i believe he will understand and will question why you feel that way, tell him you want to build a relationship up slowly and start to love him.
      But take things at your pace and how you feel comfortable, and how much your mind can take, trying to do too much will take you back to fighting which would be terrible. the way to begin accepting him physically would be by breaking the touch barrier, while you have had sex it has been unwilling on your part, and so you must consciously and intentionally break the touch barrier, maybe hold his hand when your talking, and hugging him etc. again at your pace and what your comfortable with, as you progress to sex, start rehearsing his good attributes in your mind and start thinking good about him, concentrate on foreplay and making your body understand him and your mind understand aswel.

      Talk to your husband about how your stressed and feel bad, he will try and help you with your situation you must treat your husband as your rock to lean on, it will be slow but once you can trust him and love him you will feel much less stressed and move away from depressive episodes. because its a problem with perception and how your mind has been affected it will take time, but with Allah in your heart, and with you praying and being commited insha'Allah you will see a difference.

      I can go on further about other things you may try, but i urge you to take this advice and slowly make steps to connect with your husband, if you need me to explain anything further please ask or if you want further advice as you feel this is effectless then once again i am happy to help. my aim is to get you to give this marriage a chance and to understand things from clearer perspective its common that many women and men feel they have no energy to try, but remember Allah is with you and with that in your heart you can succeed.

      My duas are with you, may Allah help you insha'Allah.

      Asalamoalaikum

  11. Sister Please help me i just cant stop crying im in
    my room just had a fight with him i was cleaning he came iin ii saiid
    go away because im cleaning the room and hes like no so i got mad and pushed him and said go
    hes like your a bitch and i said yeah i am one of them
    my heart is filled with hate as of right now i have no one to talk to
    im so upset things are leading me to very hurtful things right now
    im so fed up im soo sick of this Can Someone hear me out help a sister whose stuck in a rock

    • Read my reply, dry those tears and make a commitment, i am willing to help you as much as possible if one thing dosent work then the other, but you must try and make a effort, be strong.

  12. Dear Angel,

    Please calm down. We understand your grief and am sure it's a difficult situation for you but please calm down and do not lose patience. Please try and understand, things are not going to change overnight and you will have to initiate a dialogue, a process, to bring out a solution to this.

    Also your husband it seems is also losing patience now. Please don't take him to a point where he's forced to make things worse. Also, is it possible, for the two of you attempt to talk out things very normally without raising your voices? Please approach your husband in complete honesty, and please try and talk everything you feel about the situation, to him in a calm and honest manner. You need to understand, the situation is equally difficult for your husband, am sure he's equally keen to know what's on your mind.

    Please see, if you can encourage yourself and him to open up and have a normal conversation, like two matured adults would have. Getting frustrated and screaming at each other is not going to help you, in fact will make matters worse and fill the two of you with extreme bitterness which will end things but on a very terrible note. So please talk things out, before it's too late. Even if it means, you have to ask for his forgiveness for the scuffle between the two of you.

    Not liking each other on various grounds is ok, but not respecting one another even as individuals, is absolutely not ok. Lack of love is ok, lack of mutual respect is NOT!

    Please don't do that to each other. Please calm down and talk to him, like you would talk to a friend, and in a very respectful manner.

    Hope God helps you through this. Please take care and do not cry.

  13. thank you ๐Ÿ™‚ ill read it and reply back

  14. Kelvenater I tried nd trued my parents thinks its jadoo a black magic because so many ppl asked for my hand since im an american citizen and they want there son to come to America or either i have
    Nazaar on me Evil Eyes im trying the more i go to the room and talk all we do is not talk and one of us lesve ๐Ÿ™

  15. Guys i have one more questions thats bothering me today
    my husband give me two weeks to tell him if i want a kids
    hes like i want an ans im thinking if i do have a kid and im not happy then
    whaaat what will happend ill be more sad stressed and depressed tell me please

    • Sister you must keep on trying with your husband, recite dua-e-noor everyday after maghrib namaaz and the dua for evil eye is A'oodhu bi kalimaat-illaah il-taammati min sharri ma khaleqa.

      If their is a case for black magic which in your situation could be a possibility then ask your parents to contact a sheikh/pir and they can help you further with that side of things, but keep tryin nevertheless and you will succeed insha'Allah.

      In regard to your question about children, it seems many families tell their son/daughter that having a child is the solution to their problems or many couples decide a child will help but one must understand that while a child can help their must be a certain degree of harmony in the house or understanding between the couple.
      A child is something special but pregnany is a tough journey and their is a need for support from both partners,in your situation it will be hard for you to lean on someone you are at so much difficulty with.
      Furthermore a child is recptive to the behaviours around itself and so the hostile feelings between the parents are picked up, which could lead to poor social and emotional development and your child may grow up without emotional stability.

      Think about this sister, he is a man and we dont see the deeper meaning of things but to give you a ultimatum is quite silly, you must be honest with him and tell him the time is not right for a baby and that you need better love and understanding between you first. tell him that you dont feel physically ready and emotionally ready, make him understand but above all keep trying to get a understanding, because once you do a baby may well bring you alot closer insha'Allah.

      need more advice please ask sister

      my duas are with you, may Allah help and guide you insha'Allah

  16. im Really stressed some Alim give me a number to
    call him but im not sure they will help me i did this b4 mmy parents arent
    doing anything i have so much hate in my heart im praying i did extra nafals in ramadan
    then i stop praying because i felt as if no one wNted to help me
    or do something i feel as if im alone i told him im not ready for a kid he said your 22 and by the age of 30
    you cnt have kids ๐Ÿ™ im so stressed i cant eat think at all

    • However hard it is never give up praying, for Allah can make the rich poor and the poor rich in seconds his power is limitless and one must never give up hope and praying, remember this is a test and you must keep Allah in your heart at all times.

      Biologically your husband is wrong because i am pretty certain you can have children at 30, however did you discuss what i told you in my previous reply, you must tell him the truth and make him understand the reasons your not ready for a child and then work through those differences.

      You must not damage your health and let this stress take over, remember Allah and what i do is i spend time on the prayer mat all alone thinking about all the problems i have, this allows you to ask Allah for help but also ease the strain on yourself, not eating will harm you and over thinking will harm you more, since it impacts on your immune system and your ability to fight infections, you must regain control sister with the help of Allah and only then can you see things with more promise insha'Allah.

      Pray and keep Allah in your heart, you must eat and you must not think too much work through your problems, and anytime you wish to let anything out then post on this site and do so, it may well benefit you.

  17. Please Help me
    i think Allah is not answering me because i
    might had done something i hope he forgieves me
    but im thinking will Allah change my life
    ill pray recite duas wazifa anything

  18. Dear sister after reading your story I would advise you to talk to your husband peacefully,and say to him you were forced to marry with him. Ifyou and him talk he will understand why you have been misbehving,and why so hatred for him.... Remmber Sister never to keep anything within your heart it only burns you and then provokes you to take bad acations. Please do not kill yourself sister ,you are young. In the muslim culture it s also said of you kill yourself it is big sin ,and Allah may never forgive you,for it is in Allah's hand to give and take life.

    Hope I helped you
    Take Care

  19. Sisters & Brothers
    Things are not Getting better for me
    this past week we had three fights
    and he actually hit me and he calls me names now
    he tells me to go have sex with other guys becuz you dont want to
    have sex with me he accuses me of talking to people that i
    dont even talk to & everytime i tell my mom she blames me
    saying off course hes gonna blame you for not loving him
    how can i love him when i have none feelings for him so someone help me out
    i cant do anything about this i told him to leave me alone as he trys to make my night hell
    i have to work and he stays home and he trys so hard to keep me awake so i will be tired for work
    things are not getting any better as i know Allah is testing me but im failing this test
    HELP ME Any Duas wazifa anything

    • Dear Muslimah Angel,

      I am sorry what you are going through. I think the problem is not your husband. The problem is, you are not willing to make this marriage work because you don't like your husband at all. Your are finding it hard and he is finding it hard- he is running out of patience that now he is calling you names and putting false statements on you.

      He want this marriage with some love, whereas you don't or you can't give him. You and your family is being hard on him and in return you all are suffering. You feel forced in this marriage and your family made a mistake for going ahead with this marriage.

      His past bothered you, but you are forgetting the key point that he chose to live the rest of his life with you in good and bad times. He wants a family but you don't because you don't like him, let alone love.

      Sister, you need to sit down and tell him that you want to see him happy as well yourself need happiness and peace of mind. And the only way this can be done is through separation.

      May Allah (swt) gives you and your respected family some guidance in this matter of life.ameen.

      Your sister, parveen.
      -x-

  20. sister . i want to remind u . we hav been blessed with life , n we are living it . every one knows it bt most ppl dont thnk about it . its ur life , no one z gonna live it or help it , most famous phrase god helps those who helps them selves. . . what ever is happening with u z fact , u dnt like ur husband bt it z also fact that u cant leave him ,.. choose ur life u wanna make it like haven or burn it in hell.... c the good qualities in ur husband ,.... and try to start slowly , do something for him ... talking directly to him will b dificult leave a note for him .. explain to him what u r gong through ... make a dairy n make him read it n pretend like u dnt knw he saw or read it ... bt before change ur self ... try to increase ur intrest in him ,,, n

  21. life only comes once live it with happines or full of regrets ,,,... forget what has happened n try to b practical

  22. This is just my opinion, however its up to you to decide what you want to do. Its unfortunate that you had to marry this man because of extreme pressure and you aren't happy. If you loved this man and married him happily and not because of parents forcing you, I would say to try your best to make it work. But because you were forced into it, you should leave him. You will never love him no matter how much you try. I'm speaking from experience. You will never love him and you will never be happy unless you leave him. I know its a scary thing to do because of what you think your parents will do, but think about yourself. Let him go, you will find someone else inshAllah. It is a major sin to force a child to marry someone they don't love. This could be a reason that will hold them back from paradise. Keep making dua, leave him, and do whatever makes YOU happy. For all of those people who are telling this sister to try and make it work, you will never know what this feels like until you go through it yourself. Why should she have to force herself to feel something for someone she just can't help but feel nothing for? Why should she have to go through this pain just because her family are so uneducated about islam? Why is it that everyone else gets to be happy in a marriage but its different for her? Sister, leave him, stay with your friends and people who care about you if your parents aren't helpful. Do not stay in this marriage any longer. I wish u all the best x

    • I'm with symayya on this... I already said I'm story n I was scared to tell my parents but I just did it.. I pushed my self infront of my dad and spilled it out...whatever happened next was upto Allah... Symayya ur right it's almost impossible to even stand this person let alone liking and loving... I can't stand my husband and everytime he says he will kil his self I get so happy... I know it makes me look evil but I'm a human I have feelings and I couldve made a decision that would make me happy but instead I respected my parents and trusted them in their decision not knowing it was a marriage of benefit for him and tragedy for me. I will divorce him n I will move on with my life and be happy like everyone else. I'm not gonna waste any more time listening to other advices that can never work for my situation. Btw DO NOT BE FOOLED BY ACCPETING THE ADVICE OF HAVING A KID. I was fooled n I got pregnant but I didn't feel the happiness that people talk abt when they see their baby in this world for the first time. I was actually looking at the blood on the baby and I'm thinking "yuck that's his blood mixed with mine yucck" astagfurillah I hope Allah forgive me but it's just not on purpose. Keep fighting and if ur parents don't let u get divorced then get khlua! That my plan but after I see what the family will do. Good luck

  23. Salaam Everyone
    Well my Parents know what is killing me
    but they dont care nd i been praying so mich today i was on youtube
    watchibg this wedding video made me cry because thats how i wanted my marriage
    but i never got to do anything i wish i can do something
    i have a feeling that Allah Will never Help me
    Its Killing i stop watching movie because i get jealous
    my sister talks about how shes gonna marry someone she likes
    i already decided i wont be going to her marriage
    because shes gonna marry someone she loves as for me i didnt
    get to choose anyone but to marry this person
    sometimes i cry so much but i know Allah will not Help me at all
    so i cant get divorce at all because my parents

    • Hi there angel.. I am so sorry about what you are going through.. You are so young and you still have your life ahead of you. You say you cant divorce your husband because your parents will kill you? Allah has given this life to you not your parents.. Okay they will be upset and mad for awhile not for years sweetie... You owe it to yourself to be happy. May allah give u exactly what u want, please dont have a child with him. Cuz it will only makes it worse... Live this life for you not your parents, i am sure you are beautiful inside and out and be patience, cuz allah is testing you, but how is everything now in your life ??? And where in america do u live ( You dont need to answer) Hope this helps..

  24. Salaam Sister well thanks so much
    I'm trying my best but see my parents are so strict
    And I don't think I can do anything about it but to pray hard this Ramadan
    To ask for help of Allah nd may Allah show me
    A path I'm not having a baby but he wants it and
    I don't know what to do I'm scared of having it to
    As I don't have any feelings for him I honestly
    Feel bad for this that he had to go throw this because of me
    I live in New jersey sister my Life is not what I wanted
    If I die as of right now I won't regret it because I'm going throw
    This pain everday so might as well go thrw it in my Graveyard
    I'm scared of killing of myself because it's haram
    Life is not treating me good I been searching for anything that
    I can do about this but so far nothing yet my parents aunts family including
    My husbands family knows I don't have anythin for him so divorce is out of place
    But I know I'll never love him at all

  25. Oh i am so sorry for you.. If you cant divorse him then make the best out of everything u have. Try to love him and seek help from people around u, actually two years ago i made a huge mistake by getting engaged with my cousin and i regret it so badly. Remember sweetheart there are people out there that are struggling more than u, for example the war in Syria or torture of women in afghanistan. Dont kill yourself cuz its not worth burning in hell for the rest of your life in. I can see how much u love Allah, and thats
    Why u are struggling because the people who are closest to him ,are the people who is suffering the hardest.... I pray that our great lord Allah gives u everythin u want in life. Btw why dont u love ur husband. Instead of depressing over ur life do something about it. Get out more fix ur hair , u live next to New york, go to manhattan and shop stuff for urself. Travel to places, Smile more ๐Ÿ˜‰ how old are u and ur husband, and what do u work with? And are u and ur husband born in USA? Lets say u divorce him what do u think will happen to you? Would it get easier for u if ur husband filed for a divorce? If u want to talk to me on skype i would love to talk to you, and ofcourse we dont have to show our selves. I am a 16 year old afghani girl who lives in Norway. I hope i can help you ...
    May Allah help you my sister ๐Ÿ˜‰

  26. hi sister, i can undserstand your problem..most pakistani girls go through this. i know u r very young and were deceived by parents in to marrying him but by 18 years old we should b independent and strong and inshallah u will learn to become MORE independent and strong day by day . its not that u dont love him, or cant try, its that u are very upset at what happened to ur life when u thought it would b different, but it is not always upto us it is upto god. this is ur test from ALLAH. so ur taking ur anger and hate out on him, when u should b mad at ur parents. BUt try to make the BEST of it, think like this ur family(that u trusted) betrayed u so now u have a NEW family, that will love u if u show them love and care.. If you say he loves u or shows u that he wants to workit out than thats great, because i know some pakistani girlsthat wish theyre husband would show them some sort of care becuase they r trying to have a successful marriage. in your case your parenter is already willing to work his marriage out with u. dont let it get toooo late, wheree he doesnt care abt u anymore and shows only hate towards u because u dont show any care for him. my advice is that you accept this as your life but try to make the best of it. take it very slow with him, try to communicate more with him, show him u care so he doesnt feel neglected, go on dates with to restaurants movies where ever where u can spend quality time. show him that u want to make ths marriage work. i dont know if i helped u even a little bit but i wish i did.. i know that people aroound u r happy, its because they allow themselvs to be happy, where as u r not allowing yoursleff to be loved and give love.. in order to be hapy in life is accetpting fate and giving love so u can get love and having love in your life will equal to a happy life. but in ordr for u to have a happy life u have to let go of the bad things and try to focus on trying to a have relationship where you will always have love support and loyalty, which is with ur husband if u r willing to give it a try..

  27. Sonia Salaam Sister
    Well I'm trying to fix it I been praying all this Ramadan and will continue to
    And make days that Allah Pask grow love in my heart for my husband and sure we can talk I don't mind so thanks everyone for the best addvices may Allah accept all your duas and grant you guys Janaat and Long beautiful life

  28. Sister you need to start thinking about your life now not what others wish I agree with other readers that maybe your not trying harder because this was forced upon you,
    You never know if you actually tried to get to know him and block out that this marriage was forced you might start to like him maybe?
    If all the advice your getting don't help then I suggest you get divorced its not right living like this but another question can you see yourself without your husband? I mean even though you dot get along he has been a part of your life for few years now.
    Goodluck

  29. Dea sister, I'm sorry for your pain.
    Sometimes the problem is merely not what it seems on the surface, but is buried deep within ourselves. U might have other personality issues that even you yourself aren't aware of. U need to be at peace within ur self before u can have any relationships. Be it parent or siblings or spouse. I think u have attachment problems as u mentioned u were not close to ur siblings either. A lot of us have trust issues and we tend to get not involved emotionally but that all has a cause and we are not aware why we are ot able to do that.
    I went thru something very similar and I suggest u see a counselor or a psychiatrist to get to the root cause of all. I'm not by any means implying that ur crazy but sometimes we need help to sort out our emotions and when we don't have anyone to talk to it gets very frustrating .and please keep up ur prayers and bowing down to Allah as he is the best of helpers. Lailaha illa unta subhanaka, inninkuntum minnaz'zualimeen. Best dua for all difficult times.
    For all the rest, Allah knows best.
    Peace be upon you.ameen.

  30. Salaam Everyone
    Well I still have the same problem I been praying all this
    Ramadan month for The help of this issue we still fight he accuses me of
    People now a days if I even say hi to a male friend or anything
    He thinks I have something for them life is not going right of me
    Maybe one day I'll end of killing myself I know shaytaan will lead me
    To something like this been a month now
    That me and my husband been fighting over kids
    He wants kids and I'm not ready right we fight day and night over this
    Even I told my mom how he's calling me bad names
    Saying bad stuff about me because I don't like it
    But then when I think about it I know I can't do anything about this issue
    Because if I could had I would had done something years ago
    I know my love for him will never grow
    He thinks me having a baby might changes my life and things might get better
    But if I don't have love for him how will I enjoy life while having a baby I'll be more upset and stressed
    He keeps saying may Allah make you blind for kids may you have cancer do you can't never have kids
    And then you go to doctors and go crazy for kids but you can't never hVe them
    He curse me and calls me very bad names
    He's like you don't love me you prbbly have someone else that you like wants kids from them not me
    Your doing this do you can get divorce he's like never no divorce I would love to see you suffer
    I'll be happy seening you suffer that's my wish
    I don't say anything unless I get very mad because of him acting this way
    Now I just want to know what should I do about this situation about having a baby
    Would it be a good decision or what help me please or I'll go insane I hope I do so he will be happy and my parents for doing this to me Thnk You May Allah accepts all your Duas and May Allah Grant each one of you
    Janaat Khuda Haifz

  31. hey, i would just like to say having a baby will solve everything as i know someone who got married at the age of 18 to her cousin brother she hated him but still loved him he used to beat her up everyday , they would argue and were even at the stage where they both wanted a divorce once she came off the pill it took her ages to have a baby and when she did both husband and wife loved their baby daughter so much that their hatred turned into love.

    • Soniyaa,
      That's a crazy idea that you are proposing sister. When a couple is struggling in a marriage, last thing they want to bring in another life in this world only to suffer. I know what you are talking about but it only works in very very few cases; they are hardly considerable.

      Muhammad1982,
      Editor, IslamicAnswers.com

  32. Having a baby is not gonna solve ur problem trust me. I'm going through the same situation and everyone keeps playing with my mind telling me to be patient love comes later then they tell me having a baby bring us closer. Now I have a daughter who's living I he'll with me. I can't even ask for divorce because I'm worried about her not just my self. I'm stuck with a guy I don't want because of other people's advice. The truth is people's advice can either make ur situation better or worse. In my case it's worse. Do whatever you think is right as long as u don't go against allahs words.

  33. Salaam Everyone
    I just want to thank Everyone may Allah Grant
    You guys Jaanaat... but Lastnight I got hit by my Husband my hand and arms and legs
    Are blue like colorish everything is falling apart
    I'm actually at the stage of killing myself because
    I hate ppl asking me what happend it's killing me that
    I can't do anything about it my family don't support me even thought
    They know what's going on I honestly don't anyone to depend on
    Life is a hell for me right now I been in fight almost 3 times this past 2 weeks
    Life is hurting me so much that I just want to let it go
    People are saying have patients sabar it will heal
    Try and work it out I did I pray I read surah yasin
    For this Ramadan I didn't ask Allah anything expect
    That my love grows for him and that we stay happy together but
    It got worst things were good before now it's falling out worst I'm soo stressed
    Hair falling losing weight not eating not interested in anything
    Clothes shopping nothing Ya Allah Help me

  34. Listen honey....be strong and face them all. I'm so proud of my self because I was able to stand up and tell everyone exactly what I want and if I dont get it I'll do this and this and this.. I was really serious because they were just using me and treating me like I'm some type of tool that they use to solve people's problems and raise their heads up infront of people. That's very selfish and not a good thing to happen from a parents side. Parents are suppose to be the people you go to when you have a little scratch on ur finger and they would be crying and kissing that scratch. That's what real Muslim parents should do when a child calls for help. But now adays the daughters are dying for help to get out of forced marriage and all parents do is make things worse. So my point is remember that they r going against allahs ways of doing things so u have the full right to stand up and fight for ur rights. I know it sounds crazy but remember Allah is right there waiting for u to give it a try and he will use his power to help u out. Go to a sheikh and ask for khula or whatever u can think of to get rid of this haram baseless marriage and don't worry if ur thinking what ur doing is wrong. Your totally on the right path but include ur prayers and thanks to Allah at all times and GOOD LUCK!

  35. wow i feel really bad for your husband

  36. Salam..maybe the sister should perform ruqya first..seems unusual that she hates her husband for no reason..hopefully its not a form of sihr to separate husband and wife..sometimes the couple will find out too late..i suggest perform proper ruqya to remove anything that may be causing this..if it has no effect on your marriage, then it is a different issue, and you should do what you feel is fit.

    • It's normal to hate someone when ur not happy with them for personal reasons.. I'm hating my husband too so it should be normal we can't be considered sick or whatever.

  37. How can you contact me so we can talk

  38. Muslimah angel,
    Sis i can totally imagine how ur goin thru all this. its really sad n pathetic for both of u. i can give u some suggestions hoping that they might work out for you. when i got married i was 18 too n when my parents fixed my rishta i was just 16 finishing my high school, i cried n was mad on my mother for doin this to me then my mum gave my number to the guy my rishta was given at that time he was living n completimg his studies in the UK. he used to contact me every single day n i was used to never reply him or anything. but then slowly i started talking to him everyday i got habit of talking to him n seriously comunication made me fell in love with him. im really happy Mashallah Mashallah Mashallah that im happily married to this guy hes my husband now n we have a lovely angel by the grace of Allah . i cant thanks Allah enough for everything.

    so please try to talk to him , put some positivity in urself for him Allah will help u defo. Dont get jelouse , its useless n will never benefit . Allah has given high importance to husbands n wives should respect them . remember if ull respect him he will too . peace to u in every direction. may Allah help u.

  39. Salaam Everyone
    I hope everyone is happy and safe
    May Allah bless everyone with good intention
    Love respect and health first of all Happiness
    I still haven't got to any point life is the same for me
    I'm Tryna get preg now to see if that brings us close to
    Each other I'm doing this for my family and for the sake of
    ALLAH I want to prove to him that I'm giving it a chance
    But I know deep inside the hate for my husband will
    Always remain the same I know that I will never be able to love him I wish
    That my parents could see this thrw me I know that my parents knows I will
    Never take a wrong step disrespecting them in any kind of way
    I honestly hate so much things in life that I use to love I even stop praying asking Allah
    For help I feel as if I have done something wrong and I'm getting punishment for this
    But I just can't do anything about it I wish Allah helps me go throw this hardship
    Please don't say I'm the wrong one here because your not in my shoes to see what I go throw
    Friends told me to walk out some said report him sole says run away but I know I'm to stronger then that
    I'm gonna give it try and prove them wrong that with even having a baby it's not gonna brings us close
    My parents and in laws thinks this will help
    Thanks to everyone for everything please keep me in your duas please please please maybe Allah will accept your duas and ill be able to get my happiness ill pray for you and myself as we'll

  40. Wasalaam Tahira sister
    Ramadan Mubarak well to be honest nothing is better
    Actually things get worst very bad we'll my parents
    Know that he had hited me and past months things got to very bad like to a very
    Stressing point he still hits me and we got into alot of fights
    He got a house I don't want to move in cuz I'm actually scared
    He accuses me of guys and says that the reason I work is to look at guys
    And I might be doing things with my manager cuz he's the only guy there n this old guy
    He's like my dads age older then him n my manager wife is a doctor
    So how can I be having a relationship with him that's disgusting we'll
    This Ramadan I'll be praying from the bottom of my heart he knows that I'm teally tired of him
    We actually don't talk he acts so nice infront of my family but my dad notice that I'm very unhappy
    But there's no option for me yet they told me to go to the hiuse I fight everyday cuz I don't want to go
    Things are just falling like worst then before like I said before they wanted me to have a baby do I'm not sure if I'm pregnant I think I am because haven't got my period for the past month waiting for this July 14 if then I might be I'm actually scared but they think it will bring me together as I'm giving this relationship a try I'm doing my level best I been crying myself to sleep its so hard I can't eat think I'm stressed alot even at work people look at me n tells me to smile I smile and say you got know clue as what I'm going throw but thanks so much for asking meant alot to me I hope everyone have a blessed month of Ramadan PLEASE KEEP ME IN YOUR DUAS MAY ALLAH ACCEPTS OUR DUAS AND PRAYERS LOVE YOU ALL GOD BLESS YOU ๐Ÿ™‚

  41. Hellow muslima dear how r you now i have read your whole yea story im so disopinted by listening this, may allah help all of us

  42. I my self passing from similar sitation, 1 year pastmy parnts forced me to merry my czn but nw im not happy, but have decided to take divorce, but my prents creating similer dificulties for me despit i merried my 26,
    if you want an advice i ll say plz ttake divorcee dont ruin yor life, may your parents liv long but just think afte them who wil be your taker only allah plz think of your happines,plz, may allah help us all;(

  43. Salaam sister simren well things are the same we fight everyday
    And I just found out I'm pregnant with him cuz I was scared of saying no to he's needs
    But very upset I have no option I'm lost and confused what am I gonna do I'm so sad I'm asking everyone to pray for me this month and I'm tryna start wazifa for the best please write back

    • Assalamualikum sister,

      I'm sorry to her about this problem, I think u should tell him how u feel about this , I know he an used u but tell him how u feel just be honest with him ... I'm not married I'm really young lol my father has the same intentions , getting me married to someone I don't like, my mother on the other hand wants me to pick ho I want to marry, and wat u are going through I have unfortunately witness with my parents ... And after my mother gave birth to my brother everything seemed normal ... I think u should try talkig to him or spend some time togther ...love isn't just going to grow out of nowhere

  44. Hello dear muslima how r you knw, actully it is to say some body just sit nad with him friendly the person whom you dont like, its my experience lik e you its avery dificult imposible thing, i just want to ask if you cant bear a nidle prik pain for him than how ull bear a big pain of child, just thin over these things,ill pry for you, i my self doing many wazifas to com out from such a pinful sitution, my parents just becom enemies of mine when they heard abt divorce, may allah help us, bless us in this beautiful mont ameen

  45. Salaam Sister K.Aliyah & Simren
    Well I told him everything he dont care he cares about
    What will people say same for my dad they don't care
    If the daughter is in alot of problem as long as no one talks about them in a
    Bad way I been praying doing wazifas and asking people to pray
    This month for me no one will understand us because no one knows how it feels
    To be in this kind of relationships unless they experience it as we do
    Things are worst I know having a child Is not good right now
    But ima prove them that having a kid won't bring us together
    Plus I will never do abortion that's not the Islamic way I hope ALLAH knows
    I'm doing this for the sake of this marriage I hate him more now
    Because he said that the baby is not him it's someone's else's I told my parents
    About it he even said it in front of my mom
    She told my dad but they did nothing about seems like they don't care about me
    It's all him well ALLAH is with me that's all I need no one in this world can help me only Allah !

  46. Than y t trying to keep this baby, at this so early stage its not haram in islam to abort, if he dont want to keep., this baby wil ruin your life, plz dear dont do the mistake, parents are happy in there life so they will not understand, plz i request you, can you gv me your email adress we will b friends, i wnt to do friend ship or any other method of fb etc

    • Salaams,

      I don't think it's your place to say to someone that having a baby will ruin their life. No one can predict how having a baby will affect their circumstances, and actually quite often those who have had unplanned pregnancies report that it made their life better in many ways despite the accompanying hardships.

      Not only that, but it's not entirely accurate to say that abortion isn't haram just because a pregnancy is in the early stages. People come to that conclusion mistakenly, just because hadith indicates the soul is not placed in the fetus until the fifth month approximately. Most scholars agree that abortion is haram during even early pregnancy, unless there is a medical need for it.

      -Amy
      IslamicAnswers.com Editor

  47. Sister simren
    I can't abort it I know that it's not a good way
    They want me to have it so ill prove them wrong it's okay
    My life is already in he'll this will be more pain
    But that's the main point if I don't get my happiness I will leave the house I told them already so at least I can enjoy my life without them And I know I'll find my happiness I don't think we can share e-mail here
    It's not allowed

  48. Parents absolutly wil b too much harsh to you but at the end it wil b gud, if your bearing this zulm its also a sin, you are human being you hav right to live a happy life, plz try to understand dear,if divorce is such bed thing thn y our beautiful rasool(saw),s wz also merid to divorced woman, if your parents are against say them if they are not realizing them they are not muslims,do you want to knw i came to this decision of divorce after reading your story,
    allah will bless and help all of us

  49. Amy
    Your right I'm not doing abortion that's not my option
    Maybe ALLAH planned this do things can get better if not
    At least he knows I'm doing this for My marriage and inshallah things will get better for me I don't think anyone should get abortion as kids are ALLAH greatest biggest gifts most people are wishing for kids those who can't have them but yeah no one can understand me things will be up and down but I have faith in Allah subhan Allahj

  50. Sister Muslimah Angel,

    I pray to Allah that you find peace in your life whether you are with your husband or without him. I may not understand what you are going through but Allah does and I give dua for you to be happy if not now then in the near future inshAllah. May your child be born healthy and beautiful and may he or she be guided into Islam and fear Allah. Whatever decision you make please pray istikhara so Allah may guide you to the best decision by His knowledge.

    These last 10 days of Ramadan please pray salah and give as much dua as possible. Ask Allah to forgive all of your sins and beg him to give you Jannah. Do not forget to cry to Him about your problems and keep Him in your heart. It seems like you are in agony but please hold on. Do not harm yourself. You have all of us who love you and care deeply about your wellbeing. You may not listen to all of our advices but please hold on to Allah and accept His decree for what you can't change but change the things you can to make it better for you. May Allah always bless you and give you Jannah for your struggles, ameen.

    -Starclusters

  51. Salaam,

    I understand tht u are praying to Allah , but u have to make an effort with your husband . Talk to him and try to communicate .. Go on a date or something lol... There isn't a problem in the relationship itself, it's the lack of communication . My aunt also went through this same situation .. Got pregnant and it things a little worse in the beginning but after they started working together and actually communicating it all worked out. I'm
    In position to say this but he shouldn't have said that the baby isn't his . Spend some time together I will garuntee you that everything will be okay. Take him to your ultrasound appointments or go baby shopping together ...

  52. STARCLUSTER : thank you so much honestly I'm praying fajar namaz right now
    I just prayed for you because of what you said made me so happy thank you I need all the prayers I can Get I am praying and asking ALLAH for my sins I made or anything I need he's help because my parents aren't there to help me just now dad is like she never talks to me now she don't ask me how Im doing how can I when I'm the one that's going throw all this pain and no one seems to understand why should I ask when he knows how things are with me it kills me my face my body everything is so weak the doctor even told me today stop fasting its not healthy for your baby your to weak so I stop today I'm just so stressed why am I going through so much I hope ALLAH got better plans for me or I'll die trying hard thanks alot STARCLUSTER !!!

    K.ALIYAH :sister he's not that type of a person he will start with me if even a friend of mine said hi to me if they saw me outside he will say stuff and it will make me sad he's just not the one to go out with I doing wazifas and everything I can I don't want this to end in a bad way but seems like ill never get or find my own happiness that I know for sure but that's in Allah hands so if he wishes it will change if not i will be trying my level best to Chsnge it but I honestly won't go to Pakistan never know what they might do to me well thank you

  53. Salaam sister,

    How have things been? Better or worse? I pray for u and ur husband alot . Inshallah everything will get better

  54. Salaam sister K.Aliyah
    Well sister things are not good at all we Benin having fights alot even this night I had a fight over my friend coming over to see a movie with me and my sister but I don't know my parents sees it but they don't care they keep ignoring it I don't know what else to do but I'm praying things get better too
    We also had quranic khatam yesterday we invited family to do it with us for the sake of me but inshallah ALLAH will help me ๐Ÿ™‚ thanks for asking

    • Hey how are you doing now ? I was reading your story and I'm going through the same exact situation please let me know how everything's going with you and your family

  55. As salaamu alaikum....so the suggestion is for any Muslimah to " fake it til she makes iit"? First of all, no forced marriage is even valid in the first place. Second, no person should be forced to marriage and then force herself to be attracted to this invalid husband. What part of deen is that? How do you force marriage and then punish the person for not being satisfied? Some people really make Islam look stupid.

    It is utterly ignorant to tell a woman to pretty much deal with it when an injustice was done to her. If she truly was forced into this marriage, what message are you giving the world who alreadfy thinks Islam condones woman slavery? You're telling this woman to just deal with it and foster a fake love for a man who is not her valid husband.

    Honey, if you were forced, then your marriage isn't valid anyway. Your right to choose who yu wanted was taken away and you do not have to want him or love him because love for you was never considered when your rights were ignored.

    • I been through a lot and things are NLT getting any better I just had a baby thinking baby will bring us together but no nothing is helping me out

  56. How are you doing?

    • Still the same just last night we had a fight right Infront of the baby and I was crying beacise I don't wanna fight I'm so tired of this I have no way out I know that im stuck forever till my last breath

      • "I'm stuck together until my last breath"

        Indeed, those whom the angels take [in death] while wronging themselves - [the angels] will say, "In what [condition] were you?" They will say, "We were oppressed in the land." The angels will say, "Was not the earth of Allah spacious [enough] for you to emigrate therein?" - Quran 4:97

        You are only stuck if you want to be. If you truly want out, ask Allah and He will provide you with a way. You must then have the courage to take it.

        Wael
        IslamicAnswers.com Editor

      • Salam, sister. I have been following your story as well... How are things now? I am a Pakistani Canadian. May Allah make it easy for you.

  57. I am sorry but my comment may come off as negative ... But I pity your husband. You have made this about you selfishly . He is a human as well; his anger at you is justifiable as a result of your own hate. A hate that is bred by what your parents have done and he is paying the price. You talk of shame on your family but where are you giving him honor? Backbiting and allowing others to backbite and dishonor him on social media? Your parents forced you to marry him and because of your not wanting to shame them you are earning the deeds of the women of Hellfire by humiliating your husband. Everyone wants to soften the truth and I truly feel bad for you in my heart . I will make much dua for you but sister you are just as wrong as they are. You are telling him to go away , you are denying him sex (the angels curse the woman who turns away from her husband with no liable excuse ). You don't have a reliable excuse. You choose to be with this man (not from fear of Allah) but for society/dunya purposes and In the meantime giving yourself destruction. In the name of shame you are ruining your husband's life also. You recieved wonderful advice above on how to work on your feelings towards him and it seems like you rejected it. His love for you will turn to hate and he will mistreat you and by your own hands this is what you earned. The blame is not alone on your parents as ultimately you married him. Do you honestly think you are the only one suffering from this? Do you understand the Hadith about ungrateful wives? It would be good if he married a second wife or divorced you so that he too had a chance to be with someone who loved him. He is being punished for your parents mistake. And because you cannot lash out on your parents , you turn it on him which is just as big of a sin as the prophet (saw) said the husband has more rights on the wife than her parents. You are married and no longer a child. So take the advice above of those who are trying to help you gain love and repair this marriage or seek divorce and save your husband from a lifetime of misery. As well as earning bad in the hereafter. At least tell your husband your feelings so he can decide for himself whether or not he wants to keep you. This is what happens when people fear society more than they fear Allah subhan wa t'ala. and I may sound rough but I'm all for truth even if it's against myself . I pray that Allah provides peace and comfort in your home and forgives those involved Aameen ya Rabb

    • Assalam alaikum,

      Since you are all for truth sister, I wanted to share the following with you.

      You wrote:

      His love for you will turn to hate and he will mistreat you and by your own hands this is what you earned.

      And the OP wrote above (MuslimahAngel on September 4, 2012 โ€ข 2:27 pm)

      Lastnight I got hit by my Husband my hand and arms and legs
      Are blue like colorish everything is falling apart

      I am sorry, but I don't see how your advice is helpful. What I see in this marriage is something that was convenient for the parents, a girl looking for a reason to love her husband, and a man who is on another planet culturally. He also is an abuser--and good men with solid characters don't become abusers because of a bad wife. This pretty much suggests that the OP is sooo influential that she made her husband into an abuser. I don't know how we can think like that.

      I am not sure, but I would say this sister is suffering from depression or possibly some other mental illness and fears revealing her true self in front of her husband. She appears to have made efforts, but the problem, you see, with incompatibility is, effort doesn't change it much. You simply compromise.

      And anonymously asking/seeking help is not backbiting as you said:

      Backbiting and allowing others to backbite and dishonor him on social media?

      Having financial needs met isn't enough--otherwise women wouldn't need to get married and could remain in the care of their fathers or brothers. The obvious difference is that the emotional care that a husband provides a wife is never attainable from a brother or father. This is why this girl was seeking for a way to be in love with her husband.

      The problem is that many marriages (not just in the realm of Islam, but many cultures) are not pursued for the right reasons like deen, compatibility, love, affection, but instead for status, cultural and honor reasons. There is one problem that is worse than that though: Those who blatantly ignore that this happens.

      • In Islam we are given what to do in such instances when seeking advice. None of us can give advice here because we hear only one part of the story. You speak about his character not knowing the truth vs falsehood in her statements. Nor is he here to defend himself or give his side of the story. Backbiting/ slander are major sins. If she truly wants help she will go to an religious leader /imam who can advise her in what steps to take. Complaining and having people give conflicted advice will just confuse her more. I mean she was advised to have a baby which complicates her marriage more . If her marriage was forced then the marriage wasn't even valid .

        • Just because he is not here to defend himself doesn't make her a liar. I don't think happily married people post their questions on this website just to lie/complain about their lives and if they do, they are accountable--so advice is given based on what it is stated. A person could very well goto an Imam and lie/complain about their life too. Certainly, there is nothing wrong with her doing so, but sometimes other people's experiences/knowledge can be just as helpful. I know that some cannot fathom this, but there are people in the world who have no one to goto and the way I see it, this site is a blessing for the Muslim Ummah..it has been for me personally.

        • Salaam sisters and brothers I just got a chance to reply back to you guys
          I don't need to lie about my life and come here to make false statement how rude is that
          A sister is here to ask for help to see if someone will guide her how mean can you be and yea I did go to imam and I called he's parents and he parents my parents knows how unhappy I am but one thing that's holding me back is my dad who keep saying he will kill him self if I even try leavings husband and he said he was sorry that I had to go through this but a sister comes here to make her self feel better I saw ally's of beautiful comments tahrs made me feel so good about myself I have so much respect for everyone here taking there time to hear me out hafsa you don't know what I go throught I'm not gonna come here waste my time making lies My parents didn't teach me to lie about something that's not true so you don't have to say anything I didn't come to you so might as well just stop now I'm sorry if I'm being mean I went to imam in Pakistan my husband says he understand I'm hurt and he said things he did to me hurtwd me more but it even told him how I felt about him how can I just make stuff up its sad how you come here and people blames you my whole family even he's even he's aunts family everyone knows I had the baby because I thought I will look forward to him only and for the sake of Allah love my life we'll thanks a lot for all the advices you gya are wonderful god bless you guys

          • My comment was not meant to hurt anyone but yes I do know how it is. I went through it 12 years except he was the one to hate me. So he tortured me by catching me on fire and holding guns to my private, choking me out and trying to drown me in tub of water. He thought it was justifiable because he hated me and all his hate was apparent to the point it was horrifying and humiliating. I was forced into the marriage by my parents because this man raped me and they didn't want to be shamed. So he chose marrying me over facing criminal charges. Forgiving him would have been easy had he not expressed his hatred for me. He went to social media complaining about me and how he was forced to marry me while the whole time I was innocent. By Allah I did not mean that you are a liar or that you are not suffering but there is always 2 sides to a story. I'm still healing from what happened. I came here trying to understand why the hate between spouses but you sound much like my husband did when he was disclosing our personal matters. He was ungrateful that I too was force to marry him he was ungrateful that I took care of the home despite his constant abuse and humiliation and he had people on social media making me the enemy. I was the victim for a long time before Allah swt saved me and turned it into a victory for me. The only true advice that can help you is in Quran , and the only comfort you can find is in sujood. Allah swt knows the entire truth not only in what is happening but how we feel in our hearts and He is the only one that can bring a solution and peace in your situation. That's your only escape and nothing anyone says here will be able to rectify it. I may seem harsh but this world is designed to break hearts and the truth is brutal but essential.

          • Dear Sister Hafsa,

            I am truly sorry for the pain and agony that you went through. I am going to say something that I don't believe is far from the truth. Many of us have come to this site through our own turmoils and struggles. If some of us were to write them here, perhaps it would be unbearable to read.

            I understand where you are coming from now and how and what you wrote to the OP.

            Sister, we have a right to happiness, expressing ourselves and seeking truth and guidance--so having a chance to privately ask a question is a blessing, Alhumdulillah. Just because some of us lie and cheat doesn't mean the rest of us do not get a voice. Just imagine if it was decided that no more driving was allowed because there are people who speed, don't stop at stop signs and go through red lights--it would obviously be silly.

  58. dear Hafsa
    I'm really sorry that you went through this
    If you don't mind are you still with him
    Did everything get better I'm sorry he doesn't hate me but
    He knows I never had feelings for him things got to a point where he hit me and I felt alone I'm just still very stressed that's why I had a premature baby due to all the depression and stress

    • Alhamdulillah I am now divorced and my children and I away from the situation. My family disowned me ..But I'm happy alhamdulillah I make attempts to reconcile for the sake of Allah. I am re-marrying to a man who is religiously committed in shaa Allah. Which is why I came here ... In attempts to finish healing out of fear in Marrying and this happening again. By it's just one of those things that we have to keep faith. Life is not easy taking care

      • ASA

        You have been through so much for 12 years and mashallah your emaan is so great. Does your family know about the abuse that you were going through, and they disown you? But alhumdullilah Allah has found you a partner that will be the coolness of your and your children eyes, will bring you joy, peace and tranquility. How long after the divorce did you find your future husband?

        • My family was aware of the abuse but didn't want involved . They were Christian and I had revert to Islam so In part I was more shame to them . Allah knows best all things ... And it's Been a little over a year since the divorce .

          • Jazakallah Khair for sharing your story and mashallah for demonstrating your emaan. Your story ran through my head over and over again over the long 3 days weekend, where my loneliness hits the most. Your mashallah strength is so inspirational and contagious.

            Muslim angel we need "...to look at those who are less well-off than you; look at those who are afflicted, so that you will appreciate the blessings that Allaah has bestowed upon you. If you do that, then you will realize that no matter what befalls you, you are well off.ย ". It's hard to imagine to having to be forced to marry a man who has raped you like Hafsa has.

            But after all attempts of trying to save your marraige you still have Al-Khul: "This kind of divorce is usually sought when the woman is not satisfied with the marriage while the husband is fulfilling his duties toward her. The wife may also seek this divorce if she fears that she will not be able to observe the limits imposed by Allah (i.e. perform her duties). If the husband is not fulfilling his duties, she gets her divorce without giving anything back to him."

  59. AOA,

    Wow! I've just read the whole saga and all the comments and it was actually refreshing to read Hafsa's comments and Hafsa I am so sorry for what you have been through.

    It's too late now as you 'Muslimah Angel' have had a child.

    You were emotionally blackmailed to marry a guy at an age where you had great plans for your education and there was nothing wrong having those plans. You were not technically forced and went ahead, so I on a shallow perspective can at least assume that your husband was not some repulsive beast.

    The realisation of being married dawned upon you and you resented the whole idea of it. I don't recall you giving a reason why your education was put to an end but you took all of your frustrations out on your husband and in your own words, your heart was full of hate.

    As already mentioned, your husband eventually snapped and I'm not condoning violence but your disrespectful treatment and hatred fuelled this. Furthermore, your behaviour had him going out of his mind thinking all sorts of bad things about you to justify to himself why you constantly rejected him. I've read many stories on here where men have treated their wives the way you treated your husband and the wives got the sympathy.

    You don't sound like you made any kind of effort to be civilised to him at all and made matters worse. You should have either divorced regardless of your parents threats or made a sincere effort. You sound very fatalistic and so wrapped up in yourself. Sorry if this seems harsh especially compared to the overdose of saccharine responses but you didn't help the situation either way and just wallowed.

    You have a child now thanks to all those irresponsible people advising you to have a band aid baby. A child is someone in their own right not just a fix for a bad situation. Maybe your husband wanted a child in the hope it could melt your icy heart.

    You have no choice but to sincerely try and make it work for the sake of your child. I can only suggest you open up to him and explain why you behaved the way you did and apologise for being so cold and full of hate. He ought to apologise for hurting you physically too. If you really can't do that, then your only other choice is single motherhood.

    • Alhamdulillah please don't be sorry. Where hardships began , the mercy of Allah begins. I only explained so that others might understand why I said and feel the way I do. I'm not sorry it happened , I wish that it hadn't happened but alhamdulillah I'm not sorry. Because every time he hurt me physically or emotionally , then all he did was push me closer to Allah swt. And then the help of Allah came at the right time. This is what I hope that this sister gets from all this and May Allah help us all through difficulties and use it as a means to draw us closer to Him Aamen

      • Assalam alaikum wa rahmatullah wa barakatu,

        Subhana Allah Sister Hafsa what a wonderful and positive outlook you have. The fruits of patience and faith.
        Take care and may Allah bless you, guide you, forgive you and bestow his mercy upon you always, Ameen.

        Rashida

  60. Assalamualaikom Muslimah Angel

    i just read your story. I am just wondering how are you coping now?

  61. Hi, I have also been following your story and all the comments and would just like to now whether things have perhaps improved as if yet?

    Also, being Pakistani myself, i can understand the whole emotional blackmail side to things but divorce would have to be a step that you take yourself, you shouldnt have to feel trapped in a loveless marrige because of stupid cultural pressures, you should make an informed decision and if you can not see your self living with this man for the rest of your life, then do something about it.

    Bottom line is you are NOT weak, you can still do this without your parents and they are in the wrong anyways for making you stay when you are so miserable. Stop thinking your stuck in your situation forever and that your doomed if you stay and your doomed if you go, jeeze pick an option that will give you peace of mind and bloody sanity. It will be healthier for you all.

    From the sounds of your comments, it seems like you have come here for help but despite the absolutley amazing and helpful comments, you just dont seem to want to do anything to change your situation. Instead you are asking Allah for help BUT doing nothing at all to try and help yourself.

    Sorry if anything was a little mean or harsh but really girl you can do this!

  62. Muslimah angel please an update on your situation as I am 20 and in a very similar situation but in Australia. I'm thinking of running away as its my only hope left...

  63. The only thing holding me not running away is im scared of being on my own, I depend so much on my family...

  64. Salaam sisters & brothers I will update on my situation soon as my son is crying but I sure will update it soon thank you

  65. Any update on how your life is going?

    • Salaam everyone
      I would like to thank everyone for helping me out
      For been there for me when I needed someone to help me
      I know things have been really hard and honestly things did get better as soon as I had my son
      I only think about him everytime we fight I look at my son as I don't want him to be like us
      Allah knows I been throught a lot inshallah things will get more better day by day
      And it did we don't argue as much we do resolve I told him I don't have any feelings for him
      How can a woman love someone that she don't have any feelings for
      One thing I gotta tell you guys if you guys can't be with that someone don't run away think and think hard
      Please don't live a life like me be happy pray and make Duas life is very short to be unhappy
      Talk to someone and speak your mind keep in mind that Allah is always there for you
      My husband and I never got along and since the baby we both love him very much it kind brought us along we kind do talk now and stay together at one point I wanted just to leave and walk out but I don't want that to happen
      Cuz I want my son to be happy he loves he's dAd and I'm willing to stay with him and try to make effort to have feelings for him eventually love do came when your happy

  66. ASA

    I read through your story and my friend was going through similar one as you. She's paki too but she married her bf and he changed his personality. Now he is hurting her all thr time because she cant get pregnant. She is suffering from anorexia. What advice should I give her? Her family dont care they already disown her.

    By the way i am happy things are starting to go well for you. May you find peace and happiness in your life you deserve it ๐Ÿ™‚

  67. Subhanallah sister, i am so glad to hear that things are looking up. Wallahi it made me cry thinking about the injustice that you suffered. Although I don't know your husbands side I know he must have suffered too because of something that should never have happened. You should never have been forced to marry someone you didn't want. Seriously sister, I pray that Allah opens your doors and that He eases your suffering and struggles. May Allah continue to bring you together.

  68. I m so happy for u sis angel

  69. Dear Muslima Angel,

    I have read your story, the comments by people and the updates you gave day after day. I am just really disturbed by the level of acceptance by the commentators of the abuse your are enduring and have endured. Nothing justifies hitting you, calling you names and emotionally blackmailing you.

    Those who so ignorantly advised you that having a baby will solve anything, did you injustice, but you took their advice. The baby is here already so I will not dwell on why that was a terrible idea. But lying to yourself that things will improve, through a baby is not only being unfair to your child (who is innocent in all this), but it is unfortunately very unfair to you as a human being. You also need to be decisive enough to walk away, albeit with a child in tow now.

    You have to be realistic here, forget for a moment about the pleasing Allah part; you are a human being who deserves happiness and joy, irrespective of your religious beliefs. Forget for a moment about the so called 'shame' to your family; you are a human being who needs to feel safe and loved regardless of your cultural inhibitions.

    You need to get out while you still can. If you stay, IMO this is what leads to the so called Honor based violence. If you remember the story of Banaaz Mahmoud in the UK, it was similar to yours and it ended tragically. Forced marriage, abusive husband, un-helpful parents all rolled into one. When she gathered the guts to leave, she died for it. Except you can make the choice, to leave yet be able to LIVE. Let me be blunt and tell you that it will not improve, so stop lying to yourself and putting your precious child through a life of misery that you are too scared to walk away from. You live in America, so you have at your disposal thousands of resources to help you get out of an abusive & loveless marriage.

    The rest, please stop misleading the young lady, in the name of religion. Abuse is abuse, call it for what it is. Muslimah Angel, I really hope you find the courage and conviction to save yourself and your little one.

  70. I am living just like ms. Muslimah.. for a yar now, i have been married into a loveless marriage. I am so sad, lonely, alone, and i dont know what to do anymore.
    Ms. Muslimah and i have a very similar situation except that i had found out that my husband was impotent during our first night.
    What i dint understand is that, almost day and night, he tries to engage into intercourse with me many times but he still ccouldnt do it.
    i dont know to you all, but for me, forcing me to do something like that to a man i dont love, is the most painful thing. As days goes by, i started to hate him and grown to be scared of him. I am verh scared of sleeoing beside him because he will force me again to do it. Though in the end, he is not able.
    i told him i wanted to divorce him but he wouldnt let me and instead says, i am going through the hell path.
    my parents thinks that way too.
    its been a year already and i am very very exhausted for whats happening. I badly want to be free of him and live my life.
    But he still woukdnt let me till now. Instead, he een want me to pretend were okay because he says it is embarrassing to his friends and family. Because he was divorced once.
    i feel like he doesnt care about my feeling as long as he has a reputation. I feel like i am just his trophy..

    now i really dont know what to do anymore...
    Know i shoudnt lose faith, but, i just dont know what to do anymore...

    Salam

    • Salaam Nika
      I'm sorry things aren't working
      I been there and am still in this situation
      I hope ALLAH help you out because no one was able to help me out and now I have a son HES 15 months old for him I don't want a divorce because he needs us ..... Try to work it out if not I would tell you to move on !!!!

      • Wa alykumisalam...
        Thank u so much miss Muslimah.
        I hope Allah will make it easy for us. It seems that our real battle is between ourselves and the happiness of those around us. We keep trying to convince ourselves were happy, but it doesnt show towards our actions to our husbands. Feelings dont lie. But we still hold on for the sake of our family.
        As for you, i hope youll find happiness through ur son. He will become your light and hope in sha Allah.
        Be happy sister. Good luck for all of us.

  71. Sorry to hear about your situation. I suggest you leave him. You said, "I pray to God to get me out of this situation." As the saying goes, God helps those who help themselves. You must act for your own interest. No one will do it for you.

    Wael
    IslamicAnswers.com Editor

    • I can no longer see myself with this man. If I could end it with him right now I would, but only with my parents consent. I know if I end it without their consent they will want nothing to do with me. That is what I dread. I'm just praying to Allah swt that they see him for the man he is.

      • That is exactly how it is with me T. Its just really hard to do things that will put my family's health into danger. They all made me gi throuฤฃh the wedding saying things like, they're old, or they'll get sick. Now that i told them i want divorce, theey're saying things like, they'll die and that it will be my fault.

        I love them so much and i will give up everything to keep them healthy. But, forcing me to sleep with my husband anymore? I tried to do it for them but i just cant do it anymore. I just cant.

  72. Sister ,

    I pray that you get peace and happiness in life .

    • Thank you so much I hope things get better

      • First of all you should talk to someone who is upon piety for answers and advice... There was a woman who came to the prophet pbuh and told him her marriage was forced and he immediately got her divorce from her husband as this nikah is not valid..you cannot force anyone to marry someone against their will and you should tell him all this that you were forced into this..please make a decision as to what you want because it's not fair to him either ...you don't have to do something if it is against the will of Allah you cannot listen to parents if they tell you to do something against Islam but your creator first

  73. I am in the same situation....

    • As-salamu alaykum sister. If your situation is similar then you can benefit from the replies already posted , Insha'Allah. If you need separate advice then please register and submit your question as a separate post and we will answer you in turn.

      Wael
      IslamicAnswers.com Editor

      • I have more related for this post of our sister in islam..
        I am also related this. for 15yrs suffering from my husband.

        • Salaam sister wow 15 years is a long time I hope things gets better may Allah help you !!! I got ten more years to go I guess because I been married for 5-6 years now and my life is hell I hate everything about it but ALLAH give me a beautiful son and for him im very happy !!!!

          • Salam Sister..M going through the same exact situation as you..n duno what to do..Any tips..?

          • I have been reading your story & very happy to know that u got a son.
            May Allah bless u both
            I m also into a forced marriage from 8 months now
            Its v difficult

  74. I'm in the same problem.

  75. Allah doesn't change your situation unless u make a change.
    Ur prayers are good and seem well intended. But your actions of self harm completely contradict islamic teaching.. stop that and pray for forgiveness for that first!!
    Allah will surely change ur situation for a better one.ameen x

  76. Salam. Man i feel ur pain. I was given to my first cousin when i was 14 i never agree but my mum started telling how he is good this and that i still didnt agree, so she like if u dont agree to him ur grandad will get u engaged to the other guy ( i hated this guy even more) so i agreed and then time of marriage cane i was 20 and i couldnt tell my mum i hated him and didnt want to marrie him (i was alway the good girl who did every thing my parent wanted me to do) but i would show signs like if she talked about him i would get angry and i would tell my mum i hate marriage and she knew and would tell me ull love him after marrige. When i went to get married (we were both brought up in different western countries) i went to him countrie and got married i wasnt to up set on my henna night but in my wedding day i was really sad and i hated my mum and dad that day. But i got married but i thought it not that bad so i took a deep breath and accepted the marriage o didnt know him and i got to know him he was horible he was not what he was in front of my mum i hated it i he was 7 yrs older them me and cuz he smoked he look even older thin his age and me i am 5 ft and for 20 ppl would think i was like 16 i have baby kinda face but anyway he would lectures say how im useless and made me become the house slave i was there for 3 months (my mum went home after 1 week i got married) and i hated everything i never wanted to shear anything with him. I never wanted him to tuch my and of we had sex i would hate it and he would get mad cuz i didnt anjoy it so i would fake enjoy it i became a lier i faked my life with him he was alla bout culture i hate afghan culture. When i told my mum what he was like they didnt believe me so when i came back to my counties he apples for a visa and came 3 months after me i was so unhappy i was really sceared of him he was like a big bully i was ashamed of him too alot of ppl i knew didnt know i was married so when they would see us at the mall (which he would force me to go with him) they would think it was my dad. Anyway iv left him now and want a divorce cuz iv tried to love him but i just cant but my dad wont agree. It so hard iv bbeen married for 1 yr. I feel sick when his old body come to my mind

  77. Salam sisters I'm a muslim girl im only 20 im a nursing student i was married at 17 back in 2013 with my husband from.back home North.africa Morocco and we fell in love and were in long distance engament he engaged me in Belgium he didn't have no paper so he said introduce me to your parents so i did my dad said you are not going to live in Belgium with that situation and of course my career for university so he came and we did our mariage ceremony with like 75 people my parents mostly paid for everything we waited a 1 1/2 for his papers to come out so he entered 08/2015 since then i was the one building our relationship from financial to driver licences and schooling he have been not caring much about my problems and what is needed from me so its been 1 month of me by myself sleeping in the living room and doing my own issues alhumdillah day by day allah (swt) have made me stronger im rethinking alot of divorce because i have been used and im the man and women of this relationship please sisters advice me.

  78. Aoa I m 26 years old pakistani girl belong to phathan family facing same satuation.stuck in hell life last 1 year want to get divorce but cox of socity family parents not able to do so.coz I will b the 1st 1 n my whole family to get divorce I jst hate my husband not even want to c his face he living n Europe n I came here 3 months befor.m feeling so lonely .hv no 1 to talk to. N he not even allow me to go out n make any friends my parnts not even trying to undrstand my feeling n keep trying to saying me to make astagfar to Allah dat how I love sm 1 . Cox I love some one he also lv me a lot Bt he vs already married n had 1 child too.so Pathan girls r not even allowed to lv any 1.some time I want to kill my self jst knw that I will nvr ever b able to spend my whole life with this man.n some time I want to run away from his house ,life .but again dat my parents. Dt knw what to do now. I don't like my parents now cox I hate my life Sorry my English is not so gud Bt.

    • You need to get some education. You need to start working. Learn the local language. Improve your English by taking some courses in a school/college. Lot of people who move to a new country and have few contacts get lonely and depressed. I am sure your life will get better with time.

      A married man is suppose to love his wife. You should forget about your love with a married man with one kid. He is cheating on his wife. He just wants sex from you.

      • No.his wife already knw abt me.he told her abt me. I dt knw wt wx her reaction Bt she knw abt me n his husband that v love each other

  79. Plx reply me plx

  80. I am going through the same situation but got 3 boys dont want divorce and cant see my self loving him either. I always asked allah to help me . So the best you can do is to look at what makes you happy and over look negative thoughts and the wispers of shaytan as he monupulates you as well. I ask allsh to help you.

  81. Salam sis
    Divorce him and marry someone u want being with him u will ruin your life your happiness matters iswell not just your familys it was haram getting forced in to marrige in the first place so forget them pray to allah and do what makes you happy and inshalllah what ever is 4 the best will happen 4 u x i promise being misrable in your marriage is not the life 2 live !

  82. I'm so sick and tired of people thinking we're the problem. I literally want to say so much bad words. I got married because I couldn't say no to my uncle when he came to ask and I told my mom I didn't want to get married. It's me and my sister and we both hate our husbands. We can't get a divorce because they care what people will say. They could careless that I'm not happy or being tortured in this marriage. They think it's me, I'm to Americanized!!! Seriously . I have a kid that I'm going to give birth to pretty soon but that doesn't make me love him. When you don't love them you just don't. Nothing can change that. Allah is the one that makes you love someone and if you don't have love then there isn't love. I'm tired and sick. I hate the sex. This idiot used to want to do it a few times a day and even when a had a bad infection down there he used to get mad when I didn't want to have it. It hurt like hell. And nobody was there to help and his family sucks. All they did was brag and brag and brag. They make you feel ugly and worthless. Of hate everyone, they just wanted me to marry him because he's my cousin. He doesn't even know much about Islam. You can't be forced to love someone.

  83. Asalam alikum
    I read all these problem of every one.
    So I want to share my situation.
    I'm 19 years old student of 2nd year.
    My father brother mother force me for engagement with same one whom I real hate.
    They don't say me anything n done my nikah with him.
    Then em a student of 10th class.

    Now I'm very depressed and unhappy in my life
    now they want to rukhsati n it's was very hurt for me.
    Em very depressed n sad I think that no one loves me.
    I want to kill my self.
    Koz I don't want to marry with him
    He is 31 years old n don't understand my situation.
    We have a very big age a
    Difference.
    Plzzz help. Me advice me some thing.

  84. Salam. Donโ€™t listen to not rushing to divorce. If you donโ€™t have kids, and hate your husband now-you will despise him after kids. I guarantee it! Leave and marry someone whom you desire, whether it be for some reason or another. There is no forced marriage in Islam, therefore your marriage is invalid. Leave and find someone else, you are a married woman now and have the right to search for your own husband.

  85. Hi ,once i was in a same situation but thn ibran away from home n got divorce from him n i think that was one of the best decision ofy life.i know divorce is not good at all but Stayin wd husband n not loving him specially being a muslim we have some duties to fullfill.i was concerned about that n finally i reached at conclusion n left hm now hes n me Both r not living miserable life but n if he has visa issuea u both can discuss and u can help him.

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