The past keeps coming back to haunt her
The past keeps coming back to haunt them
I have to ask about my friend...who had been a very very very bad girl since she was 13 and is now 16 but now she has changed ALOT since last year because of this guy who came like an angel in her life as a friend and showed her how wrong she was because he was in love with her but didn't know about her pathetic past.
He guided her towards whats wrong and right, because at that time of age she was totally a fool. Now when she ponders over her silliest mistakes that ruined her life and respect and thinks about all those people who trapped her because she was a complete fool it really hurts her...it becomes impossible for her to believe she'd done what she had done.
She was a very modern type of girl like all her friends...and maybe that's the biggest reason she turnd out to be such a bad girl...because she can't figure out that how can a girl be so0 cheap. She was all busy in her life and was totally unaware of the facts that she had done and are totally unforgivable but then this guy XYZ showed her the bright side and told her how bad and wrong she was all the time without even realising...he promised her that he will marry her and didn't even put any restrictions on her.
She was the same girl wearing jeans, shirts, having male friends, hanging out with friends and all...but then she again kind of betrayed XYZ by talking to another guy but just talking as in friendship or more than that but not any physical contact etc..and due to this XYZ was completely shattered on what she did even after his telling her that she was not a good girl at all. This guy XYZ really loves her alot because he used to beg to ALLAh for her forgiveness as he couldn't even imagine her suffering the pain of hell.
And now.. my friend has tried to change a lot but not by herself... like she has avoided jeans, shirt, male friends etc and recites Quran...and offers her prayers too but things doesn't seem right in her way... XYZ is now not happy with her.. he wants her to change her personality and everything because now he is quite disturbed with her PAST....and the guys she used to be with.
It's not his fault even because things can come up to mind just by a click whenever something related to her past happens...but my friend is also very very upset because of her past because obviously she can't erase it...but she begs a lot of Mercy of ALLAH and has Faith that he will forgive her as she was a complete fool and a young girl.
XYZ is always complaining about her, her past and everything which really hurts her a lot but the main problem is that SHE CAN'T LEAVE HIM AT ALL...and XYZ thinks that maybe she is doing this because he is the one who has accepted her after all that she had done...which is absolutelty not true... and its not XYZ's fault even...he just wants her to be the type that he wants.
They want to marry each other but at the same time they want them to be happy. but recently the guy XYZ broke up with her and is avoiding her completely..... maybe for some other girl... and always keeps taunting her for her past.. he asked to leave her forever and insulted her very rudely....
She has asked for her forgiveness from ALLAH and has this feeling in her heart that ALLAH has kind of forgiven her but she is not completely satisfied! Please help as I have read alot of articles of your and they are great.
I seek your advice...
- depressed
5 Responses »
Leave a Response
Entries(RSS)
Praise Be to Allah
You should note that whoever repents sincerely, Allaah accepts his repentance and Allaah is Oft-Forgiving, Most Merciful. He has promised the one who repents to Him that He will forgive him his sins. He says (interpretation of the meaning):
“Say: ‘O ‘Ibaadi (My slaves) who have transgressed against themselves (by committing evil deeds and sins)! Despair not of the Mercy of Allaah, verily, Allaah forgives all sins. Truly, He is Oft‑Forgiving, Most Merciful’”
You say, “How can I get rid of my sin?”
This is an important matter, for these are the means by which sin is expiated. Shaykh al-Islam Ibn Taymiyah (may Allaah have mercy on him) said: The punishment for sin is lifted from a person by means of ten things:
1 – Repentance; this is agreed upon among the Muslims. Allaah says (interpretation of the meanings):
“Say: ‘O ‘Ibaadi (My slaves) who have transgressed against themselves (by committing evil deeds and sins)! Despair not of the Mercy of Allaah, verily, Allaah forgives all sins. Truly, He is Oft‑Forgiving, Most Merciful’”
[al-Zumar 39:53]
“Know they not that Allaah accepts repentance from His slaves and takes the Sadaqaat (alms, charity), and that Allaah Alone is the One Who forgives and accepts repentance, Most Merciful?”
[al-Tawbah 9:104]
“And He it is Who accepts repentance from His slaves, and forgives sins”[al-Shoora 42:25]
2 – Praying for forgiveness. It was narrated in al-Saheehayn that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “If a person commits a sin, then says, ‘O Lord, I have committed a sin so forgive me,’ He says, ‘My slave knows that he has a Lord Who may forgive sins or punish for it; I have forgiven My slave…’” (Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 6953; Muslim, 4953)
In Saheeh Muslim it is narrated that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “If you did not commit sin, Allaah would do away with you and bring people who would commit sins then ask Him to forgive them, so He would forgive them.” (al-Tawbah, 4936)
3 – Doing good deeds which wipe out sins. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):
“And perform As‑Salaah (Iqaamat‑as‑ Salaah), at the two ends of the day and in some hours of the night [i.e. the five compulsory Salaah (prayers)]. Verily, the good deeds remove the evil deeds (i.e. small sins)”[Hood 11:114]
And the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “The five daily prayers and Jumu’ah (Friday prayers) and Ramadaan take away the bad deeds between one and the next, if you avoid major sins.” (Narrated by Muslim, 344).
And he said: “Whoever fasts Ramadaan out of faith and the hope of reward, his previous sins will be forgiven.” (Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 37; Muslim, 1268).
And he said: “Whoever spends the night of Laylat al-Qadr in prayer out of faith and the hope of reward, his previous sins will be forgiven.” (Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 1768).
And he said: “Whoever performs Pilgrimage to this House, and does not behave in an obscene or immoral manner, he will go back free of sin like the day his mother gave birth to him.” (Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 1690).
And he said: “The expiation for the fitnah caused to a man by his family, wealth and children is prayer, fasting, enjoining what is good and forbidding what is evil.” (Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 494, Muslim, 5150).
And he said: “Whoever frees a believing slave, for each of (the slave’s) limbs Allaah will free one of his limbs from the Fire…” (Narrated by Muslim, 2777).
These and similar ahaadeeth are narrated in the books of Saheeh. And he said: “Charity extinguishes sin as water extinguishes fire, but hasad (malicious envy) consumes good deeds as fire consumes wood.”
4 – The du’aa’ of the believers for the believer, such as when they pray the funeral prayer for him. It was narrated from ‘Aa’ishah and Anas ibn Maalik that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “There is no Muslim who dies, and a group of Muslims numbering one hundred pray for him, all of them interceding for him, but their intercession for him will be accepted.” (Narrated by Muslim, 1576).
It was narrated that Ibn ‘Abbaas said: “I heard the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) say: ‘There is no Muslim man who dies, and forty men pray the funeral prayer for him, not associating anything with Allaah, but Allaah will accept their intercession for him.’” (Narrated by Muslim, 1577). This refers to praying for him after he has died.
5 – Good deeds which can be done for the deceased, such as giving in charity (on his behalf), etc. This will benefit him, according to the clear, saheeh texts of the Sunnah and the consensus of the Imams. The same applies to freeing slaves and Hajj (on his behalf), indeed it was proven in al-Saheehayn that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Whoever dies owing any (obligatory) fasts, his heir should fast them on his behalf.” (Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 5210; Muslim, 4670).
6 – The intercession of the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) and others on the Day of Resurrection for those who have committed sins. This is narrated in the mutawaatir ahaadeeth about intercession, such as the hadeeth in which he (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “My intercession will be for those among my ummah who have committed major sins.” (Classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in Saheeh Abi Dawood, 3965). And he (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “I was given the choice between admitting half of my ummah to Paradise and intercession, and I chose intercession.” (See Saheeh al-Jaami’, 3335).
7 – Calamities by means of which Allaah expiates sins in this world. It was narrated in al-Saheehayn that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “No tiredness, exhaustion, worry, grief, distress or harm befalls a believer in this world, not even a thorn that pricks him, but Allaah expiates some of his sins thereby.” (Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 5210; Muslim, 4670).
8 – The torment, squeezing and terror that happens in the grave. These are also things by means of which sins are expiated.
9 – The horrors, distress and hardship of the Day of Resurrection.
10 – The mercy and forgiveness of Allaah, with no cause on the part of His slaves.
See: Majmoo’ Fataawa Ibn Taymiyah, vol. 7, p. 487-501.
You ask, “Do you think that Allaah will forgive me?”
Yes, He will, if you have repented sincerely, for Allaah has promised to accept repentance, the evidence for which we have mentioned above. Do not despair of Allaah’s mercy. Remember the story of the man who killed one hundred people, then he repented and Allaah accepted his repentance. This is the story as narrated by Imam Muslim in his Saheeh, in Kitaab al-Tawbah (2766): “It was narrated from Abu Sa’eed al-Khudri that the Prophet of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Among the people who came before you there was a man who killed ninety-nine people, then he asked about the most knowledgeable person in the land. He was told about a monk, so he went to him and said, ‘I have killed ninety-nine people, can I repent?’ The monk said, ‘No.’ So he killed him, thus making the number one hundred. Then he asked about the most knowledgeable person in the land, and he was told about a scholar, so he (went to him and) said: ‘I have killed one hundred people. Can I repent?’ He said, ‘Yes, who could stop you from repenting? Go to such and such a land, where there are people who worship Allaah. Worship Allaah with them and do not go back to your own land, for it is a bad land.’ So he set out, and when he was halfway there, death came upon him. The angels of mercy and the angels of punishment argued over him. The angels of mercy said, ‘He was coming repentant, turning with his heart towards Allaah.’ The angels of punishment said, ‘He never did anything good.’ Then an angel came to them in human form and they accepted him as a mediator. He said, ‘Measure the distance between the two lands, and whichever he is closer to is where be belongs.’ So they measured the distance and found that he was closer to the land to which he was headed, so the angels of mercy took him.”
We learn several things from this hadeeth, including the following:
1 – That Allaah forgives all the sins of one who repents, no matter how great they are. This is indicated by the aayah in which Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):
“Say: ‘O ‘Ibaadi (My slaves) who have transgressed against themselves (by committing evil deeds and sins)! Despair not of the Mercy of Allaah, verily, Allaah forgives all sins. Truly, He is Oft‑Forgiving, Most Merciful’”[al-Zumar 39:53]
2 – The one who repents has to keep away from bad friends who were committing the sin with him. He should keep company with righteous friends who will help him to do good and show him how to do it. We ask Allaah to help us and you and to give us all strength. And Allaah knows best.
3 – The Muslim must live his life in a state between fear and hope, fearing his sins and not feeling safe from the Plan of Allaah, and not being certain that he will enter Paradise. For the Sahaabah (may Allaah be pleased with them), even though they were so righteous and pious, were not like this, rather they feared their Lord and worshipped Him with fear and hope. So the Muslim must obey Allaah and repent and hope for the mercy of Allaah, knowing that Allaah forgives and accepts the repentance of the one who repents to Him, so he hopes that Allaah will forgive him. He knows that Allaah accepts and loves the righteous deeds of His slave, so he strives to do righteous deeds hoping that they will be accepted. If he lives in this state, fearing his sins and hoping for the mercy of his Lord, he will strive to worship Him and keep away from sin, asking Allaah to reward him for his righteous deeds until he meets Him when He is pleased with him, and he seeks refuge with Allaah from his heart being turned away or his situation changing, as the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) used to pray, “O Controller of the hearts, make my heart steadfast in Your religion.”
We ask Allaah to make you and us steadfast in His religion, and bestow more of His bounty upon us, for He is All-Hearing, Ever Near.
Allah Knows Best
Salam my dear sister,
maybe it would help your friend to wear the things she likes to wear ( skirts, jeans and tight stuff) at home
or when she is among female friends or with her mahrams. Of course only to a certain extent, but she
can wear beautiful, fashionable things without transgressing Islamic law. Many women have this urge
to expose and dress up, and in a world in which the whole western public has this lifestyle, it is very
difficult not to fall back into bad habits. But a Muslim woman can beautify herself, too, just not in
front of non-mahrams.
I hope this helps your friend
Jazakallah
Salaam my Sister,
Your friend is very young indeed, and at only 16 she should not put too much burden on herself to be perfect, and give herself a complex that she is "bad girl" with a "bad past" - not at sixteen years of age. She is still very young. The way to the straight path is to point yourself in the right direction, and then keep going in that right direction and get better and better as you go along. If your friend burdens herself with the need to be instantly perfect, then it will not work out for her - so step one is to be patient and focus on getting better and stronger within herself, within her practice, her way of being and focus on this one step at a time and to invest in herself. Read Quran, pray, practice and start to move away from the bad habits and bad things that are in her life.
The next thing I would say is for her to step away from this "bad girl" label, and disassociate herself with anyone that knows her in this way. Labels are very dangerous and destructive things and she must disassociate with the label, and stop referring to herself as a bad girl and stop mixing with other people who call her a bad girl. She must relabel herself "muslimah" and start to embody the characteristics and personality traits of this, and start to mix with a new set of people who will know her as a good girl and not as a bad girl. By cutting off from negative labels like this she should set herself to the right path.
She should repent sincerely for what she has done, and them set herself goals for the future which will form her new identity as a good person and a good character that she has the potential to be.
Peace,
Leyla
Editor, Islamic Answers
Salams
I understand how this girl feels, I am 26 and should be old enough to understand the difference between good and bad. I stay away from all evil for so many months then on the 11th month of the year something bad will happen to me, or like a bad event which just ruins everything for me.. I appreciate my life, job, family everything but feel blank inside. All I want is a companion but I don't trust anyone no more, I have been trapped and betrayed by the people I knew for so many years (males some of them)..
Allah is the best of planners, I don't want to moan as he does everything for the best but it hurts alot when everyone assumes you have such an interesting good life yet its so bleak on the inside. I pray and try and stay on the right path, never hurt anyone, give sadka, etc but still I feel I am jinxed or the worst happens to me.
Salams
P.S have a good Ramadhan
Saira Allah is putting u thru tests, and wants to c how u do. For every test He puts u thru, He wipes out some of ur sins. So b strong. Inshallah u will find the one for urself.
Sister u know ur frnd really well. Know everything she has done and all. It is true when they say, u dont realize wat u have until its gone. "ur frnd" did the same. But this shouldnt let u stop from asking for forgiveness from Allah. Everyone has a soul mate out there for them. Just please don't stop from walking on the right path. It is very easy falling off, due to the society these days. Always worry about ur life in the grave, not the temporary life we r living on earth. Inshallah all will work out for u.