Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Am I doing the right thing? My wife and I want a child and this seems the only way…

father and baby

A.o.A Everyone!
Just joined in today and went through a lot of debates and discussions on the marriages in Islam and all related to it. Even have gone through a lot of men & women who are distressed and want to find someone they desire.

But here I am Alhamdullillah married and has a lovely wife. We have been married for nine years now and are almost touching 40 but have no kids till now. We have gone through a lot of medical treatments for especially my wife who is depressive and is suffering with a severe depression, in fact has even tried to commit suicide twice. She in the distress has gone too negative about every detail in life. We are these days having a lot of fights but i know we love each other and cant be apart. Recently a fight broke through, for me not trying to adopt a baby and in frustration of our growing ages, we are getting short tempered now. But i know the only point is that she does not have a baby and we know how much a woman want to become a mother or to take care of a child which is Alhamdullilah is the sweetest of Allah (SW)'s created aspect of the life on this world.

Under the circumstances, I have been trying hard to find a few days old child for an adoption. I have searched and contacted Edhi, SOS and a few NGO's but for no good at all as they are giving me a long time to find me one. We have no time left for us to further raise a child if we cross 40 now. Allah is best to know when or where we shall be departed but for our sake we need to try once for ourselves.

For the purpose, i have decided to get married with a decent kind of woman without a child, medically capable of boring a child. I shall try my best to make her that comfortable as I try to towards my first wife. I Shall try to extend all my love for her as she would be boring my child for us which will be raised by my first wife. There are no compulsions at all if my second wife would want to meet or want to see her child. There is no limit to have more children if Allah's wills. We can have more who shall be solely taken care by the second wife.

I request you all to pray for me and advise if I am doing a right thing...

May Allah bless you all.

Abdullah

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5 Responses »

  1. assalamualaikum. May Allah make it easy for you and your love ones and bless you two with a child Ameen. Narrated Sahl bin Sa`d:
    The Prophet (ﷺ) said, “I and the person who looks after an orphan and provides for him, will be in Paradise like this,” putting his index and middle fingers together. [Sahih al-Bukhari 6005] If you can, probably you should travel with your wife to other countries and see other orphanages. Suicide is a major sin. The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) stated that the one who commits suicide will be punished with something like that with which he killed himself.

    Abu Hurayrah (may Allaah be pleased with him) narrated that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Whoever throws himself down from a mountain and kills himself will be in the Fire of Hell, throwing himself down therein for ever and ever. Whoever takes poison and kills himself, his poison will be in his hand and he will be sipping it in the Fire of Hell for ever and ever. The rewards of those who exercise patience will be doubled:
    أولئك يؤتون أجرهم مرتين بما صبروا
    “These shall be granted their reward twice, because they are steadfast…” [al-Qasas 28:54].

    إنما يوفى الصابرون أجرهم بغير حساب
    “…Indeed, the patient will be given their reward without account.” [az-Zumar 39:10]. trust in Allah and everything will be okay inshallah. This life is temporary, what we don't get here were most definitely going to get it in jannah... Inshallah. I will keep you in my dua inshallah

  2. In my opinion, you should pursue adoption. Forty is not too old to start raising a child, and the blessings of raising an orphan are immense. Your idea to "give" your second wife's newborn baby to your first wife is flawed, to say the least. That's an unhealthy idea that is likely to result in trauma for all involved, including the child. Your idea is also likely to trigger insecurities in your wife, who is already depressed. You cannot compel a woman to give up her child for such a purpose...and even if you could find a woman to agree (which would be odd), she could verily easily change her mind once she goes through pregnancy and childbirth.

    I know a couple that had a similar situation. After years of frustration and failed fertility treatments, they finally decided to adopt. It was a long process, and they were even older than you and your wife (approaching 50). But now they have a beautiful adopted son whom they are lavishing with love and attention. Every time I see this child, I am convinced that adoption is something Muslims should do more often.

    If you're looking for reasons to get married again because that's what you want deep inside, that's one thing...but don't try to mask it with the excuse that you are doing something nice for your first wife. A second wife has her own rights and should not be pulled into some scheme to give up her child. But if your true goal is to remain happily married to your first wife, look for a baby to adopt and involve her in that process.

    Above all, be content with Allah's will. Not everyone is destined to have children, and sometimes that is for the best. Allah SWT has knowledge of all things, while we know very little.

  3. Masha Allah daisy in your previous question you asked to marry a guy living in UAE but here you have been married for 9 years and now you have become the husband (male).

    if in a case your second wife would be unable to give a child would you go for 3rd marriage and then you will find out oh i am infertile myself so now i should adopt a baby my wives should understand that it is the will of Allah but when i marry twice that was my right given by Islam .

    please dont mind

    • Daisy I am flabergasted by your thought process.

      what made you think that the mother of the child ( your second wife) needs a permission from you to see her own child.

      are you looking for a way to find a new wife since the the present wife is old and depressed.

      and yes 40 is not old at all in my opinion.

      if you really wantedto adopt you would have been in a que for it.

      there are plenty of kids of all ages in need of parents love. be one !

  4. Fix your foundation in Islam it is the root to all your problems.Be prepared for your death! Go and both spend time in masturat jamaat . tabligh is the answer to build yourself

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