My friend and her boyfriend wants to run away to marry.
Dear Brothers and sisters,
My dear friend is in a situation where she and the person she wants to get married have had a relationship of almost three years, and now the guy is willing to get married to her and has also spoke to the girls parents about the marriage. However, the girl parents are not so convinced and have said that once their older daughter gets married they will think of the second one (who has already had a proposal) the problem is that, the guy is 21 right now and is in need of getting married. He needs a life partner to fulfill his sexual needs and is not willing to do anything wrong before he is finally married to the girl.
Unfortunately are girls parents are not interested as their older daughter hasn't had any proposals yet. That leaves my friend and the person who she is willing to get married in a frustration situation as both need to get married now of various reasons but the parents have given their final answers. They donot want to fall in the wrong path by committing anymore sins but it is not understandable to the girls family, moreover, the girl has moved to north america, whereas the boy lives in the middle east, thus leaving the guy in a situation where he doesnot know what to do.
It's been six months since he has asked for the girls hand, and there have being no positive replies yet. My friend and the guy wanted to run away and get married as they are faced with difficult times now but do not think they can disobey their parents.
Please do not judge the relationship neither both the individuals. Your help will be appreciated.
- a-malik
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A-malik, As-salamu alaykum,
I'll keep my answers brief, since the ones who really need the advice are not the ones asking for it, and I don't know if they are actually interested in my advice, or would be willing to implement it.
The fact that the girl has moved to the USA, while the boy is still in the Middle East, means that a union between them is very unlikely, unless the young man also has a U.S. passport or has the ability to emigrate to the USA.
If that problem can be overcome, then I suggest that the young man's parents should approach the girl's parents and offer a proposal. Maybe the parents can be convinced to allow the marriage to proceed.
If the biggest obstacle is that the elder daughter is unmarried, maybe the young man can make some inquiries and find someone who would be interested in her. Kind of odd, I know. Just a thought.
Honestly, I find the whole situation unconvincing. Is this young man able to support a household and family? If they want to marry so badly, why did the girl move halfway across the world? And the reason for wanting to marry so urgently - the young man's sexual desires - is insufficient. If a young man came to me and said, "I want to marry your daughter right away so I can satisfy my sexual desires," I'd smack him and kick him down the steps.
Wael
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Assalamu alaykum,
Interesting question I would say.
Brother Wael, your responses which I have been reading lately have been making me give sarcastic smiles 🙂
My advice:
I think the only issue here is the marriage of the elder daughter.
So make du'aa to Allah that she gets married to someone and the next turn comes for the guy and girl in question.
I hope the family has agreed to marriage but not at the moment.
So wait until the elder one is able to find a husband. One she has found, they may look for a marriage at the same time as well.
And, this would also test the guy, Islamically and for the girl as well.
For Islam: If he is able to control his "sexual desires" and remain chaste.
For the girl: The above two + she would know if he can stay without any affair with any other girl in her absence or he marries someone else to satsify his urge.
Let the test begin. If they both want and of course if Allah wills.
Let them both see how committed they are and let them measure their characters in this separation.
Pray to Allah that elder one finds a husband soon.
Permission of girl's parents is need to marry and running away is not a good choice.
Afterall parents are the ones who help their kids in thick and thin. So it is not good to insult their upbringing by such way.
If they are serious about marriage, let them try and convince parents with patience. Keep Sabr.
There is something called Sabr in Islam. Lot of us have forgotten it. So remember it and remind the two of it. Keep Sabr.
Salaam.
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Therefor give good tidings (O Muhammad) to my bondmen, who hear advice and follow the best thereof. Such are those whom Allah guideth, and such are men of understanding.- Surah 39, Az Zumar, verse 17-18.
Your answer is much more thoughtful and positive than mine, ma-sha-Allah.
But I also think that sometimes people are waiting and hoping on a situation that is not realistic; and they need a wake up call to help them see that.
Wael
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Assalamu alaykum,
Alhamdulillaah. I am glad you think so about the answer.
Salaam.
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Assalamu alaykum Brother Wael,
Just noticed that some people are putting up their questions (in comments area) in responses to questions of others and said that they are trying since two months and and their questions have not been put up. Don't know how true it is.
Brother, if there are pending questions, let them come in, Insha Allah we will try and make sure at the end of the day no question remains unanswered.
Salaam,
Munib.
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Asalamoalaikum o-malik,
How very odd that this person wants to get married due to his “sexual frustration”. I guess it’s shaitaan that’s trying to knock on his door and he wants to stay away from zina. Whatever the reason may be, I highly suggest he doesn’t say that to the girl’s parents or like brother Wael has said, he’ll probably get a good bashing.
Anyways,
I find it interesting that the parents want to delay the marriage because the elder daughter is not married; common yet in my eyes shouldn’t necessarily be the case. My mother is a live example of this: she got married at the age of 20 while my aunt whose elder than my mother got married at the age of 27. My father was settled and in search for a wife, had to return back to the gulf so the marriage took place quite quickly. At first, my grandparents also hesitated and posed the same response: the elder daughter isn’t married, how can we wed our younger one? But when they saw my father was settled, etc, my mother got married. Therefore, maybe explaining to the parents that although this may not be ideally what they desire, if a good proposal is in hand, then they shouldn’t delay it because the elder daughter is yet to be married. Unless the guy is struggling financially, has no place to keep the girl, etc, then I’d understand the parent’s response, but I personally see no problem getting the younger one getting married off first if things are right—marriage is written by Allah swt and what it’s bound to happen it will, before or after the elder sister gets married.
-Helping Sister
marriage is written by Allah swt and when it’s bound to happen it will, before or after the elder sister gets married.