Islamic marriage advice and family advice

What should I do?

Assalamu'alaikum warahmatullahi wabarakatuh,

Dear friends,

I have a problem and it is embarrassing.

So there is this guy in my school.

I never really liked him more than a friend, kinda like a brother to me actually, well I see him that way

Since a year now, we have known each other, all he usually talked about was sex, thoughout the year...tthat really annoyed me.

I had also complained to the teacher who took it to the principles office to make him stop...

It got less but all the time we met again, that is all he talked about, and kept asking what is the chance and stuff. I always said no and zero of course.

Never really thought of such a thing with a guy.

Now we are on school vacation.

And now all of a sudden, 2 days ago. I woke up and all I can think of is him and what he says.

 

For some reason I cannot stop thinking about what if, we ...

Now evermorining when I get up, I do say  A'udhu billahi min-ash shiytan ir rajeem

 

And yes I have tried making myself busy in things in life.

Applying for a job and volunteer and stuff

But for some reason thoughtsof him keep popping in my head.

Not in a good way.

It's like I feel like my brain is drunk in his thoughts, like a hangover.

And I try alot to stop it.

But the more I try. The more I think.

I feel too ashamed to pray, and ask for help to control my thoughts.

I feel like a disappointment.

Tell me, what should I do to control my mind?

 

This guy, when I am close to him, I see him nothing but as a brotherBut when I am away. I don't know why but such questions keep striking my mind.

Now no, I don't only think about him and that stuff.
I do think about a loving, Caring realtionship of being there for each other in on another's pain and sickness and helping each other's problems.

These thoughts come automatically.

I can't control it... I feel like I am loosing my mind, like I have never before. I don't even know it anymore.

What should I do?

And no I cannot drop out of school as I am doing very good at it and there is no girls school near by.

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7 Responses »

  1. I don't quite understand your problem. Is this guy harassing you or do you actually like him? It's not very clear from your message.

    Either way, I would urge you to stay away from him, because it sounds like you are actively doing your part to keep in contact with him - it's not just him seeking YOU out. Anyway, It's not respectful and decent of a boy to talk to girls only to have conversations about sex. He's even asking you for sex which...well, his intentions couldn't be clearer, could they? He's not a positive influence in your life, and you don't need people like that in your life, trust me.

  2. Asaslaamualaikum Warahmatullahi Wabarakaatu.

    Sister, in Islam, forget about caring for non-mehram men, it is not even permissible for women to look or speak with men except for necessary purposes, when it should be done in a decorous and dignified manner, without speaking in a soft tone, as Allaah says:

    “then be not soft in speech, lest he in whose heart is a disease (of hypocrisy, or evil desire for adultery) should be moved with desire, but speak in an honourable manner” (Al-Ahzaab 33:32)

    "Undoubtedly you have committed a grievous sin, in fact a number of sins, starting with listening to this guy about these sexual matters, and ending up thinking that you were caring for him. The Shaytaan has gradually led you astray and made you fall into evil; he has deceived you and made it look to you as if you are helping others and being kind to them."
    - Source: Shaykh Muhammad Saalih Al-Munajjid - Islamqa.info. (When asked the exact same question like yours about speaking to non-mehrem men)

    The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said, according to the hadeeth narrated by al-Bukhaari (5744) and Muslim (4801) from Abu Hurayrah: “.....The zina of the eyes is looking and the zina of the tongue is speaking. The nafs (self) wishes and desires, and the private parts confirm that or deny it.”

    No matter how soft-hearted a person may be, no matter how sensitive towards others, there are limits that must not be crossed.

    I understand from your question that you study in a place where you mix with men. This is where evil begins. Perhaps this is an example of the evil consequences of women mixing with men.

    When the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) saw a young man merely looking at a young woman, he turned his head so as to make him look away, then he said: “I saw a young man and a young woman, and I did not trust the shaytaan not to tempt them.” Al-Tirmidhi (885).

    If speaking in a soft manner is forbidden, then what about a woman listening to a man about sex?!

    You must strive to leave this mixed study place and cut off all ties with this guy whose lack of religious commitment is worse than any physical problems he may be suffering.

    But by Allaah’s mercy towards His slaves He opens to them the door of repentance and seeking forgiveness, as He says (interpretation of the meaning):

    “And verily, I am indeed forgiving to him who repents, believes (in My Oneness, and associates none in worship with Me) and does righteous good deeds, and then remains constant in doing them (till his death)”
    [Ta-Ha 20:82]

    “And whosoever repents and does righteous good deeds; then verily, he repents towards Allaah with true repentance”

    [al-Furqaan 25:71]

    So repent to Allaah and do a lot of righteous deeds, so that Allaah may forgive you. Part of repentance means cutting all ties with this man and asking to be transferred away from the place where he studies, indeed to be transferred away from a mixed workplace altogether, as stated above.

    SOURCE: Shaykh Muhammad Saalih Al-Munajjid - Islamqa.info.

  3. Since a year now, we have known each other, all he usually talked about was sex, throughout the year...that really annoyed me.,,,,,,I had also complained to the teacher who took it to the principles office to make him stop...,,,,,,
    It got less but all the time we met again, that is all he talked about, and kept asking what is the chance and stuff. I always said no and zero of course.

    Now we are on school vacation......And now all of a sudden, 2 days ago. I woke up and all I can think of is him and what he says. .............For some reason I cannot stop thinking about what if, we ...Now every morning when I get up, I do say A'udhu billahi min-ash shiytan ir rajeem

    But for some reason thoughts of him keep popping in my head.,,,,,,,,Not in a good way.

    This guy, when I am close to him, I see him nothing but as a brother. But when I am away. I don't know why but such questions keep striking my mind.

    Now no, I don't only think about him and that stuff.
    I do think about a loving, Caring relationship of being there for each other in on another's pain and sickness and helping each other's problems.

    These thoughts come automatically.

    SVS:

    Do you see this boy as a brother or a lover with whom you want a loving and caring relationship?
    You kept talking to the guy who only wanted to talk about sex for one year. That is signal "you are interested"
    What exactly do you want? If you start any friendship/relationship the boy is going to see that you just saying "no" but really want "sex". Thoughts can't do much unless you act on them.

    • It's normal to feel wierd and odd all through your age , but it's a test you have to pass. This guy is in an experimentative phase of his life and you'll end up only becoming his guineapig/ Rabbit , you leave him he'll find someone else who is all willing to be one and save yourself . Now after all this it is a sin to talk , look or think about him . find better girls and ? Any rare breed of boys as friends . The biggest achievement at your age is to even find a group of good girls ,b coz most will be making fun of you , making you feel like outcast , stupid etc and preventing you from concentrating on your studies and goals

      • After a certain age most people except lucky few don't live in a state of hangover , it will be there for many maybe 15-20 years in your life , everytime with a different person for different reasons need not be bad reasons . It decreases automatically when you have exams or your humiliated by someone or your scared of someone like your mom or dad slaps you or a girl/ boy slaps you and you realise world is not an easy place . But 90% will still be there , at job it won't be there , among loved ones temporarily it may not be there , the moment your alone it will be back , you can concious my try to reduce it , if exam study try to read in library with others around or in your house if you're able to control the hangover state

  4. You see him as a brother and yet he has spent a year talking to you about sex? What kind of a brother is that. You did not say after the first talk, hey you are my brother, stop talking that way. Sounds to me like you are interested and leading him on and looking for a relationship with him. Nothing haram leads to anything good or brings happiness.

  5. You see him as a brother and yet he has spent a year talking to you about sex? What kind of a brother is that. You did not say after the first talk, hey you are my brother, stop talking that way. Sounds to me like you are interested and leading him on and looking for a relationship with him. Nothing haram leads to anything good or brings happiness.

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