Islamic marriage advice and family advice

My wife is reluctant to practice Islam. Should I leave her?

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Assalamu Alaikum warahmatullahi wabarakatu.

I am in need of sincere advice. I got married 3 years ago to a woman with two children on the basis that she struggles with the deen and she wants to be deeper in the deen and she needs someone to help her. The girls' fathers were not in their lives and I married her based on being there for her daughters and helping them all out with the deen.

After getting married, within the first year, she stopped covering and she started becoming reluctant to pray. I’ve advised her constantly about covering and praying and doing what Allah tells her to do. But 3 years in, this is still going on. She doesn’t pray and she refuses to take advice on matters of the deen which are correct. She gets irritated anytime I talk about the deen and doesn’t respect me at all when I ask her to pray or do things Islam commands of us.

Now she is pregnant. My question is: If it’s been three long years of me striving to teach and give her the deen and she is reluctant to even consider anything I have to say...Is it better for me to just depart fisabillillah for the sake of Allah? And just get partial custody of my son and move on?

It’s been three long and hard years. I’ve relocated for her, I’ve moved myself from my family and the family business for her, and have gone through a lot of difficulties for her. Please advise me.

 

Brother

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9 Responses »

  1. Absolutely NO, it is her test by Allah SWT, eventually she will come on His path. Your job is to remind her politely and depolometicaly . She is adult and she is answerable to Allah not you. Leaving her not the solution though it makes you scaptical about the matter. Stop asking her about the Deen all the time. Be romantic with her, crake jokes with her and take her for the shopping or whatever she likes. Deal her respectfully, nor like a child. In sha Allah you will see the results. Be patience, it takes while , do not be in hurry .

  2. Salam, please check out hadithdisciple on YouTube. U can ask your question to the mufti there, if u listen to him u will see why I am recommendin asking him. He has a nightly q and a class and Thursdays they are an hour long. U can check out last Thursday for the format of the question etc.

  3. Is this why you married her in the first place? That if she doesn't listen to you word by word, you'll leave her? Then you married for wrong reasons. If you married her for the sake of Allah, then you would never even think about divorcing a woman with 3 kids.
    When you entered into nikah with her, you took the responsibility of her two daughters for raising as your own. Now you want to leave them? What impact would that create in their little minds about men since you're the only man whom they're observing so closely since 3 years. Were you always a praying man? Did Allah leave you at the times when you didn't pray? When Allah didn't leave you, being tge creator, how can you leave those 4 souls dependent on you, being the creation. Remember, you aren't the one who is providing for them, its Allah who has chosen you as the medium to provide their rizq. Allah will surely give her hidayah just the way he give you hidayah. Allah had patience with you, you too have patience with them.
    And the sentence you mentioned "leave her for the sake of Allah" thats absolutely wrong. Accepting is for the sake of Allah, leaving or deserting or abandoning your wife is never for the sake of Allah. Check your imaan when you're saying this.
    Don't abandon her and make her bitter at heart. Have patience, give her love & have patience with her.

  4. Brother you deserve someone better who is Islamic like you. This woman could be your downfall in your religion. Slowly you become complacent to her actions then come to realisation you became exactly like her. Don't divorce her while she's pregnant or else she will resent you for the rest of her life. Give her an ultimatum. She change or you leave

  5. I feel as though there are parts of the story you have left out here, was your wife a Muslim when you married her?

    you say you married, wilth only islam of your concern, but when Muslims marry and they are concerned with their deen primarily, they marry someone who is practising, not someone who is not?

    you say you married this woman to sort of save her and her children, you gave up everything to marry her, including your family and family business, that suggests you found her a very attractive prospect, and you are not being fully honest about your reasoning behind marrying this woman in the first place,

    according to you, you married this woman because she wasn't practising, and that is what you have now, a non practising wife, and you are now not happy, because of her lack of religiosity, there is no logic to what you are saying

    • Totally agree with the comment above.

      What was your real reason to marry her? Make her religious and take care of her children as they never had a dad. Do you have citizenship?

  6. OP: I married her based on being there for her daughters and helping them all out with the deen.

    She may be depressed or...suffering from some emotional problem that sometimes makes it harder for people to
    pray. Now you made her pregnant. If you were planning to do that why did you get her pregnant.

    If you leave her now you are going to double her problems than what she had before you married her. You were going to be there for her daughters, now you don't want to be there for your own kid also. What country you live in?

  7. AoA,

    I dont have knowledge regarding marriges, although i wanted to tell you something. My father never used to pray and used to get upset when my mom asked him to pray, but my mom was persistent and kept asking him to pray and kept making dua for him. Then one day my father started praying fajr. Then my father developed the habit of going to the mosque for friday prayers only but still would not pray throughtout the week, my mother kept asking him to pray the other prayers and become consistent. He then developed the habit of praying asr and maghrib regularly. This summer my mother and father went for hajj, after they returned, I noticed my father now prays 4 times a day and the only reason he misses zuhr is because he is at work. Also remember, Allah used to tell the prophet pbuh that he is only a messenger and not a guardian over anyone and his job is to only remind people through the teachings of the quran. Also remember Allah tests everyone in different ways, so this could be your test. Furthermore, be gentle and patient. Indeed Allah will answer your duas

  8. Salam,

    Do you know if she still believes in Allah? Does she do anything anymore and did this start when she got new friends or something else?

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