Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Confused about a lot

Muslim woman in hijab

I have acouple of things to talk about 1. Making oaths and forgetting but owning up to it later. 2. Somebody making a fake account

Number 1- when my husband askes me to swear by the quran (not touching it) for example i work around males sometimes they would say hello i cant respond its what my husband wants or answering to pay a bus fare, he would ask me to say "swear on the quran i didnt talk to guys today" in my intentions its towards actual converstations like hi how are u today etc. So i swear by it meaning i didnt have them converstations only i would tell him the moments when they ask about work and bus fares.. most of the time i usually forget some like buying a drink after i swore and i would tell himstraight away but i still feel guilty because i missed something out.. this happens every single day and i cant make expiation cause i cant leave the house other then work or home. I dont have bad intentions when im talking or swearing cause i think to myself i know what he means by talking but in allahs eyes does this mean even if i forget to tell about a bus fare is that a false oath? i dont know how to stop it cause i have a bad memory and i feel like im walking into the hell fire its making me depressed

Number 2-im reverted from christian to islam and on my old fb accounts i did have old photos of me without a scarf on and so on. A guy messaged me once on fb saying "is this you so on.." and sent a photo of myself to me with a scarf on then sent one without my scarf on saying someone has made an account of you on a dating site. I was shocked i told my husband i blocked this person. But because of these photos this guy has seen of me without a scarf on and who knows how many people this person has been talking to seen them aswell. Do i get the punishment for this for the actions of somebody else that they are doing to me?

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7 Responses »

  1. Advise your husband that some schoolars say that it is undesireable to make a vow so he stops with forcing you to make oaths

    The Prophet (ﷺ) forbade the making of vows and said, "It (a vow) does not prevent anything (that has to take place), but the property of a miser is spent (taken out) with it." Sahih Bukhary

    Some schoolars even say that it is not permissible

    And for the pictures
    I hope you won‘t be held accountable for this pictures but to go sure you do the right thing make tauba and delete the old accounts with pictures of you without a hijab.
    May Allah take away your difficulties and forgive you for your sins and make you and your family happy.

  2. 1) Your husband sounds utterly ridiculous, unreasonable and extremely insecure and controlling. You are not allowed to even say hello to men? Unless you two live on a different planet where men and women live completely isolated from one another...how is it even possible to go about your daily life with ZERO words communicated to someone of the opposite sex? This is hilarious to me...I can just imagine your husband being this short, fat and bald loser with a terrible personality who knows he's short, fat and bald loser with a terrible personality...therefore, he's really insecure in himself and knows he can only keep people in his life if he dictates over them and controls every single aspect of their life. If he basically imprison people - after all, if people are in a prison, they can't escape, right? Does your husband also cut your food and feed you? Just to make sure you are not flirting with your plate? Come on now. You need to tell your husband that his insecurities and controlling ways are abnormal and affecting your marriage for the worse. Although, you actually seem quite happy and compliant with being a doormat...you are more concerned about maintaining your prisoner status than you are about your husband's weird habits.

    What about himself? He has all of these rules and restrictions on YOU, but is HE even complying to his own rules and restrictions? Does he, himself, NEVER talk to women, just like he expects YOU to NEVER say one word to a man?

    You should never take oaths, because you are an adult woman, not a 7 year old girl who's promising her equally 7 year olded friend eternal friendship. The concept of oaths are stupid anyway. There are millions of valid reasons why someone can't keep a promise...should a person feel bad for changing their mind, or for being unable to do something they said they would do? No! Your husband needs to grow up, on top of sorting our his other issues.

    My God, what is it you have married into, lol...

    • Lindita ,

      How old are you ?

      Most of your posts are kind of frustrated ,negative and even some times demotivating .

      I know in old age people becomes negative .I suggest you to learn how to give positive advice .

      Thanks

      • It's absolutely none of your business how old I am...or any other detail about me or my life. This post is not about me, so don't MAKE it about me. I did not ask for your suggestion, so why are you giving it to me? I don't want it, nor do I need it. Suggest things to the OP instead, she actually asked for your suggestion. Or maybe you don't understand how suggestions work?Let me tell you then:

        Someone tells you about their problem. They ASK you for your advice - and you give it to them. When they ASK you. If they don't ASK you, you keep your mouth shut. Or your find something else to distract your fingers with other than typing UNWANTED advice on your keyboard. I hope I made myself clear. Let me know if you still don't understand how suggesting things to people work. I will gladly explain it to you again.

        I'm getting really tired of people making these submitted posts personally about me. How many times do I have to tell you all to stop getting personal with me? I will gladly discuss with you if you disagree with things I say, and if you present me with arguments that I can reflect over. But other than that, your personal and WRONG analysis of me are spamming people's submitted posts.

        The single one thing you are right about is sensing the air of frustration in my posts. However, my frustration is solely linked to this specific site. Well, the Muslim community in particular.My frustration has nothing to do with my private life, or even how I am as an individual offline.

        Why am I frustrated with the Muslim community, you may (not be) ask(ing)? Well, we, as a community, have so many serious issues with being backwarded and even regressive compared to the rest of the world...and we, as a community, seem more focused on maintaining ourselves in this backwarded / regressive position than actually solve our problems and move forward with the rest of the world. Instead of taking logical approaches to the problems in our community, we choose to STILL, in 2018, take the "cultural approach" to problem solving. Through ridiculous concepts like "tradition", "culture", "honour", "dignity", etc. Why are Muslims, in 2018, STILL of the opinion that parents have a right to oppress them? Why do Muslims in 2018 STILL think divorce is worse than being stuck in abusive and dangerous marriage? Why do Muslims in 2018 STILL don't understand the difference between culture and Islam? Why are Muslims in 2018 STILL incapable of taking responsibility for their actions? I know it's easier to blame sheytan than yourself, but...yeah, sheytan can't be held responsible for your choices. On judgement day, Allah is not going to make sheytan pay for your sins...YOU will pay for them, yourself.

        I just don't get any of it. I have mentioned many times that I'm a European Muslim...I did not grow up with all of these weird customs and traditions that many of you others grew up with, being from Asia, the Middle East, or whatever. So yeah, I DON'T understand why a lot of you are so precious about your traditions, and tolerate all of the serious problems that come with your outdated cultural customs. Because I didn't really grow up with many of these kind of customs, myself. All I was taught was Islam, not culture. And in my frustrated ways, I'm just trying to help people get rid of their cultural thinking and mentality...because, in most of the problems people write in to this site with, their culture is the real root of their problems. Not Islam. It's just hard to get through to people if you are not being raw and blunt with them. Let's be honest, it's human to be frustrated with others and think frustrated thoughts about them to yourself. Only difference is, I write these thoughts down on the internet. That's it. Doesn't mean I'm a negative person, an old person, or whatever, lol. I'm just frustrated. With a tiny, tiny part of life that - in the end of the day - has no impact on MY life. So I could care less :D.

        • Lindita,

          You're good. Thanks for offering your advice. I hope that you aren't a 'negative' person as that other person rudely described you. You are REAL with your words. I sense your passion behind what you say. I see your frustration. Don't worry about these other ppl on here. A lot of us are thinking the same things you post.. for example, I was angry that this woman even had to ask this question because she is living with a controlling husband who is prolly also a hypocrite because he is afraid of his spouse being like himself prolly. xoxo

        • The Asians and subcontinent Muslims needs to improve and come out of illogical thinking .I don't deny that .

          Your posts are of type where everything is black and white . There are complex scenarios and and no easy route to call exit .

          Its not people's fault to born in such complex conditions .

          Europe is easy place to take a call as there is help from government ,authorities .

          In developing world people need to take wise ,realistic and safer decisions .

          For example : You can call police in Europe and Trust them .
          Forget Trust in Police in developing countries , People from top to bottom are corrupt .

          People don't have to suffer but they need to come out wisely and much safer way .

  3. SALAM Sister i come from a REVERT FAMILY ALSO.Islam is simple...there are many muslims who mix culture in with Islam.Sister Allah has made it so easy but people make it completed..The most important thing in ISLAM IS INTENTION....ONLY FOR THE SAKE OF ALLAH ..THAT I AM AWARE OF ALLAH IS WATCHING ME ..THIS IS THE BEST IMAN..BUT NOBODY IS PERFECT....WE AIM TO PERFECT IT AND THAT COMES WITH BELIEF....KNOWLEDGE SALAT QURAN ZIKR IKRAM AND BEING A INVITER TO ISLAM

    There is one thing just to make sure your on the right path....your faith should be sunni muslim and follow one of the major school of thoughts eg..Abu Hanifa or Imam shafi etc. SMALL %OF THE MUSLIM FOLLOW A VERY DANGEROUS PATH THAT LOOKS PRESENTABLE AND NICE BUT LEADS TO EXTREME AND TURNS PEOPLE AWAY FROM ISLAM...THEY USUALLY SAY QURAN IS SUFFICIENT ..MY SISTER DO YOU RESEARCH AND ASK FROM SCHOLARS NOT REGULAR PEOPLE NO MATTER IF HE KNOWS ARABIC...THEY ARE NOT SCHOLARS WHO WENT TO AN INSTITUTION FOR 8 10 YEARS..MY WIFE IS A SCHOLOR SHE STUDIED FOR 7 YEARS .SO YOUR HUSBAND IS OVER IS HEAD.ISLAMICALLY YOU DONT HAVE TO WORK HE HAS TO TAKE CARE AND CLOTH YOU AND TREAT YOU LIKE QUEEN..IM NOT JOKING THE WOMEN HAS MORE RIGHTS THEN THE MAN.MY WIFE RUNS A DAYCARE WE LIVE IN CANADA WERE MUSLIM ARE A MINORITY...BIG DEAL...DOESNT GIVE YOU ANY RIGHT TO STICK YOUR NOSE IN THE AIR...PEOPLE LOOK AT MUSLIMS TO SEE THERE CHARACTER CONDUCT ETC....WE MUST SEE THE EG..OF PROPHET MUHAMMAD HOW KIND AND NICE POLLITE HE WAS NEVER HURT ANYONE....NEVER PHYSICALLY ABUSE ANYONE...INFACT ALLAH HAS MENTION IN THE QURAN NUMEROUS PLACES THAT HE IS THE BEST EXAMPLE OF HUMANKIND.

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