Islamic marriage advice and family advice

He promised love but his nani made him promise to marry another

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Assalamu-Alaikum,

I am from Bhopal (M.P.) I am seeking your valuable guidance regarding my marriage and want to discuss my Masla here. I am 30 year old unmarried girl. My parents are searching a good match for me from last 5 years. I also had a Profile on matrimony site. I am educated, good looking, working and Deeni girl, I offered five times Namaz, with Tahajjud prayer, reading Quran daily. I am Allah fearing girl and have faith on him. This is the initial information about me. I am not very good in expressing me well. My Masla or problem is that in January my brother sent Interest to a guy on the site for my marriage and the boy has accepted it. The boy requested for Bride email id, so as per my brother instruction we shared my email id with him. That guy gave my email id to his cousin who lives in Bangalore (in last year, we also sent a request to this guy who lives in Bangalore but due to some busyness my brother couldn't talk to his family), this guy who lives in Bangalore sent me an email and in his email in wrote about him, his family and said that at this time he is in USA along with his mother as his Nani is very sick (lives in USA), he said he likes my profile and wants to talk to me because marriages are for life and if we like each other & have plan to marry after that he will inform to his mom & his mom will talk to my parents. I believed him.

We start to like each other then love each other, we always had good communication only on mails & chat, i never had voice call video call with him, In march his nani died, he said we can talk only mail and i will wait for him, in may he said her mother had heart attack because of her mother's death. Now in this month he sent me mail and said her dying Nani took a promise to her mother to marry his son to his cousin (Mamu's daughter who lost her parents last year in an accident). Now i am totally shattered i boy who made promises to me about our marriage how could he said this. I discussed all of this to some friends and cousin of mine all are saying he is fake he is fake, but my heart is saying he is not fake he truly loved me. What to do now, is the promise of dying person has more worth than the promise of live persons. I can't live without him. I love him and also his family. What should i do now???

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6 Responses »

  1. All i can say that he's making all these stories.

    His promise matter more than his nani.. May Allah swt bless you with good husband.

    I don't understand why you people don't do Istikhara before?

  2. If we take his stories at their highest i.e. accept that he is telling the truth what it boils down to is his dying nani making his mother promise to marry him to a cousin.

    The problem with this is that his mother had no right to make such a promise. Who he marries is ultimately up to him, not his mother. Of course, what his nani was actually trying to achieve was happiness and a good husband for her orphaned grand daughter which is no bad thing and there is no reason why everyone should not be trying to make sure that happens.

    However, his mother's promise is wrong in Islam, she had no right to make such a promise, it took away his fundamental right to marry the person who he wants. He may not find his cousin attractive or vice versa or the two may be incompatible in some other way does not mean they both have to get married and live a miserable life because of a promise. But I think his family should be trying to achieve the objective behind his nani's promise. After all, she is now gone, she is not going to know if her wishes have been fulfilled until judgement day when the folly of that promise will be pointed out to her.

    As to your proposed husband, if he really loved you, he would be fighting for you. The fact that he doesn't says volumes about who he is as a person and the depths of his feelings for you. Do you really want to marry someone like that?

    In all likelihood, he has found someone else who he likes more and is trying to let you down gently by making up these stories. You should dump him straight away for even thinking about this, even if it were true.

  3. Your friends are right, he's a fake. Just forget about him and move on. In the future, don't take verbal promises seriously - it's easy to utter a lot of words, but if words aren't backed up with action, they mean nothing.

  4. Fake or no fake he has already wasted enough of your time , now give him 10 days to decide , if he decides against your proposal , tell him good bye ,delete his addresses and you can start looking elsewhere , it feels heartbreaking but honestly it doesn't matter once your settled

  5. His promise matter more than his nani.. May Allah swt bless you with good husband.

    I don't understand why you people don't do Istikhara before?

  6. Salam,

    Unless you've seen this person, what you're going through is internet love. I'm sure he similarly feels it but if you two had actually met you may have realized that he has issues you didn't notice. Internet love is always stronger than real love and is closer to fantasy because you don't actually see the person and the faults they don't mention over the internet. I'm sorry this didn't work out, but unless he's willing to take it further it is unknown what he has going on. He may not even have a nani or maybe he does and he's the sacrificial goat for this poor cousin that has no one. Either way, it may not happen. And if it doesn't you'll have to be ok with it, perhaps he is not meant for you and that is a blessing. Good luck in the future.

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