Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Will I meet my boyfriend in Jannah?

Beautiful meadow with flowersAssalamoaliekum. Im 21 years old girl from Pakistan.

I have been sick this whole month and have gained fear of dying. This fear has made me realise the importance of good health, people that I love and care for and people in general and of course the sins I have committed.

So I have three major questions that are stressing me alot.

  1. Ilness and anxiety
  2. Going to Jannah and meeting family/friends
  3. Sins

1. My first Q. is about my poor health which is causing anxiety. Im always having this fear of dying. What can I do to get over with and relieve stress in the light of Islam?

2. This is one of the reasons why I fear dying the most is that I have heard we will not meet our family or anyone we know here in Jannah and on the other hand I have heard the good wives will enter paradise with their husband. What is true n what is not true?

Also Im in love with a guy and we have been together for 5 years. He was my best friend for 2 years then we got into a relationship (not very proud of saying this as I know this is not the kind of relationship a muslim shoul be involved in). Im most afraid of the thought that if I die now, without being married to him, I won't ever be able to see him again (if I go to jannah). I really love him alot and dont want to risk my forever without him. So if I die without marrying him, is there a chance I meet him there? (if we both enter Paradise).

3. My third question is the about the sins I have committed. I have had intimate contact with the same guy I have mentioned above. I do understand how big of a sin it is still I have done it multiple times. By intimate contact I do not mean intercourse but other physical contact such as kissing n touching. I have told him I feel guilty n want to maintain the distance and even he says he feels the same but we both fail following it. What can we do to not repeat committing this sin and how to ask forgiveness from Allah for what we both have done?

I would like to add one more thing and that is if the answer is to get married asap. What would be the best way to make his family agree to marriage so early as he is only 24 and hasn’t finished his degree yet but he owns a business so there are no financial issues.


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6 Responses »

  1. Salam Sis,

    First of all, May Allah give you shifa

    Second, our beloved prophet Muhammed(saw) said: "you will be with who you love". means at the day of resurrection you will be wakened up with people you love. Make sure you love people for the sake of Allah

    Third, if he has a business and can provide for you, then I think he is matured enough to get married. Let he convinces his family. Tell him to tell his family that "he doesn't want to involve in haram relationship and wanna get married asap"

    All the best my sister
    May Allah be with you

  2. As salamualikum sister
    First i will address the root cause here and then try to answer the questions innshaAllah .
    From what you have written you lack a lot maturity. Your fear overcomes everything in life .But what you need to Fear really is Allah . Repent for all of your actions with that guy. And make it clear to him that he needs to get nikkah done with you.Do not give into your and his desires . Are you his pass time ? Or just his physical needs ? If he asks you to be intimate with him as a proof of love or emotionally guilts you into it , ask him instead to do nikah to prove his love for you .
    Guys in pakistan who are serious about marrying make things happen the right way . Where have you been living ?
    You havent mentioned your poor health ? Have you been diagnosed with a disease ?
    For your anxiety please read 2 nafal for intention of tauba, do not return to sin with him or any guy in the future. Pray your 5 salah , do morning and evening azkars and seek some Proffesional help.
    I am not sure if i can give out info on this website but there are helplines out there free of charge where you can call and talk to psychologists like talk2me .
    Remember acc to a hadith A strong beliver is more beloved to Allah than a weak beliver although both are good ,
    So sister be strong and ask for the right thing, no one can make things right for you. Please do not give away the gift of chastity that you still hold to a man who will not see your worth or is wandering around you for his pleasure only. Stand up for yourself and get the best treatment for health. It is an age of integrated medicine that means its not just medicines that are needed now , diets , exercise , mental strength all factors play a role. Atleaast start by what you can do yourself .

    24 is considered an age to get married in Pakistan , if you can have a relationship then why not turn into something halal. Get your nikkah done and have rukhsati few years later. That is a big norm in Pakistan now considering how wide the doors of zina have opened. University students or fresh graduates get their nikkah done and so many of them do their rukhsati later .

  3. You stated that you had a bf and this sort of behaviour leads to other haram things, and would cause you to miss the gates of heaven

    Who even said you will go jannah??
    You need to humble yourself and focus on your deen nnd becoming a better Muslim and repenting for your sins

    • Brother Ahmed. How can you tell her who said she will go to Jannah. Do you know her? She may be doing so many other good things that Allah will overlook this one sin. Please do not be so judgmental. You do not see what Allah sees. Often people we consider good are not so good and others we consider to be the worst are actually the best. Only allah knows. she is asking for comfort and understanding and guidance. Do not be so harsh. May Allah guide her, you and me. Ameen.

  4. Asslaamualaykum mh95,

    You have some good questions. I will try to address them in the order you've stated them:

    1. Illness and anxiety:

    It is completely natural to feel anxiety about dying when one is ill. However, this should not be all-consuming or affect your ability to function in life. If the anxiety itself is affecting your functioning, or if you find that every decision you make is based on the fear of dying, then you're not thinking rationally, and need to see a professional therapist and/or psychiatrist. May Allah grant you shifa for both your illness and anxiety.

    2. " if I die without marrying him, is there a chance I meet him there?"

    Once again, it seems that you are basing your decision-making on your fear of dying soon. Your goal should be to enter Jannah regardless of your boyfriend. And if you are smart, which you are (you are asking all the right questions), you will see that the best way to achieve even your goal of meeting him in paradise is to marry your boyfriend ASAP. We of course will be with the one we love in Jannah.

    3. Sins

    A "sin" is not a pointless restriction that Allah has placed on man. Rather, there is a purpose, a reason, for every rule in Islam, and it is out of His love and mercy that He asks us to stay away from certain things. We are all imperfect. Just try your best in this regard. Allah knows what your capabilities are, and your awareness of your "sins" is indication enough that you are also able to stay away from them. You have the insight and knowledge to know right from wrong, and therefore are blessed. Use your blessings wisely!

    Also, you are both of a marriageable age. What matters is if you are truly ready for marriage, and only you know the answer to that question! If the answer is yes, have your parents' connect and communicate this desire.

    I hope that helps, Inshallah. Feel free to write again if you continue to face confusion.



  5. Your naiveté is endearing. Sweet girl, nobody knows much about what happens in the hereafter. Who we meet, who we end up with etc. You just live your earthly life, making the best of what you have, trying to be kind and observe the laws of Allah. The rest is up to Allah. So you can stop being sick about this or fearing death. It's all in your head and I fear there may be a bit of hypocondri involved. If you are seriously ill, consult a doctor. If you are just stressed and worried, decrease your stress and stop worrying about things which are not up to you

    Now as for your an, well he really isn't your man until you marry. I am kind if surprised that you have been intimate when you hail from a very conservative country. Isn't your country very strict almost like Saudi Arabia/Iran? Anyways the only one, who can convince his parents, is him. So if he hasn't done that yet and engaging in physical intimacy with you, then chances are, he probably is using you. I could be completely wrong but in my book, a decent Muslim guy will never put a girl, he is serious about, in this situation.

    Stop with the physical intimacy and until he formally approaches your family and weds you, no more messing around. Don't be used. The prophet was 25, working for Khadija who became his wife. Age is not relevant. Your guy has a business, so ask yourself why is he keeping you waiting yet being intimate with you?

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