Islamic marriage advice and family advice

I am attached to him but don’t want a relationship

How to maintain piety when living with non Mahram men

Assalam o allaikum warehmatullahi wabarakatuhu,

I'm a 22 year old girl studying in University. I started chatting on line with a guy 3 months ago. He is a nice guy who treats me respectfully. He wanted to have a relationship (bf/gf) with me, but I refused him- not because I don't like him, but because my mother has forbidden me to have any such kind of relationship with any guy.

With the passage of time I started liking him, and he had already started developing feelings for me. I refused him and told him that this is not good. But because now we are close to each other, we show our feelings to each other while we try not to say something wrong. I wanted a great friendship with him, but probably it seems impossible now.

The problem is, somewhere I feel like if I'm cheating on my mother who trusts me so much. And if any day he gets late in contacting me, I get so frustrated with him. I also have no patience and think of giving up. I hate heartaches and depending on someone emotionally. But on the other side, I can't do this because I also like him and do not want anyone to be with me. We human beings need a partner always, because we are created this way.

I can't get married to anyone because I'm studying right now. My studies will take 3-4 years to complete.  I also don't want to be in relationship (bf/gf) with anyone because my heart will not be satisfied. When I see my friends having boyfriends or fiancées,  I also feel like having someone in my life- not as a partner or boyfriend,  but at least as a friend. But I think friendship also ends at love.  In such a situation what I should I do?


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9 Responses »

  1. It is hard and close to impossible to have pure friendship with opposite gender. I urge you quit this relationship with the boy or just proceed your relationship to another level - a marriage proposal.

    To analyze with you fairly: you do not want to marry because you want to focus on your study but now you are completely distracted by this relationship. Do you think you are doing yourself any favor? Who say that marry and study cannot go hand in hand? If both of you agree to marry and work out some sort of arrangement, for example having baby later, divide housework while you are still studying, etc etc. It works, trust me. I see medical student get marry and continue their profession without any problem. Of course, your partner has to agree with some detailed arrangement in order to make your study success. Inshallah, you can do that too.

    • He is studying and cant get married so soon. I'm also not dying to keep contact with him. In fact, I have stopped chatting with him. I want a partner only no matter whoever he is...
      I agree with you sister, its age to get married now and I am also ready. I also do believe that I can carry on my studies as well. Could you please tell me any dua of getting married?

      • SalamAlikum,

        "Except those who repent, have faith and good deeds, those Allah will charge their sins for good deeds. Certainly Allah is most forgiving and merciful."
        (Qur'aan 25:70)

        Alhumduallah and marshallah, I am so glad for you. He loves those who repentent.

        You may look up in this website or in the internet about duas regarding marriage. First, you may like to speak to your parents about your wish of marrying while studying. Don't rush into things and inshallah Allah will bring you a good husband who will appreciate your deen. You may also like to seek for someone who appreciate education/knowledge like you. It is not easy to study beyond a first degree for a woman, (I guess you are doing post graduate) I hope he can give you a full support. May Allah bless your study and your future family.

        There are lots of articles about marriage; I would like to share with you the two articles I am quite fond of, hope you may get some insight.

        They both can be found in One is written by Maryam Amirebrahimi - Wifehood and Motherhood are Not the Only Ways to Paradise. (In case you cannot open the link below)
        The other one is written by Karim Serageldin - When you marry for four reasons .

        Inshallah, may Allah's blessing is with you always and may He protects you from any temptation. Amen.

        • Wallaikum salam warehmatullahi wabarakatuhu
          Dear sister, I got you. Thank you for the suggestions and articles. I would love to read them. JazakAllah khair 🙂

  2. There will be a lot of ppl reading your post wishing they could go back in time and be where you are right now and make the right decision of Not going ahead with a friendship/relationship with a guy

    I hope you make that right decision. Focus on yourself and your studies.

    It will be a regret hard to live with if anything was to develop between you two which is haram.

    Stay pure.


    • Dear sister,
      I have stopped chatting with him. In begining I had heartache but later on Allah's kalaam made me happy and satisfied. Whenever I miss him I pray or read Quran. I'm quite satisfied now because I have left that relationship which was really bothering me. Alhamdulillah..
      I want to get married with any pious guy..please make a dua for me. JazakAllah khair.. 🙂

      • Assalammu alaikum sister, whenever in doubt, talk out with your religious friends, and read Islamic articles, and watch Islamic videos, dealing with the topic of dating and such, apart from offering prayers and reading Quran, it will help you.
        And zikr, ask for forgiveness whenever u get time. InshaAllah, Allah will guide you....stop it when it is soon, else it will be really hard.
        This is just a test from Allah, and you have to come out more purified. Stay strong and make due whole heartedly.

  3. Assalaamualaikam

    I'm glad to hear you have stopped chatting with this guy. It is better to follow Allah's guidance. May He reward you with a pious husband when the time is right for you to marry.

    Midnightmoon editor

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