He broke with me and now acts as a good friend
Assalamwalaikum,
I'm a muslim girl of 22 years of age . I met this guy 8 months back who was my friend's close friend. He liked me from the day he met me but I didnt develop feelings for him then. Eventually though we became good friends and later close friends. I then gradually started getting emotionally attached to him and started to like him. I was very scared at first because my previous relationship was a mess. I didn´t wanted to fall in love again. I honestly didn´t plan at all for falling in love again. But this guy seem to be really different and I took the risk and went for it. We both started dating and got pretty close.
After 6 months of our relationship he broke up with me on the grounds that he might hurt me more in the future and he doesnt wants to do that and that we are two different personalities. What hurt me was he was the one who wanted me to be with him and he promised to be with my forever and I believed in him.
Since we have the same friend circle we decided to be just friends which is really tough for me. He said he loves me but we are better off as friends. It been 2 months now since we broke up and I still hold feelings for him. I'm really lost. I want to move on but I fail to do so. I cry all night thinking about him and I pray to Allah too. The problem is he's very secretive. When one of my friend asked him if he wants to go back to me he said he doesnt wants to spoil the friendship but later on to another friend he said he might give it a try. I dont know what to do ! He also knows that I still love him but he doesnt say anything.
He talks to me like he's a very good friend of mine. I just want to know if its worth waiting for him or not. I want an answer real soon ! My feelings for him just doesnt seem to fade away. I'm really heartbroken . Please please do tell me the best solution for this.
Thank You
reem
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Salaams,
There really is no place in Islam for women and men to "just be friends" with each other in a way that would cause them to interact with one another frequently as in your case. In this type of situation, where feelings of attraction have been confessed by one or both of you, marriage should be pursued. If not, you should leave each other alone and no longer interact with each other.
It seems that there still seems to be a question about his feelings for you. I would handle the situation by talking to your parents about him and telling them the feelings you have for him. Ask them to speak on your behalf to his parents, so they can talk to him about arranging a marriage. If at some point your parents, his parents, or he himself is not willing to take things all the way, then you need to walk away from him and not look back.
Being friends is something that can benefit any marriage. For a man and a woman to be friends, this is the contexts that 'friendship' should blossom. Outside of marriage, men and women trying to foster friendships only seems to lead to complicated relationships and emotions, which you yourself are experiencing now. With him it must be all or nothing: either he seriously considers being your best friend and partner through marriage, or he forfeits any relationship with you at all.
-Amy
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Salam,
My best advice to you would be to forget him and move on. If he can break up with you once he can do it again, and also if he truly loved you he would find it very difficult to break up with you rather he would ask you to marry him.
Similar thing happened to me, he broke up with me,told me he would always love me but ended things as he did not think he could make me happy, or that we were compatible andthis was after he had pursued me and used me for many months. It left me heartbroken becasue i was so emotionally attached to him by this time, and he knew this. He stayed friends with me for a while afterwards, until his feelings for me gradually faded and he met someone else, leading him to abrupty end all communication with me; It hurt alot.
By staying friends with him your building up false hope of him coming back and this will only hurt you further in the future. He clearly does not care about your feelings, so why should you wait around for him, your way better than that. As the above person said there is no such thing as a good friend between the male and female species. It is easier said than done, but cry itout in privacy and move on from him. Stay strong and happy in front of him and make him realise that it is his loss. If he decides to come back, direct him to your parents as this will show whether he is truly genuine or just messing around with you.
Also, to avoid similar situations in the future..don't date, there is no such thing as dating in Islam. On the other hand if you are interested in someone with the intention of marrying them, and they too want to get to know you for that purpose there is no harm in meeting them, but you should have families involved as this will provide security for you and will also make the situation more serious rather than casual. If you meet, have a chaperone present/public place.
Hope that helps, thats advice from my experince...I hope everything works out for you inshaAllah.
maa sha allah nice response!
You are a very kind woman and have a pure heart. May Allah bless you with a good husband and a family of your own. Amin
Ruhijarifa, was your dua aimed at me? If so, ameen - I can't wait for your dua to come true! 🙂 I pray everyone finds true happiness, ameen.