Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Conflict with my mother – what should I do?

The best person among you

Al salamu aleykum.

Reading your stories made me sad and emotional. It made me realise I am not the only person going through the same situation. I am also having trouble with my mother and she has been cursing me constantly. Ever since I came to the UK, everything has changed. Compare before living in Saudi Arabia, we were happy, had good bond and always going out as a family. Ever since I came to the UK, because of the war in Yemen, our house was filled with hate and anger, I couldn't take it.

My mother and father are always arguing and it's always about money. My family in the UK used to show off a lot about how beautiful their house was, how much money they have and how amazing their daughters were. In Saudi, me and mum had great bond, she was amazing mother - loving and caring. She used to be proud of me and I would be obedient to her.

Ever since I came to the UK, I never used to get attention from anyone so I ended up committing a lot of sins; not really bad sins but may Allah forgive me. I was young girl. Since the age of 15 I have changed, I have started to wear hijab fully. But we all make mistakes in life.

Ever since my mother has hated me more. She wasn't even proud that I have became good and changed. I prayed 5 times a day. I used to wake my parents up for fajr. But my mother thinks its all drama. It hurt me alot.

3 years later I met my husband, I introduced him to my family because I didn't want to marry within my family as I had seen they love to interfere in your married life. My parents were happy with him and accepted him to marry me and everything was fine. When we got married, everything went well. I got pregnant with my first son, my mother and I bonded well.

When I gave birth, I stayed at my mother's house, and she started asking me personal questions about my husband. She first told me how my husband is controlling me, my house looks like a grave, comparing me with other family houses. My husband and I are taking our time and going slowly to decorate the house. My mum wants me to control my husband in that way I can get anything I want. But I refused and said insha Allah we will do it slowly. She was furious and started to say to me I am disobeying her and cursed me. She was telling me how my father used to control her and she thinks my husband is doing the same. But not everyone is the same. I tried to convince her my husband treats me well but she never believes me. So then I cut ties with her because it was causing us conflict in our married life.

I came back a week later to ask forgiveness but she said she will never forgive me, and cursed me to hell. I cried and had a miscarriage that same day. I then stopped completely to see her because I couldn't bear the troubles.

My mother should be happy I have amazing husband, inlaws and specially have given her two grandsons, but all that mattered to her is wealth. Most of my family don't have good inlaws or children. For me all I wanted is love, caring and happiness. My mother thinks my inlaws are using me and two faced. But its not true. She listens to what my family says. She doesn't realise my family can't stand that I am happy and they are trying to destroy my married life.

I am still staying in contact with my brother, sister and dad. My dad doesn't want to get involved because my mother has bad temper and asks for divorce. I wish he says something to her but he doesn't like argument and my dad is quiet person may Allah give him good health and live more as well as my mother. I love my mother but I want her to treat me like her daughter. Stop telling everyone about my bad past. It's embarrassing and not fair. She forgave me for it yet brings up my past. I have never yelled, hit or said uff to her. I am now happy with my husband and I am having wonderful life. I want to know what shall I do. I tried everything but nothing changes her mind. please help!!


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8 Responses »

  1. asalamu alaikum,

    after reading this, it makes me think, how could your own mother say those hurtful things. if you cant talk with her properly, the least thing you can do is make dua for her, also please keep in touch with your mother, see how she is doing. and if she says things about your husband, which isn't true. quietly listen and let it out the other ear. don't break kinship.

    prophet(pbuh) said, "Do good to and serve your mother, then your mother, then your mother, then your father, then the near relatives and then those who come after them." (Al-Bukhari and Muslim)

    ma salama..

  2. Sister,

    It is a beautiful thing that you have a loving and caring husband. Your mother has issues and some how, some way...she needs to address them. Continue to be a good wife to your husband and mother to your children. As brother Ahmed says, keep in touch and don't break the relationship you have with her. Maybe there are reasons unknown to you for the way she behaves. Often mental illness or depression can make us say or do things we otherwise wouldn't. Make dua and pray for her.


  3. You say "I tried to convince her my husband treats me well but she never believes me. So then I cut ties with her because it was causing us conflict in our married life.......your mother keeps talking about your past"

    Stop trying to convince her about anything. Tell her " I love you mom". Don't argue, just listen to what ever she wants to say.

    Your mother seems to be competing with you. For some reason she seems like immature. Most mothers will try to hide bad past of their daughters.

  4. Asalam-o-alaikum muslim brother and sisters

  5. Jazak Allah Khair for your reply.... Alhamdulilah I prayed a lot for my mother and alhamdulilah Allah have accepted my dua.... She realised that am happy with my marriage life and listened to me every word came out of my heart... I never gave up trying to make her understand me.. And I went to see her with my family and i was happy to see her smile again and us to reunite again. when I speak to her on the phone she sounds completely different's been 2 years.... It's beautiful to be patient subhan allah. Allah knows I'm a good person so he showed her the truth. I'm glad that my husband who's also been patient and supportive with me. And jazak Allah khair for your duas and I pray for you all, May Allah ease you what you going through and shower you with blessing and happiness.

    • Assalaamualaikam

      Alhamdulillah, it's good to know your situation has improved and that you and your mother have a better relationship. Thank you as well for letting us know what's happened. May Allah strengthen the bonds between you all.

      Midnightmoon editor

  6. I am going through the same situation, everything I do my mother and I seem to have disagreements subhanAllah, most times I feel lost because I don't understand why she is so hateful towards me. Its like an endless cycle with her. I hope you don't receive this in a wrong way but I thought I was the only one going through this situation and to read this just made me feel less angry. Nonetheless, In Sha Allah you find peace with your mother.

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