I confronted my husband with his family.
Salam,
I have been with my sister in law for over a year, have been sitting and talking every once in a while about our husbands family members. She would come and tell me that they said this about you and I would get angry and would comment or say something bad about them, but then I would calm down and just forget about it. But it had become a kind of habit.....and lately I had been confronting my husband why his family said these bad words about me, he got tired and confronted his family and they confronted us both and in this way all came out. In this process my sister in law (my husbands brother's wife) to show herself innocent said many wrong things which I have not said, but I cannot defend it because I may have mentioned the topic but have not said so many bad things that she says that I have and just mentioning the topic have become my sin.
As a result my in laws have declared me "munafeq", my husband have not thrown me out, but he said "if you want to leave, you can, but if you stay then you are in my house, just for the sake of the two kids". I am so broken and devastated that I have lost my way. Of course, I will never leave him, but it is hard to live this way, my sister in law who was the cause of all this trouble is ignoring all their bad behaviour and just happy, actually they are not so bad towards her, they talk to her , but to me not if it is absolutely not necessary, I am not ok with this...I feel it is unfair, if she had not come to me and told all the things from them I would have not reacted...I grieve just because I am aware that I have sinned I should have controlled my anger in response to her talks....My life is ruined what shall I do?
-Muslima0810
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As salamu alaykum, sister Muslima,
Your life is not ruined, you acted wrongly and you are paying for it, then understand your situation first from outside, solve it and improve it, insha´Allah. Then put on a side all the pain and let´s go for solutions, insha´Allah.
You have experienced the pain of wrongdoing, and you feel bad about it, but you haven´t learnt all the lesson yet, you are expecting them to punish their own daughter and sister the same than you, because she began the game, ...... sister, just a minute, the game would have ended if you the first minute this woman backbite about the others you stop her, you didn´t then you are paying for your fault, let Allah(swt) make His Justice.
Care about yourself and about improving yourself instead of focusing on her, your eyes should be focus on your own weaknesses to see how you can be your best. I am not going to support your need of revenge, I will support if you want to recover your husband and inlaws trust.
Sister, this will make some points clear to you why everyone is not trusting you and which is the straight path to take from now on, you were ignorant before you are not anymore.
Prophet Muhammad said :”Do you know what backbiting is?” They said, “God and His Messenger know best.” He then said, “It is to say something about your brother that he would dislike.” Someone asked him, “But what if what I say is true?” The Messenger of God said, “If what you say about him is true, you are backbiting him, but if it is not true then you have slandered him.” (Muslim)
“I asked the Messenger of God : Who is the best Muslim? The Messenger of God replied, “He is the one from whom Muslims are safe from the evil of his tongue and hands.” (Muslim)
“When man wakes up in the morning each day, all parts of the body warn the tongue saying, ‘Fear God as regards us for we are at your mercy; if you are upright, we will be upright and if you are crooked, we become crooked.’” (At-Tirmidhee)
Among the destructive major sins are backbiting and slandering. These two sins are forbidden by Allah(swt) because they sow enmity, evils and discord among people and lead to destruction. They cause hostilities between people of the same household and between neighbors and relatives. They can decrease in good deeds and increase in evil ones and lead to dishonor and ignominy. Backbiting and slandering are shame and disgrace.
What to do first,
***True repentance, stop sinning and not coming back again to that sin, you have a link on tawbah on the top of the page.
How to improve,
***We can protect ourselves from speaking ill of others by cultivating our fear of Allah and our sense of shame before of our Lord.
***Reflect upon our own shortcomings and work to improve ourselves.
***Company of righteous people and avoiding bad company.
We have enough flaws ourselves to be looking at others, then sister pray your salat on time, dua, true repentance, polish and smooth your Heart, get closer to Allah(swt) and be a living example of straight muslimah, to your own children, to everyone, insha´Allah, this way Allah(swt) will be able to reward your efforts to be who you are called to be, insha´Allah.
All my Unconditional Respect,
María
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Sister Muslima0810, your sister-in-law was not the cause of all the trouble, you were. From the first time she reported something bad that the family said about you, you should have stopped her and said, "I do not need to know such things. People can say whatever they like, I don't care, I am happy with my husband."
If you want to save your marriage, then I suggest you forget about what's "fair" and just apologize to your husband and his family. His family was wrong, but so were you. Swallow your pride, apologize, and then you and your husband can repair your relationship and move on, Insha'Allah.
Wael
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
As salam alikum dear questioner,
MashaAllah good advice you got from sister Maria and brother wael. Try to follow it.
Your husband's brother's wife is your co-sister . She is not your sister in law but your husband's.
As salam aliekum.
Salam allaikum,
I got back after a long time....We had a very hard period in our lives....but as we all beleive everything is from Allah, so we embrace everything as it comes.....Thank you for your good advices...I agree with all of you...It was my own fault at the very first place....I shouldn't have been so weak to open my mouth...I have done as you suggested Wael, and asked for forgiveness, they said in words that they have forgivesn me...but eversince the episode happened and then I asked for forgiveness, they say one or another thing to hurt me while I am working on myself and praing and asking Allah for forgiveness and praying to make me strong to bear all the pain that I have caused for myself with such a mistake....they bite me with their words every now and then....I dont say anything but inside I am breaking down....It is killing me mentally.....Pray for me borthers and sisters so Allah can grant me more strength to bear this pain and not say a word to their face, coz I do not wnat to sin again....