I have fallen in love with my sister-in-law; how do I get rid of my feelings for her? Is playing video games allowed in Islam?
July 6 2010:
I am attracted to my big brother's wife. She is younger than me and I’m not married and I am 26 year old. I want to tell you how it began? I am doing my MBA and I have got one subject left. That’s why I have to stay home, because going to university just for 1 subject means I attend twice in a week, the rest of the time I was at home. I was very upset, and that’s why my 1 subject was left and now I have to wait 6 months to get job. I was tense but my sister-in-law shows me attitude again and again. I don’t know why she is doing this. I was very upset about my MBA and because of her, so I decided to leave my house and stay alone but I would change my mind and then stay. When I saw no change in her; I tried to hurt her so that she can realize. I tried to touch her and she said to me “what are you doing?” then again I did the same. She told my mum that I did something wrong with her but she won't tell her what I did. Then, I continued this thing and finally she tell me about herself, that she’ll never show me attitude. She talks less and her face shows attitude but she is not like this. She told me everything about her.
Then I told my sister-in-law that I’m very upset about my MBA and because of her, that it’s not my fault it’s my teacher’s fault. She listened to me and showed me sympathy. We were coming too close to each other, sharing every thing to each other but not physically. We are coming too close that me and my brother went together outside and my brother talks less and we both enjoy ourselves. She trusts me and tells me everything and I trust her I tell her every thing about me. We were feeling like we are in heaven, enjoying the most together. But then what happened was that I was attracted to her so so much that I tried touching her hands in humour, her neck and her face. She told me don’t do this it’s not allowed in Islam but, I began doing this. Then one day I grabbed her and she laughed and I thought that she wants some. I grab her the next day and try to kiss her but she told me don’t do this but I thought that she is just showing attitude. I continued this thing and my mum came she told her that I came to her to rape her. However, I never thought about that. She told her own parents and my parents as well as my brother. She left the house when I started continuously doing wrong with her 5 to 6 times.
Then, her parents came to us to give a guarantee that I will never do that again. I contacted her and said sorry to her, and she forgave me but tells me that please don’t do this again. I pray 5 times and say dua so that I can forget her but I can’t. I say sorry to Allah and say dua to get me out of this situation. I sometimes sms her or call her every night because I can’t stay away from her. I get upset if I can’t talk to her. She came back and I told her that I want to marry her and to do something about it but she says it’s not possible now. She told me that her husband won’t give her and she began to fall in love with him but he won’t give her time. And then she finally told me that she loved me when she was not married with my brother but she was unable to tell me. Now, I got so upset to learn that the one I love has loved me some time before. What can I do now? If I say anything to her about marriage she tells her husband or anyone. I don’t know why she won’t take me seriously, she says to me that she knows my situation and that I’m upset but that this thing has no future so please leave this topic. My brother told me finally, and warns me to stay away from her or he will leave this house with her.
What can I do? I am always thinking about her every minute. I have lost myself, I have forgotten what it is that I have to do in the future. Please give me some advice.
Oct 16 2010:
I haven't told you that she holds the 'quran' and tells me that she is not interested in me and she won't play any game against me. She told me that she can never do this wrong thing which is zina. If I do this how I face Allah? She is right from that point of views and I know I am wrong but this is the fact that when you fall in love there is nothing you can do to make you normal. I have done everything to stay away from her. We both fight together involving my family members which was so intense specially for me because everyone blames me not her because if they blame her she will leave the house, they don't want to hurt her. Two times I attempted suicide, eat the sleeping tablets but both time my family members took me to the hospital. My parents and sisters care for me but what they can do, the thing I want is not possible. I realize that no body can help me even my own brother if he loves me he will leave her for me but no and now she told me that she won't love me stay away from me. First she said she cares for me and I know she have some love left for me after she got married to my big brother. She told me that I am her best friend very close to her and now she tells me that I am the biggest tension in her life.
She says I mean nothing to her she hates me she don't want to see me she is very happy when I leave the house, imagine how it hurts when I heard this. I know she just said that because she want me to hate her so that I can forget her. After the fight I leave the house 3 to 4 times so that I can forget and hate her but it doesn't work because her thoughts grabs me I finally failed to hate her and stay away from her. She is beautiful no doubt and I think she is the only one beautiful with good nature but no its not right; there are so many beautiful girls. what I can do to make myself hate her, her every move attracts me towards her. I finally make up my mind that I just talk to her because I can't stay away from her but then her moves attracts me, every move every thing she talk. My mind failed finally and began thinking wrong about her. I told her I don't want to lose you please always stay with me but i don't know how I will marry the other girl if I still think about her. I pray always that she never hurt me again and please Allah realize her that how much I love her so that she can't hurt me more and I pray from Allah that he is the only one who can help me to get rid of this problem. This is true that if you love someone and living with her how difficult it is to stay away from her and don't touch her.
Pray for me; I have lost; I want to become normal, a normal person like was a year and a half ago.
June 20 2011:
My family and my relatives know about this and my brother took her away with him for 6 months to a rented house, in those 6 months I threw the things of the house, destroyed the things, destroyed the watch, the TV remote, tables , chairs etc, cry every single day and night. I told my family that I want to marry her but no one agrees with that; they said you are going mad. I did this because I want her to be my wife; I lust for her. I am going mad, many times I wanted to attempt suicide but then I stopped, the punishment in a jail is easy but the punishment I got is really a curse from Allah. Hardly hardly I got away a month ago from now I got away from that situation. I am OK now but I still love her and want to talk to her but not lust for her. 4 days ago, she and my brother came back to our house. I tried to talk to her and finally my family members allowed her to talk to me. I blamed her, I got angry on her, why she hurt me these 6 months, I said to her; you know that I can't live without you then why you go away from me you know I can't live without you. Then, she tells me that she understands me, tell me that this was good for both of us and our families. I told her to be my sister, she accepts and she was very happy but last day I grab her again, I do nothing but grab her. She then got upset the whole day she said you will never change.
You broke my trust again and again. Today I want to talk to her but she ignores me again and again. I want a girl to marry but I have a job which is not beneficial after marriage. I tried hard but the country's conditions are worst. I am in trouble, I am in middle of every thing; nothing is going good. I pray 5 times a day and also started reading Holy Quran but from 2 days because of her I am in no shape to pray, i remain unclean. What I can do, on one hand I can't live without her; I want her in this house, those 6months were very difficult for me when she was but on other way if she stay here, I lose my control and also unable to pray. What is the solution; please help me. help me. I never hurt anyone, everyone makes an example of me and my family in good way before all this happened. We never hurt anyone, why this curse caught us. When this ends? me and my family are exhausted.
Oct 1 2011:
I go to Dubai in search of a job and I got one but she was not attending my calls not talking to me. I became so tense that I decided to suicide but then my cousin told me to go back to your country and ask her to marry you. When I came back my family got away, they came back after a week but she didn't came back; I ask them but they don't tell me. what do I do? I told them please I want to talk to her but they don't listen to me. I finally found her and then ended in a fight, her parents got her away with them because they are going for Hajj and they don't want any disturbance. I just want her. I want to marry her, can it be possible? all family members and relatives are saying no but I can't forget her I just want her. I want her to be with me in Dubai also, some say ask my brother if he is ready to divorce her or some say ask her that if he divorce her she marries you or not. I just want her, my future is on stake. I don't know where I am, I just want her, just her I love her too much. How do I marry her? Please tell me.
SECOND QUESTION: IS PLAYING VIDEO GAMES ALLOWED IN ISLAM?
Is playing video games allowed in Islam or not. And also I am playing wrestling games named WWE Smack down vs Raw from 10 years and when I play I write all the matches. I make the matches by my own and then see who wins. Who wins single matches? Who wins titles, simply like the real wwe, raw, smackdown, superstar and ppv shows created by me in this game. I choose some players to play and more players are played by computer. Is all this wrong because often I am engaged in thinking of what matches to be created and who will win the match or title and after that who will challenge. Please tell me is it ok or not according to Islam.
Awannew.
38 Responses »
Leave a Response
Entries(RSS)
Dude ill tell u about videos games , I too play them (addicted) more than u but I play more games killing and shooting game , I think its allowed in islam
Awannew, Asalaamualaykum,
'YOU' are your own problem - your sister in law is haraam to you. She is not yours, she is your brother's wife - full stop.
Your actions are selfish and completely consumed by your lust. Your lust is ruling your decision making, not your 'sense'. Your actions are ruining your brother's marriage, his wife's happiness, your family and your hereafter. You are trying to break someone's marriage which is a majorly grave sin, and added to that, it is your brother's marriage. Your presence in the midst of your brother and 'his' wifes marriage is that of 'shaytaan', yes you are currently acting as an agent of shaytaan.
It is haraam for you to sit with your wife’s sister or any other non-mahram woman on her own. The Messenger of Allah(sws) said: “No man is alone with a woman but the Shaytaan is the third one present with them.” (Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 9/290; Muslim, no. 1341; Ahmad, al-Musnad, 1/222 and 346).
Furthermore, it is mentioned in a Hadith that Rasulullah (sws) said: "I have not left behind any test and tribulation on men more harmful than women." In other words, of all the things that are harmful for men, women are the most harmful. This is because, out of his love for a woman, a man loses all his senses, so much so that he does not even take the commands and orders of Allah Ta'ala into consideration. Therefore, a person must not fall in love with a woman in such a way that he has to act contrary to the Shariah. (internet article)
Awannew:
- STOP what you are doing, 'MOVE OUT' and let your brother and his wife live in peace.
- Remind yourself of DEATH. You will die one day, maybe sooner than you think. If you continue behaving in the manner in which you are doing, you will pave a very fast path for yourself straight to HELL.
- So busy yourself with other things, including reminders of death to wake yourself up from this evil fantasy you have harboured in your mind. The pain that you say you feel is shaytan injecting your NAFS with waswasah and LUST. Fight against it - this is your JIHAAD. If you don't stop and change direction now, you will lose out extremely and you will suffer more pain in the hereafter.
- Make sincere TAWBAH now BEFORE ITS TOO LATE.
- YOU CAN better yourself Awannew. But you must realise that you have done major wrong and then force yourself to make practical changes in your life that will help you keep away from falling again.
***
Regarding video games, see:
http://ebrahimsaifuddin.wordpress.com/2009/08/19/are-videogames-permissible-in-islam/
SisterZ
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Thank you for this explanation this has cleared my mind slightly. I felt I fell in love with my sister in-law, I couldn't restrain my eyes from her, i felt incredible desire and lust for my sister in law for days and sleepless nights of desire for her. One day I decided to visit her when she was alone in her home, I rang the bell she opend the door slightly and put her foot inffront of the door to prevent me from entering. When I saw her looking amazing, like she's the only amazing person person in the world, I stepped Back she closed the door as I was admiring her beauty and amazing figure I joined my hands together and begged her to open the door she turned away and walked back into the living room. Her son aged 5 came to the door and I told him to open the door which he did. Now at this point I am in the house. She rushed towards me and said she will call the police and tell her husband. I was shocked I thought that she may have the same feeling as I had towards her. On three occasion I came close to her and I could have at this point done what my desires where telling me. I was also expecting her to be in love with me. I was also married at the time and I would constantly thinking of my sister in-law even whilst I was having sexual intercourse with my wife but I eventually left my sister in-laws house without touching her. On the same day she told her husband and my family and I said nothing happens between us and now I have stopped talking to my brother his wife ever since and avoid them where possible. Almost one and a half year later I am still struggling to forget her. 6 months later from the incident, I divorced my wife because I had no desire for her and didn't love her. Everyday I go through the same feeling for my sister in-law and desiring her and imagining my life with her and the amount of pleasure I get thinking about my sister in-law is so increadable, I have never felt like this about any other women on earth. I struggle on a daily basis. One and a half years later my thoughts about my sister in-law have never changed and I don't even look or think about any other woman or even getting married again. For some reason I felt if I divorce my wife my sister in-law will run away with me. I am still in this difficult position and can't escape or let my feeling go away for my sister in-law. I am now single and I struggle daily and find it extremely difficult to live my life, I have become incredibly angry toward everyone in my life especially my parents. I have lost the will to live my life I feel destroyed, I lost my job and I am full of anger and rage and struggle to get a job because my mind is destroyed and I can't think straight. One year being out of work has almost left me homeless and unable to pay my debts and I am almost being bankrupt. Still going through uncontrollable desires for lust and sex, I thought if I have sex with a prostitute this would solve my problems, I went into a brothel but thankfully I avoided zina I couldn't come to terms having sex with a prostitute I had fear I may contract aids or a decease. Still my feeling towards my sister in-law never goes away. I am in the worst situation of my life and constantly think about two things In my life, my sister in-law and death not necessarily suacided but I have contemplated about committing suicide.
Brother
It is quite clear that your are deluding yourself and as SisterZ rightly said you are consumed by lust. Who in thier right mind thinks of breaking up thier brothers marriage to marry his wife?
I can't imagine the pain you must be causing your parents and family at large.
It is also clear that your sister in law is not interested and you have ruined her life, she seems very confused. Can you imagine for a moment the stigma she will have to live with as a woman. Leave them all alone, go far away for while, you need to create a healthy space between you and your family. You must concentrate on yourself and your deen not this stupidity of 'can i marry my sister in law, in need her... i want her...' This is all nonsense!
What you need is Allah in your life- you say you pray salah, yet you are so far removed from the essence of Islam. Your salah is mere movements on a mat- were you to be conscious of God, the dirty and sick thoughts you habour about your brothers wife would not enter your mind.
Its quite obvious that you only have ONE option and this to get as far away as possible from your brother and his wife and concentrate on making a life for yourself.
I pray Allah makes it easy for you.
GOOD
There isn't much abt video games it more that music is haram and it is used in video games
But videos games r cool as an stress buster
Yeah it is bad in the sense that me n my brother fight , for a particular game to play and we don't like to play together also
But at the end for me video games is a good stressbuster and it keep my mind from thinking of other haram time pass (porn) .
It keeps my mind " away" from thinking abt other haram things
Salaams,
I had actually tried to answer this post last night when I published it but the computer froze up. Thank you all for your responses for this brother. I would just like to add that I am very concerned because the behaviors being described here regarding the sister in law (and even to some extent the video games) appear to indicate an unhealthy level of obsession. Combined with the fact that your reactions have been to become violent, angry, and even suicidal tells me that you may be suffering from some form of mental illness. If there is a chemical imbalance in your brain, you will need to have it treated in order to successfully stop harrassing your sister in law. I would strongly suggest you find a psychiatrist who can properly evaluate and treat you.
The truth is, if you don't change the way you are dealing with your sister in law, you run the risk of her husband or parents having you arrested for stalking or harrassment. You are lucky they haven't already. From what it appears, you are the one who pushed things to where they are now and you must be the one to make the painful but correct choices to function in a healthy way again. I would personally take every step to follow the advice given to you by hafsa and sister Z. Truly, the least of your concerns are video games right now.
-Amy
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Awannew, I agree fully with Amy. Your behaviour and ideas are irrational and perhaps signs of a chemical imbalance/mental health issue. Either that, or your persistency in doing wrong is driving you to insanity. Furthermore, it is extremely strange that after telling us about this very bad situation you are in, you are so concerned about your video games.
Seriously - its time to wake up bro.
SisterZ
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
I knew it I have seen the same post on some other islamic site , it was posted on
July 6 2010 and it has been answered the first part with liking sister ( I will not post the link , but ppl who think I'm bluffing type this " I'm attracted to my big brothers wife " u will see zawaj.com and also other site to which this same question has been answered since 6 july 2010 .
Secondly , the author , y u r bringing up an article from the net ditto which has already been answerd .
Thirdly , is this ur (author ) genuine problem which wasn't solved from july 6 2010 ,
Fourtly , r u wasting the time of the team of islamicanswer by just posting anything from the net
Fiftly , I don't have problem anyone can post anything , but the same thing which was posted about a year and already answered I don't feel that it has to be repeated
Lastly , author bcoz of u ( un genuine ) post ppl who really need help / answers could not get it at the earliest ( I doesn't have anything to do with my post ) , but other ppl who r in need of help
It appears that the brother did indeed post the same question in 2010:
Fallen in love with my big brother's wife.
But I think what is happening here is that he is posting updates. If you look you'll see he copied the original question from July 2010, then added an update from October 2010, then more updates from June 2011 and October 2011.
Wael
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Yes I write again Mr trueblood cuz I need more suggestions to relief myself.
And the one who is suffering knows whats going on with him. Not anybody else. And the negative answers I don't need those. This is the site for suggestions not to harm any body heart so that he can't come back to the site again.
I don't understand one thing , y his second question is about video game an Wael trust me apart from zawaj.com this post the part in july 6 2010 and oct 16 2010 same to same asked and answered in other site .
I came to an conclusion that this guy only need to know abt video games and as this site manly deals with family issue I think he must have stick them up and posted .
That y I only replied to the part relating to video game ( lol)
Truebloood,
It seems, you've been watching too much 'Inspector Gadget' or 'Starsky n Hutch' lately. People are free to post their questions on any other website as well as this one. It seems 'Awannew needed more advice, hence he wrote here again. And you seem to have this notion that we only publish all the 'relationship' questions first. This is not true. We post all posts in chronological order and the ones which we deem to be of an urgent nature are published immediately. Its really quite simple.
SisterZ
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Thanx for taking my side.
Yes I wrote before and yes I write again. Cuz my tension won't released these days. That's why I want opinions to cool down myself. I tried suicide attempts I told u that's why I don't want to try again. And i know my situation where I was standing no body knows like trueblood is behaving. I was tensed and thats why I asked
He may have submitted the question somewhere else, or some other site may have reprinted the question and answer from this one. That happens a lot.
Wael
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
No sister I don't watch those serial I'm more interested in playing video games and regarding the same question post on this or other side I don't own this site Wael does , how can I tell ppl what not to post , do I really care what ppl post no
Its just coincidence that while surfing ( I surf a lot ) , I came to read the same post in other site so I said this
My only conclusion is that , does it take an year or so to realise something is wrong , so u post the same content again
Real breaker was this dude should have modified , again do I really care no .
Truebloood,
Seriously...take a deep breather :O).
SisterZ
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
One more sisterz the link which u gave regarding game , only deals with music and it is haram . That what I think it was
Can any one put an emphasis is video game haram in islam I do love them
Truebloood,
I wanted to comment on that link, but was typing from my phone, hence was a bit limited.
I wanted to say that the link I attached was just 'one person's opinion' and was not necessarily the opinion of the Editors on this site.
SisterZ
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Sister will u be surprised I comment my every comment from my e71 , its easy it could nt be limited
Reading your post reminded me of a hadith, which you may find interesting and should definitely think over:
Amir reported Rasulullah (s.a.w) stated: Beware of getting into the houses and meeting women (in seclusion). A person from the Ansar inquired: (Oh) Rasulullah (sallallaahu alayhi wa sallam), what about husband’s brother, (what can you inform me regarding him, what should our relationship be like towards each other,) whereupon Rasulullah (sallallaahu alayhi wa sallam) said: The husband’s brother is like death. ( Muslim.)
Faith, thanks for posting this hadith. I couldn't find it earlier.
SisterZ
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
My pleasure..ur welcome.
-Salaam.
should you even be living under the same roof as your sister in law.
brother, you are a fully grown man at the age of 26.
that you sleep in bad conditions and lick your fingers [out of hunger] is better for you than living with your sister in law.
Bro,your sister in is haram.how comes you fallen inlove with your brother wife,you have to controll yourself,in this world,day by day we heard or seen only terrible things.In last week i saw two sisters married by one man,elder sister and younger sister.younger sister was living with her elder sister.just for asistance.elder sister have one child of 7 yrs.after a while she was separated from husban and leaft the house.after 3 months,younger sister was married by her former sister husban,she was gave birth to a baby child,elder sister heard that her younger sister was married by her former husban,she was crying the all day.imagine younger one was visited their mothers home with her husban,then the elder one also arrived from long distance journey visited their mother,elder sister not known that they were in their mothers home.both two sisters,husban and children for both sister was meet in their mothers home,how did those children call each other?their mothers were sisters and their children also sisters.is it acceptable in islamic sheria??
Brother jus remember 1 think tht when you get married your wife will also do these kind of things may be with your brother or some one else so if u dont want tht then dont go near to your sister in law or some one else cause what u will do tht will done to you be nice calm and make yourself busy ok my brother Jazak Allah khairan .
If i ever found out that my younger brother was "getting close" to my wife i would seriously get mad and tell him to stay away from wife. Tell him to get his own place.
Reverse the situation ... lets say u had a nice lovely wife you loved and if anyone were "interested" in your wife what would you do.
I stopped reading this after you said I touched her and then she didn't show me attitude :s what the hell is that normal to touch your brothers wife? So she stops giving you attitude! HUH
Awannew - have you changed ??
May Allah grant us success! May peace and blessings be upon our Prophet, his family and Companions!
Yes thanx to Allah who changed me little. But still sometimes my head going to explode cuz of the tension.
And i am still unmarried cuz I am searching for a girl who can release my previous tensions forever.
But not gotten anyone.
...
[Editor's note: Please submit your question as a new post for publication, rather than as a comment on an existing post. That way it can be published and answered in turn, inshaAllah. In order to receive advice applicable to your situation, please include more information about the circumstances and what you hope to achieve.]
your sister in law is responsible for everything it is simple and clear by reading i have come to know how she enjoyed everything by saying you cant do this and come back to meet and refresh your love,
how unfaithful she is to her husband
and how can be faithful to you if your bro give her divorce.
shame on you for this .shame on you to have an eye on your brother's wife. i feel ashamed by reading your name thats i why i frequently tell my parents that i wont marry in this caste, coz i know awan men are shameless creatures.
Lol @Ur comment. Now i see why his brother seperated from his wife smh all b/c of him. Like the shaytan who will not sleep until he sees a man seperated from his wife. HMMM
his brother separated along with his wife. he didnt divorce her and i think the marriage is running successful due to his husband's patience
Do you really think that on the Day of Judgement we will we grouped according to our "castes"? Seriously, we can't make sweeping statements about "awan" men....or any for that matter.
then i dont forbid you to marry the certain caste, i know many people and i know what kind of people are they. they wont even stand you drinking water infront of them lol.
judgement day is a separate topic.
Brother I don't have access to hadith at the moment but what I do know from lectures upon lectures in my local masjid is when you cannot get married due to whatever reason then you should fast. Fasting weakens you and your nafs and shaytaan isn't as powerful against you. I pray in sha allah you find a suitable job and wife, ameen.