While recovering from a surgery, my fiancée left me, please pray for me
Salam!
I'm in great pain and despair! I do not know what wrong have I done that Allah is punishing me.
I am a 33 year old Muslim woman and as any other woman my dream has always been to be happily married to a good Muslim man. I never believed in "dating" and boyfriend girlfriends when I was going to university all my friends even sisters who wear hijab had boyfriends but I never did that stuff always studied and always believed that when Allah wants he'll give me that man I wish for.
Meanwhile years went by getting older and every family member asking when I'll get married I start to search for a good man online....after many chats and email exchanges with many guys I realized that most men are corrupt and they are not serious about building a relationship.
Finally I meet this very nice man who lives in another country we chatted and exchanged emails and then phone conversations...everything was going great...he is a divorced man who is raising his son alone. Even though I never dreamed of being with a single parent man I admired him for all he had done for his son while his wife has left them both alone...everything was going great....we talked about getting married and he asked me to get engaged with him over the phone....i couldn't say yes because I had a surgery coming up and I wanted to make sure I get good results from my surgery first and he also supported me and always kept telling me that I shouldn't worry about anything that he's by my side and he even said that he has his late mom's ring for me which meant the world to me.
He emails me and tells me he has made up his mind to bring his sister from his native country as his fiancee (because there are no other ways and his sister is only 16 years old) so he can't marry me!! I'm devastated! I'm still recovering from my surgery....he didn't even call me and has ignored my questions that I sent him through email. I understand that he is trying to save his sister but I believe that there might be some other ways that we could be together.
I love him dearly but I don't understand for what I'm being punished like this??? Please Please Please tell me what duas can I read to solve this problem...to soften his heart and realize that what he's doing is not right why doesn't he want me to wait for him why doesn't he find another way I'm sure there are other ways we could be together.
Please my sisters and brothers please pray for me I sooo much wanted to marry him and have kids with him. I have prayed to Allah so much to give me a good man and this man has/had all the characters I have always wanted and now that I fell in love with him Allah is taking him away from me like this why????? Please give me advise, give me dua I feel lost and I hurt so much...Please please pray for me during ur salats please pray Allah willing I get married and be happy!!!
May Allah's blessings be upon you all!
Pakiza
6 Responses »
Leave a Response
Entries(RSS)
Assalamu alaykum Pakiza,
Your situation is sad. I am hopeful Allah will give you the best if you pray to Him.
You wrote:
" I'm in great pain and despair! I do not know what wrong have I done that Allah is punishing me."
Answer:
I start to search for a good man online....after many chats and email exchanges with many guys I realized that most men are corrupt and they are not serious about building a relationship.
Finally I meet this very nice man who lives in another country we chatted and exchanged emails and then phone conversations...everything was going great...
Tick tick:
Imagine a sincere Muslimah who in university days, on the prime of her youth believed in Allah even when Hijabi sisters around her were having boy friends, she trusted Allah to give her the best.
Allah kept on testing her faith and trust in Him, then one fine day she starts to search men online, she chats with many guys and exchanges emails with them and the she finds one person, she has many chats and emails with him and phone conversations and "everything is going on great". Then this happens what has happened to you.
Is there any message? Does Allah want to convey something to her?
Yes. Sure. The Message is continue your trust as your university days, do hasten towards something which has its set term, a fixed time when it will happen, Insha Allah, keep trusting Allah, praying to Allah and abstain from actions which a good Muslima would abstain from.
Do you imagine any woman from among the sahaabaas talking with many men, if not chat at that time, then write letters to those men and from them know how many are corrupt and evil and then find one and talk secretly with him?
No sister. Alhamdulillaah, when I read of your university days I felt so happy and inspired by the devotion and trust in Allah. Bring it back.
Your trust lessened, you tried, you found, it failed. Trust Allah, this is all I can say. Do not become too hasty wanting things to happen quickly. Patience is the key and trust in Allah.
Be the girl of your University days sister. Ask Allah for your khair in dunya and aakhirah and Insha Allah, He will send across a proposal your way. We have very less knowledge to know how the other 'person' in other country is and Allah knows best who is "fit" to be our spouse.
11. Man prayeth for evil as he prayeth for good; for man was ever hasty. - Surah Al Israa.
I quote a few verses of Surah Haa Miim Sajdaa which bring tears to the eyes seeing the Truth in the Words of Allah:
49. Man tireth not of praying for good, and if all toucheth him, then he is disheartened, desperate.50. And verily, if We cause him to taste mercy after some hurt that hath touched him, he will say: This is my own; and I deem not that the Hour will ever rise, and if I am brought back to my Lord, I surely shall be better off with Him But We verily shall tell those who disbelieve (all) that they did, and We verily shall make them taste hard punishment
51. When We show favour unto man, he withdraweth and turneth aside, but when ill toucheth him then he aboundeth in prayer.
52. Bethink you: If it is from Allah and ye reject it Who is further astray than one who is at open feud (with Allah)?
53. We shall show them Our portents on the horizons and within themselves until it will be manifest unto them that it is the Truth. Doth not thy Lord suffice, since He is Witness over all things?
54. How! Are they still in doubt about the meeting with their Lord? Lo! Is not He surrounding all things?
The best advice I can give is: Trust Allah, Pray to Him, Keep Sabr and read the Qur'an with meanings a lot. Much, much , much to heal your heart and bring yourself on to the Path of Allah, Him unto whom belong the heavens and the earth and all that is between them.
Please Sabr sister. Sabr.
Salaam,
Your brother,
Munib.
*** Do not hasten on something for which a term is fixed, Allah alone will make your destiny manifest to you at it's appointed time.
Salaam sister Pakiza. I am sorry to hear about your difficulties. You are going through a difficult time my dear sister and its normal to miss him, but you will move on in time InshaAllah. I pray that Allah swt eases your pain and gives you the best husband for you.
My beloved sister, I understand it must be frustrating and devastating to have kept yourself away from sin and falling in love, only to get hurt. That only makes it feel worse. But please know that Allah has written this - and He gives us whats best for us, which is not always what we want. He has knowledge of all things and He knows whats truly in this guys heart, you only know what this guy shows you..
Actions speak louder than words. From what you have said about him, he seems to be quite insensitive. Either way if he has left you, and no longer wants to marry you - hard as it is you need to accept it.
I will give you a true example: A brother was engaged to a Muslim sister whom he adored. It took a lot of effort on his part to convince her parents but eventually he did. Then suddenly she broke it off - for no reason. He was devestated just like you feel. But after a few years he moved on and married another Muslim sister. The lady he married is 100000x better than his ex - Islamically, she is simple honest - and Alhumdulilah they are very happy together now. Some time after his ex broke the engagement some bad things about her emerged - all I will say is love can blind you to faults which would normally make you run away from someone.
From this you can see that despite his first attempts to win his ex back - it failed. Allah knew best. He thought his ex was perfect for him, but Allah has a better plan.
In the same way dear sister, please accept that Allah has given you this for a reason - He wants something better for you. Also you are a beautiful Muslimah and you deserve nothing less than a Muslim man who would be happy to marry you and of good character. Please accept that this engagement is over - it will make healing less slow InshaAllah.
So there are not duas to bring him back to you. Sister it is not necessarily a punishment - a possible test. We learn and become better people through difficulties. If we never had been hurt or wronged, we would not appreciate others being kind to us and loving us..
Use this suffering as a way to get close to Allah, to earn His pleasure and to develop real love for Him in your heart. Talk to Him about how you feel, He is the only One that truly understands and Ask Him to help you. I assume your relationship was halal sister, but if it was not and you talked unecessarily/lovingly to one another or anything else then make sincere tawbah for the sin.
If you do not do salat, start doing your fardh (obligatory) prayers, if you already do try to do a few sunnah prayers when you can. Read Qur'an and do zikr. As Allah to give you patience and grant you the best spouse for you.
The months ahead will be difficult as you will miss him, but this will fade InshaAllah with time. Just continue do zikr and salat. Focus on recovery and look after yourself. When you feel ready you can take up a new hobby or busy yourself in anything halal. InshaAllah I will post some duas for ease in hardship in another post
I will keep you in my duas InshaAllah.
Feel free to write on here if you need
Sara
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
x
Turn to Allah - try to stren
Your true example illustrates your point very well, thanks for sharing that.
Wael
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
ASSALAM ALEIKUM SISTER,PAKIZA
i am really sorry about what you are going through, IT must be really hard and painfull, inshaALLAAH, am going to advise you like i would advise myself. right now you feel hurt, but sister you must understand that THIS IS a test from Allaah, i know that must be hard to accept, now that you are so emotional, but Allaah is testing you to see whether you will get through this. from your post you seem to be religious and that you have really been waiting for a long time for the special person, so do NOT destroy all the patience you have had for all those years by saying things like "I do not know what wrong have I done that Allah is punishing me." sister Allaah knows what is best for us.
right now shaytaan is trying his hardest to get you off the path and make you destroy all the patience you have worked for, now that you are low, he wants to hit you with his evil thoughts! DO NOT ALLOW HIM. inshaAllaah, i can assure you that relief is going to come soon, BE SURE that Allaah knows you have been patient for soooooo long (believe me, am also waiting for the one). it`s just the final hurdle, sister try and get closer to Allaah, talk to Him and tell Him all your problems, He will not let you down, because you believe in Him and he loves the believers,
sister you do Not have a doubt that Allaah is your Lord!
Islam is the truth!
. so please patience, if this guy is good enough for you, he will contact you, if not, then sister you deserve a million times BETTER, because you are a CHASTE! INNOCENT! PURE! BELIEVING! woman, and there`s nothing better than looking in the mirror and seeing purity and innocence staring back at you. ISlam has honoured us . take care sister. its his loss
lots of love
As salamu alaykum, sister Pakiza,
Sister Sara has made an excellent approach to your situation, I only have to add the following, you need du´as to get out of this suffering and to get ready for the man that will be for you for real, day and night, one day and other one, in this Life and in the Hereafter, insha´Allah.
I would like you to get stronger in your eman and to love Allah(swt) more than you love this man, get closer to Him(swt) reading His Word in the Quran, reciting His Names and Attributes, doing dhikr, go to Him(swt) in every salat, feel Him(swt) everywhere, in every breath you take, in every movement you make, you need to be positive and let go what haven´t been there for you, only this way you will get ready for what is waiting for you for real, insha´Allah.
My beloved sister, you need to heal, you have had a surgery and you need to get stronger, recite Al- Fatihah, and read these dua anytime you feel down, it will make easier for you to find Peace in your Heart, insha´Allah.
**** Laa ilaaha illa Allaahu al-azheem al-haleem; Laa ilaaha illa Allaahu, rabbu al-‘arshi al-‘azheem, laa ilaaha illa Allahu, rabbu al-ssamaawaati wa al-ardhi wa rabbu al-‘arshi al-kareem
(There is no god but Allah, the Tremendous, the Clement; there is no god but Allah, Lord of the Mighty Throne, there is no god but Allah, Lord of the heavens and the earth, and Lord of the Noble Throne).
****Allaahumma innee (If you are male add: ‘abduka wa ibn abdika ibn amatika; if, however, you are female add: amatuka wa bintu abdika wa bintu amatika), naasiyatee bi yadika qadhin fiyya hukmuka ‘adlun fiyya qadhaa’uka as’aluka bi kulli ismin huwa laka sammayta bihi nafsaka aw anzaltahu fee kitaabika aw allamtahu ahadan min khalqika aw ista’tharta bihi fee ilm al-ghaybi indaka an taj’ala al-Qur’ana al-rabee’a qalbee wa noora basaree wa jilaa’a huznee wa dhahaaba hammee
(O Allah, I am your servant, son/daughter of your servant, my forelock is under your firm grips, Your decree in my case is sure to be realized, and Your judgment is just. I ask of You by invoking every single name that you possess, with which You have called Yourself, or You have revealed in Your scripture or You have instructed any of Your creation or You have kept hidden with Yourself in the knowledge of the unseen realities to make the Qur’an the spring of my hearts, light of my eyes, and dispeller of my grief and remover of my anxieties).
On top of the page you have a link with duas too. Sister, put your feet firm on Earth and take care of yourself, this is a test where your submision to Allah(swt) is being proved, please go to Him(swt), remember He(swt) wants the best for us, Alhamdulillah, and He(swt)is always for us, Alhamdulillah.
Try to forgive this man and please accept, he is just a human being with his circumstances, that is helping you to get closer to Allah(swt) without even being conscious of it. Ask Allah(swt) to help you to forgive if you are not able to, Forgiveness is a highway to healing, Alhamdulillah.
Please take a look in IslamicSunrays.com you will find very inspirational articles, Alhamdulillah. You need to be in contact with positive attitudes to be able to see the sun behind the clouds, insha´Allah.
All my Unconditional Love, Respect and Support,
María
IslamicAnswers.com Editor