Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Finding Islam… can we still be together?

Muslim woman

Hello, I'm sorry for such a long question but I just want to let you know all the facts

About 2 years ago when I first started in my new job, I met a Muslim man there and the minute we were introduced we clicked and I knew I was going to end up falling in love with him at some point, and that is exactly what happened.

While growing up I was never taught about religion or ever really understood it or wanted to understand it for that matter, to me it didn't matter whether science or God created this world, but if my family ever spoke about religion id be known as a Christian. So when he asked me out on a date, this was completely normal to me, I never once thought that there would be a problem with this, until I'd been with him for just a little over a year and it was coming up to Ramadan, (the previous year during Ramadan we wasn't serious and was only really texting at this point) and he kept trying to explain to me how he wouldn't be able to see me for the next month and I literally couldn't understand why because still then religion was nothing to me, and this caused quite a bit of upset between us (especially me as I can be a quite needy person at times) anyway, surely, after Ramadan everything went back to normal and I carried on with my ignorance of his religion. A few months down the line his parents started acting up and saying that he had to choose between me or them as they would not accept me to be their sons partner, well this traumatised me, my parents are extremely racist but they had just about gotten over the fact I was with a Asian Muslim Man, so when his parents started saying the same about him being with a non-Muslim white girl, I thought of a quick solution and said 'I know il convert to Islam for them' not actually thinking of what this meant at all, eventually after months of arguments and me being heart broken his parents eventually said that we could be together but they did not want to meet me, this upsets me to this day as I would love to be a part of his family but I just thought 'you can't have everything you want in life' so as long as I had him, that's all that really mattered to me. Anyway, considering I'd said I would convert I started looking into Islam, just using Google and reading about it, and alhamdlillah I fell in love with it, I am so so so ashamed that I had been so ignorant towards anything he ever said about islam and completely ignored him about certain things such as drinking, smoking, back-biting, etc. Now I go to the mosque as many times as I can and read/learn every spare minute I have of the day, this has only being going on a couple of months so I have not yet reverted and still know very little, but it gives me such warmth in my heart every time I speak / learn / think about it and I believe I have become a much better person than I was before. But obviously while learning about it I ended up finding out that boyfriends/girlfriends were most definitely not allowed, and sex before marriage is one of the biggest sins and now I feel so incredibly guilty and wrong but I still love him and I can't seem to get unattached to him, I do not want to get unattached from him at all, but I do want to marry him, I do not want to be sinning myself and I do not want to be making him sin, but I daren't bring up marriage to him because I don't think he is ready for that sort of commitment and especially because of his family. So really what my question is, I know I have not reverted yet but everyday I ask Allah for forgiveness for my sins, but is it still permissible for us to marry even after being in a relationship and I ask Allah everyday to allow us to marry, is this allowed? I do not want to be apart from him as he is my world and the best thing that has ever happened to me, after finding Islam. if it wasn't for him I do not think I would of ever found Islam, but I also don't want to be sacrificing his or my religion because I am so deeply in love with him.

I know this was a very lengthy read and I thank you for taking the time to read it and I would greatly appreciate any advice/help on my situation as I am struggling at the moment with what to do, thank you.


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4 Responses »

  1. Well i dont see any reason why you guys cannot marry! If both of you will it.
    Islam does offer the guy and girl to choose each other and get married.
    As for his family, really the asian families they keep getting unhappy at first but the bonds are generally too.strong for any permanent damage and we all.get along just fine after sometime:)
    Especially when you revert they will be much more open
    But yea, you just need to check with this guy if he is ready for.marriage.
    Once you revert the previous sins do get washed out however i would suggest against this idea of doing sin before reverting just because youd get a clean slate 😉
    Finally we are all humans in the end, and prone to sin, and Allah is there to forgive.

  2. Dear sister

    I am so glad that u are searching the rightousness and the True meaning of being a Muslim. I suggest you to discuss ur findings with that muslim guy too whenever u have questions regarding any quranic verse or supplications ask him too. Involve him with all the quranic references and inshaAllah it will bring him more closer to his religion and he himself avoid such intimacy. Then gradually come up with references regarding marriage in islam. Do start listening the lectures of Nouman Ali khan inshaAllah things will get clearer and easier for you.

    May Allah be with you and may Allah enlighten your heart.

  3. Subhan Allah,

    Sister that guy is so lucky to have a such a wonerful wife like you, now do not do any sins, like kissing and getting intimate. Teach him about islam because you probably know more than him now. You guys can get married even if his parents do not like it. Ask him that you wish to talk his parents for 5 mins, then start with Salam and be kind and talk about Islam, and i am sure they will accept u. And if they don't, tell them where in Quran, it says white can not marry asian, there is no such teaching in Islam. Go marry him and have a bless life with him, do not turn him against his parents. Also, even if his parents do not like u now, slowly and gradually they will accept u, just be patience and be kidn.


  4. My sister I am a revert man for 20 plus years married to a sunni scholor.As far as I'm concern this individual is a weak muslim although he might have some good qualities in him...but Islam is nothing but pure and simple and the best example for mankind and the seal of all prophets his name is Muhammad peace be upon him......He his shown us how to be a husband a father a teacher A leader a humanitarian with such a beautiful character.He lived all and hated none. You see the success in both of the world's is only obedience to Allah , Obeying his commandments and following the teachings of prophet Muhammad PBUH. ..There is no way other way in this world regardless of his or her intelligence or wealth it will be curse for him other then a blessing....You must say let's do Nikkah oe els I will have to leave......You must know Allah works in mysterious ways and we must acknowledge that he knows best for his creaton. ......Maybe there is something that could be bad for us and we hljyst don't know.....Understand this......So don't worry you can only Islam .....with peace tranquility is what you will get if you practice and perfect yourself in knowledge and practice. advice find a career so you can be financially independent and learn Deen from the scholor who have lectures at mosques etc......Mufti menk on YouTube is very beneficial....
    .Don't worry Allah will guide you just be punctual in salah quran charity...goodluk

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