How do I do nikah with my fiancee?
Salam Brother
I am a revert muslim that embraced Islam 3 and a half years ago. My wife who was my girl friend at the time was a Muslim who was disowned by her family due to a force marriage. We did the nikah in the mosque and I took my shahada at the same time. I did not take the shahada for her I did it for my self. She was not practising at the time and as long as we get married she was happy so I had the option of marrying her at the registers and stay as a idol worshiper as it was my parents religion. But i wanted to do things right and thought to give it a chance and not judge by what i have been told. As I looked in to the religion I realised everything that I was told about Islam by my people was a lie! I realised I had been chosen by Allah and I was glad!
Allah blessed us with s beautiful daughter. I advised her to get in touch with her family as parents are clearly important to us as Muslims. They accepted me but then tried to send her back home behind my back to remarry another man from the same back ground ignoring the fact she was already married and had a child with her husband and they call themselves Muslim. Yet I still advise my wife to try her best to keep her parents happy by visiting and treating them. After child birth few months down the line my wife lost complete interest in sexual intercourse. This was very frustrating for me as a man and a husband as she could not give me a reason why. I could not figure it out. First I thought she probably is having an affair and fell out of love with me.
But then it was impossible for her to have an affair considering the fact she hardly goes ever goes out and she is a decent women also a fantastic mother. I gave her the choice to leave me or do anything she desires to help the situation but she says she loves me dearly but had no desire to make love. I read in a few magazines that this is not that uncommon as it happens to one in hundred after child birth. I love her with all my heart and did not want to divorce her over this matter. An year ago I met a Muslim girl AGAIN who was disowned by her parents due to a forced marriage. When I met her she was frustrated helpless and in the company of a number of people who was guiding her in to the wrong path.
She was a warm hearted person I helped her out advised her not to go in the wrong direction as a number of men could have used and abused her and left her. Eventually we fell in love and I revealed to her about my situation. She was more than happy to be my second wife. I revealed everything to my wife and asked her permition to get married to her. She was happy about it as she could relate to her situation and granted me permission to let her in to our lives. They were introduced to each other and eventually became good friends. But we could not get married as our local mosques may have very close connections with her family members. Most of them are known to put their culture before their religion with a racist nature though they call them selves muslim. Clearly thats prohibited in Islam. Things like this have made me realised that it's not just Jews, Freemasons that's giving the Muslims a bad reputation by brain washing the general public trough the media it's also the Muslims that live among us. Do we really have time to be racist considering the fact that the dajjal is around the corner? Shouldn't we be united as one and get prepared?
How ever The rumours say that her older sister was sent back home and killed as she was pregnant by her boyfriend who was from a different background. I did not want to put my wife's and my daughters life in danger therefore I was left hopeless. As time went by she was getting lonely and frustrated and me and my wife welcomed her in to our home. Now it's been about six months and she has become part of our family and a second mother to my daughter. Again I did the Same thing with her by telling her to visit her parents and treat them which she does yet again they are still trying to trick her in to taking her back home to get married. Her other sister was forced in to a marriage when she was 16 which ended up in disaster.
There for I do not see the point in asking for her hand as it could put every one in danger. Recently I started seeing things differently I realised that I am no better than a non believer if I just call my self a Muslim and half practice it. I want to please my lord the one and only god Allah more and follow the steps of his messenger prophet Muhammad (saw) and live my life the way my lord wants me to! Because I want me and my family to have a good life here and hereafter! I want my daughter to grow up to be a good Muslim and a servant to Allah. I also plann to bring my mother to the light who is a non believer. In order to achive my goals I have to live by Islamic rules preaching and not practicing is one of the worst sins! I do not want to commit any more sins. I started practicing Islam properly leaving all my bad habits behind! I offer sallah 5 times a day and this has encouraged my wives to the same. Our lives have changed so much they cover them selves when they go out wear the hijab and offer salah and they glow!
This has bring so much joy to our lives like never before. Things that I cannot describe are happening to me he has given me so much! But the closer I get to Allah the more guilty I feel. Let alone touching her I feel guilty and ashamed by looking at her as we never had the opertunity to do the nikah even though we consider our selves husband and wife! I have two questions that I desperatly need answers for as no one I know cannot help me.
1. Is it important for me to have sexual intercourse with my wife is it true that If you do not for 6 months the marrige automatically becomes invalid and you are no longer husband and wife?
Second how do I get the nikah done under the circumstances with my fiancee? I was not given any paper work from the mosque for my first marriage. I did not request it as all I cared for was that Allah witness it and of course I had no intention of a second wife at the time! Please help me or point me in the right direction. I believe Allah placed me in their lives for a reason as they had potential to be good muslims but could have gone in the complete wrong direction! This has also put my life rogether I don't want to loose hope and have a break down! Plz help me! May Allah bless you!
Allahfiz
-ghostfish
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As salamu alaykum, brother ghostfish,
Go to the Imam that married you the first time, he has to have your marriage certificate and if he doesn´t have it, you know the date you married and he must remember you, then he has to give you your certificate, your marriage was legal then you have the right to ask for it.
Once you go to talk to him, you should ask him what you need to do your second marriage, he should tell you.
Brother, I don´t see other way than going directly to ask and Imam/Mufti about your situation. I am sorry for not being of more help, may Allah(swt) help you to find the way to solve your situation.
All my Unconditional Respect,
María
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
salaam upon you and your 2 families brother.
you need 5 things in order for your marraige to this second girl to be valid.
1. her muslim wali;s permission
2. her permission
3 witnesses
4 mahr
5 i forgot.
i ask Allaah to forgive me if i erred.
may Allaah bless you and your two wives.
so inshaallaah, get married asap and enjoy your life.
and may Allaah open your mothers heart as well.
You should marry this secound women as soon as possible as you are living in sin by sleeping with her yet she is not your wife. I am so happy to hear you have embraced islam and its teachings and that you have made your wife a better muslim. It is really common for wommen to lose interest in sex with there husbands after childbirth because there body changes alot and sometimes they don't feel comfortable letting there husband see how the changes. It could also be becasue a baby takes so much energy from you that your wife doesn't have energy to be intimate with you. You should try to talk to your wife and find out why shes not interested in being intimate with you. Also get nikah done with this other lady as soon as possible. Try going to another mosque and asking if there is someone there who can do your marriage ceremony. I wish you all the best!!
Salaams,
You should have a nikkah with your wife right away. For her to be living with you and having any thing other than formal interactions with you would be haraam without that. If you cannot have the nikkah performed where you live, travel to a different city or region if need be. Most imams would be willing to arrange for the witnesses etc if you explain the situation to them. You shouldn't need any paperwork from your first marriage to complete this.
As for your second wife, do continue to try to encourage her to foster relationships with her family, but I would suggest she not leave the country under any circumstances just in case they are trying to be devious. It's better she stay at home with you, or travel with you accompanying her.
Finally, there is no timeframe that causes your marriage to expire if you are not intimate with your wife. Even if a couple didn't have relations for decades, they are still validly married. However, your wife does have rights over you, so if she does want relations you have to indulge her...no less than once every four nights. If she is agreeable to staying apart in that manner, it is as you like. Make sure you are spending at least an equal (nonsexual) amount of time with her as you are with the second wife, so that she will not become insecure of your care for her.
-Amy
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
You are disgusting, I don't understand men like you. How can you so easily ''fall in love'' with another woman. You can call it want you want, but the fact is you betrayed your wife and you cannot control yourself and how very convenient another vulnerable woman mangaged to stumble your way and then you fell in love with her, do you not love your first wife. You cannot cover up betrayal, you cheated on you're first wife. Would you like a man like yourself to be with your daughter one day? I think not . Do you not have a conscience or even an ounce of guilt within you. Just because Islam allows it, does not mean you should, and for what ; because a grown man cannot control his urges. You have a daughter, do you feel no shame displaying your shenanigans and antics to her.