Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Husband is addicted to synthetic marijuana

Bags of marijuana, pot, weed, cannabis, drugs.

Dear all,

My husband and I have been married for 12 years. He has been hooked on this synthetic marijuana or spice or k2 or now k10 for the past 3 to 4 years.

I am at my wits ends. He gets off it for months then come his birthday month he gets back on it. I have told him before we were happy and we are blessed even though we don't have children. Why is he being selfish. He relapses and now it gets worse because he doesn't come home.

His brother says he needs something to come home to. I was insulted. Here I am very distraught and there he implies something else. Is it my fault that I don't think children are a good idea. We were supposed to try but he relaspes.

I am hurt, angry, frustrated and sad. I think I have anxiety because of this. My child bearing years are leaving me and he is doing this.

Please advise what dua I can make or what I should do.
And yes he was caught but he was let go because apparently this version is not illegal yet.

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9 Responses »

  1. OP: My husband and I have been married for 12 years. He has been hooked on this synthetic marijuana or spice or k2 or now k10 for the past 3 to 4 years........I am at my wits ends. He gets off it for months then come his birthday month he gets back on it. I have told him before we were happy and we are blessed even though we don't have children. Why is he being selfish. He relapses and now it gets worse because he doesn't come home.
    I don't think children are a good idea. We were supposed to try but he relapses.

    When your husband doesn't come home, where does he go? Did you try to have children before your husband got hooked up to synthetic marijuana?

    • salam sister i feel yor pain i put my wife through the same problem ive known her for 10 years and married 3 years now she knew i was smoking cannabis but never effected me.and i said i was gonna stop in the future.she loved me more than i loved her. 18 months ago i started hanging about with the wrong crowed of boys wer i started taking cocaine and gambling and not supporting her.and cuming home drugged up.she has given me sevaral chances of changing which i tried but old habits kept on cuming bak.so last year she say she wants a divorce.because i hav no islam in me amd i will never change my ways.ill always go bak to my oldways sooner or l8r.so she kicked me out and pays the rent herself.i didnt care at the the time i stay on my own else were.about 2 months l8r i relised wot i had and wot she meant to me.so i went to get her bak but she doesnt want me bak .i told her i will change my ways for real this time.she was still noy having it so i got my friend involved his very religous and he spoke wit her and found out wot i was upto so she said she will see in time and 1 year time she wants a break from me .so i agreed.y i agreed was i couldnt sleep at night drugs was all i did wen and the depression of knowing yhat shes not in my life no more and waking up wit heartaches
      wasnt a nice feeling.i relised wot she meant to me.it wasmt easy to change before because she was around.now i pray i work 6 days a week i make gud halal money and i promised i wont go bak to my oldways because i got her to win bak.i love my life the way it is i just need her bak to complete it.i told her if u want this marrige to work then u need to spend time wit me in this 1year break u got even once a week.atleast u can see the changes yorself.everthing was going ok.until one month ago she wanted to travel abroad on her own.and i said no its to dangerous.i had a go at her because she said ove always hold her bak in life and shes been doing everythong herself.i as her husband had a right to say no.she still went over me saying no.now shes bak and she says she wants a divorce and she dont love me anymore.im still ttying yo undetstand wot ive dun wrong.i stopped the drugs i stop gambling i pray i pay her rent and not live there.and i dont complain.theres nothing more i can do.honestly how shes treating me now not giving a shit about the marriage makes me hav sleepless nights again and very tempted to smoke.because its mentally messing wit my head about wer this martiage stands.wot im saying sister he wont change if yor be around.if u want him to chsnge he has to relise the hard way like i did that his wifes not around anymore.thats the only way.just dont do wot my wifes doing to me after becoming a person and over her selfishness.living her own life that she got used to.dont stress sister i hope this reply gives u sum ideas.and that k2 his smoking is called spice on the street.it is very damgerous i used to be known as a smoker ftom all my mates that no cannabis can get me high.until one of them gave me k2 i took 4 pulls and it hit me like i was gonna have a heart attack or sumthing its got do many chemicals in it.i know people thst cant get off it.there so addicted to it.all the best sister and i hope everything works out for salam

  2. Dear Sister: You have every single right to expect your husband to live a drug free life. And for your husband to be responsible and respectful. That means he comes home AFTER WORK each evening to you. Your brother is an extremely ignorant man and you should avoid discussing your marital problems with ignorant people.

    While you might want to consider meeting with a support group of people who have family members involved with drugs, I would strongly suggest you find a lawyer to guide you through a divorce. I am a no-nonsense type of woman. While it is a blessing to have someone support you during a hardship or personal challenge, adults are responsible for their actions. Your husband has already compromised his Islam by indulging in intoxicants. You are under no obligation to fulfill your duties to him. Imagine what your life would be like if you had a baby or small child, dealing with someone who takes drugs. You would then put your child in danger and possibly create custodial problems with child agencies. Protect your own self. Leave the drug abuser to his vices. You can always just separate if you hesitate to divorce, but personally I believe your husband is more concerned about his own pleasures than living a decent life as your husband. As long as you tolerate his behavior, that is what you will have in your life.

    • assalamualakum ive been married for 3 years while in marriage i was taking drugs and not supporting my wife and a year ago she said she doesnt want to be wit me anymore ive know her for 10years of my life.i understand i was doing wrong and i told her i am going to change my ways in life.she said i had no islam in my life and told her to giv me chance.so i gave her space.its been one year now amd i stopped drugs and hav islam in me and i support her.she says now she want a divorce because she dont love me anymore.islamacally can she request a divorce.isaid no to het because i actually love her to bits and do everything i can for her.she said shes gonna get one from the islamic court herself.please advise me wot i should do im doing everything good wit my life .she also dun her istakara and apparently im not gud for her she says.can she divorce me if im not doing nothing wrong.she used to love me so much amd now she dont esprciall wen she was the one before we got married said i will become a gud petson in lifr in the future.anf i hav please advise me wot i shoulc do.she says me if o love her than i should let her go.i dont want to divorce her but shes being hortible to me and not giving the marriage a go.can she divorce me.please anyone reading this can anyone giv me advise i hate feeling like this

    • please of any one read my comment can u giv me any advise of what to do o hate this feeling

      • Alright, since you are asking for advice, Imran...

        1) You cannot force anyone to be married to you - so yes, your wife can ask you for a divorce. And you should give it to her, because...why would you want to be married to someone that clearly tells you they don't want you and don't love you?

        2) You seem to be very oblivious to the damage you have caused with your drug addiction. You have to understand that all the times, over the 10 years you have been together, you have betrayed your wife, lied to her, made empty promises, been absent and generally been a shitty husband to her...all of that cannot be mended and undone by you being clean for just a year. A YEAR. Good for you, but...it's not a very long time to be clean. And just because you are off the drugs doesn't mean everything and everyone goes back to 'normal'. It doesn't mean you are ENTITLED to be forgiven. You have caused so much deep damage that it will take a lot of time to make people around you trust you again. Especially your wife. You have to accept the fact that you have A LOT of work to do to make up for all the years you shat on people due to your addiction.

        3) To me, it seems like you are a very self-centered and egotistical person. In your post, all you mention is yourself. YOUR wants, YOUR needs, YOUR wishes, the little things YOU have done that makes YOU deserving of a second chance. Well, let's start there: The second chance bit. You are not really asking for a second chance, are you? I suspect your wife has given you MANY chances to man up and do the right thing, and you have blown all of those chances. You are more likely asking for a 200th chance rather than a second one. And those are extremely difficult to hand out like free candy. You know what they say: Fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice shame on me. Your wife is probably fed up with giving you chances that you don't keep up with.

        4) It seems to me like you still have the selfish mindset of a drug addict, even though you don't do drugs anymore. And I suspect that may be another thing that makes your wife want to divorce you. I don't blame her, I wouldn't want to be with a man that only thinks of himself and his needs. Instead of refusing her a divorce, flat out, with no reasoning behind it other than YOU not wanting to divorce...have you ever actually tried to appeal to her? have you actually sat down, face to face, and taken responsibility for everything you have done to her? Have you ever acknowledged her feelings? Have you ever tried to understand her? Maybe if you actually showed her that you completely understand her position, she'd be more open to the idea of going to couple's counselling with you - have you even suggested to her that you can go? Have you ever offered to get professional help for yourself?

        Instead of acting like an entitled little brat, maybe you could actually be proactive and show your wife that you are serious in your lifestyle changes, and that you are prepared to do whatever it takes to mend things with her.

  3. It's NOT your fault or responsibility that your husband is an addict. It's HIS choice to be one, so for your brother-in-law to imply you, somehow, have power over his addiction is incredibly wrong, rude and manipulative. You are 100% right in refusing to have children with this man. He's unstable, unreliable and has some very dangerous and destructive habits. Do NOT bring a child into this mess.

    Your husband is clearly not going to change, if he has not already done so in 4 years. Get a divorce, let your husband deal with his own issues, and find yourself a new husband that is not doing meth, so you can start a family of your own if that's what you want.

    • hi sis just wanna ask a qustion how do i register on this site it doesnt allow me but i still can comment

      • Aselam o alaikum,

        Brother, if you select the 'menu' button and then scroll down to 'register'.

        From my experience, I think it takes roughly about 2-3 months for your question to be processed and then answered.

        There is another site- SeekersHub- where you can post questions. They normally respond within 2/3 weeks (though for one of my questions it took 6 months, and another one - they failed to answer despite me sending it to them 7 times). But when hey did answer, it was very helpful.

        They are qualified scholars and give advice according to the specific school of thought- perhaps you can try them.

        I hope you get the help and advice you needed to deal with your matter, InshaAllah.

        All the Best,
        X

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