Islamic marriage advice and family advice

I have stolen from family and I can’t forget

Pls pls don’t judge me. When I was 16 I started to steal my mums gold jewellery and sold it. I instantly made a lot of money. Then one by one I stole from my relatives, 3 aunts. But when I saw the way 1 of them starting howling and crying I immediately put it back. I was disgusted with my self. I wanted to put back my second aunts but it was too late, I already sold it the day before and i went back to ask them for it back and them take they’re money back but it was too late. It’s no excuse and it stills haunts me 10 years on. I want to pay them back but I don’t know how without them knowing. Last thing. The third aunt. Is the wife of my mum’s youngest brother who sexually abused me from the age of 11-18. My parents let him stay in our house when he came from Bangladesh as an immigrant. He stayed in my room in a single bed and I was in seperate single bed. Middle of the night I’d awake to his hands fondling my breasts and my pants down. When I was in school he would dupe me into giving him my student finance and I gave him over 2k over 2 years. But one day cos as a joke I wrote up a bill he owes me £300 after cutting all the sweets he bought me over the years - and after an argument he showed my parents the note and said he only owed 300 and paid that back. I was devastated. Too ashamed to admit he’d been abusing me. Sexually, physically, mentally and emotionally. So when I stole his wife’s gold that was the only steal - I felt he owed me. That money was rightfully mine. He stole my childhood and in the end made it look like I was going mad over him. I was 17. No one even thot that he’d be wrong they all blamed me. That steal is the only one I don’t regret. But everything else I do and I want to pay back inshallah with help of Allah.

smiah14

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6 Responses »

  1. Dear Sister Smiah,

    As Salaam Walaikum

    It is ok to confess and realise that you have been doing something that was not right.
    Theft is forbidden in Islam and according to the Quran, Sunnah [sayings of Prophet Muhammad sallallaahu `alayhi wa sallam. Allah, the Most Exalted, has condemned this action and decreed an appropriate punishment for it. The Hadd [i.e. the legal punishment prescribed by the Sharee'ah (Islamic law)] for a thief is to cut off the thief's hand. Allah Almighty Says in the Noble Quran (what means):

    “[As for] the thief, the male and the female, amputate their hands in recompense for what they earned [i.e. committed] as a deterrent [punishment] from Allah. And Allah is Exalted in Might and Wise.” [Quran 5:38]

    I think the best way is to make tauba, ask for forgiveness from Allah and make sadqa to the poor and needy.

    And I really feel for you sister for all that abuse you have been through, Allah does justice to all, I think you should tell your parents about his real face and confess your mistakes to your parents too. Your parents are someone who would support you in every way possible if you tell them things the correct way.

    Also make dua and ask for forgiveness and guidance from Allah. Insha'Allah he will guide you the right way.

    Jazakallah Khayran

    • I agree about asking forgiveness and sadqa but telling her parents about the sexual abuse I don't think you should. Because Allah doesn't like it when he conceals a bad thing you did and then you reveal it. It is very wrong. If he tries to sexually abuse you again then you can tell your parents

      • I agree that Allah has asked to conceal the bad things, but here she was not at fault, she was being abused and maybe that thing is not going off her mind. Maybe if she shares it with someone close to her, probably her mother, maybe she will feel better and will find comfort. Being sexually abused at such a young age sometimes leaves an impact on the person for lifetime and disturbs in one or other way.
        Rest Allah knows the best.

        • OP: The third aunt. Is the wife of my mum’s youngest brother who sexually abused me from the age of 11-18. My parents let him stay in our house when he came from Bangladesh as an immigrant. He stayed in my room in a single bed and I was in desperate single bed. Middle of the night I’d awake to his hands fondling my breasts and my pants down.

          Why did parents let the man sleep in her room? This happened for over 7 years (age 11-18). Did she ever tell him to STOP or pretended that she was asleep?

          • Maybe she was too afraid to share this with someone. Sometimes sexual abuse disturbs you mentally to such an extent that you are too afraid to share the incident with anybody of the fear of getting misunderstood. People might question her or be judgemental and specially when it was someone who is a family member. She was a child, a child 11 years might not even understand what is happening and why. And by the time she realised after growing up, maybe that fear was there in her heart that did not allow her to share this with anyone.

  2. Allah knows best, wherever we make a mistake may he forgive us and may he also increase our knowledge.

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