In love with a Christian boy in a band.
A Righteous Husband is what she needs
Salaam!
So, I'm a 19 years old muslim girl. There's a guy I like and he's in a local band and they're pretty famous around my country. He is 23. About him, he's really fun ,outgoing, kind, helpful, trustworthy, and caring. When I'm around him I forget the whole world. The feelings I have for him is sooo hard to describe. I don't mind giving up my life for his happiness. I can do anything to save him from hell on the day of judgment. Yet, the problem is he's a christian.
When I was 15, I started dreaming of him being mine and prayed to Allah to make him a muslim and mine. If I have to choose between him being a muslim or being mine, I will choose him being a good muslim, without hesitation. I believe that we can meet in heaven one day and that's more important to me.
Well now I'm 19 and I see some hope in my relationship with him. I don't wanna just give it up. I don't know when and how should I tell him the truth about me- that I'm a muslim girl and I can't be with him. My friend told me he has been having feelings for me for a long time too and he's planning to ask me out. So, should I tell him the truth about me? The truth that I can't date?! Or should I go on dates with him and wait until he says "I love you", and then tell him the truth that in my religion I can't date, especially a non muslim? I'm sooo lost....
Okay, now let's say he agrees with me after I explain everything to him about my religion and after clearing all the misunderstandings he has about my religion. What will I tell my parents then? They all love me a lot since I'm the youngest in my family. But how will this thing work?
I can see that I will need to choose between my family and love. Plus, will he change his religion for me? Let's say I am in his place and I am asked to change my religion, I might only let him explain because I love him! But will he do this for me? I don't know..... I'm just sooo lost and depressed right now! I just wanna die but of course I won't do it because it's haram.
Please brothers and sisters, tell me what I should do to explain to him about my religion and how to convert him? Because I know if he's converted, my parents will allow me to be with him. But how will this thing work? It's like he's the sky and I'm ground and we both are trying to touch each other, that's all I can see. Please help me! Is there any wadifa, any place or anything which can help me? Just help me! It'll meam a lot.
Thanks!
-eternalalii
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Salaams,
Sister, all of the questions you are asking don't really need to be asked. He's a Christian. You're a Muslim. You just need to leave any ideas of a relationship alone with him.
It sounds to me like you have got a bit of infatuation with him, and are building all these hopes and possibilities on your emotions. That's not reality. Even if this boy does like you, Allah has made the boundaries clear and you have to abide within them or there will be consequences.
My advice to you is to stop going to his concerts, stop hanging around him, and stop dreaming about being with him romantically. If he does happen to approach you about a relationship, you simply tell him you're a Muslim and can only consider marriage with other Muslim men. That's it. All those questions about whetehr to date him, whether to tell him this or that, none of that is anything you need to worry about. The best thing you can do (if you are wanting to get married) is work on finding a Muslim husband you will feel equally enamored with. Don't worry about "what if's" and this boy, it's not meant for you.
-Amy
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Walaikumassalam,
Allah swt decides who is meant for whom and what Allah swt wills comes about in ways noone can imagine. It seems from your narrative that Allah swt has given you awareness of right and wrong. What you need to do is trust Allah swt and KNOW that what he has ordained for you is THE BEST for you.
If Allah swt has ordained this boy to be your husband, no force on the universe can change it. Vice versa no scheming, planning, preparation or subtlety can make this boy ur husband if Allah swt has not ordained him for you - this is the only sentiment you have to internalize. The more you internalize it the more strength you will find within urself to cope with the situation including coping with your feelings. And do not forget to pray as much as you can. Establish regular Salah and understand what you are reciting during Salah. Keep away from what you very well know is forbidden by Allah swt. It will give you peace, happiness and contentment. Aameen.
Regards
Cant she marry him coz Muslims can marry Christians? Or is it double standards n only muslim men can marry Christian women? Every post I have read about these kins of situations is that men are told it to marry Christian women and are given a choice but visa versa for Muslim women? Pls explain as I thought women are equal to men. I love my religion alot n will never change it but the more I educate myself re Islam the more Im finding that men are superior women and we are not equal.
Salaams,
According to Islam, given to the Prophet Muhammad SAWS by Allah Himself, Muslim men may marry Christian/Jewish women but Muslim women may ONLY marry Muslim men. I know some people have a hard time understanding how this is equitable or fair, but there are detailed explanations by scholars that can outline this. If you want to know more about the fiqh that applies, I suggest you enroll in some classes or consult with a nearby scholar/imam.
-Amy
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Sister Dee.
It is not a privilege to marry a disbeliever. Muslim men can marry ahlul kitab women under certain conditions. A Muslim man cannot marry just any Christian or Jewish woman. They are certain conditions laid out that he must follow. As for Muslim women, it is clear that they can only marry Muslim men. For a Muslim woman to marry anyone other than a Muslim man is illogical. How would any of her Islamic rights be fulfilled?
AOA Dee,
It is quite simple in the fact that a man is the head of the household, the captain of the ship and so he leads the family. This is why a Muslim woman cannot marry a non-Muslim as she will be following her husbands beliefs instead of being Muslim.
Men and women are equal but different. Men do have a degree of superiority over women but it is by no means in a derogatory way. Men are the protectors and providers with a logical and practical approach. Whilst women are the carers and the nurturers with a more emotional side.
Do not be lead astray by the poisonous 'philosophy' of the kuffar people. Feminism is an evil ideology which only serves to fracture families and champion homosexuality.
There is no limit to learning but be very careful in your research. The only guaranteed source of information is the Holy Qur'an. With regards to hadith, you will need to ensure they are authentic.
AOA Eternalallii,
There's no way of saying this without sounding patronising but you are a typical teenage girl with a crush. You are doing everything wrong to encourage this hopeless infatuation you have. You have built up something out of nothing.
You need to completely remove yourself from this and stop hanging around this guy. It will inevitably lead to heartache where you will be sweet talked into a short lived fling and end up being another groupie conquest.
When you say you just wanna die, spare a thought for our Syrian brothers and sisters. I'm sure you have watched some news in between behaving like an obsessed fan.
If we could have a wish granted, why would you waste it on something so selfish? The guy can't convert (revert) for you anyway, It can only be for the sake of Allah.
My dear Sis,
Its clearly a case of infatuation and considering everything, it would be wise at your end to leave any idea of a relationship with him. but you wont believe/agree...isnt it...then i would say that you must ponder over the following -
Dont' you think you are rushing into?!! ( please hold on, else (God forbid), it will merely cause you pain.)
you are thinking about converting/marrying him, when he has NOT even proposed you yet.
you are thinking about his reaction, when he doesn't know about your religion/religious requirements
you are thinking about reaction of family, when you are not sure of his reaction about your love, marriage conditions and religion.
you said " see some hope in my relationship with him"- my dear Sis, in real practical life, relationships don't run on just 'hopes'. So please save yourself from going astray or causing pain to your own self.
Divert your mind, focus on your studies/hobbies/career and keep distance from him. If he ever proposes you, be clear in your response that you can marry only a Muslim. If he is truly interested in you (which i doubt that he is) he would covert himself (please note that to my best knowledge, conversion to Islam only for sake of marriage is Haraam. it should be for God and not just for some person)and would ask your parents to marry you.
Dear you are pretty young, you will definitely get a good husband. so please..don't be an emotional fool...think practically...think wise...have patience....