IslamicAnswers.com: Islamic Advice

Assalamu alaikum.

I am married woman, having 2 year old son. I got married in 2002 and living in a painful life.. I got married at the age of 28 and very good looking.. I look very young for my age.. even now, they can say my age as 25.. I got married to who works in abroad.

I was so loving, caring and affectionate towards my husband when I got married.. _I too had all the expectations like all the girls. I am a girl who is helping parents, only to help parents I went for a job.. till now helping my parents in need.

Sisters, my husband is not loving and attached towards me.. initially when i got married i thought he is having love but unable to express towards me.. Before marriage, before getting fixed, this man talked to me over phone nicely.. I thought he is a good match for me as he is helping his parents too.. and helping nature.. But after engagement, that talking in phone reduced to weekly once, but he was ok talking to me.. he told on week days he was busy with his work, so couldn´t talk and also he didn´t want to spend money for phone cards.. .. i also comforted myself.. and talked to him weekly once.. I have so much of love and affection and wanted to share with him even a small bits of info... I loved him blindly and my love started before marriage and it was too blind... after marriage, i had so many dreams and went inside his home.. The day i got married the problems started in his home.. My in laws were afraid of me and more possessive towards his son.. they dont want us to be closer.. they were saying bad things and back biting about me and family to him.. they only came to see me and arranged the marriage.. but as they are all dependent on him, they don´t want him to be closer to me or to my family..  He didn´t get close to me..  we didn´t start our sex life.. once he tried but no success.. i thought he will be ok and may be shy, and when we go back to abroad he will not be shy as we will be alone.. After a month of marriage, we went back to abroad..

After I came back to ABROAD, i was expecting him to be closer to me.. This idiot, he didn´t even talk to me properly.. i was cooking, cleaning and doing all the works like a maid to him.. Time passed..  no sex no love not even talking good.. but he will show up to others that he is a very loving guy.. but inside no talk no love.. i started worrying about it.. i am newly married with all the dreams.. he used to ask me to massage his body, but no sexual intercourse.. I used to cry throughout the night for that.. he will sleep after massaging.. I was like a spa girl.. I felt so inferior and thought something is wrong with me .. I was not going for job also, I resigned right after my marriage as I felt I will enjoy and do work for my husband sometime and then once I get visa, i will go for work.. this guy didn´t give me any enjoyment.. I cried all the time alone at home, this ABROAD looks like a hell to me.. no job, no love, only cooking and cleaning house all the time. When we met some couples who are newly married, I felt so inferior inside and when they asked me about our personal life.. they were sharing some of their own.. I started crying in front of them.. unable to share anything.. that much pain.. and he got angry and didn´t talk to me.. I don´t know what to do.. some more time passed.. his relative came to abroad for a short visit and he stayed with us for a week.. I found so many interesting things.. These 2 guys were very close to each other, and even talking throughout the night.. his relative had a sister who they have plans of marrying.. but because of family misunderstandings that plan was dropped.. because of family my husband married to me.. I heard from some of his relatives.. but with his relative he was talking over the phone for long hours, whole night..  I did cooking for him.. If I understand him, treated him well, thought my husband will be close to me..  But I was like a servant and these guys never bothered about me..

Due to some visa problems we are forced to go back to india.. I was happy that i will see my parents and at least i will go for a job and forget all my worries...

Since the day we landed in india , my in laws started torturing me for baby. started thinking that i am avoiding sex life and having fault in me… after few days my husband came back to home and left to another country leaving me alone in India.. He never informed me of this and he was going alone and leaving me in this torturing home.. I was still loving him and missed him.. I cried alone in night.. Then he used to call once in a week and the phone will come at the end after every one finished conversation, and he will say good bye to me as everyone will mistake him he talks to me longer time.. time passed by and after a great struggle, I came back to my parents place and went for a job where I got some peace..

We got a chance to live together again in ABROAD.. He started his sex life, even though my in laws passed bad comments about me not getting pregnant over the phone, life was ok.. but not full understanding.. and I got pregnant by the grace of Almighty... My husband started fighting with me often for not bringing his mother for my delivery in ABROAD and i brought my parents for help as I was not comfortable with my mother in law and also during delivery I need my moms suppport.. he never gave me happiness throughout my pregnancy as he started torturing about this issue.. after that due to visa issues i went back to india with my son as my husband wanted to attend his  family wedding.. He didn´t treat me well in that wedding, saying that he is not living happy life and his life is spoiled.. I was so upset about his ill treating in front of his family and stayed back in india.. I went and joined back in my old job.. and as i have some commitments like doing my sister wedding I did during this visit.. But during this gap, my in laws told bad things about me over the phone and he stopped calling me even over the phone..

I thought staying away from him was a problem and thought of going back to ABROAD and did that by resigning the job and flew here with my son.. After coming back to ABROAD, I thought he might be longing for us and love us.. What happened was unbearable. . He was talking over the phone during midnight every day to some guy in India.. He is treating him like a partner.. u know what i mean.. I found some thing bad.. my husband was unable to do any sex with me.. Whenever He tried, he is unable to do it and the next day he started fighting with me badly and started crying.. He used to scold me for nothing.. He didnt treat me well.. I am worried about my son.. I found some emails which he sent to the guy with some double meanings.. and sending love towards him.. and some poem exchanges and sending costly gifts... talking to him like a lover and laughing a lot.. which I got confused and doubted him as a 'homo'.. All his behaviours like shouting at me for nothing and whenver he get a chance, he used to blame me, not interested in sex.. and even if he try to do sex, he is unable to do...etc made me to confirm this.. I was unable to bear this and cried to Almighty, i lost the job as I was crying in office too.. then after 6 months I comforted myself and started bearing this life for the sake of Allah and my son.. Also, i am afraid to come out of this marriage, as I am beautiful I am afraid of living alone.. and afraid of relatives bad words... Even though I work and earn good, I dont have courage to do so.. My life is going like 1 week fight and 4 days no fight and again new fight.. and crying.. like this.. Sometimes, i wanted to take a bold decision to come out of this life.. sometimes, i am more worried about my son.. but I am more afraid of my husband who is creating good image for him in the society and his family by helping everyone by money.. Whenever he get a chance he is spoiling my image.. If i say this to anyone in his family or surrounding no one will believe it.. i dont know how to prove this.. What I have is only his email exchanges bet them..

I lost my sleep worrying about this and couldnt concentrate in my son or me.. i just praying to Allah to give me a good life and to take all the bad things from him.. All these days since I got married I am praying for a change in him only and to love me.. I am worried about my future and my son's future now.. I am unable to trust him anymore and I lost all my hopes on him..

What can i do now? Can i try to live the same life with him believing one day he will understand me and realize his mistakes or can I take a bold decision and come out of it?

Please share your thoughts on Islamic way  of dealing this issue..

banu