Cheated on for eight years…
I was in a relationship with a muslim boy for eight years. I committed zina as well. And I wish I could take it all back. He said he'd marry me. But a few months ago he told me that he has also been in a relationship with a non Muslim girl for eight years as well. There were times in those eight years when my friends would tell me that he was seen with this girl or that girl. The other girl found out about me. And she pretended to befriend me. She said we would shun him. But mentally harassed me for two months by which time I was near the point of breaking. She went back to him n I left.
Now a month later this guy again contacts me. Says that other girl was evil. He was wrong. The usual lies that sociopaths say. I believed it all. They both had tortured me emotionally and mentally I cannot tell you how. They would take me on conference and discuss everything. And even when I would cry or beg that please let me keep the phone down, he would say that he'd come to my house and create a scene in front of my parents. I still forgave him after all this when he came back. After we got back he told the girl that we are together. And she created a lot of scene. Ran away from home and she even came up to my house one day. But Allah saved me yet again n nothing happened.
On the other hand, this guy kept me hanging. One day he'd say I want to b with you, the next day it would be. I don't want to b with u. Finally I left him. Now I find out that he had a third girl on the side for one and a half year. And just so that the first girl (as she's a little loony) doesn't find out, he pretended to get back so that he could pit me against the other girl. Just now a friend of mine called and told me that he has had several other affairs as well.
I don't know what to believe or think anymore. My faith in humanity has been shaken. I am so depressed sometimes that suicide seems the only option but of course that's haraam. I feel like washing myself over with acid. I keep praying. I believe Allah saved me again and again and again. Even when I left Him. But how do I deal with this pain and depression.
I want to take revenge,but I wish Allah would for me. Can I pray for revenge?!! Can I pray that...that guy stays away from his deen, because to me that seems like the best revenge. I don't know what to do! I just want some logical explanation. I want to know if he is going to suffer. I don't want to take revenge because I want to make Allah happy. But I want to know if i'll receive justice?!!
noya
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Assalam alaikum,
Dear Sister,
Your faith in humanity is shaken because your faith in humanity depended on this one individual. I must say, he doesn't represent all of humanity even at the very least.
1. Do not put your trust in those who are of no relation to you and especially those who are not deserving of it.
2. Do not talk to any non-Mahram men, let alone engaging in any relationship with them. The more persistent a guy is in pursuing a haram relationship, the more he should be avoided and not trusted.
3. Do not let him and thoughts of him control your life. Who is in control of you right now? You should be able to take hold of your life and your thoughts and live with purpose, but when a person can't do that it means they have let someone or something infiltrate their safe zone. Stop letting any thought of him decide how you think or feel.
4. Repent and turn to Allah swt and never return to the ways that lead you into this heartache and turmoil. If you can't pray good for this boy, I would avoid it. Remember, you want Allah swt to easily forgive you, but that also means we should forgive as well. First people "fall in love" and then later they want to seek revenge--that wasn't love in the first place, it was a successful trap set by shaitaan.
I hope that you find peace inn shaa Allah--it will take all of you to do that. If your peace depends on his destruction--you will never find peace.
Sister,
Let go and move on. Wish revenge on no one and learn from your mistakes. Pray for guidance to lead you away from this boy and closer to your deen. Seek forgiveness for your past transgressions. When you can do that, you will find peace and be a much happier person for it.
Salam