Am I engaged or in Nikkah? Iam really stressed over this.Please help
The Nikah of his daughter
Salaamun ‘alaykum brothers and sisters, plz read it carefully, word for word, and understand it before answering, plz answer if u have knowledge for it, im quite worried. It is regarding my engagement.
engagements in my culture are seen as an agreement between the two families for the couples to get married (however, i dont think they take it as nikah perhaps), engagements in my culture is not a getting to now each other phase and then decide on whether to marry or not, as some people may see engagements as.
I was asked for my approval for the relationship, and I said yes, I accepted the relationship, willing to get married, but I didnt think of my consent to be taken as the consent for nikah to happen at that time, it was just my approval of the relationship. nor do I think my family took this as nikah.
There were many guests on engagement day, but I dont even know if they all prayed salahs or not, may be 2 or 3 or even more of them did. an adult sane person who doesnt do salahs out of laziness, some scholers say they are kaafirs and cant be witnesses or wali, so though there were many people seeing us get engaged, but whether they were in the position to be witnesses or not is something im not 100% sure of, though their would have been probably at least 2 or 3 people out of so many guests that prayed salahs. Also, im not sure if the guests saw this as nikah or just engagement.
My maternal grandad prays, my dad doesnt pray, or may be he did at that time, i dont quite remember if it was ramadhan or not, anyway, my dad was happy with this relationship as well as my maternal grandad. my maternal grandad had consent over this relationship though im not sure if he intended to be my wali or not and whether he saw this as nikah or not, but he had agreed on this relationship, and my family and my fiance's family were happy and in agreement with this relationship. However, I do not know if my grandad (or someone speaking from my grandad's side) proposed to my fiance or not (or proposing to someone who was on my fiances side or proposing to someone who was representing my fiance) and whether then my fiance (or someone from his side of family or someone speaking on his behalf) then accepted it or not. Im not sure if such exact dialect between them has happened or not, however, both families, including my maternal grandad and fiance had no objection to this relationship and were happy. Furthermore, what has happened is that some money was given to my maternal grandad by my fiances grandad, or by someone from my fiances family, but this was not mahr, this was just a customary practice as to show official agreement between the two families, however, I dont know if this is taken as nikah or not by them.there are so many 'IFs' and 'BUTs', and im very confused as to whether the conditions for nikah have been met or not.
Im not sure if the grooms side took this as nikah or just engagement. but as far as im aware, my family just took it as an engagement.
am I in nikah or not? has all these things that have happened made me in nikah to him ???
are there any scholerly differences in opinon regarding this ? ... plz try to provide evidence and explanation when answering.
may be im over thinking and worrying, i dont know, but i really need to know, because if its engagement then i want to break it off, if its nikah then im not sure if i should break it off or not just because he isnt as islamic as how much he should be. he doesnt drink, he prays and fasts etc, generally a very good guy, but not as islamic as one should be, he likes music for example, he may change for me but im not sure how much he will actually listen to me and obey Allaah from his heart in all matters. sometimes i fear that his family arent religeous so he may not be so religious either, and it may have influence on kids. im not really sure, im very confused on what to do. my family arent religious so if after the wedding he doesnt be islamic, my family will not understand or support me, so to avoid the risk i want to leave him, but im not sure if i should or not if nikah has taken place. if possible, plz also tell me if i have the right for khula in my situation, with evidences. to be honest, i dont feel very comfortable with this relationship anyway, but if he turns islamic or taking khula is not right in my case, then for Allaah's sake i am ready to stay in this relationship, in sha Allaah.
thanks for reading all the way through. do pray for me dear brothers and sisters that all my affairs become easy, and plz provide the sources from where u have got the evidences for the answers, i want to be 100% sure, as my decision will depend on it in sha Allaah . if possible even ask ur local alims at mosque for their opinion or anyone knowledgeable that u know, and tell me what they are, i mean what type of sunni are they? and what makes u see them trustworthy? just a brief one sentence about them will do in sha Allaah... and ask them for their reasons for the opinion, i mean if they think its nikah then why do they see it as nikah, and if not nikah, then why is it not nikah, whats been lacking? sorry for this, but im very stressed and worried and want to be sure, as i do not want to do anything that will displease Allaah. plz help me if u can brothers and sisters. i need to know as soon as possible, so the more replies the better i think it will be for my reassurance, in sha Allaah
Blueblue.
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Assalam o alaykum wr wb ,bismillahir rahmanir raheem .
Am glad that u felt the urge to ask question and clear the doubt being a student of shariah I will ask u one simple question was there any khutbah pronounced/ sermon ?? Because the condition of marriage is sermon . So no sermon mean no marriage .
Imple as this . Secodnly if u don't feel like marrying stand up and resist now before its too late don think about family think abt urself €
I hope and blunt loud and clearr .
Wlsm. Thanks for giving value to my question, I thought may be people will just see it as me worrying too much, thanks for being so understanding.
But isnt a sermon a sunnah only.
Wa'alaykumsalam,
This is one of the problem if people deviate from the teaching of Islam. Nikkah in Islam is a very simple process for marriage but it seems as though marriage in Pakistan or else where has levels/formation which can sometimes make it very confusing unnecessarily. Cultural way of marriage took over Islamic way and caused troubles. This is not right.
The following should be observed for the actual nikkah:
1. The best time is a Friday after the 'Asr prayer in the masjid . The Messenger of Allah (upon him be peace) said, "Announce this marriage, and perform it in the masjid … ( Tirmidhi ).
2. Scholars and other pious people should be invited to gain the blessing of their presence and their du'as in the masjid .
3. The nikah should be performed by a pious person.
4. Two witnesses should be chosen and present at the gathering. The Messenger of Allah (upon him be peace) said, "There is no marriage without a wali and two upright witnesses… ( Ibn Hibban ). Although all those present could potentially be witnesses, it is better to have two formal witnesses who sign the marriage contract and can be called upon in the event of any problems.
5. The marriage payment [dowry or mahr ] should be stipulated beforehand and the person performing the ceremony should be informed of the amount.
6. The bride should preferably send a wali (her father, uncle, brother or any such elder) to represent her. The wali should be present in the gathering. The Messenger of Allah (upon him be peace) said, "A women should not marry herself off [i.e. without a wali] ( Ibnmaja ). The Messenger of Allah (upon him be peace) said, "A virgin cannot be married off without her permission." They asked as to how her permission is given. He replied, "Her silence" ( Bukhari and Muslim ).
7. When the bride grants her wali [representative] the permission to marry her to the groom, it is preferable to have two people (from among her mahrams ) to witness this also. Although, the representation is valid without witnesses, however, in the event of problems their testimony would be needed to prove that she consented to her marriage to the groom.
8. The sunna khutba [sermon] will be recited first by the imam performing the marriage. This khutba includes the three verses of taqwa , and a hadith or two about marriage, exhorting the couple and those present to fear Allah and attain taqwa ( Abu Dawud, Tirmidhi, Nasai, Ahmad ).
9. After the khutba the imam will ask the representative (1) if he gives consent to the bride's (taking her complete name) marriage (2) to the groom (again taking the complete name) (3) for the stipulated amount of marriage payment (4) in the presence of the two witnesses. If the representative consentsthen the imam turns to the groom and ask him if he accepts the bride (taking her name)in his marriage for the stipulated amount of marriage payment. The groom has to reply incomplete terms such as, "I accept her in my marriage" or " I have accepted her in my marriage" or "I do marry her." It is preferablethat he say this and not just "I do" or "I accept."
10. The imam should then recite the following du'a,
"Barak Allahu laka wa baraka alayka wa jama'a baynakuma bikhayr."
May Allah bless you and have His blessing descend upon you and unite you in goodness.
Thereafter, he will make other du'as for the couple and those present.
11. It is then sunna the next day or the day after once the couple have consummated their marriage or entered into privacy together to provide a walima reception.
This is provided by the groom and his family and is not a responsibility of the bride. The Messenger of Allah (upon him be peace) provided walima after many of his marriages by feeding the people a goat. Anas (may Allahbe pleased with him) relates that the Messenger of Allah (upon him be peace) provided a walima on the occasion of the consummation of his marriage with Zaynab bint Jahsh. He provided meat and bread to the fill off his guests ( Bukhari ).
Therefore, I believe that you are NOT married.
Regarding your wish to break off this engagement, you are free to do whatever you wish. Be strong. But know that, no human is perfect. You said that your fiance doesn't drink, he performs his salat, he fasts and generally he is a very good guy. You said his family aren't religious and so he may not be so and you fear this. Allow me to ask, are you religious ? Are you not watching tvs, listening to musics ? Are you observing full abaya/pardah, praying 5 times etc etc ? If yes, then your family too aren't religious but you turned out to be religious. This is life, great CAN happen. If no, then why deny your fiance ! It just shows that anything can happen in life. All depends on Allah. Therefore, your fiance has a high chance of becoming way more religious with some help.
Anyways, if your fiance's bad habit is only listening to music and nothing else, then you may wanna think again. You know whats best ? Performing salat al isthikhara !
I want to leave him, because I want to be islamic, but because of my family I find it very difficult to be islamic, I am not very practising, but I want the freedom to practise islam. Therefore, I want an islamic husband, I dont want to live in stress all my life. He is nice, but I dont want him. I have stood up a lot, sometimes my mom didnt want me to fast and pray, but I did it. Not always, but there have been times that I have done that. I genuinely want an islamic life, I said I will support him as much as he wants, but I want to wear proper hijab even on wedding day, but he doesnt quite want that from the heart. I know we r not perfect brother, even I am not that good, but I want a change from the heart and have shown my determination in many places. He hasnt shown the will to change much, he just says that he will for me, but reality is the chances are very low. I dont know, one hand its not good to risk marrying someone for the potential, coz what if they dnt change, but what if I dont find another good guy... I should just do istikhara and leave him, trusting Allaah to give me a right spouse. dont u think thats right brother?
Okay perform salat al isthikhara and act upon it. May Allah help you out. Ameen
Assalamualaikum sister blueblue,
How would it be Nikah without you being told that it would be? But if your consent was asked for and you gave it, then a Khutbah was read in the presence of your Wali and two witnesses, mahr was announced/given, waleemah was given, then it maybe Nikah.
For confirming the case with a renowned scholar, you could let me know if you know Urdu or Arabic so that I can share their contact numbers with you. In sha Allah you can confirm yourself and be satisfied.
Muhammad Waseem
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Wlsm. I understand urdu brother, but only if the urdu is written in english letters
Check your email for the contact number
Muhammad Waseem
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Thank u so much for this, I appreciate this a lot brother. Hmm but I cant quite call him, 🙁 because my parents will find out. Does he have an email address? Or does he have any texting apps on which I can text him for free like whats app and kik messenger
He does not use an email.
If you use 'viber' or 'fring' on your phone, you can probably contact: Shaikh Muhammad Tariq of India. Save his number and it will appear in the app: +91 9448183516
This is all I can do 🙂
Muhammad Waseem
IslamicAnswers.com Editor