I am married to a man who is divorced for over a year, and he has a child from his first marriage. We are newly married.
He explained to me that he will have to communicate with the mother of his daughter. I understood that well and thought the only thing they should discuss is their daughter. Unfortunately, I read some of emails/sms where my husband and ex-wife are talking about things not related to the child (like exchanging news on people they know: who passed away, who got married, some sheikh arriving to the city, weather, updates on relatives, in-laws, etc.) She calls sometimes in the evening, and in between asks where he is, whether he is upset at her or not (that question might be referring to their previous conversation they had that day), etc...
My husband told me that he would want his ex-wife to come back as they lived together for over 20 years. It is she who asked for divorce,because my husband wanted a second wife. I have expressed indirectly what I know in different manners, i.e. whenever this topic comes up I tried to tell that it is not right in islam to talk more than its needed. Whenever I refer to ex-wife, he ends up our conversation that im over-reactive, over-sensitive and extremely jealous. MOst of the time he seems to be defending her: saying that she is the most pious women he knows, she is God-fearing, she has a good heart. Also he said he knows more than I am the limits of communication with her. . At the end I am always the wrong one, and the jealous one.
I know I am sinning a lot by checking his mobile, and it makes me feel worse. Recently, the emails from ex-wife increased , and she tells that the divorce is a test for her, also she advises that my husband needs to rest well, sleep/eat well, etc.. All the emails show that she misses and loves him and gives a lot of instructions and advices. They call each other on a daily basis, only Allah knows what they talk. I know this because I check his mobile. But what I have noticed most of the time it is she who starts the conversation. The first email or sms would be from her and from there they would continue throughout the day, literally from fajr till late midnight . What bothers me is that this woman is the most fitnah for my husband, I wont have a problem if he had a call from his female employee. But given that both of them have feelings towards each other, there is a great chance of following whispers of shaytan.
I am aware of my sin, and keeping asking Allah SWT to remove this habit from my heart and mind, to grant me a lot of patience, and ignore what is happening. I am looking for a piece of advice on how to deal with this situation. I know I cant control her words or actions, nor my husband's. I also know that I am not responsible for anyone's actions. I know one thing I have to stop checking the mobile. But I am so confused, where the major problem is ? do i need to do you anything with them talking friendly? What will you advise me ?
PL REPLY IF YOUR SE[ERATION TOOK PLACE AS PER ISLAMIC PROCEDURE LIKE THIS OR JSUT 3 TALAQS IN ONE SITTING -
65:1) O Prophet, when you divorce women, divorce them for their waiting-period, *1 and compute the waiting period accurately, *2 and hold Allah, your Lord, in awe. Do not turn them out of their homes (during the waiting period) â nor should they go away (from their homes) *3â unless they have committed a manifestly evil deed. *4 Such are the bounds set by Allah; and he who transgresses the bounds set by Allah commits a wrong against himself. You do not know: maybe Allah will cause something to happen to pave the way (for reconciliation). *5"If you have to divorce your wives, you should divorce them till the expiry of their waiting-period".The intention of this verse is further explained by a few other Ahadith which have been reported from the Holy prophet (upon wham be Allah's peace) ai d some of the major Companions. Nasa'i has related that the Holy Prophet was infomed that a person had pronounced three divorces on his wife in ane sitting. He stood up in anger and said:'`Are the people playing with the Book of Allah, although I am present among you?"Ibn 'Umar, may Allah be pleased with them, reported: I divorced my wife while she was menstruating during the lifetime of Allah's Messenger (may peace be upon him). 'Umar bin Al-Khattab (may Allah be pleased with him) asked Allah's Messenger (may peace be upon him) about it, whereupon Allah's Messenger (may peace be upon him) said: Command him ('Abdullah bin 'Umar) to take her back (and keep her) and pronounce divorce when she is purified and she again enters the period of menstruation and she is again purified (after passing the period of menses), and then if he so desires he may keep her and if he desires divorce her (finally) before touching her (without having an intercourse with her), for that is the period of waiting ('Iddah) which Allah, the Exalted and Glorious, has commanded for the divorce of women-
Sister to me I think you being bit jelous about this. Sorry if I hurt your feelings. But in your post you said he wanted a second wife Thats why she divorce him. That mean I understand that he didn't dislike her but she was not able to accept it that's why she moved. On other hand he didn't dislike her that's why he still have those feelings with her. 20yrs it's not a joke it's a lot of time for a married couple it is really hard to forget those memory.
As per about the daughter if you don't like the way they communicate (which they should not) then tell your husband openly that you don't like it and if he needs to get touch with his daughter then he can find someone from other family member to communicate with his daughter. Uncle aunt or grandparents.
If you don't mind may I ask you, why did you get married to him? Now only you can pray and ask Allah's guidance.
Once a husband and wife is divorced, they are totally non-mahram to each other. All shariah limits applies to them. But they are allowed to communicate in a 'business' like manner, if there's a genuine need. Your husband has a child with her, and I'm guessing that child is with his ex-wife, therefore there is a need to communicate with her about the well-being of the child etc. But then extra talks is forbidden.
He is wrong in praising his ex-wife as obviously this will make you jealous. He should mind what he is talking to you. Did you try, sitting down with him, talking to him about your feelings and telling him that you are very uncomfortable with this. Have you tried bringing in mediators ? If he still remain unchanged, then have you considered being in a polygamous marriage ? That is if he remarries his ex. This might perhaps stop him and his ex from sinning. This is one way, the other is, if you can't allow him to marry his ex, then maybe just maybe you treathen him with divorce ( I wouldn't advise this though ). Or maybe talk to an Imam of your problems. He lived with his wife for a long 20 yrs, and so thats why its never easy to forget. Have patience and convince your husband to bring in a solution.
"O ye who believe! Avoid suspicion as much (as possible): for suspicion in some cases is a sin". (49:12)
Therefore, try to stop being overly suspicious. Put faith in Allah, ask Him for help and ease your situation. May Allah take you out of this temporary unpleasent situation. Ameen.
I know what you're asking. You're a woman, and I'm a woman and you're blinded by your emotions right now so allow me to help you out.
First, the things that you are worried about, is that there are some obvious red flags going off between your husband and his ex-wife concerning communication. Not just how often they communicate, but exactly what is said and the implications. I know men are given the stereotype of being 'stupid' (sorry, lack of a more appropriate word) when it comes to understanding the underlying intentions of women.... at least according to other women this is true. You think you can't PROVE there's anything haram going on between them, because she hasn't said outright, "I miss you, I want you back, please leave your current wife, or take me back as your wife again.". But you'd be wrong... as the above commenter stated, just talking now is not allowed unless completely necessary. They are no longer mehram to eachother and can not hold this kind of relationship. Doing so is the same as having an affair. One doesn't need to sleep with, or touch another woman to have an affair with them. This is considered an 'emotional affair' and yes it's a legitimate condition.
Also, remember islamically that we observe the reality of how our bodies deal with struggles every day. Our mouths talk to get us in trouble and test us, our hands are often getting us in trouble, our eyes, our ears, and our other parts confirm it. Your husbands mouth is speaking to his ex in a way that is not appropriate, your husbands hands are texting her, his ears listen to her words that should only be said and accepted by his wife or mother.
Now, onto the common sense stuff... I know you are stuck. You're a newly wed. What are you going to do... threated divorce if he continues? The answer is YES. I know it's hard, and seems like strange advice, but these actions are setting the precedence for the rest of your marriage. This woman is trying to win your husband over with their past, and an ACT of piety. If she were so pious, she wouldn't be cooing these things in his ear and leave him to be with another woman. She may also be lonely and confused, but she got herself in this by leaving him because he took a second.
Now, On to this other womans rights, unfortunately for YOU, now you are faced with the EXACT same situation that SHE was faced with. She Can Not communicate with him like she is doing, it's not right... But... she CAN offer in a halal way to be a second wife to him... second from you. That's right, she can do exactly what you did to her, and come in and be a second wife again. And, she would honestly probably take the priority in his life since they have kids and a past.
So... here you are, approached by a man, but you forget you have a polygamous husband. Now she's coming back (in an inappropriate way, yes) but she's showing interest and you're jealous... at least you don't have children with the man! If I were you, I'd get them BOTH in a room, and tell them to make a choice- and then respect it. If you chose to leave them to their marriage as they have kids, then it would be better for you since you're still newlyweds and have no kids. Children between you and your current husband will trap you in this situation for the rest of your life. If you want to be the only one, then don't think you're going to go from being a second wife, to a first and only wife forever. He is polygamous, and you will likely find yourself in this situation again, if not with her, then someone else. Don't think your situation makes that unlikely... I don't care how unhappy he was, I don't care how you two met or how in love you were or are. Just the idea that your husband is a man that would consider a polygamous lifestyle is enough to give you reason to expect other woman to be pursuing him, and for him to be receptive to that.
A man is like stone, hard and set. A woman is like water, always changing.
A woman marries a man, thinking she can make him change. A man marries a woman, thinking she will never change. In the end, they are both disappointed.
It's easier to be wise for others, than for yourself.
BTW... I don't believe that your husband didn't tell you before you got married why his first wife left. If he didn't tell you why, and that he was interested in polygamy, because you said that they were divorced for a year, then you should just leave him. It surprises me that you two never talked about it because it's got to be one of the biggest, first questions potential couples ask eachother. I think you two must have talked about this topic, and if he lied in the beginning, then you should leave him as he's trapping you in a bad situation and getting his way by going about things horribly.
There are options of parting from him, and also staying with him. The former has been discussed by sister Stacy. Concerning the latter, if they do not stop communicating, you should ask your husband if he is intending to remarry her, talking about the emails and SMSs. If he marries her, then the relation would be Halaal. And I am considering that you agreed to marry him as a second wife as you said his first wife asked for divorce, for this reason. You could still live in a polygamy wife if he marries her again.
Let him know that she is no more his Mahram and he can not continue unless he makes it Halaal. It may now sound difficult but it is an option available in the Sharee'ah and in my personal opinion, it is better that parting, and Allah Knows Best.
This is a secondary issue to the posted question, however I wanted to ask . I have read that according to Shariah man can remarry his divorced wife only after she marries someone else first then when her marriage does not work she divorces that person and only then she is lawful to her husband again. Would it not apply to the first wife of a man in this question? Would this man commit a sin if he remarries his first wife without her marring and divorcing someone else first?
Mary, that would only apply if he gave his first wife a total of 3 talaq. If he only gave her one or two, and she passed her iddah and the divorce was complete, then she may remarry him without having to marry someone else first.
That would be the case only after the third divorce not the first.
Allah said:
" A divorce is only permissible twice: after that, the parties should either hold Together on equitable terms, or separate with kindness..." "So if a husband divorces his wife (irrevocably/thrid time), He cannot, after that, re-marry her until after she has married another husband and He has divorced her. In that case there is no blame on either of them if they re-unite, provided they feel that they can keep the limits ordained by Allah. Such are the limits ordained by Allah, which He makes plain to those who understand." ( Al- Baqarah 229-239 )
assalamalaikum-
Let him know that she is no more his Mahram and he can not continue unless he makes it Halaal
This depends on his style of talaq THE SHARIAH PROCEDUER OR THYE MASLAKHS AND MADHSB DUPLICATE TALAQ 3 IN ONE SITTING-
FOR THAT ONLY I HAD ASKED IF THE TALAQ HOW IT TOOK PLACE-
THE ORIGINAL SHARIAH TALAQ IS IN THIS PLEASE RAED-
QURAN-65:1) O Prophet, when you divorce women, divorce them for their waiting-period, *1 and compute the waiting period accurately, *2 and hold Allah, your Lord, in awe. Do not turn them out of their homes (during the waiting period) â nor should they go away (from their homes) *3â unless they have committed a manifestly evil deed. *4 Such are the bounds set by Allah; and he who transgresses the bounds set by Allah commits a wrong against himself. You do not know: maybe Allah will cause something to happen to pave the way (for reconciliation). *5"If you have to divorce your wives, you should divorce them till the expiry of their waiting-period".The intention of this verse is further explained by a few other Ahadith which have been reported from the Holy prophet (upon wham be Allah's peace) ai d some of the major Companions. Nasa'i has related that the Holy Prophet was infomed that a person had pronounced three divorces on his wife in ane sitting. He stood up in anger and said:'`Are the people playing with the Book of Allah, although I am present among you?"Ibn 'Umar, may Allah be pleased with them, reported: I divorced my wife while she was menstruating during the lifetime of Allah's Messenger (may peace be upon him). 'Umar bin Al-Khattab (may Allah be pleased with him) asked Allah's Messenger (may peace be upon him) about it, whereupon Allah's Messenger (may peace be upon him) said: Command him ('Abdullah bin 'Umar) to take her back (and keep her) and pronounce divorce when she is purified and she again enters the period of menstruation and she is again purified (after passing the period of menses), and then if he so desires he may keep her and if he desires divorce her (finally) before touching her (without having an intercourse with her), for that is the period of waiting ('Iddah) which Allah, the Exalted and Glorious, has commanded for the divorce of women-
ASSAMA;AIKUM-
Mary, that would only apply if he gave his first wife a total of 3 talaq. If he only gave her one or two, and she passed her iddah and the divorce was complete, then she may remarry him without having to marry someone else first.
PL NOTE THE 3 ONE SITTING IS NOT VALID-IT MUST BE AS PER THE ORDER MENTIONED ABOVE-
IF YR HUSBAND HAS GIVEN 3 TALAQ IN ONE SITTING THEN SHE IS STILL HIS WIFE BECAUSE IT IS TAKEN AS ONE ONLY
Mary, that would only apply if he gave his first wife a total of 3 talaq. If he only gave her one or two[THIS 1OR 2 ALSO MUST BE GIVEN KEEPING HER IN THE HOUSE AS PER QURAN ORDER]
and she passed her iddah and the divorce was complete, then she may remarry him without having to marry someone else first.
NO ROOM FOR INSTANT DIVORCE:
PL NOTE THE 3 TALAQ IN ONE SITTING IS NOT VALID-
IT MUST BE AS PER THE QURANIC ORDER MENTIONED ABOVE-
THIS IS THE VERSION OF SELF APPOIONTED SCHOLARS WHO MAKE A MOCKERY OF SHARIAH...AS SHOWN BELOW.....
I have read that according to Shariah man can remarry his divorced wife only after she marries someone else first then when her marriage does not work she divorces that person and only then she is lawful to her husband again.
REPLY TO THIS CONFUSION WHICH PLAYS HAVOC IN MANY MILLIONS OF GIRLS LIVES......PL READ
Some very important Laws for divorce are propounded in this Surah in addition to 2:228-234, 4:3, 4:19, 4:35, 4:128, 33:49, 58:1-3, 65:1-4.
NO ROOM FOR INSTANT DIVORCE:
According to the Qur'an, there is absolutely no room for an instant divorce. The process must take months in order to allow reconsideration on the part of the husband and wife.
THE QUR'AN DISREGARDED: It is highly unfortunate and shameful that Muslim jurists have been ignoring and practically revoking these clear verses of the Book of Allah for centuries, in favor of their own conjecture. According to their exploitative and erroneous edicts, if a husband utters the word "Divorce" three times in anger or under any kind of duress or even in a stage drama or movie, divorce takes effect instantly. What a mockery of the Qur'an! They are then declared unlawful for each other. ANYONE EATING OR DRINKING IN THEIR HOME COMMITS HARAM!
THE SOMERSAULT: It is interesting to note that the so called "Fuqaha" (Jurists and Mullahs) who otherwise uphold Hadith in preference to the Word of Allah, conveniently disregard even their 'treasure' whenever it suits their whims or purpose. (They even 'abrogate' the Qur'anic verses against Hadith!)
HADITH IGNORED: In this instance, there is a Hadith in Ibn Majah. The exalted Prophet is reported to have said, "La talaqa fil Ighlaq" = There is absolutely no divorce under any kind of duress, coercion, suddenness, anger etc. This Hadith which is in total harmony with the Qur'an remains obscure or redundant to the "Ulema".
UPHOLD THE QUR'AN: Incidentally there is another beautiful Hadith that strikes a cord with 65:2. The exalted Prophet is reported to have said, "For you O people! Just this verse of the Qur'an could be sufficient. Anyone who is mindful of Allah, He will always grant a way out for him (from difficult situations).
THE WAITING PERIOD BEFORE WOMEN REMARRY. HOMES BELONG TO WOMEN:
65:1 O Prophet! When you men intend to divorce women, make sure that the waiting period is observed. Keep precise account of this interim. Be mindful of Allah, your Lord. Never expel them from THEIR homes, nor shall they themselves leave their homes unless they commit open immorality. These are, then, the limits imposed by Allah. And whoever crosses Allah's limits, he verily hurts his own 'Self'. You know not that Allah may bring about thereafter a new situation (help create reconciliation).
WITNESSES:
65:2 And so when they have reached their waiting term, either retain them in kindness or part with them in kindness. And let there be two just persons among you to witness, and establish the evidence straight for Allah. This exhortation is for him who believes in Allah and the Last Day. And anyone who is mindful of Allah, He will always grant a way out for him (from difficult situations).
ARBITERS: Three months of attempts to affect reconciliation by arbiters is one of the pre-requisites for divorce.
ATTEMPTS AT RECONCILIATION:
4:35 (Families and communities must adopt a proactive approach regarding a husband and a wife in discord). If you fear a breach between a husband and wife, appoint two arbiters, one from his family and one from her family. If they decide to reconcile, Allah will help them get together. Verily, Allah is Knower, Aware. (2:228-234, 4:3, 4:19, 4:35, 4:128, 33:49, 58:1 65:1-4).
THE ONLY VALID PROCEDURE: The only valid procedure of divorce is clearly given in 2:224-232
SILLY STATEMENTS DO NOT MATTER:
2:224 Let not your senseless oaths in the Name of Allah deter you from doing good to others, from being mindful of the Divine Laws, and from making peace between people. Allah is Hearer, Knower.
2:225 Allah will not task you for your senseless swearing. He holds you responsible for your intentional doings. Allah is Forgiving, Clement. (Therefore, a marriage will not be dissolved for senseless utterances of the husband or the wife).
FOUR MONTHS OF GRACE:
2:226 Men who take an oath that they will not approach their wives shall have four months of grace. And if they go back on their oath during these four months, behold, Allah is Forgiving, Merciful. (They must rethink their decision during this grace period and circumstances might change. Similar rules apply for women, since they have equal rights and obligations, and since no man is permitted to forcibly keep his wife in wedlock against her will as stated later in the Book (2:228, 4:19, 4:21, 4:34, 7:189).
BE MINDFUL OF ALLAH'S COMMANDS:
2:227 If they decide upon divorce let them remember that Allah is Hearer, Knower. (They must bear in mind that since marriage is a Solemn Covenant 4:21, divorce can take place only in accordance with this Book of Law).
WAITING TO REMARRY. THEY CAN STILL RECONCILE DURING THE WAITING PERIOD:
2:228 After divorce, women shall wait three menstruations before remarriage. There is no waiting period for a woman who is divorced before intimate relations with her husband (33:49). And it is three months if they do not habitually menstruate (65:4). They shall not conceal pregnancy if they believe in Allah and in the Hereafter. In case of pregnancy, their waiting period shall be until delivery (65:4). And during this period their husbands would do better to take them back if both of them desire reconciliation. The husband and the wife have the right to reconcile during this waiting period of the wife. Women, by Ordinance, have rights similar to men. Men, however, do not have a waiting period for remarriage for obvious physiological reasons. That is where men are on a platform different from them. (2:228-234, 4:3, 4:19, 4:35, 4:128, 33:49, 58:1, 65:1-4).
THE WHOLE CYCLE OF THREE MONTHS REQUIRED FOR DIVORCE IS PERMITTED TWICE IN A LIFE-TIME:
2:229 In a given couple's lifetime, a divorce is permissible twice. (The whole period of divorce i.e. three menstruations / three months, or until delivery can be taken back twice). Then the divorced woman must be retained in honor or released in kindness. She shall be allowed to live in the same home amicably, or leave it amicably. At or after divorce, it is not lawful for you to take back anything of what you have ever given to her. However, if both of you fear that you might (in waves of emotion) transgress the bounds set by Allah, there shall be no blame on either of you for what the wife willingly gives back, whatever she chooses. These are the Limits set by Allah; transgress them not. Whoever transgresses the bounds set by Allah, such are the wrongdoers.
THE THIRD AND FINAL CHANCE:
2:230 If a man divorces his wife on a third different time during their marital life, it shall be unlawful for him to remarry her. It may so happen that the woman marries another man, and those two do not get along, and the other husband divorces her. In that case, there is nothing wrong if both (the previous couple) decide to come together again, if they consider that they will be able to observe the Limits set by Allah. These Limits have been made clear for people to make use of the Divine gift of knowledge (and make no crookedness in the Straight Path).
HALALA OR HARAMA? Here comes the most shameful deed unique to the Mullahs in the whole world. They maintain that a woman has to go through HALALA (planned marriage with another man for one night followed by divorce in the morning) even if the husband uttered senseless words pointing to separation or divorce. The Mullahs offer their own "Noble Services" for being the bridegroom for one night and even charge a hefty fee for it! "Authorized" HALALA offices abound in many so-called Muslim countries!
WIVES CAN BE RETAINED EVEN AFTER COMPLETING THE WAITING PERIOD (The first two divorces):
2:231 When you have divorced women, and they have completed their waiting period, then retain them in kindness or release them in kindness. You shall allow them to live in the same home amicably, or let them leave amicably. Do not force them to stay against their will, as revenge. Anyone who does this wrongs his own "Self". Do not make the Revelations of Allah a laughing stock. Remember Allah's Blessings upon you and the Book and Wisdom He has sent down to you in order to enlighten you. Be mindful of Allah's Commands and know that Allah is Aware of all things.
NO OBSTRUCTIONS IF THEY WISH TO REMARRY:
2:232 And when you have divorced women, and they have completed their waiting period, people in the society shall not place difficulties if both of them wish to remarry each other in kindness. And do not place difficulties if the woman decides to marry a different husband upon mutual agreement. This instruction is for all among you who believe in Allah and the Last Day. Following the Commands helps you develop your personality and stay clear of vice. Allah knows, you know not.
THERE IS NO ROOM FOR "KHULA'" (woman going through a court of law begging for divorce, a process that might take years in the "Muslim" societies):
4:19 O You who have chosen to be graced with belief! It is not lawful for you to force women into marrying or holding on to them in marriage against their will. Pressuring women to remain in wedlock by threatening to take away the marital gift is forbidden. A wife could forfeit the right to the marital gift only if she has indulged in clear lewdness. You shall treat your wives nicely. Even if you dislike them, it may happen that Allah has placed much good in what you have failed to realize.
@ brother Yousuff ... That's got to be a record comment regarding length, and correcting something that was never said too. Lol ... But Ty for all the info.
ASSALAMALAIKUM-
That's got to be a record comment regarding length- YES THE LET THE PEOPLE KNOW THE REAL TALAQ SYSTEM SO THAT THEY DONT SWAYED BY UNAUTHORIZED PEOPLE AND SPOIL THEIR GIRL CHILDS LIFE SO I SENT THE WHOLE SUBJECT-
It is sad that a whole te has to go through this and it does not seem like real able come mmunication between the ex spouses. Anyone who has a couples best bye rest at heart will back off if the persons spouse is uncomfortable.
Due to having a moral compas, I would assure that I would not want to cause discord in another's home even if it is an ex.
It would bother me for another woman to be uncomfortable with my actions towards her spouse.
It helps to put yourself in another's place.
I hope that the couple can overcome and concentrate on the most important relationship!
Actions speak loud!
They are having a relationship he should be ashamed. All texts need to remain factual and to the point about his child only. What they are doing is haram
As-Salamu Alaykum I’m in the same exact situation and idk what to do. He doesn’t understand how it makes me feel. Oh course I’ll get jealous especially if he tells me comments that hurt me so bad to my heart. Also I’m a revert so I don’t won’t to tell any of my family about this. It makes so hard but Alhamdulillah I’m still fighting the depression and trying to stay happy and insha’allah every pain in this world their will be a reward in the here after.
My husband was married for 5 years to his ex wife , she had some sort of fobia and in that time her marriage wasn't consummated , she made him take a Quran oath that he will never discuss this with family or anyone else as this will bring shame to her family . He made sabr and lived for 5 years with her and kept this a secret . By the 5 the year we met and were secretly seeing each other , at first we were just friends and used to speak about our problems to each other . He started getting close to me snd I already knew what has been happening to him pyclogically and prior to marry his ex her was married to his childhood sweetheart for 23 years until she passed on with organ failure during her pregnancy of their 3 rd child . He was already in a very bad state and couldn't deal with that loss then married his ex and this transpired . However her younger brother had a personal issue with him regarding business so he always found everyway to disrupt. This younger brother was over joyed when he found out that my husband was secretly seeing me and couldn't wait to attack him using this situation to his benefit . When all 3 brothers held a meeting regarding his relationship with me nobody knew that his marriage wasn't consumated for 5 years ....until that meeting . All were in a shock the 2 older brothers were very sympathetic towards the situation and felt really bad about what was going on while the younger one was pushing for thalak not giving even one meeting alone . My husband was asked what was his decision and he said he wanted out as he was tired of living that way . However not her word from the ex ....she just cried and not a fight ....just so loveless yet they did everything together except consumated their marriage . They lived as companions . Without a mulana and wirhout any counciling he was forced to give her thalsk by the younger brother . However from an Islamic point of view is this valid ....I share a very close relationship with my husband and we both have come along way in 3 years which is now . The ex has mentioned to someone close to her that she will never get over him and I don't blame her as he is a man who has so much of love n respect and it hurts me to know that she was unable to stand up for herself . Even till now I always feel that if she only fought for him and wanted to make her marriage work I would have backed of ....as I would have never wanted to hurt her knowing she wanted a second chance . I still feel I need to talk to her but she is very scared of confrontations and also scared as I was very upset with her knowing that she just lived selfishly with him for 5 years and kept him to be her run around guy . Please assist me to perhaps get atleast one hearing with her and proper closure ....from one Muslim to another .
Entries(RSS)
ASSALAMALAIKUM-
PL REPLY IF YOUR SE[ERATION TOOK PLACE AS PER ISLAMIC PROCEDURE LIKE THIS OR JSUT 3 TALAQS IN ONE SITTING -
65:1) O Prophet, when you divorce women, divorce them for their waiting-period, *1 and compute the waiting period accurately, *2 and hold Allah, your Lord, in awe. Do not turn them out of their homes (during the waiting period) â nor should they go away (from their homes) *3â unless they have committed a manifestly evil deed. *4 Such are the bounds set by Allah; and he who transgresses the bounds set by Allah commits a wrong against himself. You do not know: maybe Allah will cause something to happen to pave the way (for reconciliation). *5"If you have to divorce your wives, you should divorce them till the expiry of their waiting-period".The intention of this verse is further explained by a few other Ahadith which have been reported from the Holy prophet (upon wham be Allah's peace) ai d some of the major Companions. Nasa'i has related that the Holy Prophet was infomed that a person had pronounced three divorces on his wife in ane sitting. He stood up in anger and said:'`Are the people playing with the Book of Allah, although I am present among you?"Ibn 'Umar, may Allah be pleased with them, reported: I divorced my wife while she was menstruating during the lifetime of Allah's Messenger (may peace be upon him). 'Umar bin Al-Khattab (may Allah be pleased with him) asked Allah's Messenger (may peace be upon him) about it, whereupon Allah's Messenger (may peace be upon him) said: Command him ('Abdullah bin 'Umar) to take her back (and keep her) and pronounce divorce when she is purified and she again enters the period of menstruation and she is again purified (after passing the period of menses), and then if he so desires he may keep her and if he desires divorce her (finally) before touching her (without having an intercourse with her), for that is the period of waiting ('Iddah) which Allah, the Exalted and Glorious, has commanded for the divorce of women-
Sister to me I think you being bit jelous about this. Sorry if I hurt your feelings. But in your post you said he wanted a second wife Thats why she divorce him. That mean I understand that he didn't dislike her but she was not able to accept it that's why she moved. On other hand he didn't dislike her that's why he still have those feelings with her. 20yrs it's not a joke it's a lot of time for a married couple it is really hard to forget those memory.
As per about the daughter if you don't like the way they communicate (which they should not) then tell your husband openly that you don't like it and if he needs to get touch with his daughter then he can find someone from other family member to communicate with his daughter. Uncle aunt or grandparents.
If you don't mind may I ask you, why did you get married to him? Now only you can pray and ask Allah's guidance.
Wa'alaykumsalam,.
Sorry that you are facing this situation.
Once a husband and wife is divorced, they are totally non-mahram to each other. All shariah limits applies to them. But they are allowed to communicate in a 'business' like manner, if there's a genuine need. Your husband has a child with her, and I'm guessing that child is with his ex-wife, therefore there is a need to communicate with her about the well-being of the child etc. But then extra talks is forbidden.
He is wrong in praising his ex-wife as obviously this will make you jealous. He should mind what he is talking to you. Did you try, sitting down with him, talking to him about your feelings and telling him that you are very uncomfortable with this. Have you tried bringing in mediators ? If he still remain unchanged, then have you considered being in a polygamous marriage ? That is if he remarries his ex. This might perhaps stop him and his ex from sinning. This is one way, the other is, if you can't allow him to marry his ex, then maybe just maybe you treathen him with divorce ( I wouldn't advise this though ). Or maybe talk to an Imam of your problems. He lived with his wife for a long 20 yrs, and so thats why its never easy to forget. Have patience and convince your husband to bring in a solution.
"O ye who believe! Avoid suspicion as much (as possible): for suspicion in some cases is a sin". (49:12)
Therefore, try to stop being overly suspicious. Put faith in Allah, ask Him for help and ease your situation. May Allah take you out of this temporary unpleasent situation. Ameen.
To the sister Original poster,
I know what you're asking. You're a woman, and I'm a woman and you're blinded by your emotions right now so allow me to help you out.
First, the things that you are worried about, is that there are some obvious red flags going off between your husband and his ex-wife concerning communication. Not just how often they communicate, but exactly what is said and the implications. I know men are given the stereotype of being 'stupid' (sorry, lack of a more appropriate word) when it comes to understanding the underlying intentions of women.... at least according to other women this is true. You think you can't PROVE there's anything haram going on between them, because she hasn't said outright, "I miss you, I want you back, please leave your current wife, or take me back as your wife again.". But you'd be wrong... as the above commenter stated, just talking now is not allowed unless completely necessary. They are no longer mehram to eachother and can not hold this kind of relationship. Doing so is the same as having an affair. One doesn't need to sleep with, or touch another woman to have an affair with them. This is considered an 'emotional affair' and yes it's a legitimate condition.
Also, remember islamically that we observe the reality of how our bodies deal with struggles every day. Our mouths talk to get us in trouble and test us, our hands are often getting us in trouble, our eyes, our ears, and our other parts confirm it. Your husbands mouth is speaking to his ex in a way that is not appropriate, your husbands hands are texting her, his ears listen to her words that should only be said and accepted by his wife or mother.
Now, onto the common sense stuff... I know you are stuck. You're a newly wed. What are you going to do... threated divorce if he continues? The answer is YES. I know it's hard, and seems like strange advice, but these actions are setting the precedence for the rest of your marriage. This woman is trying to win your husband over with their past, and an ACT of piety. If she were so pious, she wouldn't be cooing these things in his ear and leave him to be with another woman. She may also be lonely and confused, but she got herself in this by leaving him because he took a second.
Now, On to this other womans rights, unfortunately for YOU, now you are faced with the EXACT same situation that SHE was faced with. She Can Not communicate with him like she is doing, it's not right... But... she CAN offer in a halal way to be a second wife to him... second from you. That's right, she can do exactly what you did to her, and come in and be a second wife again. And, she would honestly probably take the priority in his life since they have kids and a past.
So... here you are, approached by a man, but you forget you have a polygamous husband. Now she's coming back (in an inappropriate way, yes) but she's showing interest and you're jealous... at least you don't have children with the man! If I were you, I'd get them BOTH in a room, and tell them to make a choice- and then respect it. If you chose to leave them to their marriage as they have kids, then it would be better for you since you're still newlyweds and have no kids. Children between you and your current husband will trap you in this situation for the rest of your life. If you want to be the only one, then don't think you're going to go from being a second wife, to a first and only wife forever. He is polygamous, and you will likely find yourself in this situation again, if not with her, then someone else. Don't think your situation makes that unlikely... I don't care how unhappy he was, I don't care how you two met or how in love you were or are. Just the idea that your husband is a man that would consider a polygamous lifestyle is enough to give you reason to expect other woman to be pursuing him, and for him to be receptive to that.
A man is like stone, hard and set. A woman is like water, always changing.
A woman marries a man, thinking she can make him change. A man marries a woman, thinking she will never change. In the end, they are both disappointed.
It's easier to be wise for others, than for yourself.
BTW... I don't believe that your husband didn't tell you before you got married why his first wife left. If he didn't tell you why, and that he was interested in polygamy, because you said that they were divorced for a year, then you should just leave him. It surprises me that you two never talked about it because it's got to be one of the biggest, first questions potential couples ask eachother. I think you two must have talked about this topic, and if he lied in the beginning, then you should leave him as he's trapping you in a bad situation and getting his way by going about things horribly.
Assalamualaikum sister lamis,
There are options of parting from him, and also staying with him. The former has been discussed by sister Stacy. Concerning the latter, if they do not stop communicating, you should ask your husband if he is intending to remarry her, talking about the emails and SMSs. If he marries her, then the relation would be Halaal. And I am considering that you agreed to marry him as a second wife as you said his first wife asked for divorce, for this reason. You could still live in a polygamy wife if he marries her again.
Let him know that she is no more his Mahram and he can not continue unless he makes it Halaal. It may now sound difficult but it is an option available in the Sharee'ah and in my personal opinion, it is better that parting, and Allah Knows Best.
Muhammad Waseem
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Salam brother Muhammad Waseem.
This is a secondary issue to the posted question, however I wanted to ask . I have read that according to Shariah man can remarry his divorced wife only after she marries someone else first then when her marriage does not work she divorces that person and only then she is lawful to her husband again. Would it not apply to the first wife of a man in this question? Would this man commit a sin if he remarries his first wife without her marring and divorcing someone else first?
Thank you.
Salaams,
Mary, that would only apply if he gave his first wife a total of 3 talaq. If he only gave her one or two, and she passed her iddah and the divorce was complete, then she may remarry him without having to marry someone else first.
-Amy
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Thank you very much Amy. Now everything is clear to me.
That would be the case only after the third divorce not the first.
Allah said:
" A divorce is only permissible twice: after that, the parties should either hold Together on equitable terms, or separate with kindness..." "So if a husband divorces his wife (irrevocably/thrid time), He cannot, after that, re-marry her until after she has married another husband and He has divorced her. In that case there is no blame on either of them if they re-unite, provided they feel that they can keep the limits ordained by Allah. Such are the limits ordained by Allah, which He makes plain to those who understand." ( Al- Baqarah 229-239 )
assalamalaikum-
Let him know that she is no more his Mahram and he can not continue unless he makes it Halaal
This depends on his style of talaq THE SHARIAH PROCEDUER OR THYE MASLAKHS AND MADHSB DUPLICATE TALAQ 3 IN ONE SITTING-
FOR THAT ONLY I HAD ASKED IF THE TALAQ HOW IT TOOK PLACE-
THE ORIGINAL SHARIAH TALAQ IS IN THIS PLEASE RAED-
QURAN-65:1) O Prophet, when you divorce women, divorce them for their waiting-period, *1 and compute the waiting period accurately, *2 and hold Allah, your Lord, in awe. Do not turn them out of their homes (during the waiting period) â nor should they go away (from their homes) *3â unless they have committed a manifestly evil deed. *4 Such are the bounds set by Allah; and he who transgresses the bounds set by Allah commits a wrong against himself. You do not know: maybe Allah will cause something to happen to pave the way (for reconciliation). *5"If you have to divorce your wives, you should divorce them till the expiry of their waiting-period".The intention of this verse is further explained by a few other Ahadith which have been reported from the Holy prophet (upon wham be Allah's peace) ai d some of the major Companions. Nasa'i has related that the Holy Prophet was infomed that a person had pronounced three divorces on his wife in ane sitting. He stood up in anger and said:'`Are the people playing with the Book of Allah, although I am present among you?"Ibn 'Umar, may Allah be pleased with them, reported: I divorced my wife while she was menstruating during the lifetime of Allah's Messenger (may peace be upon him). 'Umar bin Al-Khattab (may Allah be pleased with him) asked Allah's Messenger (may peace be upon him) about it, whereupon Allah's Messenger (may peace be upon him) said: Command him ('Abdullah bin 'Umar) to take her back (and keep her) and pronounce divorce when she is purified and she again enters the period of menstruation and she is again purified (after passing the period of menses), and then if he so desires he may keep her and if he desires divorce her (finally) before touching her (without having an intercourse with her), for that is the period of waiting ('Iddah) which Allah, the Exalted and Glorious, has commanded for the divorce of women-
ASSAMA;AIKUM-
Mary, that would only apply if he gave his first wife a total of 3 talaq. If he only gave her one or two, and she passed her iddah and the divorce was complete, then she may remarry him without having to marry someone else first.
PL NOTE THE 3 ONE SITTING IS NOT VALID-IT MUST BE AS PER THE ORDER MENTIONED ABOVE-
Brother Ali yousuff, I didn't say anything about it being at once. Of course it's not valid. I also did mention that the iddah must pass.
-Amy
islamicAnswers.com Editor
ASSALAMALAIKUM-
ASSAMA;AIKUM-
IF YR HUSBAND HAS GIVEN 3 TALAQ IN ONE SITTING THEN SHE IS STILL HIS WIFE BECAUSE IT IS TAKEN AS ONE ONLY
Mary, that would only apply if he gave his first wife a total of 3 talaq. If he only gave her one or two[THIS 1OR 2 ALSO MUST BE GIVEN KEEPING HER IN THE HOUSE AS PER QURAN ORDER]
and she passed her iddah and the divorce was complete, then she may remarry him without having to marry someone else first.
NO ROOM FOR INSTANT DIVORCE:
PL NOTE THE 3 TALAQ IN ONE SITTING IS NOT VALID-
IT MUST BE AS PER THE QURANIC ORDER MENTIONED ABOVE-
THIS IS THE VERSION OF SELF APPOIONTED SCHOLARS WHO MAKE A MOCKERY OF SHARIAH...AS SHOWN BELOW.....
I have read that according to Shariah man can remarry his divorced wife only after she marries someone else first then when her marriage does not work she divorces that person and only then she is lawful to her husband again.
REPLY TO THIS CONFUSION WHICH PLAYS HAVOC IN MANY MILLIONS OF GIRLS LIVES......PL READ
Some very important Laws for divorce are propounded in this Surah in addition to 2:228-234, 4:3, 4:19, 4:35, 4:128, 33:49, 58:1-3, 65:1-4.
NO ROOM FOR INSTANT DIVORCE:
According to the Qur'an, there is absolutely no room for an instant divorce. The process must take months in order to allow reconsideration on the part of the husband and wife.
THE QUR'AN DISREGARDED: It is highly unfortunate and shameful that Muslim jurists have been ignoring and practically revoking these clear verses of the Book of Allah for centuries, in favor of their own conjecture. According to their exploitative and erroneous edicts, if a husband utters the word "Divorce" three times in anger or under any kind of duress or even in a stage drama or movie, divorce takes effect instantly. What a mockery of the Qur'an! They are then declared unlawful for each other. ANYONE EATING OR DRINKING IN THEIR HOME COMMITS HARAM!
THE SOMERSAULT: It is interesting to note that the so called "Fuqaha" (Jurists and Mullahs) who otherwise uphold Hadith in preference to the Word of Allah, conveniently disregard even their 'treasure' whenever it suits their whims or purpose. (They even 'abrogate' the Qur'anic verses against Hadith!)
HADITH IGNORED: In this instance, there is a Hadith in Ibn Majah. The exalted Prophet is reported to have said, "La talaqa fil Ighlaq" = There is absolutely no divorce under any kind of duress, coercion, suddenness, anger etc. This Hadith which is in total harmony with the Qur'an remains obscure or redundant to the "Ulema".
UPHOLD THE QUR'AN: Incidentally there is another beautiful Hadith that strikes a cord with 65:2. The exalted Prophet is reported to have said, "For you O people! Just this verse of the Qur'an could be sufficient. Anyone who is mindful of Allah, He will always grant a way out for him (from difficult situations).
THE WAITING PERIOD BEFORE WOMEN REMARRY. HOMES BELONG TO WOMEN:
65:1 O Prophet! When you men intend to divorce women, make sure that the waiting period is observed. Keep precise account of this interim. Be mindful of Allah, your Lord. Never expel them from THEIR homes, nor shall they themselves leave their homes unless they commit open immorality. These are, then, the limits imposed by Allah. And whoever crosses Allah's limits, he verily hurts his own 'Self'. You know not that Allah may bring about thereafter a new situation (help create reconciliation).
WITNESSES:
65:2 And so when they have reached their waiting term, either retain them in kindness or part with them in kindness. And let there be two just persons among you to witness, and establish the evidence straight for Allah. This exhortation is for him who believes in Allah and the Last Day. And anyone who is mindful of Allah, He will always grant a way out for him (from difficult situations).
ARBITERS: Three months of attempts to affect reconciliation by arbiters is one of the pre-requisites for divorce.
ATTEMPTS AT RECONCILIATION:
4:35 (Families and communities must adopt a proactive approach regarding a husband and a wife in discord). If you fear a breach between a husband and wife, appoint two arbiters, one from his family and one from her family. If they decide to reconcile, Allah will help them get together. Verily, Allah is Knower, Aware. (2:228-234, 4:3, 4:19, 4:35, 4:128, 33:49, 58:1 65:1-4).
THE ONLY VALID PROCEDURE: The only valid procedure of divorce is clearly given in 2:224-232
SILLY STATEMENTS DO NOT MATTER:
2:224 Let not your senseless oaths in the Name of Allah deter you from doing good to others, from being mindful of the Divine Laws, and from making peace between people. Allah is Hearer, Knower.
2:225 Allah will not task you for your senseless swearing. He holds you responsible for your intentional doings. Allah is Forgiving, Clement. (Therefore, a marriage will not be dissolved for senseless utterances of the husband or the wife).
FOUR MONTHS OF GRACE:
2:226 Men who take an oath that they will not approach their wives shall have four months of grace. And if they go back on their oath during these four months, behold, Allah is Forgiving, Merciful. (They must rethink their decision during this grace period and circumstances might change. Similar rules apply for women, since they have equal rights and obligations, and since no man is permitted to forcibly keep his wife in wedlock against her will as stated later in the Book (2:228, 4:19, 4:21, 4:34, 7:189).
BE MINDFUL OF ALLAH'S COMMANDS:
2:227 If they decide upon divorce let them remember that Allah is Hearer, Knower. (They must bear in mind that since marriage is a Solemn Covenant 4:21, divorce can take place only in accordance with this Book of Law).
WAITING TO REMARRY. THEY CAN STILL RECONCILE DURING THE WAITING PERIOD:
2:228 After divorce, women shall wait three menstruations before remarriage. There is no waiting period for a woman who is divorced before intimate relations with her husband (33:49). And it is three months if they do not habitually menstruate (65:4). They shall not conceal pregnancy if they believe in Allah and in the Hereafter. In case of pregnancy, their waiting period shall be until delivery (65:4). And during this period their husbands would do better to take them back if both of them desire reconciliation. The husband and the wife have the right to reconcile during this waiting period of the wife. Women, by Ordinance, have rights similar to men. Men, however, do not have a waiting period for remarriage for obvious physiological reasons. That is where men are on a platform different from them. (2:228-234, 4:3, 4:19, 4:35, 4:128, 33:49, 58:1, 65:1-4).
THE WHOLE CYCLE OF THREE MONTHS REQUIRED FOR DIVORCE IS PERMITTED TWICE IN A LIFE-TIME:
2:229 In a given couple's lifetime, a divorce is permissible twice. (The whole period of divorce i.e. three menstruations / three months, or until delivery can be taken back twice). Then the divorced woman must be retained in honor or released in kindness. She shall be allowed to live in the same home amicably, or leave it amicably. At or after divorce, it is not lawful for you to take back anything of what you have ever given to her. However, if both of you fear that you might (in waves of emotion) transgress the bounds set by Allah, there shall be no blame on either of you for what the wife willingly gives back, whatever she chooses. These are the Limits set by Allah; transgress them not. Whoever transgresses the bounds set by Allah, such are the wrongdoers.
THE THIRD AND FINAL CHANCE:
2:230 If a man divorces his wife on a third different time during their marital life, it shall be unlawful for him to remarry her. It may so happen that the woman marries another man, and those two do not get along, and the other husband divorces her. In that case, there is nothing wrong if both (the previous couple) decide to come together again, if they consider that they will be able to observe the Limits set by Allah. These Limits have been made clear for people to make use of the Divine gift of knowledge (and make no crookedness in the Straight Path).
HALALA OR HARAMA? Here comes the most shameful deed unique to the Mullahs in the whole world. They maintain that a woman has to go through HALALA (planned marriage with another man for one night followed by divorce in the morning) even if the husband uttered senseless words pointing to separation or divorce. The Mullahs offer their own "Noble Services" for being the bridegroom for one night and even charge a hefty fee for it! "Authorized" HALALA offices abound in many so-called Muslim countries!
WIVES CAN BE RETAINED EVEN AFTER COMPLETING THE WAITING PERIOD (The first two divorces):
2:231 When you have divorced women, and they have completed their waiting period, then retain them in kindness or release them in kindness. You shall allow them to live in the same home amicably, or let them leave amicably. Do not force them to stay against their will, as revenge. Anyone who does this wrongs his own "Self". Do not make the Revelations of Allah a laughing stock. Remember Allah's Blessings upon you and the Book and Wisdom He has sent down to you in order to enlighten you. Be mindful of Allah's Commands and know that Allah is Aware of all things.
NO OBSTRUCTIONS IF THEY WISH TO REMARRY:
2:232 And when you have divorced women, and they have completed their waiting period, people in the society shall not place difficulties if both of them wish to remarry each other in kindness. And do not place difficulties if the woman decides to marry a different husband upon mutual agreement. This instruction is for all among you who believe in Allah and the Last Day. Following the Commands helps you develop your personality and stay clear of vice. Allah knows, you know not.
THERE IS NO ROOM FOR "KHULA'" (woman going through a court of law begging for divorce, a process that might take years in the "Muslim" societies):
4:19 O You who have chosen to be graced with belief! It is not lawful for you to force women into marrying or holding on to them in marriage against their will. Pressuring women to remain in wedlock by threatening to take away the marital gift is forbidden. A wife could forfeit the right to the marital gift only if she has indulged in clear lewdness. You shall treat your wives nicely. Even if you dislike them, it may happen that Allah has placed much good in what you have failed to realize.
@ brother Yousuff ... That's got to be a record comment regarding length, and correcting something that was never said too. Lol ... But Ty for all the info.
I have to agree.
As Russian playwright Anton Chekhov (1860-1904) said “Conciseness is the sister of talent” .
Unfortunately , not everyone has it .
Thank you brother Yousuff anyways.
ASSALAMALAIKUM-
That's got to be a record comment regarding length- YES THE LET THE PEOPLE KNOW THE REAL TALAQ SYSTEM SO THAT THEY DONT SWAYED BY UNAUTHORIZED PEOPLE AND SPOIL THEIR GIRL CHILDS LIFE SO I SENT THE WHOLE SUBJECT-
REGARDS
It is sad that a whole te has to go through this and it does not seem like real able come mmunication between the ex spouses. Anyone who has a couples best bye rest at heart will back off if the persons spouse is uncomfortable.
Due to having a moral compas, I would assure that I would not want to cause discord in another's home even if it is an ex.
It would bother me for another woman to be uncomfortable with my actions towards her spouse.
It helps to put yourself in another's place.
I hope that the couple can overcome and concentrate on the most important relationship!
Actions speak loud!
They are having a relationship he should be ashamed. All texts need to remain factual and to the point about his child only. What they are doing is haram
As-Salamu Alaykum I’m in the same exact situation and idk what to do. He doesn’t understand how it makes me feel. Oh course I’ll get jealous especially if he tells me comments that hurt me so bad to my heart. Also I’m a revert so I don’t won’t to tell any of my family about this. It makes so hard but Alhamdulillah I’m still fighting the depression and trying to stay happy and insha’allah every pain in this world their will be a reward in the here after.
My husband was married for 5 years to his ex wife , she had some sort of fobia and in that time her marriage wasn't consummated , she made him take a Quran oath that he will never discuss this with family or anyone else as this will bring shame to her family . He made sabr and lived for 5 years with her and kept this a secret . By the 5 the year we met and were secretly seeing each other , at first we were just friends and used to speak about our problems to each other . He started getting close to me snd I already knew what has been happening to him pyclogically and prior to marry his ex her was married to his childhood sweetheart for 23 years until she passed on with organ failure during her pregnancy of their 3 rd child . He was already in a very bad state and couldn't deal with that loss then married his ex and this transpired . However her younger brother had a personal issue with him regarding business so he always found everyway to disrupt. This younger brother was over joyed when he found out that my husband was secretly seeing me and couldn't wait to attack him using this situation to his benefit . When all 3 brothers held a meeting regarding his relationship with me nobody knew that his marriage wasn't consumated for 5 years ....until that meeting . All were in a shock the 2 older brothers were very sympathetic towards the situation and felt really bad about what was going on while the younger one was pushing for thalak not giving even one meeting alone . My husband was asked what was his decision and he said he wanted out as he was tired of living that way . However not her word from the ex ....she just cried and not a fight ....just so loveless yet they did everything together except consumated their marriage . They lived as companions . Without a mulana and wirhout any counciling he was forced to give her thalsk by the younger brother . However from an Islamic point of view is this valid ....I share a very close relationship with my husband and we both have come along way in 3 years which is now . The ex has mentioned to someone close to her that she will never get over him and I don't blame her as he is a man who has so much of love n respect and it hurts me to know that she was unable to stand up for herself . Even till now I always feel that if she only fought for him and wanted to make her marriage work I would have backed of ....as I would have never wanted to hurt her knowing she wanted a second chance . I still feel I need to talk to her but she is very scared of confrontations and also scared as I was very upset with her knowing that she just lived selfishly with him for 5 years and kept him to be her run around guy . Please assist me to perhaps get atleast one hearing with her and proper closure ....from one Muslim to another .