Islamic marriage advice and family advice

I’m not sure if it was zina or not, but I feel so guilty and bad

Repentance

Ah Allah, I turn to You!

Assalam-o-alaikum..
I have been in a depression. I have a friend whom I liked a lot. I wanted to marry him.

His mother was very sick and he told me 2 days before his marriage that he is getting married and I felt really weird because I liked him.  I was very close to him. I used to tell him everything.

I went to meet him because It was really important for me to go there. I had so much to talk about. It's been 6 months and I'm depressed because of my studies and friends.

But he kissed me and even touched me forcefully. I asked him to stop but he kept on doing and asked me to be his girlfriend. He said he loves me. I said no I don't want to now.

And I don't know why but even if he do something wrong or bad with me i still don't get offensive and though he doesn't care about me I still like him. :(.. What should i do to forget about him?

I feel really guilty and bad. I broke trust of lots of people, I can't look towards my parents.. :'(...  I don't know whether I have committed a zinna or not but I know that it was my mistake to go there. I thought that he won't do anything wrong with me as we were close friends.

I want to repent to Allah but the problem is whenever I repent to Allah I do something bad again. so now I feel like that it's not gonna work. Allah will not forgive me :'( .. Plzz tell me what should I do?

Saniha

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9 Responses »

  1. OP: But he kissed me and even touched me forcefully. I asked him to stop but he kept on doing and asked me to be his girlfriend. He said he loves me. I said no I don't want to know....And I don't know why but even if he do something wrong or bad with me i still don't get offensive........

    You seem to be confused. Your friend is using you sexually even though he has no interest in marrying you.

    It seems like when you say "no" but you don't mean no, as you let him do things with you.

    Is your friend married now?

    Well if you guys touch each other all over sexually, it is more or less like sex. If you keep meeting him one day you may have sexual intercourse then you will feel lot worse.

    You can't change what happened in the past, but you can control your future.

  2. Salam alaykum now listen 🙂 Allah's mercy is infinite as long as you ask he will forgive. No sin is greater than his mercy so dont lose faith Allah erases all sins all sins accept SHIRK.My advice leave him SVS is right he is just using you for sex nothing else.You are very very close to zina so better leave him now before its too late.Remember Allah loves those who repent the way you explained the boy seems like again hes using you so show how much you love allah by leaving him Allah will find you a better person inshallah..

  3. i want to ask question can anyone tell me how to do pls ?

    • aliya23, the link to register is on the right side of the home page beneath the Recent Stories. Register, then create a post and save it.

      Wael
      IslamicAnswrs.com Editor

  4. Assalaamualaikam

    What this guy did was wrong. When a woman says "No", that means No. A guy who would disrespect you and his future wife by forcing himself upon you - whether that be a kiss, touching or full penetration - is not worth your time and energy. Cut all contact with him, and focus on your own wellbeing.

    Depending on how far things went, you may wish to consider whether you want to involve the police. Sexual activity without the consent of both parties is a criminal offence in most countries. However, the implications for you depend on where you live - if you live in a country where it is safe to do so, you might want to speak with the police about what happened.

    What you need to do now is work on healing the hurt you have experienced and strengthening your relationship with Allah. It can be hard to imagine how we can be forgiven for all the mistakes we make, but remember that Allah is Most Merciful and loves to forgive us. We are human, and humans make mistakes - what matters is that we don't repeat our mistakes, and we always turn back to Allah.

    Midnightmoon
    IslamicAnswers.com editor

    • Asalaamu Alaykum,

      I have a friend who was in a very similar situation. She and I are both 15, and a little over a year ago, she liked this one boy and he liked her. The thing was, she and her family were very religious, so absolutely no dating and relationships whatsoever. The only reason he found out she liked him back was because she told a friend and that friend wrongfully told him even though she wasn't supposed to. So he told my friend, I know you like me, and she told him, how do you know, and he said because so and so told me.

      Later when they were in the school hallway he kept coming up to her and telling her "come on, come onnn" in a really bad and sexual way and she told him no. He forcefully shoved her against the locker and kissed her. When he was done she immediately left, she was so shocked. She gets still gets panic attacks from this incident, it was a really traumatizing experience because she felt that he was forcing her to do haram, inappropriate things when she was not comfortable letting him do that to her.

      Until this day, she feels unimaginable guilt and remorse over what happened and the situation she put herself in. I only found out about all this recently; she was keeping everything to herself out of fear of being judged. She came over to my house today weeping and crying feeling so much guilt -- she told me over and over, "I'm such a bad person, i'm so bad i'm so bad"

      I told her repeatedly to just make tawbah and leave it to Allah(swt), and she kept telling me she already did and that she doesn't feel any better. I don't think she truly believes she could be forgiven for this.

      How can I help my friend? Are there certain duaas she should say? Certain acts or deeds she can do to better herself?

      Sorry this was long, I want to help my friend 🙁

  5. What your feeling for this guy are feelings put by shaitaan. Improve your imaan increase your prayers rexite the quran and when the bond with you and Allah swt strengthens these feelings for this guy will dissappear.InshaAllah. Pray for forgieness and do a lot of Istighfar. If he is getting married then you should not interfere and let him get married. (i pray for his future wife ) . Soon you will forget about him and someone better will come along for you inshaAllah. What was meant for you will never pass you and what was not meant for you will never come to you.

  6. Sister how on the earth did u, as a girl, find the courage to approach a married man and then over that u did not find the strength to stop him from touching u all over. What ur problem is that u are just a born Muslim who is the same as any non believer.. You may be repenting but not with your heart but only with ur tongue. If u really want to save ur self from jahanam, then

    1-Start reading the Quran with translation.

    2- Learn how to pray ur five daily prayers with khushoo & khuzoo. There many websites where u can learn all this.

    3- Say ur Shahadah 100 times daily and think what it really means to a true Muslimah. This Shahadah has been in the fore front for all those reverts to Islam and who by the grace of Allah are more Muslim than we as born Muslims.

    4- Ramadan is a few days away. Try to fast the whole month which I know u have never done in the past and ask Allah for repentance.

    5- If u are really sincere in doing all the above, then one day u will see u will get very emotional which will be the sign when Allah will slowly turn u towards him. ALLAH GUIDES WHOM HE WILLS AND WILL NOT GUIDE WHOM HE DOES NOT. Unless u r guided sister, ur repentance thru ur mouth is of no use.

    Try to become a true Muslimah and may Allah guide u towards the true path. Ameen.

  7. ASA -

    In my opinion this man that you love does not care for you in any way shape or form. He is willing to destroy your reputation and chances of future happiness for his own selfish sexual pleasure. Make tawba, and then get serious.

    Block him from your phone, your email, and remove him from your life. It will be painful, but it is much less painful than what will happen if you maintain contact with him. Such men are generally quite happy to discuss what they are doing with you with other men - or so I have seen and heard.

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