Is my marriage valid? My husband ignores me
Assalmu walukkum.
I´m a non muslim , I got married at the age 18 and got divorce after sometime I met a muslim. He became a good friend of mine and my family proposed me a boy so I said this to my friend, before that I asked my friend do you feel any love for me but he didn't ...
So I agreed to my parents. Suddenly, he said he loves me and he wants to marry me, so he came to my place and brought me a neacklace before that he aked me to recite a prayer so I said and he said now you are converted and he put his necklace to me but our parents don't know all about this thing. We lived seperately but we used to meet and we fast, we pray early morning , we both loved each other very much.
Suddenly I got to go out of my city, so he arranged every single thing to me and after a week he said he can´t get me to his parents.. so i got soo depresed and talked to their parents.. before that he told his sister he wants to marry me. His sister advised not to marry me...but he did... problem is both parents don´t allow us to be together and my husband not answering to my calls... he s not talking with me.. i don´t know how to pray for this..I´m doing the things what I know... which is acceptable to islam...and i need my husband back again...
- shalini
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Salaams,
Thank you for your post. Based on the information you provided, it is unclear whether you have a valid marriage or not, as certain conditions must be in place for the marriage to be considered valid:
1. There must be a guardian for the wife-to-be, called a "wali". This person makes sure your interests are protected when the marriage stipulations are made and agreed upon. If you did not have someone representing you and/or agreeing on your behalf to the marriage, then the marriage is not valid.
2. There must be at least two male witnesses to the marriage ceremony. Without witnesses a marriage is not Islamically valid.
3. There must be a dowry given to you. If he did not give you a sum of money or a nice gift in exchange for you agreeing to marrying him, then the marriage is not valid.
4. You both must agree to the marriage. Essentially, the imam will ask both of you if you agree to marry the other, and you both must consent. If this did not happen, there is no marriage at all.
Hope these guidelines helped. If you have further information or questions, don't hesitate to add them in the comments.
-Amy
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Assalamu alaykum Sister Shalini,
The behavior of the man is not manly. It is immature, unIslamic.
Islam does not ask for developing friendship with women outside your own folk like mother, sisters, wife, daughter etc. Islam commands some distance to be kept from other woman and communication within the limits imposed by Allah. It does not say men and women should not communicate at all. Rather it should be limited to what is sufficient and necessary for life and not beyond that like dating, flirting etc.
There are no secret marriages in Islam. Marriage should be in honor. Even if a beggar is getting married, it should be in honor, in public eye, fair for people to see that yes, he made xxxxx his wife and xxxxx made him her husband by the permission of Allah.
The case like yours is an example of the "ill" effects of secret marriages. Something which is very opposed to Islamic way of life.
Sister, if you like, then read the Qur'an, try to gain some basic knowledge of Islam and pray to Allah for Help and life long guidance.
If He wills, He will unite you again with this guy. If He wills, He will give you someone better.
For now, try to keep peace in both families, his as well as yours. Inter faith marriages most times create some tensions. Get quite for now. Let the situation calm down. Until then, pray to Allah and ask for forgiveness. Try to be with your family in kindness and goodness, be relaxed and let them also relax for now.
Insha Allah, it may so happen that Allah may bring some new thing to pass, so wait for His command.
I hope this helps. You need to be patient for now sister. Write back to us again after some time how you feel, Insha Allah, we will then be able to give you further advice.
If there are more serious problems troubling you, do not hesitate to write again quickly.
Salaam,
Your brother.
Shalini, you are not married. This man is not your husband. There is no marriage in Islam that takes place by hanging a necklace around someone's neck and saying a prayer. This not a secret nikah or any other kind of nikah.
You are absolutely not married.
If this man is serious about marrying you, let him come meet your family and make a proper proposal. But he will not, because he is playing games.
I'm sorry to say that you need to forget about this guy and move on with your life.
Wael
Salaams,
I got the impression that the necklace/prayer thing signified her "conversion" (which still sounded questionable even in that light), but maybe I misunderstood.
-Amy
IslamicAnswers.com Editor