Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Losing hope for my marriage

Salam

I am married for almost 4 years alhamdullah. I am a second wife.

We have been blessed with children. We never had an arguement with loud voices or slamming doors. We discussed few issues usually in the evenings. Usually it is me asking him to spend some time with us. Night share between the wives was always equal but since we live not in the main house the day was never spend in our house.

On my last pregnancy i had post natal depression which i didnt know unti later. My main syntome was to cry all the time and always feeling low.

One day my husband came home and said we are one step away from divorce. I was at the end.

Its been a bit over a year now that he has not spend the nights. We communicate regularly just like nothing hapened. He says the love is the same and he finds it hard to be away from us. When i ask to please come home he says inshallah soon. He doesnt give me a valid reason and i am loosing hope. I really dont know what happened. How can i still believe?

Layla

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7 Responses »

  1. Did u ever think how many tears women like u( mistresses in west, "halalified" second wives in muslim countries) cause to real wives and children & destroy their lives. This is karma, i dont think u will be happy with this man. We have saying in my country : strong house can be built on vacant plain place but not on wreckages of old house.

    • Agree with Maria. I'm child of polygamous home( previous, as I got on my feet & took my my mother out of this hell, hovewer iireversible damade done to her psyhique). Amount of pain such women bring in families life UUNDEFSCRIBLE. The worst part children get scarred for rest of their lives seeing their mother disintegrating as human day per day, becoming mentally disturbed.

      Layla, he already has wive. No man on planet wants" second wive", it is already presented in their lives. Little bit extra fun, thats all they need. U r just that "little bit " for him & he clearly shows it with his behaviour walk in ur house whenever he wants or feels like. I feel sorry for his wive & kids. If only u could feel one day in skin of first wive, u would hate yourself for pain u caused.
      Maria, agree with karma, it all will come back to her.
      I can tell u what is going in his house. By now his wive lost all her respect & love for him, so he tries to win her back & rescue their marriage as she is love of his life, he might divorce u anytime to save his marriage but hesitant because of children 2 of u have.

      • Woe to you ladies. Is it not stated in the Quran that a man is allowed 2,3,4 wives if they can meet certain conditions? My husband has a second wife. I am the first. yes i have cried. But i will not go against Allah words. Because on the day i converted into Islam i pledged i will believe completely and i refuse to pick and choose what is conveinient.

        Sister Layla im so sorry for the situation you are going thru..I can almost understand the pain.. May Allah make it easy for you by softening his heart, or simply replacing that which might be gone with something fa better. In Shaa Allah

  2. I think most men do second marriages not for good intention these days llike it was in prophet time. Today men just do it mostly for fun. I have some friends who did it. They wanted escape for some time from home with little screaming kids & home boring routine life. Intially. they were happy, but once honeymoon stage was over & beatiful slim young second wives got babies, it started all over again( chores, babies, boring sexual life). Thats why I think polygamy is not solution. I wouldnt do it to my wive who is my best friend and life partner. If man got bored with one wive, how long it will take before he got bored with second wive. I wouldnt advice being second wive for my daughter or sister.

  3. I wonder too, why these days women still become second wives( they r called " wifey" in my country), this is recipe for miserable life in 99% of cases. Which country r u from Layla? Wjlhy to sell urself short?Even in countries like Nigeria & Somalia women have access for education & can provide for thrmselves. Once woman is educated & succesful man magically appears in life☺.Polygamy creates toxic life environment for raising kids. It should be abolished just like slavery was.

    • It's ridiculous to compare polygamy with slavery. Polygamy is a voluntary union between two consenting adults. You may not like it, but it still has a place in certain circumstances.

      Wael
      IslamicAnswers.com Editor

      • Voluntary for man & prospective second wive but. not most case for first wives. They have very grim choice divorce or stay & live in misery rest of the life. In many places in the world, divorce still means woman loose full custody of children. So wives just get stuck in unhappy mariages because of kids often.

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