Islamic marriage advice and family advice

My fiancee doesn’t love me any more

Why don't you love me?

As-salamu alaykum Brothers and Sisters. I am from Africa and new to this forum, and I have found it helpful.

Please take you time to read my sorry, because I am in urgent need for help.

I met a sister in 2013 and we fell in love. The first thing I did was to pray for Allah’s guidance, next I introduced myself to her family (as in I am interested in their daughter). Things went on fine that she couldn't wait for us to get married. I am 33 years old and she is 21 years old.

I later noticed she was going too social, her pictures on instagram, changing pictures on WHATSAPP and so on. Her dressing was also not too modest, too much of makeup when she goes out. I started to advise her about everything and also how a Muslim sister should act. She made an offence in all my advice and the relationship start folding.

At a point in 2015 July precisely, I broke up with her, because I felt I was the right thing to do at that point. She made the relationship unbearable for me. She started hiding her feels for me, she never calls me, she started lying to me and she stopped telling me about her wear about. So I decided to stay off d relationship.

After some week, we made up and came back together after some advice from elders and we got engaged. But I still noticed her bad characters are still there. I called her and told her to b sincere to me, why she don't care much about the relationship anymore. I was shocked, when she told me she doesn't love me the way she used to any love, that she doesn't feel the same love she had for me anymore. But she keeps insisting I should keep praying to Allah and that she is also praying for the love to come back. But for her the love is not there anymore.

My heart is bleeding, because I love this sister very much, I am deeply in love with her. And we might soon fix a date for the wedding. I am scared because of what she has told me. I feel she is in the relationship because she doesn't want to hurt her mum. But I am dying in pains because I don't know her any. Infact she don't love me the way she used to, there is no connection, no happiness but always quarrels.

I don't know what to do because I am still in love with her. I think I have to stop her, please brothers and sisters I need your support...

... jazakallahu khairan


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9 Responses »

  1. Asalaamu alaikum brother, i think youre right. She cant have it both ways do what she wants and then have a practicing brother waiting for her. She sounds too immature for you, and if she wanted to make it work she easily could. Shes young and wants to do all these bad behaviours. You prayed tto Allah for guidance and He revealed her true attitude and behaviour Please do not stick yourself in a bad situation. Either she wants to keep respect in her parents eyes and not hurt them or she wants to mess around and then when she wants end up with a good brother who waited around for her - why should you? Remember marriage is about peace and harmony and worshipping Allah together, I think you made the right move to leave her and its not a co incidence that things started falling when you prayed for guidance - Allah intervened. Make the right choices there are plenty sisters who will not do those things in sha Allah.

  2. Maybe she feels the way she does is because of you and how you making her feel miserable. It could also be the fact she has grew apart from you because you controlling what she can and cant do. I honestly think you should be honest with her and ask her like you say you want marriage if she has changed its because maybe she dont want you so talk to her.

    • ASSALAM O Alaikum.. as far as it concerns to me it's better to cry before marry and hence forward it will be more worse for you... just be a man and realize conditions.. I think you should not go ahead because you want practising muslima who put herself according to Qur'an and sunnah but she is not... May be she likes another one and she dosent like you so she is demoralizing you, misbehaving you. Let suppose if she will start acting like this after getting marry so how will you control and tolerate. Just do istikhara and do sadka and ask to Allah to help you...

  3. Astar and talha offered good advice you should consider acting on it. Also you didnt do anything wrong as a muslim its a duty to advise someone if they are doing something wrong but of course not everyone will understand because they are to deluded and in love with satanic deeds like posting pics so other man can see , why would you want a wife like that

  4. You guys don't sound like a good match. You can't find the other person not up to your Islamic standards and expect them to change. More than likely she will not change, or if she does, resent you for it, unless she chooses to become more Islamic.

    So your choices are, either accept her at the standard that she is and stop advising to the degree that you are advising, or don't accept her and don't marry her.

    • Aa,

      From reading what you're saying - you need to forget her and move on. Short term pain is a much better price to pay than a lifetime as well as so many casualties you'll take along the way!

      Both of you have different ideologies about life - that's why she doesn't behave the way you want her to and by you trying to enforce it is infringing her. Really changing ones whole character needs to come from the heart of that person. How did you meet her anywa? All hijabi? I guess not...but what you liked then, you no longer want her to be ...problem is she hasn't moved with you. You're both heading in different directions.

      Save both yourselves and families of the pain by marrying - there's no real love here. If you want someone practicing and a good muslima - do it the Muslim way - arranged dating or falling in love before marriage. Love will IA come slowly but surely with time and commitment - blessings of a marriage by Allah SWT.

      Get over her and look forward to living a good life.


  5. This relationship is totally haram.Where is your head.The punishment who date marry same sex illegal sex will get punished in both of the worlds if Allah chooses.I cant believe muslims have degrate themselves worse then animals.

    • Your comment is ridiculous. He is engaged to be married and you are comparing it to homosexuality and zinaa, and telling him that he is worse than an animal? Astaghfirullah. Where is the benefit in these insults? You are on moderation from now on and if I don't see a change in tone I will ban you.

      Wael Editor

  6. I agree with M, - your not a good match. We always want to marry potential but forget to see the person for who they are, if your not happy with her character as it , you will have big problems later on dear brother.

    My advise and I hope you consider it is - find a sister whose character your pleased with and her deen is intact. Remember you will have children with this you see her raising your kids islamically?

    Get out early while you can

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