Islamic marriage advice and family advice

My husband chooses family over me

Clingy coworker, clinging woman, desperate woman

Assalamu alaikum

Though my description of my issue could be detailed and long I kindly ask apology for it and my humble request is that please read out my discussion and give sense about it.

I was married at the age of 23 and my husband was 27. Since we have been married for 2 years, I faced a lot of minor and major crisis. Actually it was an arranged marriage. My husband has 3 elder sisters. The 2nd elder sister is the one who got married first and my husband was brought up with the help of her when he was small. Due to circumstances he began to earn at the age of 6. Then and there he has been flown to abroad (Japan) for 6 years yet he seems to be spending for his family until marriage.

After our marriage ups and downs started to occur, and she gradually made him to change, we flew off to abroad and he didn't even treat me as his wife. I lived with 4 cousins in one apartment and had to do household works in huge bulks. He was treating me as his maid. He lacks of interest, love, romance, and sexual desires. He seem to become an animal when he doesn't think he is taken care of.

Even when I have an illness, he doesn't take care of me. He always loves and supports his family but I'm nothing to him...it seem to be I'm worthless . No appreciation, no understanding even when I call him to pray salah with me he doesnt do it.

Recently, I flew back to my residence and there his sister and her daughters wanted to create a barrier between us. They made an attempt to make a problem. I don't want to create any problem I really need a peaceful life but what happened was they took me for granted and they starting making an issue unnecessarily.

The purpose of doing this is that she wants my husband to earn and give the spendings to his family how he was doing before. But the thing is, when the problem occured he was not my side. He's really stubborn when it comes to his family. Even if there's any wrong going on he takes his family side. I didn't do any wrong there was no any mistakes but then and there he tried to clarify that there wont be any issue... "Let's live together and live a peaceful life."

I'm very suspicious to live with him cause it might be a danger to my life... he might kill me that's why I have taken a decision for a divorce. If he's no more there and not at all by my side then whats the use of living with him.

Please give me your suggestions and give me sense of this issue. I have maximize the story as much as possible.

Im waiting for your response. Thankyou!

Fathima

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4 Responses »

  1. Salaam sister
    Patients is something we have to do in marriage but upto limit talk through it if still haven’t changed then I would say don’t waste time on him before you have children from him and they suffer too like you are get out of this relationship after giving sometime to him he don’t change then don’t wait long take the step to separate from him
    Pray Namaz Allah Pak will do better for you
    Inshallah
    Don’t wait long and get depressed sometime in live we have to get separated.

  2. Assalaamualaykum Sister Fathima,

    I will admit that your post was a little difficult for me to understand (are you using an online translator?), but I will try to give you my input, which isn't very lengthy. I am sorry you're going through this 🙁

    You write:

    "I'm very suspicious to live with him cause it might be a danger to my life... he might kill me that's why I have taken a decision for a divorce. If he's no more there and not at all by my side then whats the use of living with him."

    I think that you have solved your own problem. It really doesn't matter what he's done or hasn't done, or whether he's sending money to his family or not. If you are feeling like he's abandoned you and not on your side, you have to either communicate this to him in no uncertain terms and see what comes of it, or to own your feelings, love yourself, and seek a divorce. Which it sounds like you've decided already. Perhaps you just needed affirmation.

    Best Inshallah,

    Nor
    IslamicAnswers

  3. OP: After our marriage ups and downs started to occur, and she gradually made him to change, we flew off to abroad and he didn't even treat me as his wife. I lived with 4 cousins in one apartment and had to do household works in huge bulks. He was treating me as his maid. He lacks of interest, love, romance, and sexual desires. He seem to become an animal when he doesn't think he is taken care of............I'm very suspicious to live with him cause it might be a danger to my life... he might kill me that's why I have taken a decision for a divorce. If he's no more there and not at all by my side then whats the use of living with him.

    He lacks sexual desire for you........He keeps you in an apartment with his 4 cousins......That could easily lead to.........
    You are afraid he might kill you

    Did you go for couple counselling? If he never had any sexual desires for you, better to leave.

  4. You are doing the right thing. Leaving him. He doesn’t look like he will change. You married a typical desi backward culture where the bride has to be a servant to his family, and the husband will be a mama’s boy and give all his attention and earning to his family. You have don’t nothing wrong. You have answered a lot of your questions and gave reasonings. You are making the right decision.

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