Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Need advice immediately about marriage

Forced marriage poster for people in the UK

AoA. I need advice immediately about marriage issue. I will be getting married soon to a guy i dont want to marry. He is a relative and this makes saying no even more difficult. I have been sad alot of my life because of many problems in my life which i wont dicuss but i always thought that i will be happy after marraige and this gave me patience but now i will be getting married to a guy i cant even think of marriying and my heart feels like it will explode i dont know how to have patience now because i see no hope.

My parents did not force me but i did not say yes and i did not say no, everything happened so quickly and at that time i thought i will come to accept it after some time but as the time have passed i never feel attracted and satisfied to the guy i will be marrying. I know most of you will say SPEAK UP but i can assure you all it is not possible. You do not know how my family works and if i speak up i will only be allowing myself to be humiliated by whole family. I so wish i had said clear no when this proposal came because i had doubts from start but my i thought my parents have chosen him and i will feel okay when the time of marrige will come but the thing is i feel miserable now. I wont ask what should i do because you all will say speak up which i cant. My QUESTION is if i pray to Allah to save me from this marraige, is it the Qadr that can be changed nu duas or it is something which is already written and can not be changed. Should i just stop dua about something to happen which will cause this marriage to not happen and leave it all to Allah beacuse what Allah has chosen for us is best?

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3 Responses »

  1. It's virtually impossible for anyone of us to tell you what your future holds for you. Praying and making dua are no guarantees for anything...in the end of the day, Allah will put us through what He sees necessary to put us through.

    With that said, Allah has given us a lot of control over our own lives. We have a free will. It's not like we're controlled by robots, right? When family members control us, it's because we have allowed them that power. But none of us were born as slaves to anyone else. Besides Allah, of course.

    It's a misunderstanding that we, as Muslims and human-beings, can expect good outcomes from passive behaviour or bad choices. Praying and making dua doesn't magically make a horrible choice an amazing choice. That's not how praying and dua works. Having faith and trust in Allah also doesn't mean we can make poor choices and expect that Allah will have our backs if we just pray and make dua. You need to make as good choices as possible to begin with...and then pray and make dua for guidance, strength and wisdom.

    Also, if you did or do not fully and happily consent to this marriage, it is indeed a forced marriage. Please don't sugarcoat it. It IS a forced marriage. If it wasn't a forced marriage. then
    1) You'd be happy to get married. Getting married is supposed to be a happy occassion...instead, you're asking people if prayers and dua will make your forced marriage work
    2) You should be able to change your mind and say no at any point. Yes, you should have been very clear with your family about your wishes from the start...but you should also feel like you can change your mind at any point without risking ostracization

    I will strongly encourage you to think about what's worse: Being married to a man you don't want to be with, or temporary humiliation from your family?

  2. As Salaamu Alaykum

    Without your permission ,Of Course it is a forced marriage.
    The have to ask you,if you agree with the marriage.
    Look the thing is now,you have to talk to them ,if you like it or not,because after the marriage you can forget it.
    Than its to late.You have to tell them that you dont want to marry him.Of Course Islam says respect your Parents but not like that and really talk to them ,that you dont want to marry him if the angry than it is like that,but if you marry him you definelly will not be happy(from my View) and think , if you get a Child what you will do than?both choices now will only come to a bad end,but i think its better you dont destroy your life,because if you already says you cant marry him,so its better if you dont marry him and if the still want to force you,go and inform a Mufti that he can make a Fatwa.

  3. This will be considered force marriage if they don't get consent from you. But why are you refusing the proposal is also important. Talk to your parents please..if you don't do it now you will regret it later...I was also forced into marriage when I clearly said no and my reason for refusing the proposal was a valid reason but my parents thought I would be happy in the marriage. In the end I left everything to Allah and let me tell you I am not a single bit happy in this marriage, my in laws have made my life miserable and my husband won't speak up for me, and sometimes I blame my parents for making me go through hell. Emotionally broken down by everything. I wish my parents had agreed with me.
    Please talk to your parents if you have a valid reason. Don't do what I did. PLEASE.

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