Premarital Sex
Assalamu alaykum
I am 19 years old and engaged, however last year I was with my boyfriend of 2 years and we had sex. I was against it but for his pleasure I agreed. What I considered love was infact lust. I realise that now. My fiance does not know anything of this and as muslims obviously me not being a virgin is a big dishonour and shame. I want to repent but I dont know how to??
Also on my wedding night, what will I do?? I'm considering having my hymen restored so I feel and bleed like a virgin, but would this count as a sin? Because I'm indirectly lying to my husband as he's going to believe I was a virgin when I'm not? I had read something about adulterers can only marry adulterers? And as far as I know my fiance is clean so would I be sinning in even marrying him? Or is what I read incorrect?
Please please help me. I know people say 'not all people bleed when they lose their virginity' but I don't think an excuse like that will even be considered in my culture.
I really would love to be honest and tell my husband to be but I know theres no way he would accept me. I'm so confused. HELP!!
~Anon1992
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asalamalaikum Anon,
what ever Allah has kept covered for you, keep it covered.a sin done by you which only Allah knows let it be like that. be thankful that Allah made you realise your mistake. just repent. you may want to tell your husband to clear the guilt or to make an honest start of life with him, but these matters are very complex. dont let the past affect your future. dont tell him.
as far as virginity in concerned , it does not make it different for a man as long as the sexual act is concerned. not all virgin woman have hymen( naturally). so dont think too much about it. make dua for yourself that may you have all the blessings of the union of marriage.
As salamu alaykum, Sister,
I am very sorry you are going through this nightmare and insha´Allah many young girls and boys read this post and learn that to have a relationship, to date, to see alone a person from the opposite gender, to be intimate and all of this is forbiden, because that is the only way to avoid many, many sufferings, those are all evil traps that takes you out of the straight path.
I have attached some posts that insha´Allah will orientate you, but I will make a list of the most important points you have to take into account:
1. Go to a doctor and have an STD test done even if you have used protection.
2. True repentance. Tawbah.
3. This is for you to think:
Anas ibn Malik (Allah be pleased with him) narrates that the Messenger of Allah (Allah bless him & give him peace) said: “All the children of Adam are wrongdoers, and the best of the wrongdoers are those who repent.” (Sunan Tirmidhi)
It was narrated that Abu Hurayrah said: I heard the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) say: “All of my ummah may be forgiven except those who commit sin openly. It is a kind of committing sin openly if a man does something at night, then morning comes and Allaah has concealed his sin, but he says, ‘O So and so, I did such and such last night,’ when his Lord has concealed him (his action) all night but in the morning he reveals that which Allaah had concealed for him.”
Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 5721; Muslim, 2990
.....Can you live with the thought of lying to your future husband? Think carefully about this, if you are going to tell him, do it before marrying, this way, he will have the choice of leaving you and won´t have to go through the nightmare of knowing that his wife is not virgen, some men/women cannot forgive this and that will take you directly to divorce or to be abused, Allah(swt) forbids, if you can keep your secret between Allah(swt) and you, then I am noone to judge you.
.....Here you have the posts I told you:
http://www.zawaj.com/askbilqis/i-regret-losing-my-virginity-and-i-am-very-ashamed/
http://www.zawaj.com/askbilqis/lost-virginity-boyfriend-regret-repent/
http://www.zawaj.com/askbilqis/bleeding-after-sexual-intercourse-repentance-and-salat/
http://www.zawaj.com/askbilqis/lost-virginity-wrong/
http://www.zawaj.com/askbilqis/he-stole-my-virginity/
I am sorry I cannot give you more advice. You have to take responsibility and take from now on your own decisions, insha´Allah.
Wasalam,
María
IslamicAnswers.com
Salam,
I have a problem here. I was having pre-marital sex with my boyfriend whom i really love, very nice guy and we had plans to marry. I knew for sure that he is very serious about me and so was i. Well, i was in various relationships before him but not serious relationships and nothing physical at all. Moreover, the way I loved this guy, i have never loved anyone else in my whole life. He was and still is literally sacred for me. He caught me several times lying to him about different things, also, he asked me about my past that have i ever been into a relationship but i denied becasue i was scared of losing him knowing that he wont tolerate it plus i buried my past. i did not want to open up my sins. He hacked my email, retrieved deleted data and pictures and confronted me with evidence that id been with various men. I accepted my mistake and said sorry to him. He told me he cant marry and he doesnt have a future with me.
i am very depressed and angry because i was so sincere with him. when i was seeing him, i never even thought of another man. never. i was and i still am deeply in love with him.i am not guilty at all becasue i never cheated on him. why did Allah do this? i prayed for him/us everyday. i SO wanted him swear to god.
please tell me what should i do? i just want to kill myself. i cant live without him 🙁
angry, your question needs a long answer. You ignored Allah's guidance and laws by committing zinaa, and you destroyed the trust in your relationship by lying repeatedly. Your thinking in this is wrong. No human being is sacred, and yes, you can live without him. You have almost elevated him to the status of a god, astaghfirullah, so of course you feel shattered because you lost your god. You need to completely change your thinking and your lifestyle, and get to an awareness of your Creator, and a place of self-respect and dignity. You will have to do it without this man, because that relationship is gone and is not coming back. Anyway, please log in and write your question as separate post so we can give it the attention it requires, Insha'Allah.
Wael
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Salaam sister, i hope i can be of help to you when it comes to repentence, be open as possible i am a man and i cry on the prayer mat many times, but i feel so much better afterwards, when asking for forgivness release all your emotion and mean it from your heart, and insha'Allah may Allah have mercy on you.
Wedding night, the most important night of marriage and one that is emphasised so much in asian culture, well i am from a pakistani culture and i really didnt care i dont know about your fiance, but personally i missed the whole big night was too tired and so was she after wearing a dress that weighs a ton and living on morsels of food, the point i am making is that nobody really cares in the modern world about bleeding or the husband checking the next morning, thats more traditional, excuse me if your fiance is traditional in which case i will explain my point below on your next question.
Having your hymen restored is pointless, its not beneficial to you since its not the same, your first time is your first time, you can restore a million times dont change a thing, same way when a man buys a new game and plays it for the first time hes excited opening and playing, now after he played it once, he can buy loads of new copies, but that feeling will never come back, thats life. one of my mates went to have her hymen restored it took a while to get a appointment because she had it on the nhs free of charge, when we got there she was lightly briefed and then straight into theatre, when she came out she told me how she felt ashamed and sad that this man she never met literally examined and operated on a part of her that she considered so private and personal, it took her sometime to come to terms with what she been through, so it has psychological effects and especially on muslim sisters, since they are always covered and dont ever expose ourselves in such ways, after all that the week before her wedding she felt sad it caught up with her and she spilt the beans, her future husband called her some bad names, and called the wedding off, she was branded a shame and disgrace, so guilt is also a big part to think about.
Your future husband, is either in love with you or not, if he is then it dosent matter about the operation if you tell him you are a virgin he will believe you, but if not and he asks say 'Allah knows' and he should question no further, now some men can tell if a womens hymen is intact, but in the utmost respectful way i doubt that will be anywhere on your future husbands mind on the wedding night so your fine, and no need for the operation, just follow what i said and he wont ask anymore, but dont make the excuse that some girls dont bleed, just leave it at 'Allah knows', and if he is traditional and looks in the morning, dont look guilty or worried just laugh it off our make it into a joke, this way he wont make much of it and thats your problem sorted.
Your not a adulterer but a fornicator, in which case keep your sin concealed, pray to Allah for forgivness and move on with your life, dont worry about things such as the wedding night, its importance is overrated and your future husband wont really want to be inspector gadget on your first morning after being married, smile sister, you made a mistake, you know and now your repenting and making something of your life, just smile and thank Allah your out of the worst.
The culture issue is just crazy, why families believe that daughters and sons bring shame i dont understand, mistakes are made but repentence is not for us to judge but Allah, a man cant reject a wife over these reasons if his heart is big enough and in the right place, besides men are undercover these days and dont tell you the truth, they can cover up easily, sometimes i wish men had something similar to hymens then it would be them going red in the face with shame and guilt, besides as you may know there is more than one type of sex and you would be shocked at the amount of honest and good men who have had oral sex with younger females, its become fashion may Allah forbid, i must stop going on and i hope i helped you situation and not made worse, im being honest here but its your choice and how you feel i dont know.
So sister best of luck, may Allah forgive you and give you the strength to succeed and be happy in your marriage, and may he bring many joys and blessings along the way insha'Allah.
If you want any more advice, then please ask and i would happily help.
Asalamualiekoum
It is truly dilemma for you. You have two options.
1. Hide your sin if you think you and your husband to be will have problems (but may be you will not
have peace of mind and at some point of your life you will tell him anyway)
2. Tell your husband-to-be and clear things out. ( Risky but you should know that Allah is the Provider)
Before you discuss any of the options with your fiance, just try to get his general opinion on the subject.
May be, then it will help you clearing out your dilemma
Virginity is important both for unmarried Muslim boys and girls. And don't think it is important only for the girls.
and that's why platonic relationships between girl and boy is forbidden in Islam which is one of the root cause of downfall of faith in God in Islam. Just like drinking alcohol, gambling, stealing and lying, etc.
Assalamu alaikum.
I feel the solution is to repent,regret and ask for Allah's forgiveness.
And not to reveal to the guy you wil b marrying cause he might call off the whole thing and the cycle might go on,how many guys will you keep revealing to??The problem is with us,humans, who have difficulty in forgiving and forgetting.Leave the past in the past,take care of the present and live sensibly following Islam to the core in future. Just make sure not to repeat the mistakes ever again no matter what.Make this as a lesson learnt the hard way to guide others through our experience.Dedicate yourself to live life the Islamic way. Make your husband,in laws and your own family your world and keep doing good deeds along the way,giving sadqa and charitable deeds. And try performing hajj and umra.I have heard the dua made at the first glance of Kaaba,duas are accepted and also at so many places both at Makkah and Madina,pray at those places and ask for forgiveness. Pray tahajjud and ask for the same using Asma ul Husna,yaseen. Do everything possible to ask for forgiveness. Insha Allah,Allah is the forgiver and he will forgive us.
ASSALAMALIKUM I AM WORRIED PLS HELP ME I HAVE MY SISTER IN LAW SHE IN LOVE WITH NON MUSLIM SHW WANTS TO GET MARRIED TO HIM THROUGH SOME CONTACTS THEY ARRANGED FOR IMAM TO PERFORM NIKAH WITH THE BOY WHO DID NOT CONVERT AND BY SOME MEANS I HAD TO PART OF THE NIKAH PLS HELP WITH SOME ADVICE IM WORRIED ABOUT WHAT WILL HAPPEN IN AKHIRA help
Sister, you must log in and submit your question as a separate post. Add more detail so we can advise you better insha'Allah.
SisterZ
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Asailam alaikum brothers and sister,
i am a 22 years old female recently married to my husband,i am happily married and love my husband to bits but there was something that i am confused about and i dont know the answer to because you get different answers from different people, my concern was i wanted to know whether oral sex with my husband is allowed or forbidden in islam?, my husband says it is haraam and want to know the truth if it is.. could you please research on this and tell me the answer to my question it would b really helpful.
jaza khullah kheir.
Miss kauser.
miss kauser, we've answered this question before. Please search the database. The majority of scholars consider it halal since there is no textual prohibition against it in Islam.
Wael
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Assalam alaikum Everyone,
I am 23 years old and engaged. I and My Fiance will get married next year.
Thing is that after fixing our marriage, at an emotional point we had physical relationship.
But, now i am repenting it. Is it Sin or Zinah to have sex with future husband?
Please, let me know.
Thank you
Shopnila, yes it is a serious sin and it is zinaa. It is one of the kabaa'ir - the great sins. You must make a sincere tawbah and stop all contact with your fiance until you get married, Insha'Allah.
Wael
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Wa alaikum as Salam,
Sister Shopnila,
You have committed Zina. A physical relation before Nikah is Zina. What makes a relation Halal is Nikah.
If you need further clarification, please login and post your question separately.
Muhammad Waseem
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Salam..
Ayyan, I removed the rest of your comment. Please log in and write your question as a separate post, and we will answer you in turn Insha'Allah.
Wael
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
okay, thanx anywaz
I met a man that i deeply like and made me feel special, we didnt discuss religion to a great deal, it was more in criptic messages that i know relize after and too late, that i think it was tantic sex he does..
he asked me to his apartment and when i look back he did a few things like drunk water, washed hands, split water on the floor took me to the bedroom but left some clothes on.. we kissed and touched and one thing lead to another [edited to remove explicit content]... then he said he couldnt go through with it and asked me to leave ! even though i travelled 3 hours there and only was there a hour.. he said it wasnt my fault it was him ?
i am c of e and he was of a mixed race english / Kishmar and didnt know his real religion untill i got home and tried to work out what i did wrong.... as i didnt think he follow as he was the one asking me to meet, also knowing im married, he smoked, so things just dont add up !!!
He now doesnt want contact with me which is so hard as i really had fallen for him and cant stop wishinh that i hadnt mucked it up..
Is there anyway i can get him to forgive me so that he will talk and see me again? I really do want to make things right again
After i went would he of been in trouble or punished for me performing that act..... as i wouldnt want that..
also when i looked up address i went to after i got home he live in a penthouse and the address was a Hindu missionary... i really miss him without no contact for 2 days and my heart is so flustered every time i think of him.
I'm not a muslim. But I had premarital sex with my boyfriend who is a muslim. It happened during Ramadan. And I feel guilty about it.
I don't know what to do now. I have sinned.
arlei martinez:
I'm not a muslim. But I had premarital sex with my boyfriend who is a muslim. It happened during Ramadan. And I feel guilty about it. I don't know what to do now. I have sinned.
So your Muslim boyfriend had Sex with you during Ramadan. That shows your b/f is not a good Muslim.
Getting married is one way to stop more sinning. What are your b/f's views about getting married.
My bf and I have been dating for a while now this is my first relationship. Six months ago I cheated on my bf by hanging out with another guy it wasn’t anything physical, I was just talking to the guy. After that my bf and I went through a lot and ended up getting back together. We had oral sex and did everything but loose our virginities. I’m trying so hard to make this relationship work but every now and then my bf tries to breakup over small things. I don’t want to breakup because I committed so many sins with him and I love him. He keeps trying to end it I don’t know what to do. Will I be punished by Allah for these sins?