I am tested once and again, will my sins be forgiven?
Assalamu 'Alaikoun,
I would like to first thank you all for the great service you are providing for us Muslims who are in need of great help and advice. May Allah swt reward you all immensely and grant you all success in this world and in the next.
Although I have read issues that are quite similar in regards to what I am going to ask, I feel like I really need some personal advice and in need of great help. I highly apologise for this long post, but it would mean a lot if you could read and understand it in context of what I am asking for.
Living in the west and being brought up as a pious and religious Muslim girl, wearing the hijab and trying my best to pray 5 times a day, I have always tried hard to practice and follow my religion. I have realised that living in the west is so hard to practice your religion and being firm and always steadfast is a big challenge that we go through.
I know we all make mistakes and we ask Allah swt for repentance and there are conditions that require for the acceptance of repentance. I know I had committed a mistake with getting involved with a guy, which started out as friends, and ended up as a relationship. This incident had happened when I was 18, and it was my first time getting involved with being friends with a guy. From this incident, I had learnt a lot, and although I always regretted what I had done with that guy (hugging & kissing) I promised myself that I will never in my life do such a thing and I had sincerely repented for those sins, which I later realised I was involved in a pre-marital relationship. This had opened my eyes, and the trial I went through with my family finding out about us was unexplainable, and a family member intervened and ended this matter between us. I then understood why Islam had always good reasons for explaining everything to us, how we should behave and act, especially around the opposite gender. That incident happened when I had just finished high school and was starting university, hence it was a turning path in my life, which I turned to Allah swt and started seeking and gaining knowledge to get closer to Him.
Ever since then, I have always been firm and never thought I would get into such a sin ever again, until I felt like I got tested and this time with such a similar situation. Being 21, I felt like I am going through this phase again, and when it started to happen I knew I had to stop, and every time I tried, I would go one step back again. It all started when I was looking for work during the summer vacation, which I got an offer with my previous job, which I had left because of that incident that happened when I was 18. This time, I thought I was ready no matter what I faced, especially in terms of interacting with the opposite gender.
However this time, I was proved wrong and realised how weak I am. Because I am a friendly and open person, I let this guy get to know me. There were many signs I was getting like the way he spoke and acted, which reminded me of the previous guy. I knew I had to stop the advances. However what started just as friends, unfortunately I let myself fall into a relationship again. My family found out that I was talking to this guy, and going through a second time of ordeal, I promised myself I will never do it again. This time my family gave a last chance, and they said if they find that I ever get involved with anyone else, I will be disowned and will be not part of the family. I stopped all contacts with this brother, however it was hard at work, as he kept talking, while I ignored him.
Unfortunately this didn't last, as we started talking again, even though I had promised my family I would never do that again, but I don't know how it happened. Every time I would tell him to stop contacting me via emails and phone, however things started getting too close. Now I realised that I have went very far with him (i.e inappropriate touching, and even kissing & hugging), I always beg him to stop contacting me, I had even left work and changed my number because of him. But he keeps saying he loves me and wants me in his life. I told him I don't appreciate what he does, as this is not the way to approach someone you want in marriage (especially as I have never been touched before like that by a guy), he says he is ready to speak with my family in asking for my hand, but I've said they will never accept him, firstly because of the previous incident which happened between us, i.e. how my family found out about him, and how his side of the family got involved, etc so things are not going to work out because of the impression my family has about his. Like his family had told my family off and said inappropriate things and obviously this was going to be a big no. The second thing is that he is from a different nationality and doesn't have his permanent residence (PR) in this country, which I feel he is trying to get, although he is on a bridging visa, and third of all, he is married with a girl in his own country, which he hasn't contacted for 1.5 years, and says that he doesn't love her, but wants me. I feel like it is all clear to me what he is trying to get, but he keeps promising that he is not that type of a guy, and never has he used anyone in his life.
I am so confused now and I hate myself for what I am getting into. He said he has done istikhara, and he has seen me in the distant with white hijab, I feel somehow in my heart this is not true, and I feel deep in my heart that I shouldn't trust him, not to say I got a few dreams like one which a family member was telling me not to trust this kind of guys, who play around. Everyday I tell him to delete my number, stop sending emails, don't contact me, but still he does. I am really scared that I am going to end up in Zina (sexual intercourse) and I keep praying to Allah to give me the strength to become strong and firm. He even came to uni on a few days, and some sisters had seen him with me and I started hearing things whether I am getting engaged or who this guy was I was talking too, as I don't do that at all. I am really scared for my honour and my chastity and most of all I am scared that I have kept promising Allah swt that I will stop all this, only to realise that I have done it again. I have no idea whether my repentance has been accepted, I have realised I am missed my prayers on time, missing Islamic lectures, everything. I feel like I am drifting away. I feel like the worst, and cheap-less person with all these things that are happening. What always comes to my mind is when I was at uni, I met a girl who could read palms and tell the fortune, I asked her to look into mine, when she had looked into mine (I know I should not have done this, as it is a sin, but I still thought it might be a joke) she said that although I stress a lot, I am an easy come and go for guys, I feel what she has said is always turning out to be right, and I feel like what she has said will always remain with me forever, which is why I can't trust this guy or any guys. What do I do?
I have done tawbah and have repented sincerely today, as it was yesterday that I realised we had gotten far (when we had inappropriately touched each other), I feel so ashamed and I'm so scared about my reputation and about my family. We are a well respected family, and noone would imagine that I would do such a thing. I am quite conservative and I care a lot for the people around me. But now I am so tired, I'm so exhausted of all this. I feel like giving up, it's my final year at uni, and although alhumdulilah I have been a high average student with the help of Allah swt. I feel this year I might not do well, and already I feel that my grades are being impacted from what I am going through. I always do the best I can in everything, and in my career I want to be the best in what I do. But with what is happening, I feel like I'm a failure. I have kept telling this brother to stop it all, we are sinning and even I we do get together, it will not work because we have started our life without the blessings and barakats of Allah swt. What we have done is a major sin in front of Allah swt, therefore He would never bless such a relationship that started off haram.
Please help me. What do I do? I really don't want to get tested through this way. Why am I being tested in such a manner? Is it because I need to learn to be firm and steadfast and in control? I know I am very weak and unfortunately I have let my nafs get the better of me. But now I want to be strong, I want to do what is right and follow and please only Allah swt, and to get rid of this waswassas (whisperings of Shaytan). I know we all get tested, but is there a way that I can pass this test. I know that when we commit a sin, we should conceal it, and repent to Allah swt, and keep that between us and Allah, so we shouldn't spread such things over the internet, however I am in desperate need. As a young Muslim girl, I feel ashamed of calling myself Muslim because of what I have done, and feeling like a hypocrite because of wearing the hijab and doing such sinful deeds. I sometimes wonder why no one else in the family gets tested through what I am going through. I don't want to lose myself and my dignity.I am so angry at what I have done, and I am scared of what can happen if this continues.
I hope you would be able to provide me with advice. The situation I am in is so challenging and it is so hard. I feel like I have to keep fighting. Sometimes I am trying to do good (i.e. fast, read and listen to Quran, trying to do good deeds), then I go back one or two steps back and fall into sin again. It's like huge battle and I don't know for how long I can take this. I feel so drained out and exhausted. I didn't know who to turn to and ask for help in such a matter.
I thank you for taking the time to read this and I hope you would be able to help me out. I highly apologise for this long post once again.
Please pray us young individuals who are going through such hardships and challenges in life and please pray for me that Allah swt accepts my repentance and gives me the strength and willpower to be strong and steadfast in my religion and in everything I do in life.
JazakoumAllahu Kheir,
Wasalaam,
From your Sister in Islam.
***Unfortunately after submitting this post, I thought I will never see him again and promised myself, until it happened again. We are somehow still in contact and he is not deleting my number. This time, when he kept persisting me to marry him, I accidentally said yes in the jest of it all. Now he keeps saying I said I will marry him, and that he told me I'm his, because he has touched me, etc. He goes he will never let anyone have me, and that he will make be his, and he has a firm believe that Allah swt will do that. I have no idea what to do, or what he is planning to do, and I'm quite scared. I told him (a lie) that I did Istikhara and I didn't see him but saw someone else, he got a bit upset and angry but I told him he is not my naseeb and that we should end things and all contact. After all that, he still says I'm his, and I'll be his. I feel so disgraced about all this. Sometimes I feel so sad that i'm doing this to him, so i tell him that i'm just here as a caring friend. Especially now, he is about to lose his job, and he is broken, and i feel bad making him more heart broken. He tells me that I'm his only strength at this time. I don't know what to do? I'm scared what this will lead onto? Please help me ASAP.
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ASA sister!
Wow, I hate to say it but this is a big problem! First of all, dont beat yourself up! We are all humans and yes we need to feel love and sometimes we all get these feelings towards the opposite sex, its very hard!But we know it is WRONG. I know what that is like! It seems to me that you are trying very hard to stay away from him! And I am very happy you are doing that! On the other hand, I am very scared! This guy seems to be a possesive person! You are NOT his and he is NOT yours!! If he really loves you, he should have thought about this since the begining and done things right! Have you talked to your family about you telling him not to contact you anymore and him not listening? Like I said i know how you feel in regards to this, i sometimes ask myself the same thing... I wear the hijab but i do this and that... guilt sucks!! But we must be strong and move on! If he does not get it talk to someone in your family, the imam or if he keeps up...get a restraining order! Do what you must to be the best you can! Insha'allah you will find the perfect muslim for you! We all get tested... and remember that Allah will not test you if He knew you cant handle it! You must learn from this test and move on... Change what you have done wrong. And know what it is you want for your life and what you dont! I wish you the best of luck and may Allah bless you and guide you through the best path!!
Ill pray for you!!
Assalamu Alaikum Warahmathallahi Wrbkathuhu,
My dear sister, Jazakhallahu Khair for sharing. We're all faced with theses kind of challanges whilst living in the west. First and foremost, just be honest with him. Tell him that you dont feel about him in the same way. Sis, i know it will break his heart, but this is the best thing you can do for him.
Rather than letting him think that you will marry him etc, its best to be honest. I dont think the whole situtation should have come this far. At the end of the day, he has high hopes and without a doubt he'll be devastated.
I've myself was involved in a similar situtation no long ago. but Alhamtillah, its all in the past now. I was also finding it hard to stop all the contact totally and i was so scared that he might tell my family, they will all know..and even now, they know some parts of the story but dont know what actually happened. Some guys if they;re totally infatuated with you, they can do anything to make you theirs and this is what probably scared me the most. Inshallah, i hope that doesent happen in your case. But sis, i was able to stop all this. when i find myself going back to any sin, i find myself asking is Allah(swt) pleased with what im doing? I fear Allah(swt) and i'm sure you do aswell, so i could never commit any sin knowing that my Lord is watching me. If you're sincerely and honestly guilty about what happened, you will never be able to commit the sin again.
But Ukhti, its never too late. Repent to Allah(swt) and Inshallah, he will forgive you. He's the most merciful and if Allah(swt) wills, there isint a sin that he cannot forgive. Allah(swt) wants us to be repent, he want us to accept his as our Lord and tawbah in a never ending cycle till the day we die.
So my sister, you told him to stop contacting you, but if he;s ringing u, then why are you picking up the call? If he's mailing you, why are you reading the mail? Since you're at the final year of uni, it should be easier to cut all ties, i think since you wont be meeting him at uni.
Sis, we commit such sins due to low imaan so get yourself involved in more dhikr, read more about Islam. Use this an oppertunity to get closer to your creator. We're all faced with tests in life, and life itself is a test. But when we're faced with these test, what to we do is what matters! Who do we turn to for help? Who is the one powerful enough to help us? Live in this world as you;re as stranger and Turn to Allah(swt).
I used the situation that happened to me to get closer to Allah(swt) and subhanallah, i've never must closer and at peace at last. The people around me wonder how i could;ve changed so much. So great is the power of Allah(swt)!. We get more rewards for trying to practise our religion as best as we can whilst living in a western country where theres so much fitnah around you.
Inshallah, may Allah(swt) help you keep in the straight path and ease you difficulties. Just want to leave you with a beautiful hadith. It is said that when Hadith qudsi, where our prophet(saw) said when a sinner commits a sin and raises his hands to allah and says of allah forgive me, allah says to the angels look my servant has sinned and I have forgiven him. When the servants commits the sin the second time and raises his hands to allah, the angels are once again told look at my servant has sinned and I have forgiven him. When the servant commits the sin for the third time, what does allah say? Does he say that i will not fogive him? No, He tells the angels oh my angels I bear witness that you testify that I have forgiven this servant no matter what he does. Because he recognises that I am his lord and that he has sinned and must turn to me for forgiveness. And this is what Allah(swt) wants from us, to recognise that he is our Lord and theres no worthy of worship except Allah(swt)!
Inshallah, i hope i've helped. Don;t keep the friend-relationship with him, cut all ties. This kind of friend relationship does not exist in Islam. And Dont worry Ukhti, Allah(swt) is here for you, Always.
Your sister in Islam.
My dear sister, this guy is playing with you: period.
I dont know if he wants residency - its likely hes after that and other things too, but you are putting yourself in a VERY VERY vulnerable situation where the possibility of zina is very likely.
So get yourself out of this situation ASAP.
There are some guys (and some girls) who are unfortunately very good at manipulating sweet sisters like yourself. They work hard initially to make you 'need' them and allow them to have power over you. Once they have power over you they can then use and abuse you as you please.
If you read many examples on the site you will see girls who are upset because their fiancee has changed. Read them: Normally they have never changed, they were always the same but they can put on an act - they tend to be romantic until you rely on them. I pray that he gets bored and stops hounding you.
I strongly advise you to change your contact details that you can - phone number, email address. You could copy all other numbers down and break your sim card. Also if he starts stalking you at uni or work, you may have to consider a restraining order. Most importantly, BE STRONG - If he hassles you ignore him - no matter what he says. We women have soft hearts and men like these can use it to their advantage. My dear he can only manipulate you if you let him so refuse to allow yourself to be manipulated. Try to travel and be with people at all times so he cannot get you alone. Never EVER be alone with him. Try your best to erase him from your life.
Most men get bored if they are trying to manipulate a girl for their own desired outcome and are not successful in achieving the outcome. A guy I (Stupidly) agreed to marry some years back became extremely clingy but eventually broke the engagement out of his own free will! Alhumdulilah .
Also DO NOT feel sorry for him -it doesnt matter what he goes through and how bad it is - he is not your problem. He is using his problems to manipulate you. If you feel sorry for him then the best thing you can do is pray for him occasionally but do not keep/make contact. DO NOT feel guilty for cutting him out - you are try
It is good that you feel guilty as any kind of zina is a big sin - but my dear sis do not despair of Allahs mercy - first take the steps to avoid repeating the sin and make intention not to commit the sin again. Ask Allah for forgiveness sincerely and change your habits to avoid repeating the sin.
Allah the Almighty said: O son of Adam, so long as you call upon Me and ask of Me, I shall forgive you for what you have done, and I shall not mind. O son of Adam, were your sins to reach the clouds of the sky and were you then to ask forgiveness of Me, I would forgive you. O son of Adam, were you to come to Me with sins nearly as great as the earth and were you then to face Me, ascribing no partner to Me, I would bring you forgiveness nearly as great at it."
[at-Tirmidhi, Imam Ahmad ibn Hanbal
Feel free to write on here if you need more advice.
I pray that Allah swt helps you through this!
Ameen
Sara
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Salam Sara,
I am not that good with words but I must say your words gave me courage. May Allah bless you with all the happiness of life. Is there any possible way I can ask you a question in private..as I would not like to disclose my personal matters in public. I will really appreciate it if you can help me regarding this matter.
W/salaam. Apologies I didnt notice the comment as this is an old post. JazakAllah khair, but I am learning myself - my knowledge is very limited. Are you a brother or a sister?
Mash'Allah people are like blood relatives on here. Sorry to interrrupt. X
Assalamu alaykum Sister Questioner,
Do you even have any idea of what you are working towards your aakhirah?
STOP this relationship right now, at this very moment. Take all necessary steps to end it right here, right now, at this very moment. Change your number again, do not go out of your home if the situation demands so, leave the work, delete your email account. All email companies have the facility to permanently remove the email id. And DO NOT MAKE ANY "DESIRE" IN YOU ALLOW YOU TO CONTACT HIM. Insha Allah.
Be hard. Make your character grow, if you stay like this, when will you grow yourself pure? This is high time. Wake Up !!!!!
The best advice I can give you is: Do ghusl with Allah's name, ask him to wash off your sins of the past, perform 2 rakah prayer, seek forgiveness, sincerely repent in your sujood for all past sins and ask Allah to guard you against Satan.
Then take up the Qur'an with meanings in English, if you are unable to understand Arabic directly. Pay heed to what you read. Try to ponder upon the verses, if you like to take a pen and paper to note down some points you may do so side by side.
Try to understand the message of the Qur'an, what does it convey to you? Think about it. Ponder deeply upon the verses, the more time you spend with the Qur'an means the more time you have spent with Allah speaking to you directly. Is not that a blessing?
From the darkness of ignorance and desires in which you are steeped to move in to light of knowledge and wisdom and that too none other than Allah, the Creator of the Heavens and the Earth, The Mighty, The Wise speaking to you by the Qur'an?
How about recieving His Guidance directly? Without anyone involved between you and Him? Just the two of you?
Go for it sister, I wish from Allah the best for your dunya and aakhirah and to open your heart to His revelations.
The best way to save yourself from Evil is to do what Allah says. And from where do you know what Allah says? From the Qur'an. So take it, read it and MOST important of all - Act upon it in your life.
I strictly advise you, if you want to come close to Allah, leave all entertainment, movies, songs, music, poetry, TV, internet time pass, and all other things that make you forget the revelations of Allah. And forgetting does not mean forgetting the verses you learnt, it means forgetting to act upon the commands of Allah.
One more thing, you said you listen to Qur'an, why not start to become haafiz? At your own pace, try? Yes? Okay, so when you listen to Qur'an from hereon, you may also start learning it and acting upon it.
Also pray Tahajjud, it is very very important to sleep and wake up in between at night and start doing recitation of the Qur'an at night. Very important, the rukoo and sujood at the time of night are moments bringing you closer to Allah and making manifest His Majesty.
Also if Allah has provided you some money, use it for helping some needy person.
The below verses of Surah Huud are Allah's clear words of warning to the Prophet (peace be upon him) and to the believers:
112. So tread thou the straight path as thou art commanded, and those who turn (unto Allah) with thee, and transgress not. Lo! He is Seer of what ye do.
113. And incline not toward those who do wrong lest the Fire touch you, and ye have no protecting friends against Allah, and afterward ye would not be helped.
114. Establish worship at the two ends of the day and in some watches of the night. Lo! good deeds annul ill deeds. This is a reminder for the mindful.
115. And have patience, (O Muhammad), for lo! Allah loseth not the wages of the good.
For your situation, a few points come up from these verses:
1. Take the Straight Path as Allah has commanded you
2. Turn to Allah in repentance and trangress not the limits set by Him, He is the Seer of your actions.
3. Incline not, be not friends with those who do wrong, not even show any liking for the wrong doers nor say "yes" this is right to their desires, wrong words and wrong actions "lest the Fire touch you".
4. You have no protection from Allah, He is surrounding all things and there is no refuge nor any Helper besides Allah.
5. Pray your salaat when the call for prayer is heard and pray nawafil when you have time in between and during some parts of the night.
6. Your good deeds will annul ill deeds. So remember what Allah says.
7. And have patience (Allah will give you all good in dunya and aakhirah, but be patient, do not make haste nor follow your desires that you may go astray again. Allah will not let your work go in vain, rather He will replay you with the best repayment.
Sister, Allah is the Most Just, there is no injustice nor trafficking with Him. So guard yourself againt Satan, ward of evil and cling on to the Qur'an firmly to save yourself from going astray.
Something Allah address to the Children of Israael in Surah Al Israa:
8. It may be that your Lord will have mercy on you, but if ye repeat (the crime) We shall repeat (the punishment), and We have appointed hell a dungeon for the disbelievers.
9. Lo! this Qur’an guideth unto that which is straightest, and giveth tidings unto the believers who do good works that theirs will be a great reward.
I hope you follow the advices I gave as visible actions in life and Insha Allah, all rewards are with Allah for the doers of good.
Salaam,
Your brother,
Munib.
+ @ Sister Questioner,
Hijab of the heart is as much important or even more important than outer covering.
An example here is something which Allah commands to the wives of the Prophet (peace be upon him) on how to convert the "taqwa" for Allah in to visible actions:
32. O ye wives of the Prophet! Ye are not like any other women. If ye keep your duty (to Allah), then be not soft of speech, lest he in whose heart is a disease aspire (to you), but utter customary speech. - Surah Al Ahzaab.
Remember these verses in dealing with men. Avoid as much contact as possible with men. Remember Allah much and whenever Satan proposes something, seek refuge in Allah and reject it, with a thorough rejection.
35. Lo! men who surrender unto Allah, and women who surrender, and men who believe and women who believe, and men who obey and women who obey, and men who speak the truth and women who speak the truth, and men who persevere (in righteousness) and women who persevere, and men who are humble and women who are humble, and men who give alms and women who give alms, and men who fast and women who fast, and men who guard their modesty and women who guard (their modesty), and men who remember Allah much and women who remember Allah hath prepared for them forgiveness and a vast reward. - Surah Al Ahzaab.
Salaam,
Your brother,
Munib.
Asalamoalaikum sister,
I highly urge you to end this relationship now, period. When I initially began reading your post, especially the part where you met him at work I felt like a replica of me was writing in for help. You must end this relationship now; this guy is using you. He is not sincere with you and I’m afraid he might be using you for his residency issue. What stood out to me the most is that he’s married back home and he’s playing his wife also.
Change all your contact information and if he tries to lure you in tell him straight up that you will get an elder from your family involved or get the police involved for harassment. I am very worried that he may lure you in so much that you’ll end up committing zina. You are being tested again but this time don’t fail my dear, you know what is happening and it is indeed very bad.
I can now sniff these guys from a mile (I am not being over confident, just learned from a very bad experience) and I highly suggest you stay away from all guys, period. It makes life so much easier and less stressful. That’s exactly what I’m doing and I’m quite content mashAllah. Please sis, do not make the same mistake many girls have made on this website. Read over come of the posts written here. After these guys get what they want, they then fully control the girl as she becomes vulnerable and weak (many of them beg the guys to not leave them and this is what makes them stronger). Some even end up abusing the girl physically so even though it may not seem “so bad” shaitaan is making it seem that way, but in reality you’re heading down a very steep hill and are very likely to fall and hurt yourself.
Stay miles away from this guy; don’t let him play with your life and take your most important asset!
-Helping Sister
Dear Sister,
You said yourself this guy is already married to a girl back home. How is it that he makes it okay to be kissing and touching you when he has a wife? Can you even begin to imagine how that young girl would feel knowing that the man she married is feeling up and kissing another woman?!
Look...you can stop his emails by blocking them...you can change your phone number and he cannot call you, why have you not done that? You have control over him contacting you but you are making excuses here. If I do not want a guy contacting me...trust me, I can and will make it so it does not happen.
This is a man who has no morals. He only wants to get in your pants because he knows no one else has. It is about the hunt, about getting what he wants. You are a fool if you continue to allow yourself to be involved with this man as he is going to get what he wants and he will be done with you.
Quit making excuses here before it's too late. You said yourself that you come from a very good family. You know that they love you so very much and they do not want to see you used and hurt. You need to look out for yourself here and protect your reputation or else it will end up tarnished and everyone is going to know about it. You don't want that.
Think about it...he has a wife but he is creeping around. Wake up...open your eyes before it is too late and you do end up having sex with him and end up pregnant (God forbid). You think he'll be around then? No...he will not. He only wants one thing here...don't be naive enough to give it to him. Think about you and think about your family. You and they deserve so much more.
You want a husband? Ask your mother to ask her friends and family members for a good man. A man who wants to spend his life with you...have a family and will wait to take what is his in a halal manner as his wife. Smarten up here...your at University, your a smart girl. Don't be just another statistic or in this guys case, another notch in his belt.
Very well said sister Najah.
Sister, you may feel it is a bit "harsh" but sister Najah has given you very sound advice; please do listen to it, inshAllah.
-Helping Sister
Salaams sister
Every single person here has taken words out my mouth. This guy is not faithful, he is using you simple. If he contacts you walk away sister, delete his number, trust me in the long run this will be better for you. Ignore him face to face tell him to stop harassing you and you no longer wish to communicate with him. Your honour, respect, and self worth (izaat) means a lot sister you have to be strong to tell him to his face, change all your email accounts and block him as your friend. Please do not contact this guy again, as for your mobile the network company can change your number. Please open your eyes, your love is worth more than this and save it for a guy you will truly earn that respect from you. Please listen to everyone on this site they only want to help you even brother’s Muniib replies have touched my heart because what he has written is spot on please take this into account. I pray that Allah shows you a path so that you become stronger ameen.
This is self-sabotage. And it is something that is very hard to get rid off. Very hard.
Because in such situations, we know exactly everything we need to know, and yet we consciously give ourselves into the sin.
After a lot of thinking, I have come to realize that we continuously fall into self-sabotaging because our belief in Allah and His promise lacks sincerity. May be we do not lack sincerity, but I could not find any other term that I can use to describe the reason behind our self-sabotage behavior. I would like to make it clear that I am not pointing out your belief here; we all have this problem of self-sabotaging, and thus I am talking in general.
Now lack of sincerity with our Lord manifests in many different ways, and for each ways, we need to take corrective action:
01. Once we repent to Allah, and feel better after entering into His mercy, we gradually forget how disgusting, and how overwhelming the sin was. The guilt and the shame that we feel before Allah gradually wanes. This is where we are different from the companions of the Messenger of Allah. In their heart, the feeling of shame and guilt even for a small sin would always remain ever green. Even 20 years after committing a sin, they could cry as profusely as they had done right after committing the sin.
It only shows that regarding our duty towards Allah, we become relaxed, whereas they would always struggle (internal jihad). Because of abandoning this internal jihad, we fall back into the sin.
Solution: We need to set aside some time everyday (everyday and we should not miss a single day) when we should genuinely ponder over our sins. In that time, we should ponder over how great the mercy of Allah has been upon us, and how disobedient we have been in return. During that time, we should contemplate about the wrath of Allah, and about His punishment. We should also contemplate about that audacity that we show to go against the One who is Irresistible, and how our audacity can cost us a place in His abode of eternal delights.
02. We become over confident in our ability to avoid sins. That is why we forget that our nafs never dies; it at best goes into hibernation. When it gets proper environment, it wakes up.
Since the companions of the Messenger of Allah were restless over their nafs, and never believed upon their own ability of avoiding sins, they would thus always remain super alert in avoiding surroundings that had the slightest ever probability of leading them into sin. Whereas today, because of our too much attachment with this world, we pretty quickly go back to the environment that lead us to sin. Like those addicted to pornography may require to avoid screens all together unless there is absolute necessity, but it often happens that they return to the usage of screen even when there is not any justifiable need.
Solution: We should try our best to avoid situations that has the probability to lead us to sins. Because we should remember that Shaitan can't drag us into the sin right away. He has much more patience than any of us. He knows that he has to be patient to make us fall into sin. Thus his first step is to take us back to the environment that lead us to sin. So, we need to be super watchful.
At the same time, if we think that our imaan has become strong enough to avoid sins and temptations even after going back to the previous surrounding, this will be a sign of over-confidence and arrogance. If we become truly sincere with Allah, we simply can't go back to that kind of environment. Plus, if we find yourself in a dilemma about whether we should go back to the environment that lead us to sins, we should stand up to pray two rakah immediately and then cry before Allah to make our heart detest that environment. Indeed Allah will grant us stability and Allah is indeed capable of replacing us with something better.
03. Our grip over salah is loose. We do not guard our salah. I think it is pretty self explanatory. Allah has promised in the Quran that salah will keep us away from all evil and shameful deeds it is done correctly. When we fall into such things even after regularly saying our prayer, it means something is missing in our salah. We need to find that out. May be we do not prepare well for salah. May be we do not give salah the attention and time it deserves. May be do not focus and concentrate when we say our salah. May be we do not contemplate about what it means to stand before Allah.
Solution: RIght now, make intention that we will take whatever steps we need to take to make our salah meaningful.
This post is not very well thought out. That is why it may feel disconnected. Anyway, I need to do more research about self-sabotage behavior and its proper Islamic solution.
Sister trust me I have come across many such stories in real life and read it on the websites. yours and some of them are very identical,
What this guy who is already married to someone else in home country is trying to get a Permanent Residency (PR) through marrying you and then he will for sure dump you. wAllaahi this happens 90% of the times and more so if some one is already married, he is committing a major crime by contacting you whilst he has a lawful wife in his own country.
Please sister, trust me, I am trying to give you a humble advice directly from my heart and that is to entirely and completely leave him. he has no fear of Allaah and all he wants is the residency permit which he could only get through marrying you.
Please skim through some of the previous post, there are numerous and countless stories like your and majority if not all the time they end up as a disaster.
I hope someone else could give you more advice as this website has some very intelligent and people blessed with wisdom who are well verse in dealing with such issues in a compassionate way and friendly manner.
BarakAllaah feek
Salah
Assalamu Alaikoum my dear Sisters and Brothers,
Jazakoumallahu Kheir for your wonderful piece of advice. I had waited for soo long for this post to be published, that I thought it won't be up until today when I checked to find not only has it already been published but I have also been provided with many golden advice. Thank you to all, there is not enough words to describe how i have felt after reading them. May Allah swt reward you all immensely. Unfortunately my situation has escalated. although I had changed my details, this brother has still my contact number but I have found a way to reject his call before it comes, so I have done that (i have changed my number more than 3 times, if i do more, my parents will become suspicious).
While waiting for this post to be published, I have tried my best to turn to Allah swt for sincere repentance, however I felt like I was still going backwards. No matter what I did, I felt that there was still something wrong, and today when I read your comments, I found what this missing gap was. I realised that there is alot that I need to do to reform and regain my character again and most importantly to develop a closer bond with Allah swt. I have realised that i have dropped my iman somewhere along when I became heedless of doing righteous deeds and praying with sincerity and on time, and now i reaised it is time to wake up, pick up my iman again but work more towards increasing it and staying steadfast.
However I feel soo sad and depressed that I have let this brother get the better of it. I feel soo ashamed of doing this all behind my parents and most importantly i feel disgusted that I have repented soo many times but have fallen back into this same sin again. This brother is not letting go, just last week he had came to the place im working now, and he was about to give a gift, but I refused and asked him to go back. He still waited nearly 1.5 hours after work as he thought I might give in as i have done before for a lift home, but this time i had called my parents to come and pick me up. As soon as i was leaving the gates, he came with his car, but I quickly ran to my parent's car and went with them. Alhumdulilah i have never felt better than doing such an action. I tried to be firm but when i went home i felt soo bad, so i called him and apologized but said that this has to stop. I tell him if we fear Allah swt, we should not be doing any acts of disobedience to Him. That last time i spoke to him, I told him again that i don't trust him, and I will never, as that is what my heart says, and then he says if you think my love is not true, then i will show you by coming to your house and talking to your parents. I don't know whether he was threatening or trying to show what he can do. But i quickly said that won't be needed as i don't t accept him as he is married.But he said, i will come with the divorce papers, and now i am frightened as to what he might really do. He even said, 'believe me you won't know what i can really do'. I am really scared. My parents don't know about this all and i am scared he might just really show up. He has actually been going past my house alot, and he even said that he does that. My parents don't know that i am still in contact with this brother, even though it was agreed that i never speak to him. Wallahi i tried, but i feel like i have failed. But as you all had pointed out, i know he is using and manipulating me and now i really want to control myself, but wallah it is soo much easier to say than actually do. I have worked soo hard to ignore him, but this feeling that is inside of me does not go away, no matter what i do. I had given every single thing he had bought, like gold rings, watches, clothes, everything to a charity shop, and that was a few weeks ago, and i thought that would end, but it didn't. Although we didn't talk for a few days, we started again, as i called to apologise and say i only did it, to stop all this.Since that time, he has become quite tempered. He has started to talk loud, give attitude but still says alot of words of affection, 'like you are beautiful, and i have really loved u, etc'. I know this is of course some sweet words that any girl would not fall for, and although i am trying not too, how can i forget about him? I just think about him alot, i know this sounds stupid, but its a feeling that won't go away, what can i do? I am inshallah going to start working towards increasing my faith, and focus on developing my relationship with Allah swt, do you think that would help me forget about him and move on? What else can i do?
By the way, the only person that know about some of these things is my elder sister and like you all had mentioned, even she has said the exact words today that he needs is residency and ofcourse he is using. Although she doesn't know how deep it has went, should i tell her about the sins i have done with this brother? I don't know what she will think of me? But i have now inshallah made a firm decision that i will stop all contacts immediately with this brother and work towards developing my relationship with Allah swt. I know the problem is with me, that since i have a soft nature, i need to learn to be firm. I just feel soo impure that i have let someone else touch me, and i feel this will never change. When a person once gets a stain, it will remain there forever. How else can i become pure? I will try my utmost best to do every single thing you have all mentioned, and inshallah I hope i remain steadfast and Allah swt gives me the strength to overcome this challenge and learn to become firm. But how else should i increase my faith? Is there sources that i can gain knowledge, although i will do as brotherrMuniib mentioned of reading Quran with sincerity, how else can i work towards increasing my knowledge, maybe learning more about my Creator and in that way i can learn to love Him and feat Him more.
Once again, I like to thank you all for taking your time and providing such a helpful feedback that really has opened my eyes. I feel soo much at ease that now i am not alone but i can seek the help of my fellow sisters and brothers. JazakoumAllahu kheir once again.
From your Sister in Islam,
Sister K
Assalamu alaykum Sister K,
I am happy to read what you wrote and sad at a few points.
Sister, happy for the fact that you are trying to keep firm. Sad because you keep going back to the brother again and again when you know he is nothing for you but one bringing loss in your dunya and in your aakhirah.
As time is passing he is getting desparate for the visa thing. He knows it is not easy to do "setting" with a girl for visa and make her fall for you like that. Being a guy I am ashamed to even write what I am writing. Sister, cut off, please. Be hard, be firm and do not give in. Do not call to apologize.
If you stay firm, you can get support of your parents if he does something to trouble you, but if you only give in each time and he gets your calls and meeting up again, then on what grounds can your parents support you?
He would say, ask your own daughter, does she not call me? Does she not meet me. Hence, to gain support of parents, you have to stop supporting that guy. From his words " you do not know what I can really do", I do not appreciate threatening or boasting like this and shows low akhlaaq of a person who if before marriage is like this, you cannot even imagine how he could be after marriage.
Why you go back to sin again?
Could be a few reasons, frankly, like:
May be you do not fear the Hereafter, or may be fear it very less and think you can manage
May be you do not fear Allah and His punishment to fall upon wrong doers as you should be fearing
May be you do not realize the gravity of your sin and so you do not feel "hate" for it
Insha Allah, once you hate this "love" thing between you and him, on that day your repentance will be sweet, your heart pure and your body more chaste than ever. It could be this day, it could be now when you read this message.
Do ghusl, wear clean clothes, fall down in prostration before Allah and seek His forgiveness and ask Him to guard you not to fall in the sin again and help you keep chaste.
You can be chaste as a new born when you clean your body, pray to Allah with a whole heart and ask Him to give you back your robe of innonence which the whispers of Shaytaan caused to be taken off. Insha Allah, Allah surely will make you more purer than ever. Trust Allah.
If you want to increase knowledge, read the Qur'an, it is what Allah revealed for us. If we do not read it, keep it on a side and seek other sources of knowledge, would we not being doing injustice?
When Allah has revealed a scripture for us which He calls repeatedly: A healing and a mercy for the believers, a Scripture full of Blessing, fully explain, an exposition of all things for mankind, than the most just thing you can do is to study it and ponder upon it as Allah commands mankind to do.
Keep what happened in the past as a secret between you and Allah. The more you share, the more chances are it will spread. Remember Allah loves repentant slaves, but not necessarily people, as you will find on this website, people find it very difficult to hear about someone's past and forget it.
Keep it to yourself please. Pray to Allah to conceal it.
May Allah help you, sorry if I got too emotional while writing and wrote something too directly. I hope you will forgive. It is all for your own good sister.
May Allah help you. May Allah protect you.
Salaam,
Your brother.
Assalam O alaikum sister K,
Sister, good to hear that you are working on forgetting this man. What I don't understand is that you decide to forget and turn to Allah but eventually give up and get back to him? I understand you are weak and we all are weak but why on earth your family doesn't know that you are going through all this? What worst can happen? They are there to help you sister only if you are sincere and honest with them about your problem.
You said that your sister knows about him but you can tell her the rest except the in-decent stuff that you both committed off course. You can tell her that what kind of trauma this is causing you and you can't seem to do anything with concentration even you prayers and other religious obligations. Why did you have to call him again and say sorry when you refused to accept his gift? In a way you saying sorry to him made him feel like HE WAS DOING THE RIGHT THING. Am I right here sister? He should have been the one to say sorry not you and even you shouldn't receive his calls for whatever purpose they might be. He is married and you don't like him and most importantly HE IS AFTER THE VISA AND YOU KNOW THAT AS WELL. But still you give in to his plans, what does that mean sister?
If that's not enough to open your eyes sister then browse through this website and you will see plenty of such cases. You are seriously looking for trouble sister and don't realise what you can end up with. HE DEFINITELY KNOWS THAT YOU ARE WEAK AND TAKING FULL ADVANTAGE OF YOU. If he is proposing you and wants to come to your parents then ask him WHAT IS WRONG WITH HIS FIRST WIFE? If he gives you a logical reason then ask him how he thinks you are different and what are the qualities that you have which are desirable to him.
If he gives you satisfactory answers then ask him to bring his wali and stop all this haram stuff. If he isn't willing to bring his wali than never ever accept his proposal and I am sure your parents won't accept it either Insha Allah. Remember sister! from your post it is clear that he is a player and a manipulator who knows how to play with innocent girls and lure them into net and how to expose their weaknesses?
A good Muslim man doesn't do this kind of stuff, if he was married; he will first sort out his marriage if possible. If not then divorce his wife and would ask for your hand through proper channel, WHICH IS A RESPECTABLE WAY. How can someone disrespect the woman who they want to take as wife through these mean acts. How can you get rid of him?
Sister, no matter how many people give you advice here, strength has to come from you to end this relationship and take the bitter pill to stop all this haram.
1- Change you mobile number, e-mail address.
2- At least inform your sister that this has gone too far and be honest with her and ask her to help you stop all this.
3- Inform authorities that he is following you and bothering you a lot.
4- Tell you parents sister, no matter whatever they say, they are still your parents and you are their respect. I know it's not going to be easy but it is way better then giving in to this man and committing further sins. And who know if you guys go further astaghfirullah then you might end up committing zina and might as well end up pregnant. Have you give it a thought? Doesn't it scare you that what will be your future sister?
5- Take some holidays and go abroad or to any other city to see your family to take your mind of this whole situation and also it will help you to see and think about this situation a lot better when he won't be around pestering you.
I hope I have helped and if you need help, write back and Insha Allah we will try our best to help you. And don't forget to ask for help from Allah (swt) to help you in all this and do a lot of dikr and offer extra naft prayers better start tahajjud. May Allah (swt) make things easier for you. (Amin)
Your brother in Islam,
Muhammad1982.
Editor, islamicAnswers.com
Assalamu alaykum Brother Muhammad1982,
Please refer to Sister K's second post, she has explained much of her situation in addition to her initial post, your approach may get a little different.
Salaam,
Your brother.
Waalaikum salam brother Munib:)
I read through the original post and then the second post as well and my reply was definitely to the second post. May be my reply to sister came out as a bit harsh or rude (just a guess) but honestly that's not what I meant.
@Sister K: -
Sister, I am sorry if I sounded rude or harsh through my writing in any way and want to clarify that I am not being rude, offensive or harsh but it's just that sometimes we know what we have to do but we need someone who can re-iterate that or push us to take those steps which are important for us to deal with the situation at hand. What I wrote in capital case wasn't meant to be rude or to make you feel like I was shouting at you astaghfirullah but just to highlight the importance or to emphasise.
It saddens me a lot to see that a lot of sisters are being played around by these kind of Muslim men and then left on their own to pick up the pieces:( Then, that very same guy who made those big promises disappears from the scene completely blaming his parents, culture or making petty excuses. But the life of that girl has been ruined for sure. That is why I sometimes write this in details. Please, be sure that I would have written the same for my blood sister and would never mean to offend any sister who comes here for advice and trust and confide in us.
I hope you understand and see what I am trying to say Insha Allah.
Wasalam,
Your brother in Islam,
Muhammad1982.
Editor, IslamicAnswers.com
As salamu alaykum Sister K,
Thank you very much for sharing. You are not weak, he seems to have to much free time.
I´ve just found the following and I want to share it with you :
وَقَالَ رَبُّكُمُ ادْعُونِي أَسْتَجِبْ لَكُمْ
“And your Lord says, ‘Call upon Me; I will respond to you” (Qur’an, 40:60).
وَإِنِّي لَغَفَّارٌ لِّمَن تَابَ وَآمَنَ وَعَمِلَ صَالِحًا ثُمَّ اهْتَدَىٰ
“But indeed, I am the Perpetual Forgiver of whoever repents and believes and does righteousness and then continues in guidance” (Qur’an, 20:82).
To keep you connected you will need to pray your salat on time if you can, can you listen to the Adhan? don´t worry if you can´t.
I like this booklet about salat:
33 ways of developing khushu in salah.
http://islamqa.com/en/ref/books/21
Please, pray your five salat on time and consciously, there is a series about salat by Jinan Bastaki, in SuhaibWebb, that wil guide you, insha´Allah.
http://www.suhaibwebb.com/personaldvlpt/how-to-taste-the-sweetness-of-prayer/
Recite Ayat Al-Kursi anytime you feel you want to call him, before touching the phone count three and think Allah (swt) is watching you and is proud of you, because you are choosing once and again the straight path and He is guiding you and helping you to solve all this situation, insha´Allah.
Before going to bed recite Surat 112, 113 and 114, ayat al Kursi and Al Fatiha.
In the morning before going out, choose one of this duas and read it:
1) Bismillahi alladhi la yadurru ma`a ismihi shay’un fi al-ardi wa la fi as-sama’i wa huwa as-sami`u al-`alim
(In the name of Allah; with His name, nothing whatsoever on earth or heaven can inflict any harm; He is All-Hearing and All-Knowing).
2) Hasbiya Allahu la ilaha illa huwa `alayhi tawakkaltu wahuwa rabbu al-`arshi al-`azhim
(Allah suffices me; there is no god but He; in Him I place my sole trust; He is the Lord of the mighty Throne).
3) Allaahumma ini a`duhu bika min hamazati ash-shayatin wa a`udhu bika rabbi an yahdurun
(O Allah, I seek refuge in You from the whisperings of Satan; my Lord, I seek refuge in You from their presence around me).
4) A`udhu bi `izzati Allahi wa qudratihi mimma ajidu wa uhadhiru
(I seek refuge in Allah’s glory and power from the affliction and pain I experience and suffer from).
A friend of mine told me, ask to Allah(swt) ask with no limit, always telling Him(swt) that you submit to whatever He(swt) thinks is the best for you, He (swt) is shy, He(swt) fills the empty hands of the believer when we ask Him(swt). He(swt) doesn´t need our prayers, we need to pray and praise Him(swt) it is good for us to go to Him(swt), insha´Allah, Alhamdulillah.
Sister Sarah has shared with us these duas, I would encourage you to do the last one everytime you feel the whispers of Shaytan: "La hawla wala quwwata illa billah"
(There is no Might or Power except with Allah)
Du’as for anxiety/difficulty
اللَّهُمَّ إنِّي أعُوذُ بِكَ مِنَ الْهَمِّ وَ الْحَزَنِ ، وَ الْعَجْزِ وَ الْكَسَلِ ، وَ الْبُخْلِ وَ الْجُبْنِ ، وَ ضَلَعِ الدِّيْنِ وَ غَلَبَةِ الرِّجَالِ
Allahumma inni a’udhubika minal hammi wal hazan, wal ‘ajzi wal kasal, wal bukhli wal jubn, wa dhala’id-dayni wa ghalabatir rijaal
O Allah! I seek refuge in You from grief and sadness, from weakness and from laziness, from miserliness and from cowardice, from being overcome by debt and from being overpowered by men (other people)
[Sahih al-Bukhari 7:158]
اللَّهُمَّ إنِّي اُنْزِلُ بِكَ حَاجَتِىْ وَ اِنْ قَصُرَ رَابِىْ وَ ضُعْفَ عَمَلِى افْتَقَرْت ;ُ اِلى رَحمَتِكَ
Allahumma inni unzila bika haajati wa-in qasuura rubbi wa du’fa ‘amali iftaqartu illa Rahmatika
O Allah! I ask You to answer my needs, though my intellect is weak, and my actions are defective, O Allah! I am in need of Your Mercy
حَسْبِيَ اللهُ وَنِعْمَ الْوَكِيلُ
HasbiyAllahu wa ni’mal wakeel
Allah is my availer and protector and the best of aids.
رَبِّ اِنِّىْ مَغْلُوْبٌ فَانْتَصِرْ
Rabbi inni maghlubun fan-tass-ssir
O Allah! I am overpowered, so help me.
[surah al-Qamar, 54:10]
This was the du’a of sayyidna Nuh (alayhis salam) after 950 years of preaching to a stubborn people.
Also repeat "La hawla wala quwwata illa billah
(There is no Might or Power except with Allah)
She has shared with us in other post the following:
"The whispering of the devil if the starting point of all evil deeds. It begins as a whisper and turns into an evil thought. Then the devil pictures the thought in your mind and turns it into a desire, which later becomes a will. He then makes you forget all the consequences and bellittles the outcome of the sin, until you see nothing but the fulfillment of your lust. It is in the stage that the devil dispatches his soldiers to urge you to achieve your desire whenever you show any negligence" (Ibn Qayyim - Tafsir Surah Nas)
"Do you recognise this process? When you feel desire you may be at the thought stage or the later stage but remind yourself that shaytaan is whispering to you and remember that Allah is watching you."
We know the process and, second by second, we have to stablish the boundaries not to let the evil get close to us, insha´Allah. Repenting sincerely, giving up the sin for the sake of Allah(swt) and not going back to it, with Allah(swt)´s help, insha´Allah.
Sister, fear comes together with evil, trust Allah(swt), please and be strong on Him (swt), this way you will see how every piece falls in the right place in your life, Insha´Allah.
You have a lot of work to do here, no more for now, get closer to your parents, trust them and enjoy being with your family, appreciate their presence this will bring Light to your Heart, insha´Allah.
Related to this man, tell me your first thought when I ask you this, if he comes to your parents and ask you for marry, do you want to marry him? Now, act consequent with your decision with Allah¨s help and guidance, insha´Allah.
If you get scared of him, as brother Muhammad has adviced you, call the police, if you feel uncomfortable with his presence around, you can denounce if he is harassing you, then he will have to stay away from you, I hope this is solved before getting to this point, insha´Allah.
Related to your sister, I do agree with brother Muhammad again.
If you need anything else, just let us know, insha´Allah.
May Allah(swt) bring the Peace back to your Heart, ease the suffering you are going through and guide you to the Straight Path, insha´Allah.
All my Unconditional Love, Respect and Support,
María
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Salam sister
Im a brother from the west. I understand your feelings because at one point i was that guy approaching a sister that was weak and taking advantage when i had evil intentions. Now that im following the deen i find that a real man would knock on the door of the women he wants to marry not sway and peruse her to the extent she is helpless. This is from a male perspective , this dude seems to me he does not really want to marry you he wants only because of lust he jumps the gun when the reality of support and care in marriage has not been established. And i suggest you tell your father he is perusing you and explain hes making it difficult. Dad's may seem scary to girls , but for a guy lol a girl's dad is even more scary . Honestly just tell your dad to talk to this guy, dont worry your pops will make him go away. Simply. lol now that i think about it i dont think you will take that advice , becuase iv noticed women don't like simple loool Salam
Assalamu 'Alaikoum Sisters and Brothers,
There is not enough words to describe how I have felt reading all your great advices. Saying thank you is also not enough, but from the depth of my heart I really thank each single one of you and pray that Allah swt rewards every one of you immensely. I have taken every single thing that each one of you have suggested and am working towards practicing it, although step by step. You are all doing a wonderful service to the people around the world.
Also I haven't taken anything here as offensive or rude, however I have taken it as a great piece of advice, every single word that has been written! Thank you soo much.
I like to let you know that alhumdulilah it has been a week that we haven't been in touch and we haven't spoken to one another. This brother hasn't contacted me since that time and nor have I at all. This had all stopped since I last wrote here and alhumdulilah I am grateful that all this has stopped. However there is only one thing that I am afraid of. The thing is after speaking here and seeking for help, I stopped caring for him and stopped thinking about him, but wallah it has started to become soo hard. I don't know why! I want to forget about him, but I keep hearing the whispers of Shaytan telling me to give him atleast one call to see if his number is working. I know this sounds stupid, and of course I will NEVER do it. But I really want to forget about him. I am trying to focus on my studies, and then I start thinking about him. What can I do?
Also thank you soo much Maria for the great duas you have posted, and inshallah I am working towards reciting them, however I still feel quite a lot of stress. I stress about everything. I do everything to the best I can, but still I am afraid that I won't get good or it won't be the best. During the past years, I have become very stressful, and even with assessments with everything. Is this stress and anxiety due to the lack of faith I have and the trust I have in Allah swt? I know the heart of Mu'min is meant to be pure, and at peace and tranquility, however I feel my heart is in every beat, at stress and in anxiety. This is another major problem I have in my life. No one sees the stress, however I feel like there is a heavy rock always placed on my heart. I know this could be due to the sins I have committed, and sometimes I cry for all that I have done. What can I do? Already I am seeing the effects of my sins. I have to see the doctors for the problems I am currently going through. Inshallah I hope it won't be serious. But I feel like I now deserve whatever happens to me for what I have done. I feel that the punishment of Allah swt is fair and I regret every single past sin I have done. Why is life soo hard? Why do we fail at things that we should aim to pass? Anyways I believe I need to work on myself quite alot. Thank you to all once again.
This website is a great blessing and thank you once again.
From your Sister in Islam,
Sister K
As salam alakum,
Dear bothers and sisters,
I have very closely read the matter and I can say I have understood the situation, first of all the matter is not that serious until unless u must have a believe that matter is not at all serious justification coz there is every problem’s solution in Islam from Quran and Hadith. Lacking is in us but not in Islam.
Let’s start like this, what is believe?
e.g. When sun rises every known’s that there will be light. This is a Believe means no drought at all.
e.g. And when sun sets us all known’s that it will be dark. This is a Believe means no drought at all.
Same ways when we all go hungry and consume food we all know by consuming food we will be out of hunger, and e.g. of believe.
And I have hundred and thousand of examples just like this.
Dear sister your case is totally a temptation of an evil act, to go rid of it you just need to concentrate on your prays with more confident and faith that Almighty Allah is there for you and all of us to help us out from all the problems which we have created by over own by over lapping Islam roles and regulation and we alone stand responsible for this. Hence I prefer you to recite surah falak Qul ho Allah Hu ahad, as many times as u can. By reciting this surah Inshallah Almighty Allah will help you out of coming all this nuisance’s and inshallah may give to a great and fruits full live.
Note:- what ever u are reciting or praying or even doing dua’s you should have a confidence that Allah alone is the one who can help you out from all problems, let me give you some e.g happen in Islamic history. Once Ibrahim A S W was getting thrown in the fire and same time Gibarail A.S. came and said order me, so that I can help you to get heal of this problem, in reply what Ibrahim A S W S said my Allah is much aware of this situations and he is the one who will help me out of this. This was a believe, trust, faith towards Allah, and this faith worked as an solution for him, just do nothing but boost confidence in your faith that Allah alone is sufficient enough to help you out.
Masalam,
dear sister k,
i started reading ur posts, and the advice u were given, however, the posts seem to have stopped as of june of 2011. i am very curious to know, how u have been and if inshallah, ur situation has changed, and have u been able to forget the guy? were u able to become more firm, and strengthen ur imaan? u were trying to get closer to ur creator, however, experienced much difficulty because of the shaitan, and his whispers. please, dear sister, can u write an update, about ur life after all this time? i really hope that u r totally stress free, and rid of all da doubts in ur heart, and wish that u have succeeded in establishing regular salat, and r following the advice of brothers and sisters!
allah is great, he never turns from those who seek his help, guidance and mercy with sincere hearts and those who sincerely repent, and strive to get closer to him. he helps those, who truely need his help, and those who have been wronged! so try to cleanse ur heart, n soul, beg him to help u, prostrate, invoke his beautiful names, and cry with all ur heart, and feel how helpless u r without his help. inshallah, u have already done all this and more, and r already healed and cured....waiting to hear from u.
from someone who cares!