Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Advising A Muslim Sister

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Choose the right path... before it's too late.

As-salamu alaykum wa Rahmatullaahi wa Barakaatuh ‎ ‎

Hello brothers and sisters. I have an issue I would love to be enlightened on. I have a Muslim sister living on the same street with me, she packed in few months ago and staying alone in her apartment, and we became friends. Just "Hello and Hi" kind of friendship. But I latter notice some bad attitudes with her. She goes out late at night and also comes back late. The worse of all is that sometimes different guys visit her apartment and also spend the night at her place. I've also noticed that she has a friend that is a non-Muslim and they go out together badly dressed and always with different guys. As a brother, I am very worried about her, it's obvious the kind of life she is living. She is less than 24 years of age staying alone and jumping around with different guys.

My concern now is if I should talk to her and advice her and to correct her. I feel so much guilt in me that I can change her but  am mute about it, although I always includle her in my du'a. I also don't know if Allah is testing me with this. I told my elder brother about it and he told me to mind my own business. Wallahi my mind is not at rest about her attitude because as I type this post (11:00 pm) I just saw her leaving her apartment carrying a small luggage with a non-Muslim guy she claims to be her boyfriend.

My dear brothers and sisters, what is your view or suggestion on this? Should I talk to this sister advice her our I should let her be?

...May Allah The Almighty Help us all...Ameen!!


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19 Responses »

  1. Brother,

    I am just curious, but from which country are you exactly?
    I can't imagine a muslim girl living on her own in Europe at age 24...

    • Dear Brother,

      I don't think you know the situation in europe. It is very much possible for any guy or girl who is a muslim or non muslim to live on their own in Europe at age 24 or even less.

      • I think I do, because I live in Europe.
        Ofcourse it's possible, but muslim families normally do not let their daughters live on their own...

        • I gotta disagree bother. Every family and every culture is very different. Some Muslims families are strict and some aren't. Some allow their daughters to live alone and some don't. Who are we to judge anyway

  2. What would have you done if it was a brother going around with different girls?
    Do you want to marry this girl and show her the correct path?

  3. I don't think you're in any position to say anything unless you two actually know each other. I feel like she's gonna take it the wrong way and snap at you. Make dua for her. don't judge her.

    • Don't judge her .looks like she is noble soul for you ....overall I think its non of you business to count her boyfriends ...leave her

    • Dear sister,

      I do not agree with your advice at all.
      In Islam, it is obligatory to advise other muslims who commit major sins, so that perhaps Allaah may guide them. (waajib)
      Your argument with 'not knowing her that good' does not make any sense.
      Even if she does take it the wrong way, he has at least fulfilled his Islamic duty...

      source: hadeeth of Tameem ibn Aws al-Daari (may Allaah be pleased with him).

      • You don't have to agree with my advice lol I'm just stating what I think is right. This girl is around my age and I know plenty of girls like her. I know 90% how they would act if some random Muslim guy who lives beside her starts to disapprove of her lifestyle and tries to tell her what is wrong and what is right when she's obviously old enough to know. Yes he can go tell her what she's doing is wrong, but come on, deep down she prob already knows. What I'm trying to say is, there's a 90% chance she might completely snap at him and tell him to mind his own bossiness. If that's what he wants, then go ahead by all means and tell her what she's doing is wrong

        • Yes, I know, but I felt like I had to tell you about this waajib thing. And you're right, I think she knows she is doing wrong.
          And just being curious, do you mean that you know plenty of muslim girls who behave exactly like her?

          • Yes correct. I know Muslim girls like this, whether it's someone I know, a friend or even a family member. That's why hearing this story didn't quite shock me.

  4. i actually think u can go ahead and stop her...before its too late and yeah as a brother or a good friend do stop her from doing evil things for the sake of allah.. inshallah if she changes her behaviour ...inshallah allah ll credit u for tat... inshallah i pray fa u brother

  5. OP: She goes out late at night and also comes back late. The worse of all is that sometimes different guys visit her apartment and also spend the night at her place. I've also noticed that she has a friend that is a non-Muslim and they go out together badly dressed and always with different guys.

    You are doing a good job watching her all night. Different guys going to her apartment and spending night at her place, is a bad sign. I hope she is doing some bed and breakfast thing. Are you going to tell her that you know all this things she is doing?

  6. Salaam Brother,

    I think you should advise her once and move back. Because you both are in a "hi" "hello" relationship so you both are not so close anyway. She won't respond well to your advise and probably it won't have much affect on her.

    But the controller of all the hearts in this world is Allah. So make dua to Allah to give her hidaya and then go and talk to her. Maybe Allah will guide her through you.

    Also, this looks like a good opportunity for the shaitan to come in. Please avoid falling in love with this girl. Because shaitan will look for a way to spoil your life too, since you are Alhamdulillah a good guy at present. Be very careful in how you deal with this girl. Because there is a chance you two might fall in love and it will create lots of problems in your life.

    May Allah guide our young muslim women.

  7. I don't think you say anything other than look after youself. Nobody wants to hear the truth only when it suits them and carry on living a double life. Let her live and learn you just concentrate on you.

  8. Well this is creepy af. Brother, why are you watching who she comes back with late at night? Shouldn't you be praying Esha or tahsjjud or even sleeping? I'm worried for you. You're not her mehram. Second look is haram. It's not okay for you to be watching her, especially if she's dressed "badly." Unless you'd like to become her mehram one day inshallah, in which case, good luck!

  9. My dear brother

    Alhumdullilah first of all u must thank Allah for giving u a heart to care for others even u could have done the same way it brother did but alhumdullilah u did not..what I suggest is that u must really go and advice her just imagine if she changes then even u will be rewarded..... place go before it's too late...

    And to your conscious brother.....

    This poor guy is not going to flirt with her he is trying to save her life.... so this is allowed..but he must surely have limits

  10. You should remember the story of Barsisa and be very careful here my brother,

    ( )

    Shaytaan play games with us, and makes our sins seem fair, and noble, your concern for her may have began due to your nobility, but now it seems you are crossing the lines, keeping track of when she leaves the house, taking note of the time, who she is with, what she is carrying, and the fact your mind cannot be at rest, is dangerous territory, and completely inappropriate you shouldn't even be looking at her brother,

    you mention she is currently engaging in immoral activity, how do you suppose you will protect yourself from not falling for her charms if you get involved with her even for the purpose of giving dawah, do you not consider she will be taken back by the fact you have been spying on her?

    If you do not have a female in your family who can offer her advice, you should stay away, everything you have said is indicative of the fact the Shaytaan is playing games with you, stay away brother, you are wrong in thinking you can change her, only Allah can change the hearts and minds of people, you can continue to make dua for all muslims that are astray, but making dua specifically for her, is not wise, your only creating for yourself an attachment to her, and this will only result in sin trust me.

  11. Assalaamu alaikum,

    Dear Brother in Islam,

    What you are doing is correct. There is a Hadith that goes like this: On the authority of Abu Sa’eed al-Khudree (may Allah be pleased with him) who said: I heard the Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) say, “Whosoever of you sees an evil, let him change it with his hand; and if he is not able to do so, then [let him change it] with his tongue; and if he is not able to do so, then with his heart — and that is the weakest of faith.” [Muslim]

    Therefore Brother, you are correct if you go to her and stop her from doing this wrong, but if she doesn't listen and continues to do as she pleases, then you must atleast make dua for her and then leave it in Allah's hands. Hidayat only comes from Allah and if it is meant for her to take heed then she will. However, I suggest that once you've done your part, you must step aside as you are actually battling against shaitaan here and you do not want to fall into his trap either.

    Allah knows best and may Allah guide us to the straight path and keep us there. Aameen.

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