Islamic marriage advice and family advice

All I want is to marry and have a family…

I am a 33 year female. Alhamdullilah I have many things I have wanted except for a loving man in my life hence I am single. In the area of relationships life has not been good.

When I was 22 I met a man who cheated on me. It tore me apart. At 26 I met another guy whom I believed could never make me happy. Apparently I was too educated and ambitious and because I wanted us to live in our own house that was an issue.

At 28 I met a non muslim man who was very kind and very loving. He was separated from his wife. We fell hopelessly in love and he wanted to marry me. For 5yrs this went on. We lived miserably apart cos I chose my parents and religion over him. He did want to accept islam but my parents will never accept a revert and would disown me as they are worried abt social status. Due to all this he started getting aggro which I understand. He is God fearing and the emotional connection is far greater than I experienced.

I have been trying to meet muslim men. Most are divorced in my society. People say horrible things cos now im in my thirties and theres no hope for me. They act like no one wants me cos now im old. I am so torn between this man and what is the right thing to do. I am depressed and losing faith. I tried to repent and tried to forget this man. I feel tortured thinking I loved him so much but Islam turned him away.

What do I do? What dua do I make to ease my pain n suffering and to get some guidance on this matter. I would like nothing more than to get married and have a family. Why has God done this to me?

anisa786

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10 Responses »

  1. Ohhh please please do not blaime Allah for this. Anyway, you did the right thing by listening to your parents. Plenty of muslim women are married to unbelievers. Insha allah keep looking you will find your husband.

  2. Salaam Sister,

    Do you think Allah will not test you in this life. He will test every Muslim by giving them difficulties in life. How you react to it will be important.

    Keep repenting to Allah for your sins,
    Learn more and more about Islam
    Practice more of Islam in your life
    Make dua in Tahajjud.

    Inshallah your problems will go away.

    May Allah grant you a loving Husband,

  3. Assalam wa alikum sister

    Alhamdulillah that you were saved from continuing a relationship with a non muslim male. I say this because I knew a muslim girl who was just 26 who was in a serious relationship committing Haram and convincing herself that he would convert but if her boyfriend convert, all his sins would be washed away therefore he would be like a virgin and it is clearly stated that a virgin cannot marry a non virgin and I did not want you or any sister in her situation and inshaaAllah that she gets out of that situation.

    I just want to say your not alone being in your thirties and not married as most of my female cousins marry in their thirties because they chose to pursue a career and like you Alhamdulillah they have a career.

    Please go to your local mosque with your brother or father and ask to join their marriage service for single Muslims. I know that East London mosque provide this service, I don't know where your local one is. Try to stay away from those that allows them to see your pictures before you and your family decided that his the right one as that is not Halal. Consider non British man from your culture seriously there is no difference between them and those born or lived here most of their life, if you judge them, think about if they are good Muslims as you need someone you can trust even I am considering them.

    Also make dua on a Friday and especially late at night and when you are presented with someone that you think you would like arrange to meet up with your family member and his and if he refuse that is a sign he is not serious about marriage, don't be alone with him as you know that is Haram and can lead to more Haram.

    I am also signal and want to get married to a muslim man and inshaaAllah we would both find someone that is good for us.

  4. Babli: I say this because I knew a muslim girl who was just 26 who was in a serious relationship committing Haram and convincing herself that he would convert but if her boyfriend convert......all his sins would be washed away therefore he would be like a virgin

    So if a non-Muslim girl commits haram and converts to Islam, Muslim men will treat her like a Virgin.

    • SVS :LOL

      I don't think this concept has any thing to do with virginity .
      When non Muslims converts to Islam then all of their past sins will be forgiven ..Its like fresh beginning and nothing to do with virginity .

      But still there are ifs and else Like if some one commits a murder before conversion to Islam and later realized his mistake then i think as per shariah law he will still get punishment for murder .Rest all will be between him and Allah ..

    • To sisters SVS and illogical,

      These are quotes from authentic hadith and the last from the Quran

      Muslim (121) narrated that ‘Amr ibn al-‘Aas (may Allaah be pleased with him) said: When Allaah put Islam in my heart, I came to the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) and said: “Give me your right hand so that I may swear allegiance to you.” He held out his hand and I withdrew my hand. He said, “What is the matter, O ‘Amr?” I said, “I want to stipulate a condition.” He said, “What do you want to stipulate?” I said, “That I will be forgiven.” He said, “Do you not know that Islam destroys that which came before it?”

      “Islam destroys that which came before it” means that it erases it and wipes it out. Stated by al-Nawawi in Sharh Muslim.

      “Say to those who have disbelieved, if they cease (from disbelief), their past will be forgiven. But if they return (thereto), then the examples of those (punished) before them have already preceded (as a warning)” [Qur'an 8:38]

      A good website for non Muslims to check out and ask questions encase you know any muslim who want to convert: http://www.islamreligion.com/articles/204/how-to-convert-to-islam-and-become-muslim

      To SVS I want to apologise about the comment I made about virgin can't marry a non virgin because I can't remember where I got my source from and someone who I think has more knowledge then me told me just today after reading your comment that this is not true and actually I am glad it is not true. I also looked it up at: http://islamqa.info/en this website you can type questions and maybe the answers you are looking for comes up Alhamdulillah. Most of the surah's says of Allah's forgiveness to those that repent so we should not despair and Ramadan is the best month to double your good deeds and ask for forgiveness.

      I agree with illogical that it would be hard for anyone to marry a convert from a different culture but I don't agree that 'a lot of good looking and settled people gets married much earlier than 30' this is because there is a lot of good looking Muslims who are not married especially women which I have met myself. Most of my female cousins married at their 30s however their husband's are from back home and received British nationality after marriage.

  5. Sister ,

    There is some risk to marry non Muslim guy who shows willingness to convert as you are not sure about his intention .

    Once marriage gets old and looses excitement then there will be real test .If he has not converted sincerely then he might not practice religion properly .If his parents die ,or any major events happens in his family than he needs to handle he might go back to his Shirk ways .It will be challenging to bring up kids under such environment .

    Despite all these if you feel you can't forget this man then i think you just need to make sure why he want to convert .If just for marriage then it is of no use and you leave this man ..If he is converting sincerely then probably you can think about marriage ..But please note this will be a risky .You need to take a calculated risk here

    Also there are post of sisters who suffered after marrying such converts for the sake of marriage

    http://www.zawaj.com/askbilqis/husband-converted-for-marriage/
    http://www.zawaj.com/askbilqis/husband-doesnt-believe-islam/

    I am sorry to say in some cultures after 30 plus age people find it difficult to get good matches .Even for boys too . It is because of some culture related reasons and also because lot of good looking and settled people gets married much earlier than 30 ...

    But it should not stop you from searching a man for marriage .
    .

  6. If you found a good man who was willing to accept Islam, you should have married him. You do not owe an obligation of singlehood to your parents. As long as he is muslim then your parents should have accepted him. The word "revert" is an artificial concept. All the holy Prophets were "reverts". Khadija RA was a "revert". Who cares?

    That being said, I know that cultural norms in Islamic societies require blind allegiance to parents, so I am not judging you. I just feel saddened that you had to make that difficult decision.

    If you are still hurting, then you need to immerse yourself in activities that will keep you busy. do you work? do you do volunteer work? do you have any hobbies like sports, gardening or painting? Do you exercise? Doing these things will keep your mind occupied so you won't have to dwell on what you don't have. You may also meet new friends along the way, which will make the passage of time more enjoyable. Do you like to travel? Travelling is a great hobby and will definitely keep you entertained and busy! Also, I assume that if you are 33, your parents are getting on in years - perhaps, make more of an effort to help them on a day to day basis?

    I hope these strategies help you and you can keep moving forward with your life.

  7. Age of 33 is not that much old for marriage , don't lose hope .

  8. Im also in my thirties and still single and unmarried I have lived for my parents and have done everything they wanted me to do. I have no complaints or regrets I am happy and I couldn't care less what people think I am passed caring. People will still talk regardless let them. Focus on you and your rights in being a good muslim leave in hands of Allah. Age is another number remember your not alone and I totally understand how frustrated and angry you may feel but don't let this make you weak. Live each day as it comes life is too short to think negative think positive and positivity will come to you inshAllah.

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