Islamic marriage advice and family advice

I am in so much pain and trouble

Asalam o alikum I'm 20 years old i got married this December. I'm in so much pain and trouble please tell me what to do .when i was 16 my father brother send rishta to our house for me my family didn't ask me and say yes . They told me about that rishta after one year and i said no then my elder sis said(she is not married yet) that you have to marry to him no matter what... i was young  i didn't knew that it was my right to say no i though i was disobeying my parents .

Then my mother said do you wanna marry someone else and i start looking for someone coz i didn't wanna marry i made a huge mistake and i end up tell her about a guy he knows me for more then 4 years but he liked me i never said that i like him till this purposal arrive . And i told her about the guy it was all online and i didn't even see him  .then ami talk to his mother he was so serious and wannted to marry me this year i was 19 at that time and he was 21 he was in his university .and when my mother told my father that i don't wanna marry your brothers son ge got so angry at me he asked me why i told him i cant marry him i don't like him he was very short tempered and he is nothing like what i want in my husband he is not that religious at all .but nobody listen to me they start hating me all my sisters everyone start hating me and telling me I'm a bad person I'll pay for that .and then i called my cousin (which i was force to marry) and told him i don't wanna marry and I'm not ready since i was 19 and i had a elder sister too he did not understand and told my father about that he said i can't go to university and stay home.. at this time the other person who was trying to marry me text my cousins through facebook i didn't know about that and tell hi m everything.  And my cousin told everyone his family my family.

My father bet me for him 3 times before did it again and i was so scared everyone was telling me to go die and make our life's better so i did i was killing myself and i slit my wrist i was not in my senses i didn't know what i was going I've been crying for so long and then my slapped me so bad and took me to the hospital saying that if i die what will people say then he said he'll divorce my mother and i she can take me with her i didn't know what to do everyone was telling me i was on drug but i was so scared and bad i know . I made a huge mistake...i didn't had a choice i said forgive me I'll do as you say i promise forgive me then my mamu( amis brother) talked to my cousin he said he still wanna marry deep down it was killing me and my cousin makes me sick i never wanted to marry him he was not what i want in my husband .

He makes me wanna die my mamu told me to talk to her i tried do hard but i just start hating me even more. I stay silent and cry alone and prayed alot my family didn't even wanted me to pray for my situation my sister told me Allah chose him for me and i can't fight Allah i should accept what Allah did to me and Allah knows what's better this is better for you don't act like that but i was not acting my father said he'll make me married to a garbage man but won't let me marry the other guy. So i got married i didn't shop anything for my wedding i was sick . I cried so much ..my family still hates me for crying and acting like this but i was not feeling good i feel like throwing up but i got married anyway this December nothing change everything get worst .

i can't stand my husband my mind is not accepting it i can't even look at him when we try to come close it makes me scream so loud he lives hin uae and i go there for 4 monthes he didn't let me study coz he saw old messeges of furqan (the person who wants to marry me) and he was about to slap me one day coz i said i don't wanna talk i need time I'm afraid he will force me to have intercourse with him .i told him about it all he got so mad and tell everyone and called my father and tell him everything his little brother treat me so bad always shout at me .his mother understand it and she is so nice his father said he forgive my one mistake and can't forgive Any more. And i can't study anymore coz of my messeges  they see on my phone .and one night  he was forcing me to talk to him i said I'll talk when I'm ready said i don't talk to him coz I'm afraid I'll end up saying something bad he never understand ..he said he'll force me for everything and fix my attitude i some time talk so bad to him and i cried after that i don't know what to do I'm such a bad person for doing that I'm so lost

 

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3 Responses »

  1. Sister if you don’t love him or like even one thing about him please go to s sheikh and divorce him so that you can be happy it doesn’t matter what your mom goes through it’s not your fault. Whoever hates you for being happy didn’t love you before. Divorce him if he doesn’t want to divorce you

  2. Assalaamualaykum Mahrukh,

    I agree with Habon in that if you want to get a divorce, it's best to do it now. You absolutely have to provide consent to marry someone and if you were forced into marrying or even providing the consent through emotional blackmail, this was wrong.

    Please talk to your parents, tell them that you KNOW of your rights as a muslimah, and that you refuse to stay in a loveless marriage any longer.

    May Allah smooth the path for you Ameen,

    Hugs,

    Nor

  3. Brother Wael, how could you let such absurd replies pass through?
    I personally don't think these two are fit to give people 'advice' on this website, how can they even say such stuff, obviously it was very easy for them to say this but do they know the consequences of their words? The way they have expressed their strong opinions, this naive girl might actually listen to them and destroy her life.
    Sister, I usually tell Muslims that divorce is their right and if they are being oppressed in their marriage then it is not wrong to seek divorce and it won't displease Allah but please don't consider the same for your case.
    Habibiti, I understand you were forced into this marriage. And your family was VERY WRONG for doing that. Allah will surely account them for this on the day of judgement. But it has happened. You are now a married woman.
    Please listen to my advice, and please don't hate me for it. I may be young, but I'm wise beyond my years.
    I truly see something in your marriage, however weird that may sound. I actually feel this is like the start of a love story 🙁
    Don't you dare even think about it again! Allah loves you, and you would be doomed if you took the precious life He gave you.
    You were wrong to befriend a na mehram, you know it is haram right? See how this 'friendship' put your reputation at stake?
    Its been almost an year since your marriage and has your husband ever crossed his limits? Some muslim men may seem very religious and good but they are the worst to their wives. I think your cousin loved you from the start. That's what psychology tells me. Please try to give this marriage a chance, shaitan is taking advantage of your negative emotions so please bring yourself closer to Allah. Pray to Allah that He makes this marriage work even though you don't want your husband. Pray that Allah ignites love between you two, a love so pure, only experienced by a few. Allah will reward you for your patience, your efforts and your sacrifices. We all do sins, and a man only has so much control. A person like him probably dreamed of a beautiful marriage life with you, and all his dreams must have been crushed when you didn't even want to talk to him, let alone see his face. Please try to make this work, you'll know if this marriage was not meant to be in a year, but in that time, please give your all in making this marriage work, don't let your discontent stop you. Please make dua to Allah at all times, He is the best dealer of all affairs. Assalam O Alaikum wa rahmatullahi wa baraqatuh.

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