Islamic marriage advice and family advice

I am confused, made a mess with my life

the guilt is more powerful than I can bear

I recently turned to Islam and I realised how much sin I have commited in my life. I am ashamed to the point that I don't know how to repent. I really hate myself and I really want to change my life around.

I had a boyfriend for a few years, we commited zina, I commited a major sin and I feel like my life has no worth no more. To make matters worse, my boyfriend said he can't marry me because his parents won't accept me. We're not from the same country, but we're both Asian and Muslim.

I feel let down, I really wanted to marry him. He said that he can't go against his parents wishes. I feel like I have no hope now, I know that I deserve to be in this place because I commited a major sin.

I want to know what can I do? I can't marry someone else and ruin their life, but when my parents ask why I'm not marrying what can I say or do?

I told my boyfriend that I can't live in sin anymore and I want to turn to Islam, he said he wishes he could marry me but his parents are very traditional and want someone from his country. I feel hopeless.

- Sammy

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6 Responses »

  1. I am so sorry you feel this way, The sin is not only on you but on him too. I personally believe you should move on with your life and learn from this experience. You will find love again and when it does happen that person will not see your faults. About repenting, I was born a Muslim and I will tell you that Allah (swt) is the most oft forgiving and you will learn that as you continue to study Islam. Repent as much as you can and do not repeat your mistakes. I don't know what you have done to feel so much guilt but to me as long as you haven't murdered anybody I don't think you should feel so bad. You do not deserve to feel this way. God will help you get through this tough time, just keep turning to him.

  2. You seek for Allah forgiveness that you will not goback for it forever and you should endevour to do the righteous deed.For Alla is ever forgiven.May Allah forgive you and grand you with rightteous husband AMEEN

  3. Dear Sammy Asalaamualaikum,

    Allah knows we are weak and are prone to sin, which is why He(swt) has so mercifully given us a way back to Him(swt). So the test for you now is to rise above your mistakes/sins and strive in Allah's way. Turn to Allah and of course He(swt) will forgive you - it sounds too simple, but it really is that simple :O). No sin is greater than Allah's Infinite Mercy. Allah (swt) says in Al Quran Surah 39, Ayah 53: "Say: 'O my Servants who have transgressed against their souls! Despair not of the Mercy of God: for God forgives all sins (except shirk): for He is Oft-Forgiving, Most Merciful.'"

    A hadith further says: "When Allah accepts repentance and forgives His servant, then the recording angels erase their records, organs lose their memories, and earth removes its stains of evidence so that when that person appears before Allah, there is no one to be a witness against him."

    Thats amazing, Subhan Allah and hopefully will give you a positive encouragement.

    If you committed the sins before you accepted Islam, then be assured that Allah would have wiped your slate clean the day you took Shahaadah :O). Allah says Al-Quran Surah 8, Ayah 38: “Say to those who have disbelieved, if they cease (from disbelief), their past will be forgiven.”

    Sammy, this young man has made clear to you that he cannot marry you. Yes, his reasons seem unfair, but life does not always give us what we want. Maybe there is blessing in this too as we do not always know what is best for us. Do not fight for something that is out of your hands. If this person wants to come back to you, deal with it then, although it does seem that he has made his choice.

    So learn from this experience, inshaAllah it will make you wiser and stronger. Don't pressure yourself into looking to find a husband. Let your wounds heal and with time and faith - they will heal. You may not feel so at the moment, but one day you will be ready to move on with someone else inshaAllah. That is human nature and history has proven so. So for now, just focus on you and your relationship with Allah. Occupy your mind and time with something positive, repair your eemaan, Salaah, dhikr, socialise with good friends.

    Allah says in Al Quran, Surah al-Baqarah, Ayah 216: "...It may be that you hate something when it is good for you and it may be that you love something when it is bad for you. Allah knows and you do not know."

    Persevere in putting your trust in Allah at this difficult time and you will find Him(swt) make a better way for you inshaAllah.


  4. Alsalamu alaykum Dear Sammy , what you are saying brings sadness to my heart but believe me allah is the forgiver and the forbearing one . Believe me once there is real tawba that you intend within it not to go back to the sin that you made allah Forgives you . Also, you can try to go to Hajj In Makkah if you are able because once you do hajj you get out of it free of sins just like you were just born . Learn to read quraan and supplicate everytime you feel distressed and its good enough that you converted to Islam it is the right thing to do .
    As for that guy , i know guys could act weird sometimes and I ask allah that his heart lightens and he becomes straight on path but i say you should forget about him because he doesnt deserve you and you deserve a way better guy that allah will send to you one day and you shouldnt feel worried about it .
    I hope it all goes well with you and i hope your life would go easier .

  5. you should find a good match there IA. I really love the website because of its complete islamic nature and genuineness. I knw I shudnt be encouraging online dating and I am not. This really is different and halal Beidnillah.

  6. repent ask for forgivness- Our Allahswt is soo merciful so so so Merciful, he loves us more then our mothers and is closer to us then our juglar vein. We are blessed and we should appreciate life what it gives and takes and learn from our mistakes.Remember your soulmate is choosen for you, so nothing can change that, Have faith in Allahswt and Love your prophet pbuh and Allahswt and life will love you.

    say ALLAH-HU-AKBAAR and get in sujood. Our graves are waiting for us sister.

    may Allahswt bless you xxx


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