Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Me and my husband argue

Aslamulaika. I have just recently got married to my hubby in March but have been with him for 3 years. he is abroad tho. However we argue alot over stupid things that dont matter I'm the one who says sorry and texts and calls first he has stopped doing all that he only says sorry after we start talking properly again.

How ever there's 1 more thing I think what causes us to argue is we went through with an abortion because we coudlnt keep our baby as my family hadnt done my ruksati but technicaly I'm his wife but people would have talked about me because my family got me married when we went abroad for my dadi passing away and couldn't do my ruksati as u know Asians talk saying it' only been so many days and they've got there daughter married etc but it was impossible for us to go back and do a wedding hence why family decided to to a simple nikah. And to have a big wedding later. I didn't want to go through an abortion it stills kills me I think about it everyday.

However we argue a lot and he says to me to leave him or his going to leave me and then when we talk okay he says everyone says stupid things out of anger. But why is all this happening to me I've already been through more then enough and now all this. I hate his brothers wife's also and I know they don't like me and I hate him talking to then but he ignores me. Any advice asap please. I WOULD NEVER LEAVE MY HUBBY! JAZAK ALLAH.

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12 Responses »

  1. You went through with an abortion and are fighting about it? So, presumably he did not want the abortion and hates you for killing his baby?

    I am concerned about how casually you treat abortion. Life is breathed into the foetus at 40 days - incidentally that's when electrical activity in the brain starts. If you have an abortion on the 40th day or thereafter, you are killing this person and the sin for killing a person is so enormous Allah says in the quran it is as if you have killed the whole of humanity.

    Surely the life of a baby is worth more than some silly 'ruksati' ritual.

    You should be worried about what Allah will do to you for killing this baby for the sake of your ritual. And of course you husband has every right to be upset as you have killed his child.

  2. Dear sister..
    Firstly your abortion is a big sin committed by you.. Ruksati doesnt matter at all. You got pregnant after nikah and thats wat really matters.. You both should hav consulted each other regarding having a baby why were you worried about what people say..people are not gonna justify yor deeds on the day of judgement.. Its a big sin u hav committed and you need to ask forgivness to allah..
    Now comin to your arguements with your husband it is very natural for a couple to fight over petty issues.. I am married and I too sometimes in a fit of anger tell my husband to leave me.. But this doesn't mean we want to break up. .it's just a moment of anger.. There are certain people in the world who never apologise first hence i believe you're husband is one of them.. Talk to him and let him know that you would also want him to initiate talks after fight sometimes when you are not willing to initiate..
    Thirdly why do you hate your brothers wife?? There has to be a reason for doing so. . If there is something about their behaviour and their attitude then you need to talk to husband about it and make it clear to him that if you're being treated ill by them then you will do the same with them if you're husband doesn't take a stand.
    Take care

  3. You had your nikah done so legally/islamically you was married and having a child before the party was done would not have been a sin. You were weak minded then and now you have to be strong and accept responsibility for your action and anything that comes with it after all it could be a test from Allah or a punishment.

  4. Fear Allah everywhere you are

  5. OP: However we argue a lot and he says to me to leave him or his going to leave me and then when we talk okay he says everyone says stupid things out of anger. But why is all this happening to me I've already been through more then enough and now all this. I hate his brothers wife's also and I know they don't like me and I hate him talking to then but he ignores me. Any advice asap please. I WOULD NEVER LEAVE MY HUBBY! JAZAK ALLAH.

    How do you guys manage to argue when your husband is abroad for 3 years?

    Try one simple thing from now onward you let your husband win the argument, see how it feels. Let him talk to his brother's wife and start talking to his brother. Tell your husband about this. Explain since he is talking to his wife, you should be allowed to talk freely with his brother. Relatives should talk

    Don't try hard to win useless arguments. Don't worry if some one hate you, just be nice to them. They may become your best friends.

  6. Wow, that's too harsh.
    You should not be making such statements. Only Allah is the Judge, and only Allah decides who goes where.

    I can appreciate that you mean well by advising, but such judgmental self-righteous statements can make erring Muslims go astray and lose hope instantly.
    I do not intend to preach to you, but only encourage you to follow the Sunnah of being soft spoken and gentle in your speech.

  7. the issue of argument is the type of discussion you bring and what cause your marriage shaking is that you talk about your relationship with people,here and even not retaining all that happen, Allah says for everything that had happen recite
    innalillahi wa inna ilaihi raji'un, or astaghfirullah till you stop imagining it. shatan cause you do that because the primarily
    target of Shaytan is to break marriages by starting with arguments where all sites will go someplace else and discuss about it
    not with Allah. as a wife you've what known have by the elevation you got in to magarae which high ranking from Allah that if you make a dua it'll be answered, all you need to do is to wake up and relate all that had happen between you too to Allah
    like a story though Allah know everything because Allah wants that though it'll not benefits him. keep reciting
    Surah AL-baqarah everyday and Yasin and don't miss a day to recite Surah Al-mulk before you sleep on bed and only death will stop you from entering paradise and Allah will assign countless angels to protect you.
    and for everything you ant to do start with BISMILLAH and do not allow your imaginations took you too far

    one thing sister . there is no need for a big wedding , why because that big wedding will attract shirk by singing,parties and
    extravagance which will cause your marriage to be even worse,
    Are you married to the people to praise you, Marriage start with 1 date-palm(Dabino) and then where you as the woman wants it to be, or are you married for the sake of Allah ?
    Allah says
    Abu Huraira reported: The Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings be upon him, said:

    إِنَّ اللَّهَ يَقُولُ يَوْمَ الْقِيَامَةِ أَيْنَ الْمُتَحَابُّونَ بِجَلَالِي الْيَوْمَ أُظِلُّهُمْ فِي ظِلِّي يَوْمَ لَا ظِلَّ إِلَّا ظِلِّي

    Allah will say on the Day of Resurrection: Where are those who love each other for the sake of my glory? Today, I will shelter them in my shade, for it is a day when there is no shade but mine.
    Allah will say on the day of the resurrection, where are those who love one another through my glory,Today i shall give them shade in my shade it being a day where there is no shade but my shade .

    And Ask Allah for your abortion sister because you just kill a soul and you'll explain to Allah for that because Allah says

    [Quran 6:140] Losers indeed are those who killed their children foolishly, due to their lack of knowledge, and prohibited what God has provided for them, and followed innovations attributed to God. They have gone astray; they are not guided.
    [Quran 17:31] You shall not kill your children due to fear of poverty. We provide for them, as well as for you. Killing them is a gross offense.

    the solution to everything is patience
    no patience no life but hurry in anything,And Allah says he is with the Sabireen(Patients)
    And i recommend you to study Surah Al-luqman You'll understand the importance of life as we were told.know the tafseer not the translation,

  8. You both seemed like immature young people. Not sure if both of you were ready for marriage. Your not even living together yet. What is astounding is that you done a abortion simply because what the society will think. Technically you are married. You were going to wait 3 years and then throw a lavish wedding to show people and top off that abort your innocent baby. SubhanAllah. You both need to be serious and work out the marriage. Don't let culture disturb your life.

  9. A.o.A Start Salah (namaz, prayer) and dont miss tahajud prayer in midnight.And pray in tahajud time specially.!st of all you should start following the teaching of Allah, then he will also. Your couple will be an ideal one inshaallah.

    Regards Dr A.Majeed Bhatti
    whatsapp ******************

    • Brother Bhatti, please do not put your private contact info as we do not allow it. Thanks.

      Wael
      IslamicAnswers.com Editor

    • You both are married by the name of Almighty Allah SubhanAllah wa ta'ala .Ruksati or don't Ruksati you bothare 100% married NO DOUBT about. However you did a big mistake which is abortioned your first most beautiful blessing of all blessings as you have no understanding and knowledge about this sin ABORTION. Allah SubhanAllah wa ta'ala is Most compassionate Most Mercyful Repent with sincerity and give Qaffara (Feed the poor miskins at least 60 peoples) .We are all Human being Allah SubhanAllah wa ta'ala knows we all will make MISTAKES as long we dont do the same mistakes again with true repentance He FORGIVE His kind creations. Now no point making more mistakes by arguing over something which cannot be replaceable, as i said before repent sincerely give Qaffara and both husband and wife move on with Allah's kind name and by Allah's kind MERCY in sha Allah make baby and live life with all Respect. What has done is done you cannot go back to yesterday again but definitely you do learn from it and do RIGHT now today and for tomorrow.Be together with Allah's all kind names DON'T listen to society DON'T listen to all EVIL whispers. Allah knows and can see all.what happened it's lack of knowledge and understanding .
      Read Al Quran and follow it not family not society only Al QURAN IS THE TRUE GUIDANCE. BY ALLAH'S MOST KIND MERCY MERCY YOU BOTH BECOME MARRIED COUPLES RESPECT IT BY ALL MEANS AS A TRUE LOYAL HUSBAND AND WIFE. May Allah Ajjawajal bless His abundance kind blessings upon both and live life with truthfulness with happiness. RESPECT each other don't hate each other for unknowing mistakes. If Almighty Allah can FORGIVE you and me we should also forgive and move on for better peaceful LIFE. But always remember DON'T make same MISTAKES again. Jazakallahu Khairan stay well and bless. Allahu AKBAR Allahu Gaffooror Raheem.

  10. Salam .in short.Iman is weak.when there is no solid foundation in Islam then we are living the life of a disbeliever. Shaitan will disunited our hearts and play with our minds.Why so you think that enviroment of Deen is important? So it can remind us and help us in many ways.Husband needs to be home.Jobs that travel like pilots or overseas work can be dangerous because a man can get tempted pretty quick by any women.I can only give you the facts/experience because I am a Male and I do know that without taqwa spells good luck..Just look at the statistics on marriage in the world.The divorce rate is high.You will have to sit and talk it out or else you will live in depression.

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