She wants to divorce, I want to stay married.
السلم عليكم
I have been married for 15 years. It has been a very, very difficult marriage. My wife is a terrible Muslim, if she can be considered a Muslim at all. She doesn't pray. She is abusive, lazy, doesn't look after the house and wastes money so I spend my time between working & studying tidying up. We have two children, one 7 and one 14. If it wasn't for them I would have left years ago.
I believe she is having an affair. She gets text messages constantly & I have heard her flirting on her mobile. I cannot keep an eye on her at all times because I am at work while she is in the gym, at least that's where she says she is. I don't have proof but she says she doesn't care for me anymore, wants a divorce and wants to have an affair and doesn't care about the consequences. We live together and I do not want to leave MY house until I finish my studies in 2 years as it would cause me great distress to be away from my children and leave the home I have invested so much in. Once I finish my studies I will be in a better position financially to support my children, even if they are no longer with me. Should I show patience, stay with my children until I finish my studies then leave? I keep making dua for patience and guidance but I do not know if I should sit and wait or take action.
Bassam
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I feel for you brother ,
If , I were you I, would have left immediately. Your wife is committing huge sins . She doesn't realize the worth of man who is honest and faithful . Please , for the love of Allah and your children LEAVE . You said that, you are staying for the children . Let me tell you , sooner or later your children will pick up and know about your bad marriage and this negativity will then be deeply embedded in their mind .
Children see their parents as role models . If they are bad , then this will definitely affect the upbringing and personality of the children .
I would suggest you to look options for loans or seek financial assistance from individuals or organizations . I , am sure there are people and institutions which will help you financially and psychologically .
Salam,
No doubt you want to do what's best for your kids by keeping their mother around, as a muslim man said - the longer you stay, the longer they are exposed to a toxic environment, the greater the impact it will have on their futures. No doubt leaving now will be difficult because you may not be in a financial situation to do so - but living at your parents house or with other family (if possible) until you are able to finish school will provide a stable environment to raise the children.
As the previous poster said - loans, bursaries, scholarships etc are your best bet!
Sorry to hear about the situation and Inshallah it will work out for the best for your kids and your family.
Allah hafiz.
Salaam Bassam,
Does your wife work outside the home or are you the bread winner for your family?
Salaam
Salams Br. Bassam,
My heart goes out for you and your children. People like your wife are not only shameless but also very damaging to people related to them.
I'm not sure where you reside but I would higly suggest to seek full custody of your children and not leave them under the care of this woman. She is making very reckless and dangerous choices for herself and you don't want you children to be affected them. Allah is the judge of everyones character but if something is obvious, you don't want this shameless lifestyle to be transmitted to them.
As far as the house is concernced, why don't you sell it and split it half. You will have instant cash which you can use to move into an apartment for now. You certainly need to divorce this woman as per her request but don't let her have her cake and eat it too.
Salaam Brother. . . I will suggest u think twice b4 jumping into conclution. . . . If u think ur parent are in d best position take care of ur children, or u ve any other means of taking care of ur children without her , then try 2 leave her as soon as possible coz she does'nt deserve someone like u. . . May be she saw u too cheap and did'nt realise that there are countless number of women out there (some in their 30s or 40s) looking and waiting 4 dis oppurtunity even 4 d 1st time (may Allah wipe their tears away). Some of dem dont even hav husband 4 d 1st time. . . I think her eyes will be cleared when she fall into dis group 4 up to 10yrs or more. . .don't leave ur children under her care coz she might currupt dem with he bad character..
Assalamu alaykum Br. Bassam,
May Allah bring forth peace in your lives.
Well, you rightly said yourself, do I need to be patient? Yes brother, you need to be. It is a great Islamic virtue, so keep Sabr.
She may have said about divorce may be because she would be angry, may be because she thought you were keeping an eye on her or doubting her. Do not be too quick in coming to conclusions.
Sit with your wife when take her out somewhere, tell speak kindly to her. Ask her? What has happened? why our life is like this? If she gets excited, you stay calm. Tell her you want all things to work out well, for her, for the kids and for your own self. See her response.
If she is willing to work things out, at least has a will to work it out, Insha Allah there are chances that it may work out well, because Allah says so:
35. And if ye fear a breech between them twain (the man and wife), appoint an arbiter from his folk and an arbiter from her folk. If they desire amendment Allah will make them of one mind. Lo! Allah is ever Knower, Aware. - Surah Nisaa.
If she is not willing at all to work things out, there is not much left to say. Keep praying to Allah, am sure you do, give more in charity and seek to please Allah and seek forgiveness constantly and thank Allah for all that He gave you, perhaps Allah may relent towards you and restore happiness to your family.
83. And Job, when he cried unto his Lord, (saying): Lo! adversity afflicteth me, and Thou art Most Merciful of all who show mercy.
84. Then We heard his prayer and removed that adversity from which he suffered, and We gave him his household (that he had lost) and the like thereof along with them, a mercy from Our store, and a remembrance for the worshippers; - Surah Anbiyaa.
Allah is Mighty. Glorify Him morning and evening. Allah is ever forgiving to His slaves who turn to Him.
We also pray to Allah to help you and soon settle down the turmoil in your life.
Salaam.
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