Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Who to choose – the person I’m dating or my ex?

Dear all,

I have a bit of a concern. I am in a relationship already, (dont worry, no touching or dating or kissing). However, i used to date this other person a few years ago and we broke up for stupid reasons. That person is back and we have started talking and i have learned a few things about this person's past that are quite disturbing, and frankly, i didnt want to have anything to do with this person had our understanding not been so strong.

This person left their current partner for me, and hopes to marry me some day and the person in question does not know i am in a relationship. (this person, ie. my ex. does not know that i already know of their past and given i am quite temperamental, this person will never confess of doing such disgusting things ) 🙁

My question? well, if you were in my place, in a steady relationship, with not a very good rapport with your partner, but then your ex would come along and knowing about their sick past, but having an amazing chemistry and understanding, who would you pursue?

Also my Ex is very rich, and my fiance is just ok. Hence even that is a major attracting point for my Ex.

Your opinions?


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6 Responses »

  1. salaam

    a bit of a silly question but i can see how you look at things how ever i am not here to judge as i am no angle but never the less the answer should be very obvious ask yourself what are you wanting to marry and live with for the rest of your life money (your ex) a life long partner that is going to be there for you for the sake of marriage. money comes and goes i have met guys who are pilots own their own restaurant furniture business but deep down there are not those qualities that would make them suited to me for the sake of marriage so i turned them down.

    you need to think about why you want to get married and the purpose of marriage but don't mess things up for yourself from what you have written it sounds like you know to leave the ex in the past and that is what i would do to

    i hope that has helped and forgive me if i have offended you non ment

    allah hafiz

  2. Salaam, well if you don't have a great rapport with your current partner, why on earth are you with them? And ou obviously left your ex for a reason. When it comes to marriage, marrying someone for their status or wealth is not a good idea. Narrated Abu Huraira: The Prophet said, "A woman is married for four things, i.e., her wealth, her family status, her beauty and her religion. So you should marry the religious woman (otherwise) you will be a losers. (Sahih Bukhari) - This also applies to men.

  3. ukhty is should marry the one who has the greatest love for Islam as best as you can tell. Only Allah knows anyone's heart, but as Muslims we look for the one who has the most love for Allah and His messenger.

  4. Salaam sister,

    Your post annoyed me a little!

    This is not a Agony Aunt page. This website is specifically for people with issues and on how to deal within a Islamic framework.

    Your ex is your ex for a reason. Keep it that way.

    Your current partner ain't great so don't lead him on and waste your time.

    When your ready for marriage (you don't seem like you are) then use the correct channels within your Muslim community to find a husband.

    Your tempting yourself at present to committing zina. It starts off with relationship, then holding hands, then hugging etc. Shaytaan has many ways to lead people astray. And I am certain that having any relationship whether physical or not is not allowed in Islam.

    May Allah guide us all.


  5. Assalaamualaikam

    Neither of those men sound like they would be suitable marriage partners for you. If you don't feel a connection with someone and are actually considering choosing another person over them, the two of you may not get on well as husband and wife (especially if there is an imbalance in how you feel for each other). Someone with whom you have intense lustful feelings but apart from that don't really like or have doubts about, also isn't someone who'll be a stable, dependable and loving husband.

    As a Muslimah, you shouldn't be engaging in premarital relationships. Yes, we can spend some time getting to know a potential spouse's character and if we like them, but this needs to be done within Islamic boundaries - not in a boyfriend-girlfriend situation which blurs lines and can lead to un-Islamic behaviours and haram acts.

    Your comment at the end regarding money makes me think you may not be ready for marriage yet - marriage isn't about money or possessions or status; it's about building an Islamic life with a partner who supports you to become closer to Allah, and with whom you can share this life and the next, inshaAllah. The state of a man's deen is far more important than the state of his bank balance. If you are very focused on material status, it might be worth delaying marriage until you have learned more about Islam and the purpose of marriage.

    Basically, I would advise:
    1. End your relationship with your boyfriend - pre-marital relationships are not acceptable in Islam, and it doesn't sound like you're particularly attached to him or keen to marry him.
    2. Stop contact with your ex - you've said yourself that if it weren't for the "chemistry" between you, his past would mean you wouldn't be interested, and he's a non-mahram, so the two of you shouldn't be involved in private communication.
    3. Turn to Allah and repent - we are only on this world for a short time, and will have to account for our actions when we stand before Allah. Remember that Allah is Most Forgiving, Most Merciful, and that we are all loved by Him.
    4. Take some time to learn about Islam and when you feel ready for marriage, go about it in an Islamically appropriate way.

    Midnightmoon editor

  6. بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم

    الحمد لله رب العالمين

    لإمارات لا تزاوج نفسها او أزواج امرأة A woman cannot marry herself nor marry another woman.. Where are your responsible houses/guardian..


    و الحمد لله رب العالمين

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