Islamic marriage advice and family advice

I had zina with a girl, what should I do?



Where is the love?


assalam alaikum brothers,

I am 17 years old and I need help.  I recently got into a relationship with a girl. I love her a lot and she loves me a lot. At first we started dating and kissing, but now a day has come when we have actually commited zina. Both of us feel ashamed and want to repent, but I did a little research and it showed that I might have to leave her if I want Allah's forgiveness, so what should I do? I mean, wouldn't it be betrayal to leave someone who trusted me to the extent that we committed zina?

We badly want Allah's forgiveness, but I want to be with her as well; so what should I do? Should I leave her? We both really do feel ashamed. Please help me asap as I have no idea what to do. We promised that we would not leave each other, and now I have no idea what to do. I want Allah's forgiveness, but I want to be with her as help me. 

Is it possible for the two of us to repent to Allah sincerely, ask for forgiveness and still be together? That is, that this time we won't kiss or commit zina.

-malik juman

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25 Responses »

  1. Salam brother,

    I am not a scholar but I think you should both marry each other. Now the girl assuming lost her hymen who's going to marry her, she won't be worthy. I mean now that you committed zina with this girl think if your families you know ESP hers. Just we'd her brother marry her ask for her hand through her father , if you leave her her reputation will be ruined. Yes everyone makes mistakes but the ones that repent Allah is forgiving. So marry her ask for her hand and please don't leave her. Think of it if this was your sister would you want the guy to leave her or marry her? So I think it seems you love her nd she loves you so just get married as soon as possible. Salam and take care inshallah kheir.

    • I agree with you.

      OP you can marry the girl. Both of you will need to repent for your mistakes. If you do love her marry her and ASK for her hand in marriage. Do not disclose this sin to anyone. Allah will forgive you both.

  2. leave her after zina?

    Nonsense! Both you get tovbe and marry as soon as possible. The first and very important part of marrige is love and it starts the marriage aggrement. Eventhough it is bad for you to have sex before you actually married it is WORST leaving her.

    Get married her! Cover your sin and don't share any one. Trust Allah, try to be sincere Muslim and be happy.

    And dont exaggerate this sin untill shatan get you hopeless and make you commit bigger ones.

    As I said in this scenario there is just one Ayah for you from Quran

    Zumer 53 (Muhammed! Peace upon him) say to my slaves (to humans). Don't be hopeless even after the biggest sins. Allah forgives every sins!!!

    Understand that? it is Allah speeking by himself. Don't listen anyone more. He is enough...

  3. Well you had what you wanted. Now you are looking for a way to leave her. You never even mentioned about marrying her.

    I don't think you loved her, you just wanted to have sex.

    What research did you do? You want to use RELIGION to get rid of her?

    • I don't think so!
      if it was so why he is here explaining his situation in details and try to get help

    • If he wasn't serious, why would he post this here? And, he IS mentioning marriage. Your post doesn't make any sense.

      To The OP:

      May Allah guide you and this girl on the right path, and it is good to see you inquiring about what to do.

      Both you and the girl should make serious repentance to Allah swt and then make every effort to get married.

      May Allah make your efforts result in a Halal relationship, Ameen.

  4. Leaving the girl after you have done such an act would just break her, work on being better Muslims, repent sincerely and approach her wali for marriage. You owe her that.

  5. OP; but I did a little research and it showed that I might have to leave her if I want Allah's forgiveness, so what should I do?

    Can you please share a little more about your little research?
    Do you want to marry that girl?

  6. repent both of you and marry her. The worse you can do is leave her. If you really love her and want to be with her marry her, ask for her hand in marriage. Repent for you past mistakes Allah will forgive you both.

  7. Assalaamu alaikum,,
    Dont leave her ever bro. The pain she will ho through after u leave her is unimaginable. Marry her Asap. Yes it is pure betrayal. Never tell her that even u asked something like this in a forum. Just man up and go to her father and ask her hand in marriage.. Pls dont leave her.

  8. I agree with everyone who has responded by urging you to marry her, since that seems to be the only logical approach to your predicament. Leaving her would only render her heartbroken, and would leave you with the indelible memory and guilt, that you would have to carry around for the rest of her life. As such, given the situation, it would be sensible to sit down and discuss your future thoughtfully, while keeping in mind the sin that got you into this situation in the first place.
    Of course, your overtures have opened the door to problems, and there are bound to be disagreements, and arguments. Its essential that you keep your calm, and do what your heart tells you is right, while keeping Allah in mind.

  9. What all the posters have said are indeed very sensible and indeed well thought advices but coming to another point, isn't he too young to get married? I agree fully though that it is what he should do instead of leaving her behind & just making as if nothing ever happened. It would wreck her completely to be all by herself having to face the guilt everyday. I am 17 also & thus i can understand what you might be going through.So, my advice to you dear brother would be to focus on what you have to do next: repent sincerely all the while preserving her honor by not letting her down & at the same time, trying to figure out a way to approach her parents for instance to know whether they will agree to your union or not. Insha Allah everything will go on smoothly & you people will be happy together.

  10. Zahra19: isn’t he too young to get married?

    Well if they are old enought to have sexual intercourse, they are old enough to marry.

  11. Salaams,

    The only condition that would merit you needing to leave her is if you will not or cannot marry her properly. Everyone has advised you to go forward in this direction- so if you will not or cannot do so, then you should end the relationship because it's haraam to engage in one for frivolous purposes.

    To answer your question, you do not need to leave someone you intend to marry if you have sinned with them in order to obtain Allah's forgiveness. Allah can and will forgive you if you sincerely repent, and part of that can be intending to make the relationship halal through marriage

    -Amy Editor

  12. SVS : Having done this mistake doesn't mean at all that they are ready to get married though they should.Marriage was never a means to an end to cover up mistakes one did before.For people to get married, they should be ready mentally & emotionally to fulfill the requirements & needs of their respective families ans the society equally. Nevertheless, you're right about the fact that they should've thought about the consequences beforehand but it is well known that Shaytan's temptations is everywhere and Insha Allah, through their persistent duahs, they will be forgiven & Allah knows best.

  13. You are right he is not serious he got what he wanted and he is looking a way out anybody telling him to get marry is far from facts he is 17 the girl might be 15 or 16 who is going to marry them at that age in todays world get a life boy leave her and do a real toba before its to late you will be leaving her sooner or later trust me I have been there what you both have done is just a lust its not love you are to young and childish to understand love and its meaning leave her in no time or you will be doing zina many many times again and again over the years then you will leave her.

    • I don't agree with you he shouldn't leave her he should stay with her, focus on ur studies get an education and job . If you care what u did to her u will stay with her and be mature and wait until marriage to have sex.

  14. They are too young to get married. If they stay together they will be having sex sooner or later anyway. If they don't want to sin again they shouldn't stay together as it is not allowed in islam anyway.

    • They might be too young and they might not be--we should talk to our children and encourage, support and teach them to work towards a halal relationship in which intimate relations come with responsibility i.e. marriage, instead of impractically expecting them to be angels in a world full of more and more temptations day by day.

      I have seen plenty of couples married between the ages of 17 and 23 and still they are married after 15 years with children. I don't see what the big deal is. Most of us have this formula of have a career and house first and then get married and if you look around, this philosophy is failing the Muslim Ummah miserably.

      • Saba: Most of us have this formula of have a career and house first and then get married and if you look around, this philosophy is failing the Muslim Ummah miserably.

        This change came to fix problems couples were having before. Chances of affairs have increased with new technology, Internet, cell phones. More money, easy travel also help people find friendship/love that is missing at home.

        Young couples bond more easily because of raging hormones. Also more likely to have secret affairs.

        • SVS, you can either offer someone a bad choice or a good choice and they will take one.

          Telling young people that they have no chance to marry gives them only one bad choice.

          If you give them an option to marry, now they have another choice and it may just be for the right thing.

          We hand $500 cell-phones, among one of the electronics children have such easy access today, over to the 12 year olds and they know how to take care of it because they prioritize it--so when you teach the youth what to prioritize and how to do it, you give them tools--either to be successes or failures.

          Our youth is capable of a lot more, we just have to stop telling them what they are incapable of doing because of our own unfounded fears.

    • Katkuta: If they stay together they will be having sex sooner or later anyway. If they don't want to sin again they shouldn't stay together as it is not allowed in islam anyway.

      If they split they will find new partners and do it all over again.

  15. Aslama o alikum dear.
    Bro try to make effort for married with her.
    And plz don't publish your sins. Your sin is not big then Allah's blessing.
    Read maximum darood pak .its key of success in your both life's.
    Allah is great then your thought .

  16. As salaam alaikum my dear brother in islam. Bismillah wa al hamdulillah wa as salaatu ala rasool allah sal allahu alaihi wa sallam.

    It is indeed good to know that you both are unhappy about committing zina, I seek refuge in Allah and ask for his protection from all sins including this for myself as well as for all. You have to remember first and foremost you have to repent cry and shed tears for commiting that sin and ask Allah to forgive you it doesn't end like in crying for an hour or day, it should be until you feel peaceful again until you ( and the girl by herself) feels halawatul Eemaan, the sweetness of Eemaan.
    A condition for repenting is avoiding the sin that means you both cannot be in each other's company as you both are not mahram to eaach other. Following up after you both have repented there is nothing wrong in you both getting married but it has to be through proper channels with permission of the girls wali and since you both are young encouragement from parents on both sides would be helpful. Also do remember you both cannot remain in seclusion even If you are getting married until you get married.
    May Allah make the right easy for you and may he protect you both from wrong. Stop the haram relationship right now, even staying together in a relationship is a kind of zina unless you both are married.

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