How should I break up from my boyfriend?
Pre-Marital Relationship v/s Marriage
I've been with my boyfriend for about 2 yr and 4 months and he comes from a good muslim family and he does care about me.
He's told me its better not to talk in the past so that i could head in the straight path. Recently ive been waking up to myself realizing what ive done is haram and this whole relationship is against Islam
I'm ready to let go and he said to me once that he will save money and then ask for my hand in marriage. I'm not getting my hopes up so how should I leave him without him thinking i want nothing to do with him?
- lostgirl22
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Salamualaikum,
Yes, your thought was right. Your relationship is against Islam.
And you need to cut any contact you have with him, until he thinks he is ready for marriage, and can take care of you after marriage. Then he should approach your Wali and ask for you in marriage.
Until then, if your parents find you a Religious man, you can see if he is compatible with and and make a decision accordingly. It is not necessary that you marry this man, only.
Wassalamualaikum
Muhammad Waseem
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
It's simple sister tell him what we spin is against Islam and it's haram if we want to continu this relation we should get marry so when you will be able to takecare me as a wife as brother waseem said to ask fir your hand to your parents. Until then it's haram
It is haram u need 2 quit but if he ask u 4 mariage do it in a rite way so dat u wil receive blessing frm almighty ALLAH
Lostgirl22,
You asked: 'how should I leave him without him thinking i want nothing to do with him?'
You cannot control how he thinks. Tell him that you want to be with him, but cannot continue this relationship because it is haraam and so you will have nothing more to do with him unless he approaches your wali and asks for your hand in the right manner. If he is God-fearing, he will understand and part in peace. If he is not God-fearing, he will pester you and threaten to leave you forever if you make this decision and blame the 'break up' on you, etc. If he does this, then he really is not marriage material - is he?
Make this sacrifice for the sake of Allah and He(swt) will help you move on, either with him in the right way or with someone else in the right way insha'Allah.
Please also read the following to re-inforce in your mind and heart that your breaking this haraam relationship is in your best interest: http://www.zawaj.com/askbilqis/the-sin-of-fornication-and-adultery/
SisterZ
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
As-salam u'alaikum sister, Alhamdulillah that you both came to senses and both want to be Muslims [meaning followers of Islam], that is great and we all know that Allah forgives all sins excpet shirk & even shirk can only be forgiven if one leaves it while alive and change as most sahaba were mushriks before Isam... but do not listen to any one but read Qur'an & Sahih Bukhari & sahih Muslim & live it as most of our religious leaders are Mushriks, i can send u 'Proofs' of this...
please contact me on (Email address deleted by Editor) & put tilte 'Shirk proof request'
Now addition to this; we can 'Prove' that Islam is the Truth even to Atheists but yet we have foolish Muslims who might be out of Islam anyway, i mean those who wear scarf with stupid super tight clothes looking like chicken legs or rather cartoons!! And others have given up prayer not knowing the following: (please read my articles below which is for so-called Muslims those who do not practice Islam yet claim to be Muslims:
Dear Muslims, After knowing Tawheed that NOT only to believe in One God (Allah) but Also Worship Him Alone, unfortunately here are some of our un-Islamic practices we seem to be involved in & its solution..
Pride in Nations: Muslim should be proud of being a Muslim & not being a Pakistani, Bengali, Pashtoon, Indian, black or white etc as Mohammad (s.a.w) said "People should give up their pride in nations because this is a coal from the coals of Hell-Fire. If they do not give this up Allah will consider them lower than a lowest worm which pushes itself through khur (faeces/toilet filth)." [Tirmidhi}.Prophet (saw) said: "he is not of us who calls for Asabyah (Nationalism)or who fights for Asabyah or who dies for Asabyah"Abu Dawd. Prophet (saw) said: if someone has an equivalent of a mustard seed weight of pride paradise is Haraam for him. (Bukhari) (As pride is ‘kibr’ that comes from word ‘Akbar’ & Only Allah is Akbar!). Stay humble and fear Allah in open & in secret.... Don’t enjoy Eid & marriages with music etc, stay Halal!
Muslim FEMALE Dress; Muslims GIRLS should not wear tight-fit & see through clothes or half sleeves clothes for Prophet (saw) said: "Females will seem NAKED even while wearing cloths, on top of their heads will be like the humps of camels {if they die in this situation then they’ll be in HELL!) They'll NEVER enter paradise!! Sahih Muslim2128, Sharh of Nawawi 1603) (more references below).. The bosoms (Breast) should be covered with an additional cloth or scarf. So sisters, Beware!! It is NOT Allowed of the SHAPE OF THE Body Parts OF A PERSON is visible in tight cloths. This will become a Joke with Hijaab. Even voice sound should be mild & footwear etc should Not be attracting opposite sex... Doors of forgiveness of ALL sins are open until Death arrives & Death don't make appointments.
Apologise to Allah: Prophet (saw) said; All my Ummah (Muslims) are forgiven except those who advertise their sins. (Bukhari, 5721, Muslim, 2990) ) i.e. smoking in public or Music & even Indian & Pakistani Films & Dramas as they are worst than most sins/crimes as they lead young boys & girls to leave their homes for so called Love. It’s actually zina/Haraam..And beware! 786 is NOT kalima at all!!It’s Biddat so please avoid 786; Also Prophet (saw) said: "Beware! of who you allow upon women (in your homes) & a Sahabi (ra) asked: What about brother-in-law? Prophet (saw) said: "Brother-in-law is Death!!(Bukhari 7:159, Muslim 26:5400). Free-mixing between opposite sex is not allowed even between cousins. Touching cross ears is not tauba it's a Biddah, instead pray 2 rakat & apologize to Allah. & Belief in Superstition/believing in crossing of black cat as bad luck or Tyre puncture being a sign etc are all haraam & stars have nothing to do with our luck, for it's Allah that we should rely on as He has created them...
Prayer/Salah (Namaz): Prophet (saw) said: Difference between a Muslim & kafir is the salah (5 daily prayers) Sahih Muslim (1/146 & Thirmidhi etc). So never leave your prayer as Shaitan will always whisper saying "you're so evil etc" but prayer keeps one's guilt within him, thus even an alcoholic will one day leave alcohol if he keeps his prayer continued (but if he consider alcohol or any haram to be halal then he becomes a kafir, he MUST do full tawba. Those who Do Not like to practice Islam & say “Islam is in my heart” etc. Why don’t they go to their boss & say: “I’m not going to work boss because my work is in my heart”!!!
Living Islam: Mohammad (s.a.w) feared that we'll follow kafirs like inch by inch, hand span by hand span & even if they go into a lizard hole, we'll follow them! We have the True Religion & yet we celebrate kufr birth days, religious festivals & wear wedding rings! We can PROVE Islam is The Truth but we're instead following kufr! Prophet (s.a.w) lived in kafir country but he never participated in kufr so why do we say that we're living in non-Muslim world so do haram? Mohammad (saw) was known as Al-Amin (Kafir even trusted him) but why we not being trust worthy?
Muslim MALE Dress: Muslims should not watch football or hockey for 'Men aura (purdah) is from navel to the knees' (darul Qutni p.85, Baihaqui 2 p.229) Muslim guys MUST grow their beards as it's ORDER of prophet (saw): "Be different from the pagans (kafirs), grow your beards & trim your moustache" (Bukhari & Muslim)..Our bodies are Amanat from Allah..Prophet (saw) said: "whoever one resembles is of them" (1) Hadith in Bukhari 7:803, suggests that we should have same size haircuts, we shouldn’t have some cut here some there (2) A man came to Prophet (saw) whose hair were rough/scruffy, the prophet (saw) told him: "don’t have hair like devil, comb it!! (Malik)
NB: Once they reach age of puberty or menstrual period, Islamically they're responsible for their actions so do not consider them as just kids but give them Islamic knowledge. Qur’an: Tahrim 66: 6 “O’ you who believe! Save your selves & your children from the Fire (of-Hell)” so as you wouldn’t let your kids go near the fire then you should worry more of not letting them burn in next life!! Surah Al Zilzal 99:6-8 "whoever does an atom’s weight of good shall see it, and whoever does an atom’s weight of evil shall see it" so we can’t say this is a small issue, let's look at the bigger picture as every minor thing will be asked.It is not for a believer, man or woman, when Allah and His Messenger have decreed a matter that they should have a say in it"!!! [Qur'an 33:36].
Will all Muslims go Heaven? There is Hadith in Abu dawd that states "whoever says kalima Tayba will enter paradise but this hadith does not stop there but immediately prophet (saw) added; "except he who refuses. So the Sahaba (ra) asked; "who'll refuse? Prophet (saw) said; “he who Does Not Follow my way has Refused me & he who Follows my way will enter paradise. (2) if by saying the kalima you'll go heaven then Shaitan is in better position than most of us as he not only believes in the kalima but even asked Allah for longer life so he could mislead people! Prophet (saw) said to his daughter Fatima (r.a) that: "Don't think that just by being daughter of the prophet you'll be saved, only good deeds will enter you to paradise".
Prophet (saw) could not make his uncle Abu Talib become Muslim so we can't say that we must only fix our own families etc but go & deliver this message to everyone that Only Allah Alone deserves to be worshiped & Mohammad (saw) is His Last Messenger & Final Prophet. Don't try to become angles then preach for you'll never become angles. Point no 3: talismans (Taweez), horoscopes, palm reading, visiting Najumi (fortune-tellers), involvement in magic/sorcery, or bowing down to Imam/peer or any one besides Allah is Haraam!! Also obeying any sheikh over Allah & His messenger can make one Kafir (check Bukhari)
& Qur'an 5:90 seriously prohibits playing of Lottery /Betting/Bookies/Gambling, Alcohol buying, putting price on it, transporting it, selling or offering it as a GIFT to Muslim or Kafir are Haraam (check Bukhari) & avoid songs/poetry/Qawali/ghazals due to their severe Haraam nature (regardless of Allah praise in it it's haraam). Prophet (saw) NEVER EVER touched non-Mehram women hand!! & prophet (saw) got his (saw) daughter Zainab (ra) married to a former slave Zaid bin Haritha (ra) so no one has the right to marry in hierarchy or caste as there’s No caste system in Islam. So purchase & listen to Qur’an, Sahih Bukhari & Sahih Muslim books.
Smoking cigarettes & taking Pan & naswaar has been proven hazardous to health thus is haraam, These Qawal people attempted to change Islam by singing Qawali which the ideas they took from Hindus & claimed that we too can worship Allah with music like them. They are worst than Qadyanis as at least they say they're not Muslims!
Punishment in Hell: Prophet (saw) warned in Hadith Bukhari & Ibn Maja that: One of the punishment in Hell is that Shoulders of individuals will be (harshly) stretched out so much that if a horse rides fast between it 3 Days, it will not complete its journey!! Qur'an Surat Al-Ahzaab 33:65: "their faces will be turned about in the Fire, they will say, "(if only) we wish we had obeyed Allah and obeyed the Messenger." And if one does obey Allah & His Messenger then there will be success here & more importantly hereafter, forever fun, so let’s not run for fake world....>>
All The Hajji (s): What's the point of all the Hajjis' when they go to Hajj chanting "Labbaik Allahuma Lasharika Lak" (you have no Sharik/partner O' Allah) but when they come back from Hajj there are mushriks all-around them & they don't even open their mouths! Is Hajj just for the title 'Hajji', zam zam water & dates? The title 'Hajji' is Biddat anyway & why do you want people to know that you went to Hajj? And how do you even know if your Hajj is accepted?
This does not mean only they’re responsible but we all are as Allah & His Messenger have ordered us to do Dawat to non-Muslims (Qur'an 41:33) so we don’t need anyone else’s permission as Rasul (saw) said; convey from me even one ayat (Bukhari 4:p.442 H:667) & Muslims' response to Mushriks question: Allah is not everywhere but Allah's knowledge is everywhere, He is Above the heavens & the earth On His Throne, & He can only do things that keep Him God not like His creation.
PS. Prophet Mohammad (saw) is The Only Qaid E Azam & Imam Azam no one else but still we cannot display photo of any living being on the walls as "that’s Shirk!" Prophet (saw) said: "1 Dirham (£1) interest is worst than adultery with own mother! (Thirmidhi Baihaqi, Ibn Maja, Albani) So if you're proud you mortgaged a house, can you say instead that "I'd zina/adultery with my own mother"? & don't send that money in charity either for you don't want those poor people to be sinful for zina with mother. Islam is NOT just religion but it's 'Deen' (way of life) meaning dealing with all aspect of life thus let’s not fall for the non-Muslims advancements as by leaving the Hijaab as wearing nude dress is not Modernism but is backwardness as this nudeness existed before Islam.
Also saying "Allah Allah repeatedly is not sunnat it's biddat for Qur'an says to ask Allah through His Names & Attributes & NOT repeat them as imagine your name is Ahmed and someone keeps repeating Ahmed, Ahmed, Ahmed and when you reply "yes, I'm Ahmed what do you want?" But he continues "Ahmed, Ahmed, Ahmed then how will you feel? =ANGRY!! Also Allah has created this world only to worship Him (Qur'an, 51:56) & not for any prophet so please avoid fake hadith. Also staying like a monk is haraam for prophet (saw) said: "your Lord has right over you & your body has right over you & you wife has right over you (Bukhari)...Also haram for females are: perfume (this is only among non-Mehram), plucking eye brows, wearing wig haraam. Bukhari .
Once sheikh Abdul Qadir jilani saw a light & the light spoke to him saying: "I am Allah" but Sh. Jilani said: "No, you’re shaitan!! So the light said: “Yes, your knowledge saved you though I've mislead many people" So Sh. Jilani said: “you're trapping me again!! my knowledge did not save me but Allah saved me from you”.
Also a man came to Sheikh Ibn Taimiah saying: “sheikh, trees in my garden speaks to me saying: “O good Muslim, come & take fruit from us” So Sh; said to him that: “they’re Shaitan!! Read ayatul kursi & the man went & came the next day saying: “Sheikh, those trees don’t speak to me anymore (Alhamdulillah)”
Also if someone says that Hijaab or Niqaab is not Islamic or is sign of backwardness or says alcohol is like water it’s Halal or or says that music is halal or make jokes about Islam then he/she becomes KAFIR & there’s no Shifa of Prophet Mohammad (s.a.w) for kafirs!! NB: women in menstruating period do NOT have to pray at all for that period. Women are free from praying for the period of menstruating period but the Ramadan fasts have to be fasted afterwards but NOT the prayer. This also includes if she has baby then for 40 days she need not pray but only to repeat the fast afterwards... Also Learn sahih duas & keep jinn away as they stay in bathrooms, trees & unclean places mostly in evenings. Also avoid saying Mary Christmas as it’s very displeasing to Allah (read Surah Mariam 19:88-92).
Also Allah said in Qur'an that Muslim men can marry women of Jews & Christians those who're chaste not the dancers & adulterous!! Unless they become faithful to Allah! Allah loves to forgive if one repents…..Also Imam Abu Hanifa, Shafi’, Ahmed & Malik all have unanimously said that if our fatwa contradicts Sahih Hadith, then throw our fatwa on the wall & follow Hadith thus please purchase ‘Prophet’s prayer described’ by Sheikh Nasir Uddin Albani.…
Also music is Haraam Qur’an: 31:6, Bukhari Volume 7, Book 69, Number 49 & more…
Also whoever gives up prayer is not a Muslim: Tirmidhi, 2621; al-Nasaa’i, 463, “sahaba never considered anyone kafir except one who did not pray”!!Tirmidhi:2622, Hakim:1/1248, “There is no Islam for one who leaves prayer” Sharh al-’Umdah’ (2/75, Ibn Ma’sud said: “one who does not pray has no religion” another narration “one who abandons prayer has no claim upon Allah” Ibn Maja, , He (s.a.w), mentioning the prayer, said: If anyone keeps to it, it will be light, evidence and salvation for him on the Day of Resurrection. But if anyone does not keep to it, on that Day he will be associated with Qaroon, Pharaoh (Fir’on), Namaan and Ubayy bin Khalaf (an enemy of Islam from among the Quraysh). [Ahmad, Tabaraanee, Ibn Hibbaan] giving up prayer is Shrik Sahih Targheeb hadith no- 574 ] ….Plus more on Hijab & Niqab from Qur’an 33:59, 24:30-31, Bukhari:Vol1:Book8:H:368, Bukhari:Vol:6:B:60:H:282… Wa’salaam…
Naz,
Please avoid mentioning your email address.
Jazakillahu Khair
Muhammad Waseem
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Dear Lostgirl22,
I understand what you are going through! I recently broke off a relationship with my Muslim boyfriend via text of all places. I did it because he kept giving me the run-around about a Muslim comittment which explained as a marriage. For six months, I was in a Haram relationship with this man and was extremely confused. We did commit Zina but we stopped because it was against both of our religions. I was brought up Catholic.
Breaking up with him was the hardest and most painful. I'm still getting over it and he now is ignoring me. By getting closer to Allah, it made me realize that our relationship was SO wrong.
I think your decision in breaking it off until he can offer you marriage is best. It's hard and stay strong. We are in the same boat. If it's Allah's will then it will happen.
~Kalila143
PS Sister: I advised you tell him over the phone and not via text like I did...