Islamic marriage advice and family advice

I still haven’t met his mother!

Secret marriage

Will I ever stop being a secret?

Hello friends!

I have a serious problem and I need some advice and I hope for absolutely no judgments (we are all human and we all love no matter what).

I am a 27 year old Hispanic women. I have been dating a Palestinian Muslim for almost 4 years (I know dating in Islam is haram please don't judge us :/).

My problem is that we have been together for almost four years and he hasn't taken me to meet his mother. The first year of our relationship I did not care to too much because I knew the relationship was fresh and I didn't care to be honest. After one year of us dating his father was diagnosed with cancer and I understood that it wasn't the time for his to introduce me because of everything his family was going through.  I was patient and than after his father passed away he had to return home to open his house for family and friends to come and pay their tespect for the death of his father. Before he left he asked me if I would marry him and al that he was going to talk to his mom before he came back home. We had a lot of problems after he went home because I saw he had messaged a women our first couple months of dating and it upset me and I felt like I couldn't believe him or trust him but I forgave him because it was a long time ago and I wanted to move forward.

Things were really hard after that and then when he returned home he told me that marriage wasn't a good idea because we have been having so many problem and he didn't want it to end in divorce.  He has been married twice in his country but it did not work out for him.

Another year has passed since that proposal last year and nothing had changed. I will be honest that I was talked down to him because I feel like I have been a secret girl friend. He says his family knows and it's not a big deal to marry out side of his coulture and that many people to do. I also have a 8 year old daughter and he says that would never be a problem it just that we have not been respectful to each other and he doesn't want to rush anything.

I feel like I have been so patient for almost four years and a lot has gone on in those four years that I have put my feeling to the side to please him but now I feel like maybe I just have to move on with my life.

I love him so much and I know he loves me and I want to marry him but I don't want to waste my time expecting us to eventually take that next step and that he just doesn't  keep his word.. Keeping his word has been a big problem. Maybe two years ago he took his mother to gym with him and the guy we work out with mentioned me in front of his mom and he says no that I was just his friend and than the guy came back and told me what he has said and I was so shocked and embarrassed. He has all these reasons on to why he is taking his time but I don't want to waste my time loving a man when I desire marriage and a family. I want to make things right between us but I don't want to give in and be better to him of in the end he will just leave me.

All of my family tells me he will never introduce me and I just have to accept that! I need some advice from sister and brothers because you all know more about  these situations than I do. Should I move on with my life or should I be patient and let him do things when he is ready.  I don't want to rush him but I don't know if I should just hurt now and get over it and than move on with my life. he says he wants everything I want... I'm just confused.

Thank you all and I hope that you all will hear me out no judgments. I know our relationship is haram and I want to do the right thing and be together the right way!  Thank you!


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3 Responses »

  1. Hello there,

    These are your choices:

    1. Continue in this relationship at your boyfriend's mercy. He might marry you or he may not. You really don't know but there is nothing you can do but wait and see in this choice.

    2. End the relationship for real and tell him that you can't continue to wait for him to make a decision. He might actually do something if he sees that you are leaving for real, but if you are bluffing, he will probably figure it out.

    My opinion is this:
    He has no intention of marrying you. As a Muslim man, even if he is dating you and it is haram, at the end of the day he knows what is right and what is wrong, despite his practice. If he was going to marry you, he would have done it by now since it has been 4 years. He doesn't seem to be true even to his own beliefs, he is simply enjoying the time as he has no responsibilities towards you. It is that simple.

    I would recommend that you have some self-respect and end the relationship--gather yourself and your things and stop letting him have it so easy.

  2. Thank you both for your honest response! I know what I have to do, I am going to let God take control and put my faith in God only! I am going to move on with my life! Thank you again!

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