Islamic marriage advice and family advice

I trusted Allah completely and he broke my trust

AoA! I am getting married in 2 weeks and i dont have any feelings for my husband to be i dont feel a bit attracted in fact he annoys me although he is a very nice person. But whenever i think about my marriage with him i feel real depressed and sad. Now the thing is cant tell my parents about it beacuse they wont understand me and i am gonna get taunts from them and whole family each day that i would prefer death over it. And now since 2 weeks are left whole family knows what will we tell whole family why did we call off the marriage, no one will understand.

Actually the real problem is i prayed to Allah for 3 months to do a miracle so that the boy or his family call the marriage off by themselves. I make dua at tahajjud and made dua the last 10 nights of ramadan made dua at arafat day but nothing happened. I trusted Allah completly and he broke my trust. And now i am losing all the faith in Allah and in Islam i dont know what to do. Isnt it a hadees that Allah tests everyone according to their faith/imaan but now that i am losing faith because of this test so this means Allah is testing me more than i have faith and more than i can bear. One thing i know for sure if i marry this guy all my life i will be sad, i would just live life because i have to and this will ruin my and his life. How can Allah who is so merciful do this to his servants.

Artimis


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11 Responses »

  1. Assalaamualaikum dear sister. Don't despair in the mercy of Allah swt. In the life of a muslim does true love only begin after nikaah. There is no true love before nikaah mainly list and shaytaan. This guy has been destined for you and Allah knew it since the day you were born. Make duah to Allah that he puts love in your heart for him and vice versa. And trust and put Allah first in all situations. Work on your love after nikaah by praying together and praying for each other. May all work out for you.

  2. Assalamualaikom sister

    First of all let me make this point clear... you have not trusted Allah completely as you think you have!!!, you only wanted Him to do what you think is good for you, or else you want to flip. This is not the right way to deal with the creator of heaven and earth. You either trust Him or you don't. This maybe an indicator that you really have some serious efforts to do to strengthen your faith.

    I will give you an example of some one praying to God that he gives him a thousand dollar so that he does something useful with it, like taking a relative to a doctor . Then this person is angry and say he lost faith because there was no dollars coming to him.. this is so superficial faith... maybe that relative fate is so close and God is giving him this sickness to draw him closer and cleanse his sins !! I advice you to read about the story of Moses and the Khadir (https://youtu.be/RpjPOznuG7k).

    Can it be that you are not actually telling the whole story.
    You said he is a nice guy....but I do not understand why would a nice person annoy you? is your heart with someone else.?? You need to be clear about this because its a very important detail.the answer you need will be completely different.

    My advice is if this person is a good Muslim, with home you can make a good Muslim family and you can help your faith to grow stronger, try to rethink why would you reject him.??

    If after thinking about it well enough, you still cannot accept him, then take a deep breath, tell the guy, and tell your parents and stop this marriage. and ask Allah to make it easier for you.

  3. It's not Allah's job to turn your bad choices into self-picked "miracles". You have really misunderstood Islam if you think you can make obviously wrong choices for yourself and just expect that praying your dumb decisions away will work.

    If you don't want to marry this man, you need to be very loud and clear about that. Not sit on your chair quietly and hope, somehow, the marriage won't happen. This man and his family - and even your own - are of the conviction that you want this marriage, because you have not told any of them otherwise. You need to say something. Maybe your parents won't understood - but do they need to? All they need to do is accept your choice even if they are not happy with it. Because it's your life and your marriage, and it's your right to choose your own husband.

    Please don't say you'd rather die than tolerate a bit of temporary words from your family. Why is death the better option for you?

  4. You sound very childish and naive to honest. How can you expect anything to change when you are doing absolutely nothing about it? Allah doesn't help those, who can't help themselves.

    Find the strength to stand up for yourself and say NO, and be prepared to face the aftermath. Thousands of women have stood up for themselves, including me.

    YOU need to take action. Please stop blaming our Lord Almighty who has showered us with countless blessings which we fail to notice because of our weaknesses.

    You can do this! May Allah grant you the courage and clarity to do the right thing, Ameen ya Rab.

  5. Assalamalekum

    My Dear.

    First of all you must know that, no marriage would be valid without your consents.Your parents can not force you to marry this guy. If you don't want to marry this guy say so clearly.However if you have left it with Allah's then do trust him.
    My suggestion, only a sugestion! that you do isteqaraH instead of making doa for Not to go ahead with this marriage, you could consult Allah because only Allah's knows what is right for us. Do isteqaraH, asking Allah if this marriage is right for your Deen and DunYa, then make it happen and ask Allah to guide your parents. ..there are Doa for isteqaraH . InshaAllah, you will accept this husband with your heart .

    As for Allah not answering you doa, Allah answer any valid Doa.
    The Messenger of Allah (ﷺ) said, “Whenever a Muslim supplicates Allah, He accepts his supplication or averts any similar kind of trouble from him until he prays for something sinful or something that may break the ties of kinship.” Upon this, someone of the Companions said: “Then we shall supplicate plenty.” The Messenger of Allah (ﷺ) said, “Allah is more plentiful (in responding).” [At- Tirmidhi].

    Also our Doa could be answered:
    1. Immidiatly
    2 Get rejected. Allah knows what's best for us. What Allah knows we do not know. Allah's plan is far better then ours. Our doa can ward off harm in DunYa.
    3. Allah can postpone it for a better time.
    We will be rewarded for patience and seBer and acceptance of Allah's will.

    May you find happiness. InshaAllah

  6. ًWell said Lindita and Ms Z
    good points .. you guys left nothing of what i wanted to say above

    • I hope it helps you Artimis make a decision, wish you all the best.. FearAllah, the story of Musa and Khidr is very powerful. If we can understand that, we will never question Allah's will.

  7. If you are old enough to get married, you should be old enough and mature enough to say I don't want to get married to the person I am engaged to, or who my parents have picked for me. It is your responsibility to say No. Praying to Allah for someone else to end the marriage plans is silly and childish. Stand up and be an adult. Stop wasting everyone's time and especially the feelings of the man who wants to marry you. You should understand that Quran and Allah guides us. No matter how much you might pray for something, want something or even be able to do something, if you don't get out of bed nothing will happen. You will just remain in bed. The same is true with all aspects of living a good life.

  8. Assalaamualaikum, sister.

    Abu Dharr reported: The Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings be upon him, said, “Allah the Exalted said: O my servants, I have forbidden oppression for myself and I have made it forbidden among you, so do not oppress one another. O my servants, all of you are astray except for those I have guided, so seek guidance from me and I shall guide you. O my servants, all of you are hungry except for those I have fed, so seek food from Me and I shall feed you. O my servants, all of you are naked except for those I have clothed, so seek clothing from me and I shall clothe you. O my servants, you sin by night and day and I forgive all sins, so seek forgiveness from me and I shall forgive you. O my servants, you will not be able to cause harm to me and you will not be able to cause benefit to me. O my servants, were the first of you and the last of you, the human of you and the jinn of you, to become as pious as the most pious heart of anyone of you, that would not increase my kingdom in anything. O my servants, were the first of you and the last of you, the human of you and the jinn of you, to be as wicked as the most wicked heart of anyone of you, that would not decrease my kingdom in anything. O my servants, were the first of you and the last of you, the human of you and the jinn of you, to rise up in one place and make a request of me, and were I to give everyone what he requested, that would not decrease what I have any more than a needle would decrease the sea if put into it. O my servants, it is only your deeds that I record for you and then recompense for you, so let him who finds good praise Allah and let him who finds other than that blame no one but himself.”

    Source: Ṣaḥīḥ Muslim 2577.

    Mashallah, sister, Allah has never broken your trust, sister and Allah never will because those are the qualities of humans, not Allah.

    As you can read above, Allah says "O my servants, I have forbidden oppression for myself and I have made it forbidden among you."

    You don't like this marriage and we know that Marriage is one of the things that Allaah has decreed - Al- Qadar. So, why would Allah oppress you by decreeing something that you don't like? Well, except you don't know what is best for you and Allah knows what is best for you, maybe you will start loving this man or maybe you won't marry him or maybe you will reach the highest places in Jannah by being put to test (only up to your capacity) through this man in marriage,

    What is meant by Al-Qadar is that Allaah has decreed all things from eternity and knows that they will happen at times that are known to Him, and in specific ways, and that He has written that and willed it, and they happen according to what He has decreed.

    BUT, in the Akhirah, you show to Allah, "Oh Allah, look, I trusted you and you've oppressed me by doing so and so and it was not the best for me, then that would prove that Allah broke your trust (Astaghfirullah)

    And about your decisions being wrong, don't worry about it, my sister. Even the Prophets have made wrong decisions. As in the story of Prophet Yunus (peace be upon him): About Prophet Younus’s behavior, Allah says in the Quran:

    “And (remember) Dhun-Nun (Prophet Yunus), when he went off in anger. (Surah Yunus)

    About the fact that he showed impatience with his people and did not wait for Allah’s instructions, the Quran says:

    “and (he) imagined that We shall not punish him!” (Surah Yunus)

    Prophet Yunus, after leaving his people, went on to board a ship that got caught up in a storm and its people thought that they would drown. In such a desperate situation when the ship was being pounded by waves on all sides, and they were at risk of drowning, they drew lots to decide to throw someone out of the ship in an effort to lighten the load. The Prophet of Allah, Yunus (peace be upon him), lost the draw three times. However, the people of the ship did not want to throw him out of the ship. So, he took off his garment so that he could throw himself into the sea, and they tried to stop him. Allah says:

    “Then he (agreed to) cast lots, and he was among the losers.” (Surah As-Saaffaat 37:141).

    After he threw himself into the sea, Allah sent from the Green Sea — according to what Ibn Masud said — a large fish which cleaved the oceans until it came and swallowed Yunus. Allah inspired that large fish not to devour his flesh or break his bones.

    When in the belly of the fish, Prophet Yunus (peace be upon him) realized his mistake and called out to Allah:

    “… he cried through the depths of darkness (saying): “There is no God but You, Glorified be You! Truly, I have been of the wrongdoers.”(Surah Al Anbiya, 21:87)

    Ibn Masud said regarding the `depths of darkness’ that it meant “the darkness of the belly of the fish, the darkness of the sea and the darkness of the night.” Ibn Masud, Ibn Abbas and others also said that “The fish took him through the sea, cleaving it until it reached the bottom of the sea. Yunus heard the rocks at the bottom of the sea uttering glorification of Allah, at which point he said:

    “There is no God but You, Glorified be You! Truly, I have been of the wrongdoers” `

    “So `We answered his call, and delivered him from the distress. (This means that `We brought him forth from the belly of the fish and from that darkness.’)”

    “And thus We do deliver (save) the believers.” (Al Anbiya 21:87)

    So, for Allah, there is nothing like 'wrong decisions' or 'too many sins.' When Allah can forgive a person who commits shirk -
    the greatest sin - in this dunya and bring that person from darkness to light, then what can't Allah forgive.

    So, be patient and keep doing your dua and see what joys Allah has kept for you in the future, sister.

    May Allah's peace, mercy and blessings be on you.

  9. Oh, forgive me, sister. I forgot to tell you that you have to remind your parents about your rights in Islam regarding marriage. You would obviously go through, like you said, a lot of 'taunts' each day and then there's the problem of what your family is going to tell them about calling off the marriage. Well, I have a great way out for you, sister.

    First, tell your family clearly that you don't like him and remind them that this is a right given you by Allah in Islam, and if they don't agree with you, then you don't have to care about your family nor do you have to die because they do not FEAR ALLAH. You say you have so much trust on Allah, then show it by standing firm on what you want by trusting Allah. Who loves you more? Your family or Allah? Will your family recognize you on the day of qiyamah? Will your family help you on the day of qiyamah if you were in trouble because of this marriage?

    Or if your family agrees, but they are afraid of the consequences, then your family has to do the same thing. Remind them that Allah gives your family the right to cancel the marriage and they should fear Allah and tell them to not worry about what people might say or about dignity, honor, as all that is in Allah's hand. But if the man's family does not agree, then your family does not have to worry about them because they don't fear Allah and you don't want to have relations with people who don't fear Allah.

    Salaam.

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