Marrying a woman who has a daughter
A New Family
I am Divorce with a 02 year old son, who is living with my ex-wife. I meet him after every 14 days for 02 hours in Court. My marriage was end 1.5 years ago and I am looking for an option to return towards life.
I met a girl on internet, we exchange our views and way of life. Now we wants to get married. She is also Divorce with a 06 year old daugther. I am all set to accept her as my daughter and vice versa she is all set to except my son.
But the only problem is that I am NON-MEHRAM to the 06 year old girl. There is no issue with my son and the girl. My son will become MEHRAM to that girl after we married.
How can I accept her as my daughter if she is NON-MEHRAM to me. How can we live a happily life as a FAMILY with it. Our Family(Ammi & Abbu) only arguing about this issue.
How can I justify this to our FAMILY that we are on right track.
Kindly advice us.
Thanks
- Dead Shyre
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Salaams,
There is nothing, in my opinion, to prevent you living with a new wife and her daughter as a happy family. Her daughter is not yet pubescent, and is not under any stipulation to cover or interact with you any differently than she does other adults at this time.
When she reaches puberty, she will need to remain covered in your presence and follow all the pertinent adabs. This does not mean that you cannot have a meaningful relationship with her as a stepfather and friend in that context. Probably it will be harder on her than you to be following certain protocols that she otherwise wouldn't need to, but I wouldn't let that discourage you from moving forward into this marriage if you truly feel it is what Allah is pleased with.
-Amy
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
If a step daughter is a non-mahram to her step father, why are you saying to this guy that he can still have a "meaningful relationship" and "friendship" with his step daughter? I thought the only valid criteria for meaningful relationships and friendships between a man and a woman is that they're mahrams to each other. If the criteria isn't lived up to, that = no relationships. Or have I totally misunderstood? Why are step parents allowed to squirm around this mahram, no mahram concept?
Salaams,
Perhaps my understanding of the context between two non-mahrams is different from yours. You said you understand that non-mahrams can have no relationship at all, but I guess my understanding is that they cannot have an intimate or inappropriate relationship.
I say this because there are all kinds of "relationships". There are relationships between teacher and student, boss and employee, vendor and purchaser, as well as family and acquaintances. Needless to say in certain relationships one of the people may be a male and the other a female, and they are able to interact in such a way as to uphold propriety and remain obedient to shariah.
If a man marries a woman who has a daughter, he is entering a relationship with everyone in the household. He is going to lead the family in prayer. He is going to teach them all Islam. He is going to take the family all together on outings and vacations. He is going to sit with them at meals and talk to them about various things. Taking that role as husband and head of household is going to create a rapport between him and his stepdaughter of sorts. She may come to respect him in his position, and maybe even at dinner ask advice about how to manage her studies while the entire family is present. She will listen when he asks her to do a chore. She will be in the car with him and the rest of the family when they go shopping, etc.
The influence he has on her in his role, and the benefit she derives from it, that is something I would consider a meaningful relationship. People who have a positive impact in our lives we call our friend, even if we rarely speak to them or don't interact with them much. Contrast that with something inappropriate with a non-mahram stepdaughter, where the man might want to spend too much time alone with her, or lavish her with physical affection (hugs and kisses), or walk around in front of her in his boxer shorts. Those aspects to me denote an inappropriate relationship, and that's not what I was referring to.
The same dynamic works here at this website. Wael, a male, is the founder and chief editor of the site. He hired us as his team to help him out, and some of us are male, some of us are female. Do you think he corresponds only with the men, and leaves us sisters fumbling in the dark? Rather, he corresponds with all of us openly, and we all respond openly. Most of us have never met each other in person, and we respect adab with one another while still interacting as needed. Yet, all of us consider each other friends, and find the connection we have with each other through this site to be meaningful and edifying.
So that's what I had in mind when I wrote that particular phrase. Now, for all I know, she may not be non-mahram after all...but since I'm no scholar and haven't found a definitive ruling on it (yet), I will leave that alone for now.
-Amy
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Assalamualaikum
I am not knowledgeable enough in this matter but this question piqued my interest.
I was always under the impression that step daughters and step sons become mahrams (in the sense that biological daughter of the wife from another marriage will be husband's mahram). So after a little bit digging I found the following link (which seems to be from a legitimate source as whatever I know seems to check out).
http://www.islamicinformation.net/2008/07/mahram-in-islam-explained.html
And this link seems to be support my understanding. I may have completely misread it.
I would like somebody more knowledgeable to comment and provide further reading.
JZK
if you marry her mother, she will be your Mahram and like your daughter but non Mahram to your son... so bro there is nothing to fear.... when she reaches puberty she has cover herself with the present of your son.
These are considered maharim because Allah mentioned them in the Qur'an:
"And marry not women whom your fathers married, except what has already passed; indeed it was shameful and most hateful, and an evil way. Forbidden to you (for marriage) are: your mothers, your daughters, your sisters, your father's sisters, your mother's sisters, your brother's daughters, your sister's daughters, your foster mother who gave you suck, your foster milk suckling sisters, your wives' mothers, your step-daughters under your guardianship, born of your wives to whom you have go in - but there is no sin on you if you have not gone in them (to marry their daughters), ... the wives of your sons who (spring) from your own loins, and two sisters in wedlock at the same time, except for what has already passed; verily, Allah is Oft-Forgiving, Most Merciful." (An-Nisa 4:22-23)
Sis Amy what do you mean by ""When she reaches puberty, she will need to remain covered in your presence and follow all the pertinent adabs""???
Who is mahram?
Anyone who a Muslim is not allowed to marry is mahram, if they are of the opposite sex and have reached puberty. A partial list of what is considered a mahram can be found in Surah 24, Ayah 31, of the Quran.
A woman's male mahrams fall into four categories (three categories in the strict-sense definition that does not count one's spouse). Note that mahrams for a man can be derived in a similar manner.
Permanent or blood mahrams with whom one is mahram by a blood relationship:
father, mother, grandfather, grandmother, great-grandfather, great-grandmother and so on;
brother, sister;
son, grandson, great-grandson, daughter, grand-daughter, great-grand-daughter;
uncle, aunt, great-uncle, great-aunt, and so on;
nephew, niece, grandnephew, grandniece, great-grandnephew, great-grandniece and so on;
how can she cover in his presence when he can't marry his step daughter ??
Your reply made me have a better understanding what this non mehram meant for the children not something i knew about considering this man for example marrying the woman the children become step brother and step sister i didn't think anything was more now i know from Islam point why, thank you for this information
Salaams,
I wasn't really looking into whether the facts were right- I've read something that say a step daughter is non mahram as well so I was assuming what his understanding was, was what he was going forward with. So I answered the question based on his presupposition.
-Amy
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
salamu alaykum, it is important to always check the knowledge we give is correctand that the facts are correct, and we should answer based on the haqq, and and noton people presupposition, as we could misguide many, we all make mistakes and thats fine, but we must always check , specially in delicate situations
barakalaukifik
If I am correct, once you have sex with a woman (wife), you can no longer marry the daughter, so in a way you become Mahram to her. With your thinking no one will ever marry a women who has a daughter. Men should treat their step-daughters as their own.
what if step father touches the step daughter at nights when she sleeping with bad intentions several times ? what happens to the marriage with this wife ? what fatwa our islam gives ??
mehak, it is obviously a major sin, a disgusting act and a prosecutable crime. It does not affect the status of the marriage, however.
Wael
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
It is not only the step daughter, if you touch your own daughter with bad intension its haram.
As per hanafi school of thought his marriage with wife will be invalid if he does that disgusting act .
Mehak Khan: here is some thing that may answer your question. ...................... ruling regarding a person who has made the big mistake of having illicit relations with his step daughter, kissed, and had oral sex with her although no vaginal penetration has taken place. Is his Nikah with his wife still valid or not.
https://islamqa.info/en/199332