I want to get married but my parents think it’s too early for me. Please help me.
Salamualeikum
My name is Ali and I live in Sweden and my parents are from pakistan. I am 20 old alhamdulillah. I pray 5 times a day alhamdulillah and have also recently started praying the tahajjud. I am very passionate of reading and following the lifestyle of our beloved prophet Muhammad SAW and since i have started doing so have found peace inside my heart alhamdulillah.
My problem is the following:
I really want to have someone in my life, a real muslimah that fears Allah and is a practicing muslim and serious about her deen. Im not seeing anyone or doing anything illegal that is out of the boundaries set by Allah. Just that Im trying to wait patiently for Allah to grant me a wife inshahallah. However this waiting can really be hard sometimes for me and therefore I start talking to my parents about marriage as well. The problem is that my parents think it's to early for me to get married, however they have agreed to trying to find me a suitable wife, but sometimes I just feel that I am burdening them with this request and that they find it hard to happen and a bit annoying.
When I talked to my parents; I told them how I wanted my future wife to be, to be a real practicing muslimah etc, however they say to me that we will try and sometimes my mother even says that you have to wait and get an education. As far as I know, our Prophet Muhammad SAW has not disliked early marriage according to a hadith that I have read, but when I recite the hadith to my parents; I don't get the answer I should get from them, a comforting answer. I think a lot of theese mixed reactions and feelings that my parents and going through regarding my problem is because of the culture and country we are from, usually in Pakistan people don't marry at this age and it is considered being rude, however in Islam it is totally acceptable and we should follow Islam before our traditions of a certain country.
I am having problems telling exactly this fact to my parents since I don't want them to feel ashamed and just because of pure respect. I really want to follow the hadeeth and get married at this age, so I can guard myself even more from haram things, and nowadays I have stopped asking my parents over this issue and I have totally left it to Allah and his will, and told myself that Whenever Allah wants,it will surely happen. Are my conditions wrong? Should I not ask for this from my parents? If you can understand my problem and my feelings, please make dua for me and if there is any solution or any dua that can help me and my parents that you can answer.
Surely Allah knows best
Salamualeikum
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Salaams,
It sounds as if you are doing everything by the book. More often than not, the parents take it upon themselves to start wife hunting even before a child has reached your age! The fact that you have been honest with them and declared your wishes and intentions is respectable. I agree with you that they are more than likely being shaped by their cultural understanding and fears of how a marriage could go bad if you get married to young.
I am not sure what hadith you were showing them, but if you haven't shown them this one, you should:
Anas ibn Malik narrated that the Prophet said – Allah bless and greet him
1. In al-Bayhaqi in Shu`ab al-Iman:
Idha tazawwaja al-`abdu faqad istakmala nisfa al-din. fal yattaqi Allaha fi al-nisfi al-baqi.
“When Allah’s servant marries he has completed one half of the Religion. Thereafter let him fear Allah regarding the remaining half.”
2. In Ibn al-Jawzi in al-`Ilal al-Mutanahya:
Man tazawwaja faqad ahraza shatra dinihi fal yattaqi Allaha fi al-shatr al-akhar.
“Whoever marries has achieved one half of the Religion. Thereafter let him fear Allah regarding the other half.”
3. In al-Tabarani in the three Mu`jams:
Man tazawwaja faqad istakmala nisfa al-iman fal yattaqi Allaha fi al-nisfi al-baqi.
“Whoever marries has achieved one half of belief. Thereafter let him fear Allah regarding the other half.”
You need to explain to them why this weight was given to marriage by Prophet Muhammad SAWS:
Abdur Rahman Doi writes:
The Prophet (s) considered marriage for a Muslim as “half of his religion” because it may shield him from promiscuity, adultery, fornication, homosexuality, and the life which ultimately lead to many other crimes including slander, quarrel, homicide, loss of property and finally the disintegration of the ideal family system on which so much stress has been placed by the Holy Prophet (s). (Shariah: The Islamic Law by Abdur Rahman Doi; P. 119)
Explain to them about the very real temptations you face as a young man without marriage, and ask them, "Would you rather have a son who is out doing all these things that other young men do, that is devaluing to other young ladies as well, or would you rather have a son who is trying to do things the right way and bringing honor to himself, his family, his future wife and her family, and Allah?"
Since they said they are willing to look around for a wife for you, take them at their word and have sabr. Insha'Allah what your heart desires will be brought to you.
-Amy
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Asalaamu alaykium
Even Sheikh Yusuf Estes, in his Lecture, he advises, and encourages Parents, to allow their children to marry young, To keep them away from the temptations of committing Zina!
I don't understand parents these days.
I kind of had the same problem 😛 but as I am a girl and I felt shy asking my parents to get me married. I told them in indirect ways lol. I'm 19 now and I got asked for hand in marriage by a few guys but my parents still want to keep it on the hold for two/three years 😐 Sometimes I don't understand parents tbh. My dad apparently can't decide on which guy is suitable for me haha. Plus as I'm the first child, it's kind of hard on them lol.
I hope Allah will grant your wish soon and give you a loving wife 🙂 I will make dua for you. It's nice to know that there are people out there like you. Stay they way you are and I'm sure you'll be happy for the rest of your life. 🙂
well brother nothing long but do isthikara that is it right to get married now or to pay attention towards your studies
i really really want to get married and start a family. I love islam! What a religion. Its like Allah reads our minds, i have a high sex drive and its hard 4 me to abstain sometimes. But its weird when our judgements comes b4 Allah's judgements nowadays.