How can I seek forgiveness for my sins?
salamualeikum wa rahmatullah wa barakatu,
Please brothers and sisters, help me go back to the right path. When I was 17 I fell in love with a non-muslim, but I told him to convert so my parents would accept him. Since then we became a couple for 5 months, and lied to my parents because I stayed extra hours after school for homework but instead I was seeing him at the playground. I also committed zina when I turned 18.
So my parents found out, and I brought him to my house to meet them and they said no and to leave him (he was black and jamaican). They told me to study and not to see him again, and suggested that I instead marry a muslim man. But I did not listen. I tried many times to convince them, but my father disagreed. Therefore, I talked to muslim friends, and read the Qur'an to search, etc. Still I couldn't convince him.
Then one day I planned to leave the house, and left a letter saying that I'm mature enough to live independently and told them not to control my life. I felt bad later, but I left to go live with my boyfriend. They called me but I did not answer, and did not listen when I picked up the call.
My boyfriend wanted to start a family and I accepted. So I became pregnant. Every night I cried because my family was not with me, even though my boyfriend was very kind to me. My father and mother didn't give up on me, they tried to convince me what's best for me. They told me to end the relationship, have an abortion and come back home. I did not listen.
While I was pregnant, I saw my mother often- like every week. She asked me questions like did I marry? I said yes, but lied, and she found out. I lied often to cover my errors. I know it was wrong.
Months later I gave birth to a boy. I wanted to name him Sahmy, but changed it to Shameek. My father and mother felt sorry for me, anger, disappointment and sadness. And so did I. I wasn't studying or working. I was living with his parents, and it was hard for my boyfriend to provide. He didn't have money when he started summer holidays from university. I felt miserable. We didn't marry, he left Islam, and I didn't practice my religion for a year. During the Holy Month of Ramadan I couldn't fast because of the haram I am doing.
Two days ago I visited my father, mother and my siblings. One of my brothers stopped speaking to me, and my father said 'come back with the baby and never see him again. And repent with the heart.' But I am not strong enough 🙁 My father said I have 7 days to think about it, because they going to Egypt for 20 days. I was wondering if I should leave my baby with him, and never come back, or bring the baby and leave him. What should I do?
Thank you.
-timawish
6 Responses »
Leave a Response
Entries(RSS)
Evn if u didnt marry him still tell him nd leave
Sister,
After everything that you have put your parents through, could you seriously just leave your baby with your boyfriend and never come back? How is that fair to him? You have made one poor decision after another...don't be a dead beat parent too. You have a responsibility to this child to be his mother and be there for him. You are the one who made the choices you did...no one else. This man is the fathers child no matter what. Rather than run away from things, talk with your boyfriend and work something out. Not for you or him...for this child the two of you brought into the world.
Salam
So I guess you've probably heard all the "I told you so" you can bare so I won't belabor that because I have a feeling you realized your mistakes. It just amazes me that you're actually thinking of making another huge mistake, by leaving your baby ... If you do that you'll damage another human, not just your self.
All in all I think that you should stay with this man ONLY if he's willing to accept Islam and get married, if not then take your son and go back to your family.
Either path you take, the most important thing you need to do is TAWBA... A sincere one to Allah . Repent, regret, apologize, and get your life in order.
Walaykum Salam sister..... This is a very saddening and serious situation you have put yourself in sister subhanallah this is what happens when you don't listen to your parents sister islam teaches us to listen when our elders speak for they are more wise and mature than us but alhamdulillah you have seen the error of your ways and are willing to change mashallah 🙂
Sister one thing you cannot do is alienate the child from his father he has a right to know, who the father is but this is what I think you need to do start by apologising and sincerely ask forgiveness from your parents for if they are upset with you till they pass away then heaven will be forbidden for you as the hadith says that one reason how jannah can be barred for you is if your parents are upset with you. So refurbish the relationship with your parents and try your level best the.
Then start by praying Salah sister because this is the best way to seek allahs forgiveness is if you give him his rights which is his power over you and all of us, and pray some extra and make dua like Salah tul tawbah pray two nafil and ask forgiveness inshallah and seek knowledge and knowledge will free te mind as for the boyfriend sister it is haram , so give him three days to accept Islam if he doesn't accept then leave him and take the kid because it is haram for a sister to have a non Muslim man inshallah hope this helps
Assalaamualaikam
Whatever you do, sister, don't abandon your child. You are his mother, and he needs you to make strong decisions now to protect you both.
Would you want to stay with the father of your child if he accepted Islam again and married you? Or do you want to end the relationship regardless of whether he would be willing to do this? I think it's important to ask yourself that - I notice that the two options you mention at the end both involve leaving him.
If you would want to be in a halal relationship with him, then talk to him about it. Tell him how important it is for you that you both practise Islam and raise your son as a Muslim. Arrange a time-scale for him to research and decide - if you are planning to go on the trip with your parents, you could agree that he needs to make a decision by the time you come back. And make sure that any contact you have with him from now on is within Islamic limits.
If you don't want to be with him, then end the relationship in a mature way, and try to keep things as amicable as possible, for your son's sake. As the father of your son, he will have some access/custody rights (these depend on where you live, so make sure you know what the local legal system says about this), so don't deny him these, but make it clear to him that your son is Muslim and will be raised as a Muslim.
With regards resolving things with your family, give things time and rebuild trust and acceptance slowly, as everyone involved in this situation will have been hurting. Everyone will probably have said and done things they regret. What's important now, though, is to put that in the past and accept the present - a family that wants to be reunited, with a lovely baby boy as its newest member.
One thing that concerns me, though, is that of the two options you mention at the end, one of them involves leaving your son and never coming back for him. No mother should do that to a child. If you are worried you would not be able to cope, there are community supports available, which you could access through your doctor or through a community centre, and you could ask your family for help as well. Please don't just leave him behind, though - even if you feel you cannot look after him, it may be that your mum or another female relative could take care of him for a while, until you get back on your feet.
Midnightmoon
IslamicAnswers.com editor
OP: and my father said 'come back with the baby and never see him again. And repent with the heart.' But I am not strong enough My father said I have 7 days to think about it, because they going to Egypt for 20 days. I was wondering if I should leave my baby with him, and never come back, or bring the baby and leave him. What should I do?
You don't have to see your b/f again, but your b/f has a right to be a part of his son's life.
Why your parents want to take you Egypt? I hope you will be safe there. What do your parents plan to do with your baby?