Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Marriage is not possible

Salam

I am in relationship with someone who is engaged and soon marrying to the girl he love first but when we met about 4 years ago he started loving me and i love him a lot. he always said that first love was just likeness or attraction of teenage so he decide to marry her but now he loves me and want to spend his life with me.

We in the 4 years fight and try to leave each other thousands of time bcoz i always hurt to think like he'll never mine. We both know the reality from the start but can't make our love down.we tried a lot but its seems like we cannot live without each other.

He said he cannot marry me as he is in commitment of 5 years and cant hurt his parents and that girl but also dont want to hurt me. he like that girl but he loves me and find me his true mate. His intentions never wrong about me and i know that. we also dont want haram relation but what to do we often cry and console each other to happy after everything will be finish.

I always dua and cry that i know he is not in my luck but why i cant leave him why he cant leave me. whenever we decide to end there is always a way open through that we again start talking. I am very depressed understanding his problem also but its about my life - i dont want to think about someone else. even he also said always I am in his mind heart feelings, he will just pass life with that girl having wish of me, its hard but we have to.. Even i dont wanna hear that we have to live without eachother..

i always fight in my mind with me blaming me crying that why i lose my control of myself but this all is happening from last 4 yrs and i cannot come out of it... Helpless please help

Salmon


Tagged as: , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

6 Responses »

  1. Dear sister
    If he loved you he would not have been in a haram relationship with you which he has concealed from his parents whilst committing to marry a girl he met a year before you.

    You cannot know what type of relationship he has with her as he will only present to you what he wants you to see, which is that he wishes he could marry you, and a lot of this is probably just to make you feel sorry for him so that it is easier for him to take advantage of you, sorry it sounds harsh but it is true.

    I know some boys pretend they have been forced into engagementnts or marriages by parents or whatever, but this boy chose this first girl himself.

    He's been planning on marrying her whilst also enjoying a secret relationship with you, who do you think this boy (who I have very little respect for) will choose?

    Even if he decided to be with you, why would you want to be with him? He has concealed a relationship with you which is is haram, is lying to his parents and fiancé, he is cheating on his fiancé with you. He doesn't exactly sound like a catch.

    You are young sister, and you might think he is the be all and end all, but please see his explanations for what they are: lies and excuses which are taking you away from your own parents who would be horrified to learn of this type of boy and also this is taking you away from your religion and faith.

    This whole crying together and being unable to leave each other suggests to me you guys haven't fully matured yet. What would you do if your parents found out about you two? Would you be able to look them in the eye, that you are in a relationship with someone who is committed to someone else? How will you answer to Allah?

    He could easily have broken his engagement but he wont, and he will get married and then where will you be?

    Also the more time you spend with him, the more of your own opportunities to settle with someone who will give you love and respect in a halal way are growing less. You won't be happy with someone else unless you give this man up completely.

    Think about it. If he was for you, nothing in this dunya can stop him from being yours but if he is not for you, then there is nothing in this dunya you can do that will make him yours.

    Be strong, cut ties, do not respond to any messages. Change numbers if need be. Don't expect him to come back.

    Understand he will get married and not to you. He will try his best to continue a relationship with you, but you need to remove yourself from him. He won't leave you he has got his cake and he is getting to eat it too, why would he leave you when he has you where he wants you.

    You must give this up. not have been in a haram relationship with you which he has concealed from his parents whilst committing to marry a girl he met a year before you.

    You cannot know what type of relationship he has with her as he will only present to you what he wants you to see, which is that he wishes he could marry you, and a lot of this is probably just to make you feel sorry for him so that it is easier for him to take advantage of you, sorry it sounds harsh but it is true.

    I know some boys pretend they have been forced into engagementnts or marriages by parents or whatever, but this boy chose this first girl himself.

    He's been planning on marrying her whilst also enjoying a secret relationship with you, who do you think this boy (who I have very little respect for) will choose?

    Even if he decided to be with you, why would you want to be with him? He has concealed a relationship with you which is haram, is lying to his parents and fiancé, he is cheating on his fiancé with you. He doesn't exactly sound like a catch.

    You are young sister, and you might think he is the be all and end all, but please see his explanations for what they are: lies and excuses which are taking you away from your own parents who would be horrified to learn of this type of boy and also this is taking you away from your religion and faith.

    This whole crying together and being unable to leave each other suggests to me you guys haven't fully matured yet. What would you do if your parents found out about you two? Would you be able to look them in the eye, that you are in a relationship with someone who is committed to someone else? How will you answer to Allah?

    He could easily have broken his engagement but he wont, and he will get married and then where will you be?

    Also the more time you spend with him, the more of your own opportunities to settle with someone who will give you love and respect in a halal way are growing less. You won't be happy with someone else unless you give this man up completely.

    Think about it. If he was for you, nothing in this dunya can stop him from being yours but if he is not for you, then there is nothing in this dunya you can do that will make him yours.

    Be strong, cut ties, do not respond to any messages. Change numbers if need be. Don't expect him to come back.

    Understand he will get married and not to you. He will try his best to continue a relationship with you, but you need to remove yourself from him. He won't leave you he has got his cake and he is getting to eat it too, why would he leave you when he has you where he wants you.

    He's enjoying the drama with you, he's enjoying the marriage with the other girl and he won't leave you. You're the one who's put your life on hold hoping he will somehow keep his empty promises which he has broken repeatedly over the 4 years.

    You must give this up.

  2. Assalam-o-aliakum
    Sister,it is so simple that he is playing with you,i know this sentence hurts and you don't even want to listen it,but it is truth.the problem is that you're actually frm yourself.you only listening to your naafs not your soul.and at the end your soul hurts not naafs.look we don't prayer well,we cannot fully obey Allah,but after all this Allah gives us happiness,shelter,love and much more than our thinking.this is called true love.when someone care for you without you say any thing.and now you compare the one who admit that you're his true love then why he doesn't leave the girl??why he doesn't want to hurt her??why he cannot make you the part of his life if he loves you??and you ask to him that after even marriage he talks to you & say love you and after having a baby he also said this to you?The answer is No.my dear sister he can't and trust me you're are so rare & precious for your family and they even can't see you broken.please for them now the time to take a serious step the guy who said don't marry to you,then you also said to him don't care for you.Repent today..
    (1)Take a strong decision that you don't talk to him at any cost.
    (2) Ask help from Allah.Allah loves you much more.Read 2 nafal and ask Allah to give you patience.
    (3)Bring some positive changes to life.
    i know it is hard but it is the ri8 path,and the right time..At the end decision is your's,that you want to end this now or after many years when it hurts more.
    Take care of yourself.
    Hope that helped,
    Allah(S.W.T) knows best and Allah best of All.

  3. OP: We in the 4 years fight and try to leave each other thousands of time bcoz i always hurt to think like he'll never mine. We both know the reality from the start but can't make our love down.we tried a lot but its seems like we cannot live without each other.........He said he cannot marry me as he is in commitment of 5 years and cant hurt his parents and that girl but also dont want to hurt me. he like that girl but he loves me and find me his true mate. His intentions never wrong about me and i know that. we also dont want haram relation but what to do we often cry and console each other to happy after everything will be finish.

    Did your b/f tell you that he has another girl he would marry in the beginning of your relationship. You knew it that is why you fought with him for 4 years. He is hurting you right now. I hope you are not planning to be his mistress. Most likely he would like to keep your relationship going on as long as you will be willing.

    He may tell you he does not love his wife, his wife does not satisfy him etc. He won't mind using you for sex after he gets married.

    You got into this relationship because you were most likely lonely. It is time to move on

  4. LEAVE HIM sister!! Please dont destroy ur life. U have already recived some beautiful, true and very helpful advises, so please dont ignor them. Read them carefully and try to act on them. Like mentioned above he will cantinu to use u as long as u dont stop him. His discusting mind wont change nor he will marry u. I know it hurts and after reading all this u mightl think that we are not wright we are judging him and he loves u truly but no sister. this is the truth HE IS just USING U NOT LOVING U!!!

    Dont give him more chances to play with u any farther. U deserve much better then this discusting man. Hes evil acts wont finish until u stop him. It will be diffcult but u have to do it for own self.

    I pray allah make it easy for u and bring u on the right path ameen!!!

  5. Sister, get out of this relationship, this is the shaytaan working amongst you. This kind of action displeases Allah and pleases the shaytaan.

    You're not doing yourself any favours by keeping this boy (and I will emphasise boy) in your life. He is acting so immature and irresponsible, and not treating his fiancee right. Do you really want to be labelled as "the other woman?" I'm sure if the fiancee found out it would not only devastate her, she will label you as much worse. I am someone who has been cheated on by her husband and still after 2 years am struggling to get over it.

    Sister, this isn't someone who is lying to you by saying he's single. You need to do the right thing and let him have his marriage, he has already said there's no way he can marry you, there's no point in pursuing him any longer. These kind of boys who say they're unhappy are really saying they're bored. Most men fantasise about having more than one woman in their life. I have known cousins who joke all the time saying he'll have 7 wives one for each day of the week. So even light heartedly men will still want it at some point.

    This is the cold harsh truth, I'll never forget the words of a wise respected man in my community who once said "No matter how much men stray, they always go back to their wives." Believe it or not, you're the one he is enjoying himself with, and as the posters above have said he will say anything to have your love, your pity. He is relishing it because he is being an inconsiderate boy with nothing better to do than string you along.

    He is only engaged, this can be broken, but a marriage, much more complex to break. If he truly loved you he would have fought for you and even have a word with his fiancee, she might have even broke it off making it easier on him, but he chose to do nothing, therefore he's not devoted enough to you.

    You can find better than him sister. Allah is testing you, and if He is pleased with your actions will grant you someone better. In Shaa Allah.

    • He will use u after getting married.... experienced this... after his marriage he will get open abt physical intimacy and he will not hesitate to use u for that.... so better save than cry.....

Leave a Response