Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Just after our nikkah and honeymoon, my husband abandoned me

repenting heart cuts down shaytan


I am a sister  from an island in the Indian Ocean. I am very lost where I am right now, and I seek advice as well as help on your behalf as I believe that black magic has been done over my marriage (and I doubt if it is still valid).

My husband had converted 3 years ago during the period where we had just met. Everything was going smoothly, for he is a very respectful and kindhearted person and my parents (my mother converted to islam, also) had accepted him. I had never forced him to convert until he was ready to do so. Indeed when the time came he did convert, but informed me that he would need time and choose the right moment to inform to his parents. I will not lie, he had an interest in learning islam, but at his own pace for his job was very demanding and time consuming, and he did not want his mother to notice. Every month he would tell me that he is trying to muster his courage to  inform to his parents, and on my side we reassured him that the sooner would be better. His parents were aware of our relationship, but were a bit suspicious as I was a muslim. Nevertheless, they were kind towards me.

 Before I used to live in the Europe. I grew up there, and my husband used to live in a nearby country. Our parents are from the Indian Ocean. So going overseas happened frequently. Two years had passed, and he still had not announced his conversion to his parents. But everything was peaceful in our relationship, Mashallah, and my whole family had a liking for him because he was a very respectful and good person, and rarely argued.

Since I am a Fashion Designer, I went to Asia for a business trip at the beginning of last year with a plan to return back home after my birthday. By surprise my husband flew to Malaysia and on my birthday asked for my hand, stating that he wanted us to be reunited asap. He made so many promises and I was excited by the idea. So the following day we took our flight and headed home.  Everything seemed fine as soon as we got to our respective homes, but he had not called me back which I had found strange. But I didn't insist about it, and thought he was tired due to the flight.

On the following day he phoned me very early in the morning and sounded weird. He announced to me that his mother had learned about him embracing islam, and she was very upset with him and told me it would be preferable that we should take some time away from each other until he works something out. I felt sad and guilty, but agreed. He didn't call me nor come to visit me for some time, and that worried me. One day I had knocked into his mother while shopping, and she seemed very joyful and even asked about my business trip to Asia. She didn't at all bring up to me the subject of her son embracing islam, and was still polite with me.

After two lonely weeks, he came to see me and apologized for not being in touch with me as he was in his own turmoil. I tried to comfort him, and slowly things came back to normal. But it was not over yet, there were times he would put on a fit and reproach me for things like saying that I had brainwashed him, did voodoo on him, that I'm chaining him down and that I am the cause of everything. It hurt so much. He would lose contact again for 2 long weeks, and run back begging for forgiveness while reassuring me that we will soon perform the nikkah and be united. 

The routine kicked in again and he would get back to his islamic learning, but again after some days he would have tantrums full of resentment and foul languages that I had never witnessed during the 2 previous years of our relationship. He reproached me for so many things. I was so hurt, as it was never  his habit  to be such a way and disappear again for 2 weeks. I prayed a lot because I was worried. This pattern that he adapted kept on going, and he repeated the same mistake 5 times, with the excuse that he never meant to be rude to me and always begged for forgiveness. I kept on forgiving him until I could no longer take it.

 Again after 2 weeks of no sign of him, he came to see my parents and begged for forgiveness constantly, and sought their permission as well as help to win me back. He informed my father that he wanted to marry me asap. My father eventually forgave him and convinced me to give him one last chance, which I indeed did. The month of Ramadhan came and we all fasted merrily.When we were not married yet, My husband often came home in the morning for sehri and would do iftaar also when he able to. 3 weeks of fasting went brilliantly, until the 4th week when he turned back into that horrible person and started missing some days of fasting until he just disappeared again.

Meanwhile, ever since we came back from Asia I started having nightmares, felt a suspicious presence in my room, saw black shadows at night near my bed or sometimes just felt someone siting on top of my chest or leaning onto me in my sleep. I do recall on some occasions that he would wake up at night calling me to say that he felt the same thing, and we would read Ayatul Kursi before going back to sleep.I was lost and heart broken for I loved him so much.

On many occasions when he would turn horrible, he would tell me I did voodoo on him (which is totally a sin for muslims) and would just tell me he no longer loves me and that he is breaking up with me, for he chooses his mother. I could no longer stand it and indeed accepted his decision. This had been going on for nearly a year.

After two weeks again, I had learned that he had fallen sick with fever and had remorse and regretted what he did to me. He  stalked me, waited for me outside my office, or would spy on me when I would go to the gym, but still I did not give in. Once again he went to my parents, completely stressed, tears in his eyes, all shaken, begging to them for forgiveness, and repeating that he cannot continue without me in his life. He swore he would never commit any more mistakes and pleaded for them to convince me. He even fell sick in front of them. My whole family came to me and convinced me, telling me that he has in fact done so many mistakes, but by the name of Allah he repents and that he is a decent boy and I should give him one last chance. It took me a month to trust him again, and on the 31 Dec 2013 he gave me my ring and insisted that the following month we would perform the nikkah, (i.e January 2014) and have a civil wedding in August which his father wanted to cater.

 Indeed we did perform the nikkah in January, but on the very day itself we had an argument. At first it was a petty matter, but then it struck hard and I saw that I was at fault because maybe I was being too pessimistic with him, so I straight away  apologized. The nikkah turned out beautifully and everyone was happy. He surprised me by announcing that for our honeymoon we were going to Malaysia, and on the very following day. It all seemed beautiful, Mashallah, and we had the most loving time ever.

After 2 long weeks, on our way back to Mauritius, we both had fallen sick .On the first day I spent the night at his parents, for it was already agreed that we would get our own house as his mother had advised. Our papers for the house were still unsettled, so we had agreed that he would sometimes come over to my place until everything was settled. On the second day he told me that the fever was taking over him and preferred to stay at his own place until he got well, for he felt uncomfortable. By then he started to change and get distant, and I told him that this was worrying me but he would get angry and  just tell me that I was getting paranoid.

So he spent his days at his parents, and I often told him to come over but he stated that the fever was still there. On the fifth day I went to visit him but he was distant and didn't talk much. I reminded him of the past and said that I was scared, but he just shouted that I suspect him too much and he has had enough of my complaints. But in Malaysia we were fine and had a nice time. In the morning he wouldn't get up to drop me off to work nor fetch me, which he use to do when we were together.

Then suddenly one day, he phoned me to tell me that his work is sending him off to Qatar for a business trip, which I found weird because it was hardly a week that we had gotten back from our honeymoon. I apologised to him for the reproaches I had said to him, and in return he told me that  we argue too much and that maybe we are not compatible. But then he calmed down and apologized.

The very morning before before his flight, he picked me up and dropped me at work, bid me Salaam, kissed me and said he hate goodbyes and that's the reason why he didn't want me to accompany him to the airport. He phoned me before boarding the plane and mentioned that he would return back on the 28th of February. Then for one whole week I didn't hear from him.

On the 27th of Feb, he called me to announce that he is in the UK. He wanted some time to think of a reason for why he did not call, and mentioned that he is never coming back and said  'I solemnly divorce you'. I begged him to come back and to repair things, but he just said that we are not meant for each other and it's better the way it is. He said that he cannot live with someone like me because of my reproaches,  and in return I said to him that I forgave him many times and why can't he make an effort, but he said no and hung up.

He has completely shut me out of his life and I have no idea of his whereabouts. His mother on the other hand, apologized to me on his behalf but mentioned that her son had made a mistake, but not a crime. Since then, there's been no sign of him. He has a job that he should get back to, for he had lied about the business trip and he has a loan to take care of. I've known him for 3 years and he has always been a responsible person when it comes to his job and finances.

When people learned about it, relatives came to me saying that maybe we have been struck by Sihr (black magic) and that I should look into it. I pray day and night and read alot of duah for protection against Djiins, for I am new to all of this. I have been brought up in Europe , I have imaan and follow islam, but never had believed much in black magic or Sihr. My mother  prays and meditates a lot and we both have been having nightmares of Djinns and Shatain.

Then one day, a relative came over and had advised me to go and visit a ruqqi/raqqi who could do ruqyah on me, so I did. Indeed to my horror, when the man was reciting duah and ayats over me, my body would get numb and lose complete control of itself, and it also did happen to me that I did not have much clue what was going on to me. Whnn I had gotte  all my senses back, the ruqqi said to me that a  perverted djinn was hovering on me along with some other shayatins, and the ruqqi was able to talk to him through me. He was sent to cause grief between me and my husband and keep us apart because a member in his family did not really approved of our relationship and did not want us to get married. The reason why my husband had left and no longer wanted to hear from me and was not willing to come back, is due to the fact that they have jinxed him. I am here, and fortunately by Allah's will I have been cured and no longer have nightmares nor sense negative presences in my room, but my husband still has not contacted me nor returned back. But I know fine and well that he contacts his parents.

I do swalah a lot, and ask duah to Allah in order to give me strength and move on; but  I do not know if I should  move on, or have hope, or file a case against him for what he did, for he had lied and fled. I am lost and heartbroken but Allah is helping me.

I am awfully sorry for this lengthy mail. Inshallah, I hope you can give me some advice and help me.



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14 Responses »

  1. Salaams,

    You may have written a very long post, but the bottom line is still very simple: he is being dodgy and disappears on you. There have been times he hasn't treated you right. Now he's divorced you and avoiding you completely.

    Personally I think the best thing you can do is to just let him go. I don't see anything worth salvaging in the relationship from what you've described, and if he's not mutally committed (and clearly he's not), it's not going to work anyway.

    -Amy Editor

    • If he kept begging for forgiveness and coming back, this shows his love is strong, magic is powerful, it doesnt switch off, it doesnt have breaks and works best when you take a breather, or a few moments to relax, the thoughts seem at the time in sync with your line of thinking, they seem justified, until long after they dont make sense the love you feel makes you fight, but the magic makes to you walk away.

      No muslim would give up an opportunity to achieve 50% of the deen, its a golden opportunity.

      This is her marriage, if the magic is gone, he might be a broken wreck somewhere too, thinking and feeling the same as the sister.

      Whats worse, the magic may not be just on her, but him too. She should also convince him to go to the raqi just to make sure.

      May Allah offer you Shifa and a good result. After all that its worth one more shot.

  2. Your post was very very long. Forgive me if I didn't bother to read all of it. However, the gist revolves around your husband and the premise of Black Magic. I am not at a position to pass a verdict on the erratic behaviour of your husband, however, as far black magic is concerned, the following series of videos may help you purge it. May Allah make it easy for you.

  3. Salaam,

    If you are cured, the jins may no longer be bothering him anymore either, because the spell has been broken... so he may be feeling guilty not knowing what happened...and how. As for making contact with him, following the business route may lead you to contact him.

    I wish I could visit the same raqi, or know which ruqya He/She used, I have the same problem.

    May Allah bless you.


    • kal: I wish I could visit the same raqi, or know which ruqya He/She used, I have the same problem.

      Did your husband leave you too? Talk to some local imam and seek guidance.

  4. Assalam alaikum,

    It is impossible to force someone back into your life. I am not sure black magic is involved, but from what you wrote, his behaviour even before marriage was not of a responsible and committing man.

    I pray that Allah eases your pain and that your life becomes full of new joyous moments, inn shaa Allah. Ameen.

    I am sorry for your loss and pain.

  5. "He informed my father that he wanted to marry me asap. My father eventually forgave him and convinced me to give him one last chance, which I indeed did. The month of Ramadhan came and we all fasted merrily.When we were not married yet, My husband often came home in the morning for sehri and would do iftaar also when he able to."

    Are you saying that you were not married but were living together? You know that this is wrong.

    But after reading your whole post, I wonder why you would even consider going back into this pattern of behaviour. This man has a lot of issues he needs to deal with. He's wasting your time while he does it.

  6. Assalamoulaikoum. . .

    Laali, i assure you we were not living together, During the month of Ramadhan, he would leave his house in the morning and come over to perform Sehri since his parents were none muslims. . . coz he wanted to be surrounded by us.

    Indeed. . . you all are right...but i've known him well enough and during the 1st two years i had never seen that side of him never. . . so i dunno if you will understand me. . . after a solid bond with him for two years . . .i've been mesmerised. . . but last year i saw a side of him that he had never shown before...Well it must be a sign from Allah that we were not meant to be together and that he was not the one. . .but still it hurts . . .because the nikkah is important to me . . .

    • for your own peace of mind, it's worth one more shot, tell him about your experience with the raqi and if you can convince him to see the raqi it could help.

      My thoughts are the same as yours, the nikkah is important and not something to let go of without a fight....but remember, it has to be mutual, it must also mean the same to the other person.

      All you can do is try and contact him, and talk about the magic, see if you can reason with him, there is a chance. And if it doesnt work, at least you tried, and you can move on in peace, knowing you fought to achieve half of your deen, and you didnt just let it slip away.

      In the worst case, it's not the end, life goes on. I read, that "all you lost and all you have belongs to Allah", not even our bodies are ours, considering that, we never really lose anything at all. to me, that is a blessing in this deen that frees us from disapair.

      May Allah guide you and bless you with patience.

  7. There is no such thing as black magic the scenario here is he is not committed this is how men are u have to get a divorce bc this is not working

    • Black magic does exist and as Muslims we believe in its existence.

      "Suleiman (Solomon) did not disbelieve, but the devils disbelieved teaching men magic" Al-Quran (2:102)

  8. Dear sister I read everything that you wrote, just have patience indeed Allah sees it all what happened to you and He is not unaware of your pain. If u feel the need inform him about the magic and if u find no need then replace thelonliness with some caring people in your life. Allah help you sister.

  9. We all have a duty to pray to Allah for help with our problems. We also have a duty to do the right thing after we make salah/dua. If you accidently burned yourself, would you make dua, or get first aid? If you fell and injured yourself, would you clean the wound, get medical attention if necessary or make wudu and pray to Allah about the pain you feel. Women, there is a time for salah, dua, penance, fasting, etc. And there is a time to act. Stop being so passive and expecting some kind of solution to fall out of the sky. If your husband has lied over and over, is never around, is irresponsible, unreachable or just a total jerk, then divorce him. You have to set the standard of how you will be treated in a relationship. If you allow a man to come and go, do what he wants, lie to you, possibly be unfaithful and a user, then that is what you will get.

  10. I pray that your pain goes away. I agree. at least you should inform him of your experience with raqqi. it is worth a last chance.

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