Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Am I going to hell…

stairs door to heaven hell

ok so ive been with this guy for 6 months now and hes one year older then me and were planing to get married but one thing hes not same as my relegion and i tried asking if he could change it to my relegion but he said that he cant bc he thinks hes going to hell and stuff 🙁 im really sad bc i lost my virginity to him hes the first person  ive actually went this far with and im so attached to him i dont wana lose him i really love him but i know for a fact my parents wont let me be with him bc hes not muslim i really love him and ive never lasted with anyone please help me i dont know what to do im so sad i want to marry him :(( and hes asking me to move out with him and i said the only time i will move out is when were married he asked to marry him but i just dont know i dont wana lose my family as well  🙁 and another question am i going to hell for losing it before marriege and if i marry somone who isnt my religion ?

Layla

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20 Responses »

  1. It is haram for a muslim women to marry a non muslim man for lot of reasons. One of them is that the man has more authority in the household and he can make you lose and doubt your religion. He can make you convert and what about your children. Which religion are they going to follow ? It happened that people lose their religion in such cases and your religion is what keeps you safe from the hellfire.If you lose it you go to hell if you die without it. Leave that haram relationship for the sake of Allah and Allah will give you something better in exchange for it as the hadith states.The messenger of Allah sws. said “You will never leave something for the sake of Allah, but Allah will give you something better in return.” [musnad]. So if you leave it you will get something better in return. And it is not allowed to have sexual intercourse before marriage so you should leave him and make tauba to Allah.
    May Allah guide you to the straight path.

  2. I think you need to learn a bit more about Islam, because

    1) You seem to take a mockery out of the religion. You can't ask of someone to convert to Islam for you out of pure formality, just because you want to be with them. That's is NOT how Islam works, and that's not how you come to the decision to convert to Islam. As a Muslim, this is basic knowledge you should have...

    2) You seem more concerned with how you can gain your parents' acceptance for marrying a non-Muslim man, than you seem concerned with adhering to Islamic guidelines - that clearly prohibits you from marrying a non-Muslim man, whether or not your parents allow it.

    3) You need to learn how to think before you act, instead of act and THEN think. You have already had sex, so if I tell you, "you are definitely going to Hell for it" - what are you going to do about it now that you have already committed the sin? You should have asked first, THEN had sex if you decided it's worth it.

    For your information, no one can say if you're going to Hell or not. No one but Allah knows who goes to Hell and who does not. All you can do is realise your mistake, repent for it and don't make the same mistake again. Allah is forgiving and merciful, always remember that.

  3. You will definitely not burn in hell simply because you decided to change your religion. If you think that your man's religion is better than yours then go ahead and be with him. It makes me sad that religion is playing such an important role in your relationship that it has the potential to make your life miserable.

    I am Muslim, do my waajibaats and have respect for all religions. When you begin to think that only Islam is the best religion in the world and other religions are not as good as islam, you lose the ability to make good decision especially when it comes to religion. You need to respect everyone regardless of their faiths

    • Maham, I think you are misguided. We Muslims do have respect for other religions that worship God. However, we also know and believe that our religion is best, because we are following the religion given to us by Allah in the Quran, and taught by the Messenger of Allah (sws). This is a fundamental and essential principle of our faith. Islam is the religion chose for humanity by Allah.

      Wael
      IslamicAnswers.com Editor

      • Sorry Wael but I am definitely not misguided. The root cause of problem resulting from any religion is that when its followers develop a belief that only their religion is the best.

        • I don't agree. The root problem is thinking that you must convert others to your way of thinking by force. But it is a fundamental precept of our faith to believe that our religion is true. If you don't believe that it's true - I mean objectively, actually true - then you cannot call yourself a Muslim. And if you do, then you must logically believe that it is the best.

          You have fallen victim to the sort of cultural relativism that plagues the western world, where every faith and culture must be considered equally good, and where all truth is subjective. That's nonsense.

          Wael
          IslamicAnswers.com Editor

        • Salam Maham,

          You're looking at this from the perspective of people and not what God gets. God is asking for something specific and it's up to us to obey and do what is being asked of us. Yes there are those that are proud of their religion, whether it be right or wrong, but those people are less concerned about what God wants and just want to belong to their religious group. In the Quran Allah does accept from those that are not Muslims. Jews, Christians, Sabians, or whomever submits their will to Allah, does good deeds, and offers worship, is eligible for good in the afterlife.

          As an example let's say you ordered the same pizza from five places online. The first one gets it right completely. The second gives you green olives instead of black. The third makes that mistake and gives sausage even though it was a veggie pizza. The fourth brings you a hotdog. The fifth takes your money and tells you that they don't believe you ever ordered. You place the same order 5 more times with the fifth store and they take your money 5 times and still claim you never ordered.

          Each store thinks they're doing the right thing, the ones that got it wrong don't want to change and they want to keep giving you the wrong order. So are all of them the same? Are you happy with all the employees of each store equally? Suppose I were to join a store with the hopes of pleasing you. Would you be just as pleased with me if I worked at the store that gets your order right as you are with the one that takes your money and denies your order? No right?

          And just like you might accept the second store's pizza as well, God is also willing to accept on a range of how much people got the order right. So there is a difference in which religion one joins, but it's less about the religion and more about making sure that we can determine which one is the right order from God.

          • M: As an example let's say you ordered the same pizza from five places online. The first one gets it right completely. The second gives you green olives instead of black. The third makes that mistake and gives sausage even though it was a veggie pizza. The fourth brings you a hotdog. The fifth takes your money and tells you that they don't believe you ever ordered. You place the same order 5 more times with the fifth store and they take your money 5 times and still claim you never ordered.

            Each store thinks they're doing the right thing, the ones that got it wrong don't want to change and they want to keep giving you the wrong order. So are all of them the same?

            Well if it is a pizza hut, you are entitled to a free pizza, if it not according to what you ordered. Pizza store that brings you a hot dog, will not last very long in most countries, may be not in Somalia. You really believe a pizza store will take your money and claim you never ordered it.

            I don't know what are you trying to prove.

          • Salaam Wael,

            Hope you are well. On Friday, I sent you a message through this forum in regards to Ayesha's (RA) marriage to Prophet (PBUH) at a young age of nine. My post was available for a while and then it disappeared. I am not sure if someone deleted my comment.

            Thanks
            Maham

          • I deleted it as it is irrelevant to this post. Personally I think the criticism itself is irrelevant and demonstrates a lack of understanding of historical versus modern mores. But if you want to debate such things, there are plenty of forums where you can do so.

            Wael
            IslamicAnswers.com Editor

          • Would you be interested in debating with me ? If you prefer, we can also debate through personal emails. You do not have to share my posts on the forum.
            Let me know if you would be interested.

            You said my posts were irrelevant, I am sorry but I do not know how. Would you be kind enough to elaborate on it.

            Let me know if you would be interested.

            Thanks

          • No, I'm sorry, I'm not interested in debating. And yes, the question of the Prophet's (sws) marriage to Aishah is irrelevant to this post, which is written by a sister who is confused about marrying a non-Muslim.

            Wael
            IslamicAnswers.com Editor

          • Salam SVS,

            My point is that what's important is what is God asking. Religions are interpretations of what God wants. And some religions are more interested in staying as their religion and less about whether they are doing what God asks.

            I was using pizza as an example because people really care about their order being right and are less forgiving when the pizza chain gets their order wrong. But with religions, people feel that God should be indifferent to different religions and not put people in hell even if people purposely disobey out of pride. My point is why would one expect God to be indifferent to the results people give him when God gives us an order, when we are not indifferent to what we get when we make orders?

          • Salam MAHAM,

            I would be happy to argue with you but it's probably not going to happen here. I could give you answers to your questions but it is unlikely you will believe without fear of hell.

            I don't know if you know about hell from the Quran: Hell is an eternal punishment, once a person is in they are in and they never leave. They are burned alive with skin that regenerates and placed in a tight confined place with burnt smoke to breath, loud noise of the fire, and severe pain and suffering. They are starved there to the point that they drink boiling water that cuts their insides and they drink in abundance because the thirst is stronger than the pain of burning. There is no escape from this and there is no death. If one does not fear this one cannot determine the right way. Whereas if one does fear this then Allah is merciful.

  4. Dear sister

    you can consult a scholar for this as this is not right place for getting solution for it people have diffrent perceptions and u will be confused ....have faith in Allah ..

  5. Asalaam Alaikum..
    Now Sister. Slow Down. Or you will trip.
    Let's look at things from a far angle.
    You're Muslim. He's Not.
    You have a relationship.
    You love him.
    But, for a fact your parents won't let you marry him because he's not Muslim. (As you said).
    He doesn't want to convert himself. (As you said).
    But he will gladly move out with you.

    Now.. Imagine you've got a scale. And weigh the right and wrong. I don't need to tell you what weighs more. What you need to do is be like a strong woman. Is this guy really worth it or are your eyes blinded by lust?

    You risk losing your family. Losing relation or trust with parents. You risk your own life and not to mention afterlife. This guy can and most likely will leave you at some point. Then you will be pretty screwed. Don't go all hero and say "well my love is strong etc" because tell you what sister. If you don't fix up. You will get to a point in life where you will find it hard to breath. God Forbid. I hope things get better.

    In regards to hell. Fear of Allah is needed in our lives and our hearts. We are all bad people. Plenty more we can do to fix ourselves. So make your fear your encouragement.

    Let us know how you do.

    MAHAM brother don'tbe stupid. You sound very intellectual and then you come out with silly things and everything flops.

    • MAHAM perfect reply

      We are not living in the BC or AD .. We are living in the 21st century. Religion yes its important but not fanatically that we disgrace other religions. For every individual their religion is the best but that doesnt means others are disgraceful. Every Religion has its own beliefs ethics and customs. Islam is the true Religion for us Muslims.. so is Christianity to the Catholics. Its our percept how we consider each other as.

      And sister all this crap you should have considered before you fell into this relationship. That itself was the major mistake. I dont know if you will go to hell or not but if you feel so.. then probably you are right. Secondly as LINDITA said, you cannot ask someone to CONVERT just because you want to marry him. For namesake he might convert .. but then what next ? He needs to embrace ISLAM only if he believes in it and not just to marry you. Dont make a mockery out of all this. You arent fighting a Political battle herein.

      My utmost advice. Just get over this so called haram relationship.. repent and start a fresh life and make sure you dont go back on the same road. Only this seems to be fruitful for you and your family in long run. Because if he has asked you to get away along with him leaving behind your parents and family..then tomorow he might leave you behind and go elsewhere. And at that juncture you would be left out alone. So now when its time to repent PLEASE do that.

      And morover.. you need not go to hell doing all that nuisance.. You are already experiencing HELL right here on earth. THINK OVER IT

  6. Assalaamualykum Layla,

    He might not accept your religion of Islam because he doesn't realize that it's not about all the negative press that it receives, and actually has the same God as his own (as long as he doesn't believe that Jesus is God). Have you tried explaining to him that the two of you actually believe in the same God? Once he realizes this, he may be more open to learning of your religion. As far as marrying him goes, you should just tell him flat-out that your parents will not bless the marriage unless he converts to Islam. Then see how far he is willing to go for you.

    Best,

    Nor

  7. OP: im really sad bc i lost my virginity to him hes the first person ive actually went this far with and im so attached to him i dont wana lose him i really love him but i know for a fact my parents wont let me be with him bc hes not muslim i really love him and ive never lasted with anyone

    Does not seem like it is going to work. Seems like you are implying you did things with others but not went that far. If you were with a Muslim guy, you can go back and marry him.

  8. As salaam alaikum wa rahmatullahi wa barkatahu,
    Dear Layla,
    Pls consider lindita, Abdullah, Nor and similar answers.
    Yes u need to slow down else most sure u'll trip.

    Firstly Every one of us shud realize the 'purpose of our existence'.
    ALLAH (swt)says in qur'an 67:2 (He)Who has created death and life that He may test you which of you is best in deeds. And He is the Almighty, the Oft-Forgiving;

    Your fear is true.
    And in chapter 2 ALLAH (swt) has compared this world to merely less a wing of a fly.

    And remember it is he who we all need to return to.
    And only God is most trust worthy in true meaning And Can Be The Best Friend. Because he has powers to do anything, ...anything in this world and even after.
    So read Astaghfirullah I.e Repent And Beg for Forgiveness Every minute u get,

    Read Sure Faateha understanding its meaning with explanation and pray GOD to guide to you to straight Path.

    It's better you understand chapter 2 I.e sur-e-Baqhra completely, initially you may find difficult, irrelevance but once you complete I think you will feel contented, strong enough to take right decision.

    MAHAM,
    Yes we muslims should nor disgrace other religions as per qur'an but also marrying a non believer leads to hell fire as per it.
    Every born muslim is privileged I think, this can be understood well only when we understand GOD'S words I.e qur'an completely.

    Actually Vedas and upanishads Which are the 'GOD's Word' are very very similar to qur'an.
    Sanatan dharm is praying One god.

    So, Layla if your boy really loves you and also respect his religion (if he is a hindu ask him to read these, nowadays there are easy translations thou) this will make him understand better and can make some difference.

    GOD BLESS you in both the worlds

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